Chapter Eight

Cam

E arly on Christmas Eve, I woke to the hum of the white noise app on Jake’s phone. Though I was used to utter silence aside from Toby’s snuffling breaths, I’d dropped right off and slept well aside from waking briefly when Jake had gotten up with Cora.

In the days since Jake and Cora had arrived, Toby and I had apparently gotten used to their presence.

Had that only been two days ago?

The whole world had narrowed down to the four walls of my cabin. It felt like we’d been here together for years.

As I thought of Jake, I tensed automatically, my mind replaying all the things we’d said. The tension ebbed away with a fresh wave of relief. I’d clung to my resentment for so long that it felt like an amputation to let it go. But a welcome one.

What was that saying about resentment being like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die?

Even when Jake’s parents had been killed, I hadn’t allowed my anger to ease. Even though I’d rarely thought of him as the years went on, the resentment had remained like a pilot light, ready to flare to life with a spark.

Quietly, I stashed the bedroll and stoked the fire in the stove. Toby looked up from his spot on the hearth, then returned to snoozing. As orange light brightened the room a few degrees, I watched Jake in my bed, his back to me, curled toward his daughter in the drawer.

I waited.

The resentment that had smoldered for half my life had finally burned itself out after its final blaze.

When good, loyal Toby had raced into the whiteout and led me back to the cabin, I’d spotted first the flicker of light, then finally Jake silhouetted in the doorway in the silly reindeer pajamas. My relief at returning to the safety of my cabin had been followed by a surge of emotion I still couldn’t name.

I’d been alone with my animals for so long. I’d told myself I didn’t need anyone else. Didn’t want anyone else. Certainly not Jake Gregson . But returning to him—the warmth of his worried embrace, the gentle touch of his hands on my face—had left me shaken.

The fire warmed my back as I stood watching him sleep. His lips were parted, one hand reaching toward Cora. In my replaying of everything we’d said, four words lingered.

“ I want you too. ”

I escaped to the bathroom to piss and get my shit together before I went full creep mode with watching him sleep and wondering what his lips would taste like, and if his nipples were sensitive, and did he like giving head? And, and and…

I showered, very glad of the powerful water heater I’d indulged in—and Mr. Pinter’s great deal on that generator. I resisted jerking off, but only because I heard Cora’s sleepy morning cries and it didn’t feel right.

I hadn’t brought any clothes into the bathroom, so I opened the door in my terrycloth robe.

Cradling a fussy Cora while her bottle heated, Jake looked over from the kitchen. His Adam’s apple bobbed before he rasped, “Morning.” He watched me, waiting.

“Morning. Hope I didn’t wake you.” It was still before six.

Jake exhaled, smiling. “Nope. It was this one.” He nuzzled her head. “Someone’s hungry, as usual.” He shifted her to one arm to check the milk, reaching for the bottle awkwardly.

“Here.” I rushed over to help.

“Thanks.” Jake’s even teeth gleamed under the kitchen light as I tested the formula on my wrist.

When I looked up to hand over the bottle, Jake’s gaze snapped up to my face. He took the bottle quickly and cooed to Cora, encouraging her to drink. I glanced down to see that my robe had gaped open, barely closed at my waist. It was a little too small, but it’d been the biggest the store in Lonely Creek stocked.

“ I want you too. ”

Voice low, Jake asked, “Um, what’s it look like out there? Do you think…”

My simmering excitement turned to a nervous swoop in my gut. I hadn’t even thought about it, and now that I did, I hadn’t noticed the wind howling. Snow was piled up against the window, and in the dark, it was hard to see anything.

I crossed to the door, bracing as I opened it. The icy wind still blasted.

The relief was sweet and swift. Sure, it had died down, but not enough. I cleared my throat. “Still iffy. I think it stopped snowing, but visibility could drop to zero anytime. It’s not safe to get to my truck, let alone on the road.”

The wind had slowed compared to yesterday, but whiteouts really could happen in a blink. I shuddered to think of being stuck out there waiting for Toby to find me. I’d made the trip to the barn and back a million times, but my head had been spinning, and I truly hadn’t been able to see a damn thing.

The idea of Jake and Cora being outside in a whiteout made me sick to my stomach. They’d have to stay at least another day.

With Cora safe in his arms suckling her bottle, Jake nodded. “Better safe than sorry, right?” He took a step and grimaced.

“What?” I asked as I closed the door behind me, eager to shut out the rest of the world. I should have let Jake apologize right away. We’d wasted a day when we could have been—

Stop right there.

