Chapter 3

“My parents are sending me for testing tomorrow.”

Ronin and I were in my bedroom, playing video games as we usually did after school. Well, when we weren’t playing music. It was a Friday like every other. Except, I had news to share. News I’d been keeping to myself for a week now. But no longer.

“Testing for what?” he asked.

“A learning disorder. They think that’s the reason I’m not doing well in English. Well, in most classes, except math. Despite having a tutor. And, depending on the results, they might send me to a new school.”

Ronin placed the receiver on my bed.

“But they can’t do that! So what if you’re not great at writing boring essays? I’m not. It doesn’t mean we’re not smart. Just not book smart. You’ve learned to play the piano and drums in a couple of years. And you’re not just good, you’re amazing. How many of our classmates can do that?”

“I know that, you know that, but my parents don’t care about the music thing. They want me to be like Rae and get straight A’s. To go to college and shit. Become a scientist, or a mathematician or something. And I don’t have a choice. I’m being tested whether I want to or not.”

I should be grateful. I guess. Ronin’s mom didn’t have money to spend on tutors or testing. Not that I wanted to be tested. I already felt different from other students given my grades. I didn’t need an exam to tell me that.

But I was really worried about the idea of being sent to a new school. About being separated from Ronin.

After Ronin’s dad left a year ago, he never came back. Not a call or a visit, nothing. Ronin didn’t talk about it, but he was hurting. Who wouldn’t be after their father walked out like that? Just gone, forever? I couldn’t even imagine. Ronin acted like his usual silly self at school, joking around, playing off like everything was okay.

But it wasn’t. He wasn’t.

Ronin liked to talk, a lot, but not about his dad. Instead, he dove into music and he didn’t look back.

I’d finally started to come out of my shyness, and me and Ronin had made a few friends at school. Most of them were in the music program. And if Ronin or I got picked on by the popular students, we had each other’s backs. So, thinking about leaving him, leaving my school behind, made me feel like I was gonna puke.

“Will you come with me?” I asked.

“What time?”

“Eleven. We could hang out after. Maybe check out that music store in Providence?”

“Sure. Maybe. I think,” Ronin muttered and looked away from me. “Look, I don’t feel so good. I’m gonna head home.”

“Okay, but?—”

Ronin grabbed his backpack and headed for the door.

“Ro.”

He didn’t reply. Instead, he left and slammed the door behind him.

I was too shocked to move at first. Then, I finally followed. But when I stepped outside my bedroom, and walked downstairs, Ronin was already gone.

“Everything okay?” My dad asked.

He worked from home now and had an office on the main floor of our house.

“I don’t know. I told Ronin I was going to get tested and everything. And then he said he didn’t feel good.”

My dad walked over and gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“Probably all that junk food you guys eat when you’re upstairs in your room.”

I hid chips, candy, and soda in my bedroom, far away from my mom. Dad knew and had thankfully kept our secret. For now.

“I don’t think that’s it,” I paused, feeling kinda sick myself, rubbing my stomach. “I’ll go get tested but I’m not changing schools.”

“What?”

“You can hire another tutor for me if you want. But I’m not leaving. I can’t leave him there alone.”

“But Faise?—”

“No!” I shouted.

Which, for me, was unheard of. Least of all, to my parents.

My dad startled, then drew me in close and nodded. “I know Ronin’s been through a lot. His father leaving. And you’re a good friend to be concerned about him. But you also have to think about your future.”

“I know what I want to do. And I don’t like school. Writing and stuff is hard for me. Not like music. That’s what I love. The only thing I want to do. Why don’t you guys ever listen to me?”

My dad raised one eyebrow and I stopped talking.

I’d never been so vocal before.

Then, my dad surprised me and pulled me in for a hug. I felt so bad that Ronin would never be able to do the same with his father. It made me want to cry and scream on his behalf.

“That’s the first time you’ve ever talked back to me. And don’t tell your mother, but I’m so damn proud,” Dad whispered.

