Chapter 2

“Can I stay over at your place this weekend?”

My question was met with silence.

But that wasn’t unusual. This was Faise I was talking to. He’d rather be playing on his drum kit than doing anything else. Including talking.

Not much had changed since we were ten.

Well, except for the surge of hormones running through our veins. Not to mention the pimples, underarm sweat that was so strong it would make you pass out, and longer hair.

Both of us hit a growth spurt this year. I was still towering over most people in my grade, including Faise. But where he was tall and lean, I was just big—big hands, big voice, big everything. And I was the first guy in our grade to have facial hair, too.

We’d just finished up our music class but we stayed on to get in extra practice. Like we did every Tuesday and Friday. Me on the guitar, and Faise on his drums. We already had it in our head that we wanted to form a band. Me and Faise had half-decent voices, but neither of us were great singers. Not that anyone would take our band idea seriously given our age. But still, when you know, you know.

Music was everything to me. It helped me forget about all the stuff I struggled with—at home and at school.

“You don’t need to ask, Ro,” Faise finally responded while he tapped out a familiar rhythm with his sticks. “Of course, you can stay over. Is your Dad visiting again?”

“Unfortunately,” I shook my head and glanced at my friend.

Faise’s brown eyes looked back at me with concern.

“The whole weekend will be nothing but my parents fighting and Dad on his phone with his new girlfriend. I don’t know why he even bothers to visit. He never wants to spend time with us. All we do is sit and watch TV together, while he eats, drinks beer, and complains about his job at the factory. He arrives as late as possible Friday night and leaves first thing Sunday morning. And he doesn’t even care to ask me about my music or anything that I’m interested in.”

“I’m sorry, Ro. That sucks,” Faise replied. “But you know my family thinks of you as one of our own. You’re always welcome in our house.”

It was true, I was. Faise’s parents, Naleena and Aaron Reed, were like my own. Even though I wasn’t sure that they were one hundred percent behind the friendship between me and Faise. Not that they’d ever said anything, but I wasn’t a scholar like Faise’s older brother Rae. Naleena was a chemical engineer and Aaron, a scientist who worked for the government. They had high hopes for their sons’ academic and career futures. Hopes that didn’t include friendships with below average classmates like me.

And I seriously doubted they’d want me around once they found out that Faise and I were starting a band. Hey, we don’t care about school. We want to become rockstars. I’m sure that would go over well. Not.

But the bigger worry was them finding out about who I really was. About the secret I’d been holding on to for a year. A truth I kept from everyone, including my best friend. Faise and I talked about everything, but not this. Not until I was sure. There was a weight inside me, a heaviness that secrets have, that I couldn’t explain but needed to let out.

What if he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore once he knows?

I was gay.

I knew it because girls in my class didn’t interest me the way boys did. I wanted to tell my parents too, but I had no idea how they’d react.

I was dreading it. No, not that. I was terrified. But first, I had to tell Faise. Maybe it would be easier to start with him?

“I’ve got something important to tell you.”

Faise stopped drumming and swiveled to face me, strands of his straight black hair falling into his eyes. He was growing it out. It wasn’t shoulder length like mine, but it suited him.

“What is it?” he asked.

“It’s something personal. I haven’t told anyone. But I’m…I’m kinda afraid to tell you.”

Faise placed his sticks aside and walked over to stand in front of me. The hurt in his eyes could not be mistaken.

“It’s me, Ro, you know you can tell me anything.”

“Yeah, but this is different—” I paused.

Shit, my pits were soaked now, sweat making my t-shirt stick to my body. And my heart was pounding like I’d just finished running several laps around the school track.

“Just tell me. Spit it out.”

I wiped my face with clammy hands and took a deep breath.

“I’m gay. I don’t want to date girls. Like, ever.”

Faise stared at me for a split second and then nodded. “Okay.”

Then he walked back over to his drum kit and began to play again.

What the hell?

“Did you hear what I just said?” I asked.

He nodded and kept playing. “Yeah, you’re gay. I’m good.”

“You’re good? Just like that? I’ve known for almost a year, but I was too scared to say anything.”

“You know no matter what, we’re always gonna be best friends. Always. Nothing changes that.”

I nodded, relieved. God, I was so freaking relieved. I picked up my guitar and began to play along with him.

“You really don’t care?” I asked him.

Faise shook his head and grinned at me. “That you’re gay? No, I don’t. Whoever you like, you like. It’s cool.”

The weight I’d been carrying around finally lifted a little.

And then it got me thinking. I was curious about who Faise might be into. He was still kinda shy in school, and he kept his personal feelings close. He didn’t seem interested in either guys or girls, but not everyone had that figured out yet. We were only thirteen.

It didn’t matter anyway. I’d support him the same way he did me.

“So, pizza tonight?” Faise asked me, and I nodded in return.

I’d freaked out for nothing. Everything was fine, as it always was.

Until I got home and told my parents.

Faise

Ronin was always braver than me.

At school, when it came to music, when it came to anything.

Him telling me that he was gay sparked a panic inside me. Not that I had any issue with him being gay. Or that I let my anxiety show. But still, I was worried that he would somehow know that I felt the same way.

Like Ro, puberty hit me fast and hard this year and the changes in my body also gave me a realization.

I was queer. Gay.

But it was a truth that I didn’t dare voice to anyone.

While my parents were accepting people, I couldn’t recall anyone queer in my extended family. On either side. Mom was born in the U.S. to parents born and raised in Kashmir, India and my dad was from Northern Ireland. While my grandparents (on both sides) were what I would call conservative, my parents were not.

Still, I didn’t know what to do.

Bad enough that I wasn’t as book smart as my brother Rae. I’d let my parents down as soon as they found out I wanted to be a rockstar. Now this?