My fantasies were running wild, like a dam had been released. I refocused on Jake, who was shaking his onesie-covered foot.

“Feet are still a bit damp.”

I must’ve looked as puzzled as I felt, because Jake added, “There was snow blowing in the doorway while you were outside and I was waiting.”

“Why didn’t you say?” I opened my bottom drawer and fished out gray sweats and a T-shirt. I grabbed a fresh pair of socks as well.

“I don’t want to go through all your PJs. Do you have laundry?” His forehead creased as he glanced around.

“The Pinters’ housekeeper does mine every couple of weeks. I’ll have my own in the new house, though.”

“Oh, right! You’re moving.” He shifted Cora upright and patted her back. “This place is great, though.” He kicked his foot again.

“I’ll take her. Get changed.” I held out my hands.

His full lips quirked into a smile. “Yeah, okay.”

Cora babbled as I lifted her into my arms, reaching out a tiny hand to my beard. She’d dribbled formula onto her green elephant onesie, and I swiped at it with my finger. Jake watched us, laughing when Cora reached for my chest hair through the V of my robe.

“You’ve got a bit more than me,” he said, then seemed to shake himself. He picked up the folded sweats from the bed—then unzipped the reindeer onesie.

I spun to face the kitchen, concentrating on tracing the delicate shell of Cora’s ear.

“What’s the new house going to look like?” Jake asked from behind me. “I can’t picture you in one of those McMansions.”

“Definitely not. Two stories. Three bedrooms. Wraparound porch. Uh, a kitchen and a couple of bathrooms.”

He chuckled. “I’d hope there’d be a kitchen. What style did you go with?”

I patted Cora’s back, but she only gurgled and babbled. No burp yet. “It’s…nice. There’s one of those islands.”

Jake chuckled. “Ah, the ‘nice’ style. I have a feeling the porch is your favorite part. Oh, and is there a fireplace? You need a spot for your rocker.”

I had to laugh. “Guilty as charged.”

Fabric shushed behind me. “I wonder what my house looks like now.” Immediately, he added, “Not my house. I mean my uncle’s.”

There was a hitch in his tone that made me turn. I was momentarily speechless at the sight of his bare chest. “Uh, the rental where you’re staying, you mean?” I frowned, trying to figure out what had put that tension in Jake’s voice. I watched him reach up and pull my too-big T-shirt over his head, his lean pecs and dark nipples bared before the cotton dropped. “Where is it, again?”

“Hamilton Street.”

“That’s where you used to live.”

Jake rubbed his face, stubble scratching under his palm. He didn’t have a full beard, but it would still rub against mine. Create friction, and…

Cora burped and farted. Smiling, Jake reached for her. “Very classy, darling.”

Retying the belt of my robe, I asked, “Is this rental close to where you grew up?”

Jake bounced Cora and sighed. “Yeah, it’s my house.” He winced. “No, it’s my uncle’s house. But it’s where I grew up.”

“Your parents didn’t leave it to you?”

He smiled tightly. “No, they did. But at the time, I was in school in Toronto. I had no plans to ever move home. It was hardly worth anything back then. I sold it to my uncle and used the money to pay my tuition and expenses. He renovated and turned it into multiple apartments when vacation rentals really took off. It was smart. It looks nice on Airbnb.”

I took this in. “You’re going to live in the basement of the house you grew up in?”

“Yeah, it’ll be a little weird.” Jake’s smile was forced. “I’m just lucky he agreed to take the basement off the rental sites. I definitely need to figure out where I’m going before ski season starts again next year. The real estate market has exploded everywhere. But I didn’t know that would happen back then.”

“Right. No way you could have known.”

Jake swallowed hard. “My parents were gone, and the last thing I wanted was our empty house.”

I nodded.

Before Jake could say anything else, Cora grunted and squirmed, and a new smell filled the air. Jake put on a cheerful tone. “It’s diaper time!”

Toby and I headed to the barn as the sun rose, and I brushed down Bonnie and gave her treats. As she crunched her apple core, Toby burrowed into snow drifts having the time of his life.

The morning sky was still gray, and thick cloud cover threatened more snowfall. Even if it was done for now, it would take ages for them to dig out of the storm and plow the roads.

The power was likely still out in Lonely Creek, and tomorrow was Christmas. Best to wait at least until Boxing Day to venture out. It was the only logical thing to do.

I gritted my teeth as I mucked out Bonnie’s stall and thought of Jake’s former house in town. While it was true that it belonged to this uncle of his now, and that the man had every right to do with it as he pleased and charge rent…

It didn’t sit right. Not at all. I couldn’t imagine how strange it would be to go live in the basement of my childhood home. Mom had sold it when she remarried, and I didn’t even know who lived there now.

