Chapter Seven

Jake

“C am!”

Heart thudding, I waited. I’d shouted three times now, the sound seemingly swallowed immediately by the snow. Reaching for the two light switches on the wall, I flipped them, gratified when one illuminated an outdoor light over the door.

Inside, I turned on every light I could in case it helped Cam find his way back. Not that I even knew he was lost or missing. But each passing minute increased my nausea.

Cora was asleep, and I piled pillows and blankets to create a fort around her on the bed to block the wind from the open door.

Snow blew inside, my feet in the onesie getting wet as I stood there, arms crossed, blinking in the biting wind.

“Toby’ll bring him back,” I said. My voice was hoarse. I needed more water, but I remained shivering in the doorway. Toby had heard something I couldn’t, and dogs had an amazing sense of hearing and smell. He’d be able to get back.

What if Cam’s hurt?

I glanced back at Cora. I couldn’t leave her. Even if I wouldn’t get immediately disoriented and lost, I had to stay with her. There was no question.

But dread sank through me, seeping into every pore. I couldn’t even call for help. Even if the phone was working—no one could come in zero visibility. Search and rescue would have to wait until the storm finally cleared.

Shivering, I squinted into the void and called again for Cam. He could have been ten feet away, and I wouldn’t be able to see him. Toby would have sniffed him out, though. He had to be farther away.

What if he was stranded the way Cora and I had been? He’d come to our rescue, but all I could do was stand there uselessly in reindeer pajamas. I tugged on my gloves, keeping the door half closed and hoping the light from inside would still shine through.

Had he gone to check on the yaks? There was so much more I wanted to ask about them. So much more I wanted to ask about…everything. He had to be okay. Maybe he wasn’t even lost at all, and I was being an overemotional drama queen.

“Just come back ,” I mumbled, repeating it like a prayer. “Come back, come back, come back.”

Toby’s bark preceded the moment Cam’s hulking figure emerged. A full-body shudder of sweet relief ran through me, and I bent to pet Toby as he appeared at my feet, tail wagging as if this was all a game. I shuffled back so Cam could squeeze inside.

He grunted as I threw my arms around him. “Are you okay?” I demanded. “God, you scared me.”

Wait, I was hugging Cam. And he was letting me even though his arms still hung at his sides.

For a blissful moment, I held on.

Then Cam leaned against the closed door, his eyes shutting for a moment. His face was red, icy snow stuck to his eyelashes and crusted in his beard. I pulled off my gloves and reached up automatically to brush the snow from his face.

Cupping Cam’s cheeks, the heat of my touch melted the ice crystals clinging to his beard. “Are you hurt?” I asked urgently.

His gaze met mine. He shook his head, but didn’t dislodge my hands. My thumbs brushed the corners of his mouth, and I couldn’t remember ever wanting to kiss someone quite this badly.

“Were you lost?” I whispered.

“I made it to the barn to check on Bonnie. Should have stayed there. I got turned around. Thanks for letting Toby out. And putting on the lights.”

“Of course.”

I still held his face. I’d only have to close a few inches between us, and I could kiss him. Could press our mouths together and breathe him in. Lick across his lips and slide my tongue inside. Taste him and rub my cock against him. I leaned closer. Closer…

Would he kiss me back?

Would he yank me close?

Was he hard too?

“Why did you do it?” Cam asked, barely a whisper.

The inches between us instantly transformed into a chasm. I stepped back, almost slipping on the melting snow. Cam still leaned against the door, Toby at our feet. Cam’s eyes were locked on mine.

He was listening, and I finally had my chance after so many years.

“I knew as soon as I let go of that baggie that it was a horrible mistake. I was afraid I’d actually pass out. I prayed that they’d leave. That they wouldn’t find anything.”

Cam’s smile was sharp as a razor. “Unfortunately for me, sniffer dogs are very good at their job.”

“Yeah.” I swallowed thickly. “I didn’t know they’d have dogs. I just heard Rick Langlois say ‘drug search!’ and they were already coming. It was only pot, but they were cracking down.”

Before I knew what I was doing, I gripped Cam’s thick arms through his coat. The fabric was icy under my sweaty palms.

“God, Cam, I’m so, so sorry. You deserved so much more. From me, from the school. From everyone. Especially from me. You were such a sweet kid. I—I wasn’t sure, but I think I knew you had a crush on me. You did, right?”

Cam’s arms were like iron in my hands. He’d gone so still that I wasn’t sure if he was breathing. He stared at me with vulnerable eyes, his shield finally down.

I pushed on. “It wasn’t something I’d really thought about, but deep down I knew. Or at least suspected because of the way kids teased you.”

Still frozen, he didn’t deny it.

“You were so sweet. Geeky. Innocent. I remember thinking that your locker was the perfect hiding place. That they’d never look there. It happened so fast. One second, I thought it, and I could hear their boots on the linoleum, and my heart was going to pound right out of my chest, and I just crammed the baggie through one of the vents.”