I hugged him tighter. I was worried about Ronin and I needed the feeling of home and safety.

“I’ll talk to your mom,” Dad murmured. “The testing is still a go, but if you really want to stay at your school, then maybe we should take that into consideration.”

I was never going to graduate with honors like my brother Rae. And I was okay with that. But I hated the guilt of disappointing my parents.

My dad’s cell rang. “I’ve got to take this. Once I’m done, we’ll order pizza for dinner, okay?”

He walked back to his office.

I pulled out my phone and texted Ronin.

Faise: You okay??

No response.

I waited for an hour and texted him again.

Faise: I’m NOT changing schools.

I wouldn’t. It wasn’t respectful to push back against my parents, but I was fourteen now. Didn’t that mean I had a say in where I wanted to go to school?

Ronin: It’s okay, boo.

I knew in my gut it wasn’t.

A few days later, I had my answer. About my learning disorder. But still none from Ronin. He ghosted me over the weekend.

By the time Monday morning rolled around, I told my parents I was sick.

I wasn’t, but I didn’t want to go to school.

At least I finally had a name for my poor performance. Dysgraphia. Basically, I had difficulty turning my thoughts into written sentences. So, no wonder I sucked at writing reports and essays and basically everything except numbers.

And part of my therapy was journaling. It was physically painful for me to write most times, but especially now. But I managed to write a few lines. Better than nothing. And I’d have a special tutor for three hours a week, every week for the rest of the year. Great.

“Faise!” My dad called out, knocking on my bedroom door.

I glanced at my phone. It was already noon.

“Yeah, come in.”

He opened it. “I have some soup for you. Do you think you can eat?”

I nodded, putting my phone aside. I’d been waiting all weekend for Ronin to respond and the longer the silence went on, the worse I felt.

“Also—” My dad’s comment was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing. “Take this. I’ll be right back.”

I took the offered tray, a steaming bowl of lentil soup and rice.

Too bad I didn’t feel like eating at all.

Then I heard the heavy sound of footsteps, and suddenly, Ronin’s voice.

When he entered my bedroom, I nearly jumped up and ran over to him. My dad nodded at us, then closed the door.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Ronin replied as he stood there, hands in his pockets, his toe tapping out a nervous rhythm. “I was wondering why you weren’t in class this morning.”

“I didn’t feel good. And shouldn’t you be there right now?” I asked.

Ronin shrugged. “I told the teacher I had stomach cramps. I’m not going back today.”

“You wanna stay and play video games?”

He nodded, then finally dropped his backpack on the floor like usual and wandered over to sit beside me on my bed.

“How did the testing go?” he asked quietly.

“Okay. I have dysgraphia.”

“Dis what now?”

I nearly laughed at his comment. “It means I have trouble getting what’s in my head put into words on a page. Or a laptop screen.”

He nodded.

“Does this mean another tutor? Or,” he paused and licked his lips. “Another school?”

“Another tutor, three hours a week. I’ve already got homework.”

Ronin’s tight expression finally eased. He leaned over and bumped my shoulder. “Sorry I walked out on Friday. It’s just?—”

“I get it.”

“No. I mean, you do get it, but I just… I didn’t know how to talk about it. It felt like—” Ronin blew out a deep breath. “Like I was losing you. If you go to another school.”

“Which I’m not. And you’d never lose me.”

“I know that. But Friday, I thought maybe it was happening,” Ronin looked down at his hands. “Ever since Dad left, I worry that people close to me will leave. And never come back.”

Ronin’s quiet admission made my stomach flip over. His dad cutting off contact like that was never going to stop hurting Ronin. I wished I could do something to help him.

All I could do was be his friend.

“Even if I had to go to another school, we’d stay besties,” I replied and put my arm around his massive shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me. Forever.”

Ronin laughed and turned to look at me. “That’s a long time, boo.”

“That’s our friendship.”