But the idea of returning to that place where my dad had barbecued in the yard all year round with a light beer in his hand while my mom sang along to Garth Brooks and baked the best chocolate chip cookies in the world…

Where Dad and I had strung blinking Christmas lights across the eaves and porch and all the way up the massive fir in our front yard. Was the tree still there? For all I knew, that house had been torn down to make way for something bigger. Even in Lonely Creek, I’d spotted new McMansions, as Jake had called them.

Outside the open barn door, Toby barked, chasing his own tail like a cartoon, snow flying everywhere. I laughed and called him over to give him a treat from my pocket before I filled Bonnie’s hay net in her stall.

“ I want you too. ”

Christ, I had to get a hold of myself. Jake’s words haunted me. I hadn’t bothered getting laid for going on two years, but here I was fighting erections like I was back in high school.

Had the heat I’d spotted in his eyes when he’d removed the sliver been real? Though I’d been a horse’s ass about it, ’course I knew bisexuality was legit.

I’d never been fussed about labels, but Jake’s return had me thinking. Aside from a few half-hearted hookups over the years, it was just me, Toby, Bonnie, and the yaks. None of them gave a shit about labels, but… Was there a word for me?

I tried to remember the last time I’d been this hot for a guy. It wasn’t like I hadn’t gotten my rocks off from time to time, but I could usually take it or leave it. Had it ever been this roaring fire in my blood?

I wanted to kiss Jake until we couldn’t breathe. Suck his nipples and his cock and eat his ass and fuck him and make him come until he couldn’t stand and—

Head tilted, Toby barked at me. Christ, I was hard as a rock, and if it wasn’t freezing, I’d have yanked out my dick right there to relieve the pressure. Though maybe not with Toby and Bonnie watching.

Quickly, I dug through my storage shed for a box Mrs. Pinter had given me years ago before trudging back through the snow to the cabin.

Jake was down on the carpet with Cora, singing about a purple monkey while she pushed up on her hands and tried to roll over again. I stamped my boots as Toby raced over to lick Cora and Jake like he hadn’t seen them in years.

Jake wrapped his arms around a snowy Toby to keep him from Cora, laughing and squirming. I called off Toby but couldn’t stop smiling.

As I fried up eggs and bacon, the salty, greasy sizzle filled the cabin. It was ridiculous that I didn’t have a proper table. Hell, I didn’t even own two chairs. Mrs. Pinter had reminded me before they left that furniture could take months to arrive and I was overdue on picking it out. She’d left me fliers and catalogs that were still on my dresser under my newest books.

Jake insisted he was fine on the rug, and I let Toby back out so he wouldn’t hound Jake for his bacon. I sat in my rocker and listened as Jake told me about why purple monkeys in trees were a thing. Then he explained six-month milestones in baby development while Cora chewed on a stuffed tiger.

“I’m sorry.” His face flushed. “This is so boring.”

“It’s not,” I said. “It’s the same with yaks. They have milestones as they grow. Uh…not that Cora’s the same as a yak.”

“Less hairy,” Jake replied seriously. “So far, at least.”

The morning passed, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a day off like this. Sure, I hadn’t worked the day before, but Jake had been walking on eggshells, and we hadn’t talked much. I’d had a neck ache from being tense.

Today, I could breathe.

It took a while for Cora to stop fussing and drift off, and Jake carried her drawer to the bathroom, placing it carefully on the floor with his phone playing the white noise. “I want to make sure she gets enough sleep,” he whispered. He tucked her in and pulled the door half closed.

Then he exhaled, his shoulders dropping. He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning against the door jamb. The months of sleep deprivation showed. I could see the way he poured all his energy into Cora and left barely anything for himself.

I straightened from where I stoked the fire and returned the poker to its stand. When I flipped off the kitchen light, only weak, cloudy daylight came through the one window and combined with the fire’s flickering orange glow.

Jake watched me. “Um, is Toby still okay out there?” he asked, still whispering.

I nodded.

“Cool.”

“You should nap.”

He sighed. “Yeah, that’s what they say. Sleep when she sleeps. I just…” He scratched his neck, his fingers moving over his collarbone in the loose opening of my shirt. “It’s like, all I do is baby stuff.” He straightened suddenly. “And I love it!” He glanced behind into the bathroom and lowered his voice. “I love her.”

“I know.” I realized belatedly that his feet were bare again. “Where are your socks?”