I was squeezing his arms too hard, but it felt like the only thing keeping me from shattering. Cam still didn’t move a muscle. His eyes were locked on mine.

“I ran to class,” I rasped. “Didn’t look back. I couldn’t believe it when they knocked on Mrs. Patterson’s door and called your name. And you were saying it wasn’t yours. Your voice went so high, and you were looking at me, completely panicked. Waiting for me to help. Did you know then it was mine?”

“Not yet,” Cam muttered, his voice gravelly.

“I just sat there. Terrified. I was such a coward. If I’d spoken up then and there, it might have changed everything. But I waited a week. A week .”

Cam’s brows met, and though he still didn’t move under my grip, he asked, “What do you mean?”

“It was a week later when I went to the cops. I couldn’t eat. Barely slept. My parents kept asking what was wrong, and finally I told them everything. They brought me to the station, and I talked to two cops, but they said the charges had been dropped against you. That I had a promising future, and I should just shut up and count myself lucky.”

For long moments, Cam was silent. Then he asked, “You confessed?”

I nodded. “I was scared shit—” I glanced automatically at Cora, who was still fast asleep. “I was terrified, but I couldn’t live with myself. I wanted to call you, or go over to your house and tell you how sorry I was, but everyone told me to leave well enough alone. Even my parents.” I winced. “They were good people, I swear! They were afraid that if I confessed to you, you’d get me expelled. But you already knew it was me by then, didn’t you?”

Nostrils flaring, Cam nodded. “Sarah McKenzie saw you. The whispers flew all around town, but…you were you. I was me. Everyone knew you did it, but you were the baseball star. Even though you were graduating, and the season was over, how would it look if the hero of the provincial playoffs victory was a criminal? It would ruin the legacy. So you went to graduation, and I wasn’t allowed.”

Unlike that awful day, Cam’s blue eyes were dry. Yet the hard clench of his jaw had loosened, his rigid shoulders slumping. He shrugged off my hands and removed his winter gear. I retreated to the kitchen and gulped a glass of water before pouring him one. He took it without a word.

I waited, watching Cam move stiffly to the stove and bend to open the door. The metal creaked. He shoved in another log, sparks scattering onto the stone hearth.

Cam closed the stove, locking it with the long metal handle, the latch scraping into place. He stared, the fire burning orange beyond burnt, brown marks around the glass. I could see the side of his bearded face, the faint glow of the blaze dancing over his skin even though he stood tall. The wood popped and sizzled.

I inched closer and craned my neck to see that Cora was still sleeping, her pink lips parted, one little hand resting over her head.

When Cam finally spoke, my heart seized.

“I hated you.”

I nodded. “I don’t blame you.”

“I knew most people didn’t like me. I was the geeky gay kid. But you were different. You’d always been kind. You said hi in the hallway, and you told Travis Mosbaugh to shut up when he called me a pimply F-word. You were different.”

My skin was hot with shame. “I wish I could change what I did.”

“There was only a week left of school, and Principal Shore told me I was lucky I was graduating. Though I couldn’t attend the ceremony. He said it would be too…controversial.” Cam smiled grimly. “You want to know why I wasn’t expelled or charged? Mr. Pinter intervened. My mother called him, beside herself.”

I’d thought it was because it was only a tiny baggie of pot. That the authorities had realized it was ridiculous to actually arrest a kid over it. Still, I’d known it was a risk. I’d only ever smoked up twice before, but I’d felt so grown-up with graduation approaching. What a joke. I was barely a grown-up now in my thirties.

I asked, “Where is your mother? You haven’t mentioned her.”

“She remarried a few years ago. Moved to Vancouver Island. Tofino. She’s really into crystals and yoga. We talk once a week, and she visited last year. She’s on a South American cruise right now.”

“Mr. Pinter talked to the cops?”

Cam nodded. “He has power. Money talks and all that. He’s a good man, though. The best. He offered me a summer job on the ranch. He’d offered before, but I always thought it was out of obligation. I was so scrawny—not exactly ranch hand material. After what he did for me, I was the one who felt obligated. I never expected to fall in love with it. Since my university admission was revoked, I stayed on. I grew and started working out.” He shrugged as if to say, the rest is history .

“Reinvented yourself.”

“I guess.”

“And…came out?”

Cam took a deep breath and exhaled slowly with a nod. “My mom and Mr. and Mrs. Pinter accepted me.” He stooped to nuzzle Toby. “Toby, Bonnie, and the yaks don’t care.”

“I’m so thankful to the Pinters. Cam, I… I know I can never make it up to you, but I’d love to try. If there’s anything— anything —I can do, please tell me.”

Cam straightened and stared at me. “I believe you. That you’re sorry. Kids make mistakes. We’re not kids anymore.”

As if to punctuate that statement, Cora stirred with a grumble and grunt. Cam laughed softly, and my heart swelled with hope. I wasn’t even sure what I was hopeful for, but as I warmed Cora’s formula and Cam made sloppy joes, the future didn’t seem quite so scary.