No. I wasn’t ready to come out yet. Maybe Ronin was ready to tell people in his life who he was, but I wasn’t. Which, for a moment, made me feel like a shitty person. But then I remembered that there was no timeline on this.

Right now, my focus was on supporting my best friend.

So, after we were done with music practice, I headed back with him to his apartment so he could change and grab his stuff for our weekend sleepover.

He wanted to tell his parents tonight. Not that I thought anything bad would happen. His dad and mom were kinda hands-off when it came to parenting Ronin and his sister, Ciara. To be fair, his mom was busy working two jobs to make ends meet so she had little time or energy left. His dad was another story. The guy didn’t always pay child support—on time or at all. When his dad did show up to visit, it was usually not more than a day or two. Ronin was more of a father to Ciara than their dad was. Ro made dinner for him and his sister when their mom was working, and he helped Ciara with her homework. He even took her to the doctor if his mom couldn’t.

Surprisingly, when we got to his apartment, his mom, Callie, was already home and cooking dinner. She smiled and nodded when she saw me.

“You boys get washed up. Dinner’s almost ready,” she stated.

“I’m just here to grab my stuff,” Ronin replied. “I’m going to Faise’s for the weekend.”

“Again? Okay, but—” she paused and turned back to the stove to stir the pot of what smelled like marinara sauce. “Your dad will be here in ten minutes. Don’t you want to spend the weekend with him?”

“Why? He’s always on his phone or asleep on the couch. We don’t do anything,” Ronin snapped and stomped off to his bedroom.

Leaving me alone with his mom.

“Is he keeping out of trouble?” she asked me.

I nodded. “He’s good. We spend most of our time in the music room at school. He’s a great guitar player.”

“Ronin doesn’t get that from me,” she smiled at me. “Or his dad.”

“Well, he’s really good.”

“I wish I could afford to send him for lessons,” she sighed and turned back to the stove.

Ro came back into the kitchen, his gym bag in hand. He’d thrown on a clean white t-shirt and a denim jacket.

“Actually,” Ronin started. “There is something I want to talk to you and Dad about. So, we’ll wait until he shows up.”

“Everything okay?” His mom turned off the stove and walked over to face us.

“Yeah. It’s just something that I’ve been carrying around for a while. And I need to tell both of you.”

His mom frowned. “You didn’t get into a fight at school, did you?”

“What? No.” Ronin shook his head. “Nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?”

A knock at the door interrupted her question.

A few seconds later, Ronin’s dad, Brad, appeared. He said hello to me and then reached over to hug Ronin. The hug was brief, almost awkward, and so unlike Ronin. When my best friend pulled away, he walked over to stand beside me.

“Like I was telling Mom earlier, I’m heading over to Faise’s for the weekend, but first I wanted to tell you guys something.”

I glanced at his face and noticed the beads of sweat and the paleness of his skin. His expression was suddenly so full of fear I nearly reached for his hand.

“Okay, so, the thing is, I’m gay,” he blurted out.

Callie dropped the tea towel she’d been holding, and stood there with her mouth open, her blue eyes wide. Brad’s expression, though, was shuttered. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

Until Callie reached over and pulled Ronin in for a hug, holding him and rocking him in her arms even though he was four inches taller and twenty pounds heavier. She whispered to him that no matter what, she loved him and supported him.

“No,” his dad snapped and shook his head. “Where did you get this idea? You’re only thirteen for god’s sake. You can’t know if you’re… if you’re… that. No.”

Callie pulled away to face Brad and I watched Ronin’s face turn a sickly grey.

“I am,” Ronin replied, his voice so low it was barely a whisper. “I’ve known for a while now. I’m gay. This is who I am.”

“No!” his dad yelled.

“Brad, so help me God, if you don’t support Ronin, you can get the hell out of my house right now!” Callie roared.

“This is your fault, Callie!” Brad shouted back at her. “Letting him grow his hair long, and encouraging him play that shitty music all the time. Filling up his head with your stupid, liberal ideas.”

“Get out!” she screamed.

I glanced up at Ronin and his eyes welled up with tears. He was visibly trembling, so I grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him closer to me.

His dad and mom kept yelling at each other and then, suddenly, Brad pivoted and pointed his finger at Ronin. The hate in his eyes was unmistakable.

Without thinking, I stepped in front of my best friend.

Sure, I was shorter than Ronin and his father. But I wasn’t going to let Brad hurt his son any more than he already had.

“Get out of my way,” Brad threatened me, getting up in my face. “Did you do this to him? Did you touch him? Did you put that stupid idea in his head?”

I shook my head, astonished that any parent would react this way. But more than that, I was afraid for my friend.

“We’re leaving,” I announced with a shaky voice, my heart pounding out of control. “Right now.”

His mom was crying, tears rolling down her face and she moved to step beside Ronin. Three against one.

Brad stared at us and shook his head. “I can’t believe this. I won’t.”

And then he stomped out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

I turned to find Ronin still shaking, crying, and I hugged him as tight as I could. Me and his mom.

“What’s going on?”

Ciara’s sudden voice startled me.

“Why was Dad yelling?” she asked. “Ro, are you okay?”

My friend wouldn’t answer his sister. Ro just stood there, shaking his head.

“Ronin?” I said his name and he finally wiped his face and took a deep breath.

“I told Dad I was gay. He didn’t take it well. I don’t think he’s coming back.”

His voice broke. Ciara rushed up to him and gave her brother a hug. All four of us stood in the kitchen in shock.

“Thanks,” Ronin whispered as he stared at me. “For standing with me.”

I reached for his hand and squeezed it tight. “There’s no other place I’d be.”