He looked down. “Oh, I spilled formula on one.” He motioned to the socks hanging off the headboard. I hadn’t even noticed—probably because I hadn’t been able to take my eyes off Jake.

I brushed past him—did Jake’s breath hitch?—and grabbed another pair from the overstuffed drawer. “Here.”

Our fingers met over the ball of wool.

Eyes dark and locked on mine, Jake murmured, “Thanks.”

We stood staring in the dim light. Blood rushed in my ears, and I waited. Jake was supposed to put on the socks now.

Instead, his gaze flicked between my eyes and my lips, and—

Our mouths crushed together.

I was drowning. Drowning in him . Years ago, I’d imagined kissing Jake Gregson a million times. Imagined him kissing me . He’d been so confident and tall and awe-inspiring.

Now, he clung to me, his fingers digging into my biceps, gasping as I thrust my tongue into his mouth. I pulled him close, one hand behind his head, my fingers tangling in his thick, wavy hair. He tasted like bacon and black coffee, and we kissed until I had to suck in a breath.

Lips shiny, Jake blinked up at me. “Who would’ve thought little Cam Walsh could kiss like that?”

I couldn’t help it—I puffed up. “Not so little now.”

“Oh, I noticed.” He ran his hands down my arms, then up under my sweater, his fingers spreading over my ribs. I shivered at the light touch. Jake bit his lip the way he had when taking out the sliver. “Can I see you?”

Pulse thrumming, I yanked off my sweater and jeans too quickly. Too eagerly? But Jake didn’t seem to mind, his gaze locked on the bulge of my hard cock in my white boxer briefs. Slowly, he traced his fingertips along my shaft through the cotton.

Pleasure and pride and desire sparking through me, I lifted the hem of the T-shirt he wore, and Jake lifted his arms. With a step back, he was sitting on the end of the bed in only my sweats, the socks forgotten. Looking up at me, he swallowed hard.

“Are you—have you been tested?” he asked. “I haven’t been with anyone since Anna. I got tested a few times after I found out she’d cheated, and she did too. I’m good.”

I nodded. “Clear over a year ago. No one since.”

A smile ghosted his full lips. “Just you and the animals out here, huh?”

“The yaks aren’t my type.”

He laughed, then bit into his lip, breathing hard.

“What do you want?” I asked, practically growling. It was all I could do not to leap on him.

“Um…” Something flickered over his expression, his brow creasing. His eyes flicked to the bathroom door, which was still half closed. Cora wasn’t visible. The only sound was the distant hum of the white noise app.

“It’s okay,” I murmured, running my hand over his soft hair.

Eyes closing, he leaned into the touch and reached out, his fingers finding my thighs at the bottom of my underwear.

“What do you want?” I repeated, straining like a racehorse at the gate.

Jake flickered with tension again. He dropped his face as he stuttered, “I—I, um…”

Unease slithered through me like icy water. I lifted Jake’s chin—and staggered back at the tears shining in his brown eyes.

“I’m sorry!” He rubbed his face. “Fuck. Fudge. Fuck. ”

“What is this?” I asked hoarsely. “Are you…” A terrible thought seized me. “Do you not want this? Is this some…payback? Like you owe me?”

His wet eyes widened. “No! No. ” He reached for me, but I stayed just out of grasp. “I don’t know what’s happening.”

My stomach twisted. “I don’t want your pity. Or to be your…repentance.”

Jake shook his head, his hands knotting in his lap. He watched me with those big, beautiful eyes. “I want you. I just don’t know…” He shook his head again. “I don’t know why I’m crying.” He swiped at his cheeks. “You asked a simple question, and I’m having a meltdown.” His gaze slipped to the bathroom door.

Tentatively, I stepped close again and caressed his head. Jake leaned into me, throwing his arms around my waist. I slipped my arm around the warm skin of his back as he pressed his damp cheek to my stomach.

I slowly stroked his head, murmuring, “It’s okay.”

“Really sexy, huh?” he mumbled.

“It’s okay,” I repeated.

Jake leaned back and peered up at me seriously. “Can you just…” His brows met. “You asked what I wanted, and it’s like… I make so many decisions every day. For her. It’s all on me. Am I using the right formula? The right diapers? Is she warm enough? Is she too warm? Is she hungry? Did I feed her too much? Is she sick? Should I have kept her inside? Or taken her out to get fresh air? It never stops.”

Jake closed his eyes, then opened them. “I just want someone to tell me what to do. I don’t know what I want. Except you. I know I want you. Please.”

“You want me to tell you what to do?”

He nodded eagerly and licked his lips.

Forget presents under the tree—helping him felt like the greatest gift. My mind spun with the possibilities. With Jake at the end of the bed staring up at me waiting, his gaze raking over my body, I found myself saying two simple words.

“Watch me.”

Jake’s lips parted as his breath hitched. He nodded, licking his lips. I stepped back so we weren’t touching, the air between us electric.

My cock swelled again under Jake’s excited gaze. I teased myself through the cotton, the fabric straining until I had to tug it down and kick off the briefs. Naked, I stood in front of Jake. No longer the scrawny kid. I wanted him to see me.

The flushed head of my cock poked out of my foreskin. I stroked my shaft, forcing myself to go slowly. Jake opened and closed his mouth, maybe trying to speak or simply breathe. A flush rose from his chest. Brown hair scattered his pecs, his nipples dark and hard.

The flush traveled all the way up his face, though it was clear his body had diverted a significant amount of blood southward. His— my —track pants tented with the bulge of his erection, and my blood sang with lust.

Inside, teenage me crowed with pride that I was making Jake hard. Just at the sight of me! Only my arm moved as I fisted my cock. I’d never had a voyeurism kink before, but damn , the way his eyes were glued to me. Spreading my legs, I arched my spine.

I was putting on a show. There was no other way to describe it. Jake watched me toy with the head of my cock, electric pulses rippling through my groin. He watched me circle my nipples until they were sharp and rake my blunt nails through my chest hair. He watched me fondle my balls as I stroked my shaft harder with my other hand.

And I watched Jake.

The wet spot darkened the light gray of his tented sweats. His hands were fisted at his sides. His chest heaved, his skin still red. He didn’t touch himself. He gasped through shiny, parted lips. His eyes still glistened, though the tears were unshed. Even though I was the naked one, it was Jake who was defenseless. Breakable.

I didn’t want him to break.

Power surged through me. Control. I was letting Jake watch me, and it was my show. Me. Dorky, loser, laughable me . Even though that hadn’t been me in years, my teenaged self had never fully gone away. And it made me so hot that Jake wanted me.

A jagged moan tore out of my throat, my chest burning. My balls tightened, toes curling on the cold floor. I grunted and groaned and watched Jake’s beautiful face as I came.

Drops splattered his chest, marking him. White-hot pleasure roared through my veins, and I milked my cock with both hands, eyes locked on Jake. He still hadn’t touched himself, but he shuddered as I worked my prick, tremors rocking his rigid body.

I sank down at Jake’s feet, the wood floor solid under my knees. My hands hovered in the air by his hips as he stared at me, still frozen.

I told him, “I’m going to drink your cum,” and waited.

The sound Jake made was part moan, part gasp, part whine. He nodded hard.

I’d imagined this back in the day. Not just having Jake’s cock in my mouth—which I did after yanking down the sweats to his thighs. I sucked him with a groan, digging my fingers into his hips. He was uncut too, and I teased at his foreskin.

Hell yeah, I’d imagined this—Jake’s long dick almost in my throat, my lips stretched around his meat as he moaned. I’d imagined his pubes tickling my nose, my tongue winding around him. Pulling back to play with the head.

What I hadn’t known was how he’d shake and whimper. How I’d want to protect him and help him get off because he clearly needed it so much. How could I have realized I’d want to soothe him and tell him everything would be all right?

Not that I could tell Jake anything with my mouth crammed full of him, spit dribbling from my stretched lips.

But what I’d imagined too many times to count was Jake coming in my mouth. Over the years, I hadn’t let many guys do that. It had happened from time to time, but usually I pulled off. But I’d never felt like this with any other guy. I’d never been so consumed with lust.

I wanted to swallow him whole.

But I also wasn’t quite ready for it to be over yet. Panting, I pulled off and sat back on my heels between Jake’s spread legs as he whimpered. I ran my fingers over his shaking thighs, hair tickling my skin. One after the other, I lapped at his balls, rubbing my beard against the soft skin of his inner thighs.

He tangled one hand in my hair, and shivers ran down my spine. Lifting my head, I whispered, “I want you to come for me.”

I sucked hard on his cock, and he did as he was told, arching and coming with a muffled shout. My mouth flooded with musky, bitter cum, and I swallowed thirstily.

Jake had finally broken, but I was holding him together.

I looked up to find him watching me, his chest rising and falling heavily. I was still holding his thighs as he brushed his fingertips over my swollen lips.

I didn’t have to tell him to lean down and kiss me.