Chapter 38

Ruby didn’t know where Rafe lived but it didn’t seem to matter. Her feet carried her down the overgrown path through the trees, never hesitating. It was late, dark except for the full moon and the occasional flash of heat lightning. It lit the path in front of her at random intervals, allowing her only glimpses at where she was going. The dark silhouettes of the trees reached up toward the sky.

But it didn’t matter. The darkness, the hour, the impending storm—none of it mattered as long as she got to him. She was still hurt. Hurt that he’d left her, hurt that he still didn’t trust her. But nothing compared to the fear and the ache she felt when thinking about living without him.

She had known from the beginning that she would fight to keep him. She knew it like she knew her parents still existed somewhere, like she knew the chill of fall would follow this record-breaking heat. Ruby knew Rafe before he appeared from the shadows, before he fought those other wolves, before he realized she was his Mate.

He belonged with her, to her. He always had.

She knew it wouldn’t be easy to convince this man, who had been told his whole life he had to be violent and strong and stoic, that he could be soft and open and safe. But she was damn well going to keep trying.

The crickets buzzed around her, louder in the direction she needed to go. The path seemed to clear in front of her, fireflies lighting the way. Ruby’s feet kept moving down the trail. She knew the way like she’d seen it before. She walked until her toes ached in her boots and her back was tight and sore.

When the little cabin appeared between the trees, the porch light glowing in welcome, she knew without a doubt it was his. It was time to be as brave as everyone seemed to think she was. It was time to lay her heart at the feet of her wolf.

* * *

One knock on the door was surprising, but the second in one night was unheard of. Rafe shuffled to the door. Everything hurt, but not from the fight. His body ached with the loss of Ruby. It had been less than twelve hours and he was about to say uncle, to show up at her house and throw himself at her feet. He was a weak son of a bitch and he was almost done caring. Nell was right. He couldn’t fight it. Living an eternity without Ruby would slowly and painfully kill him.

He opened the door and found her standing on his porch. He blinked, thinking he’d hallucinated her, but there she stood, hands on her wide hips, the dark of the woods all around her. He gripped the door frame tight to keep from keeling over.

“You are an idiot.” The first words out of her mouth startled a laugh out of him.

“I know.”

She narrowed her dark eyes at him. “Are you hurt?” She glanced over his body, cataloging his new wounds. He’d showered the blood off after his mother left, and his injuries were already healing, but he had a patchwork of scratches and scrapes along his arms and torso, and a pretty big gash in his side. His hair hung damp around his bare shoulders and he wished he was wearing more than just a pair of gym shorts.

“Not really.” His gaze fell on her arm where someone, Lena he imagined, had bandaged it up for her. “Your arm, how is it?”

“It’s fine.” She crossed her arms over her chest and continued to glare at him. Crickets and cicadas buzzed around them, and the moths fought for the best spot in front of the porch light. The night was still and humid. Another storm, besides the one Ruby had brought to his doorstep, was in the air.

“You shouldn’t have come here at night. How did you even find this house?”

Ruby huffed. “I could find you anywhere.”

Rafe’s heart flipped at her words. “Ruby—”

“Don’t you dare.” She cut him off, poking him in the chest with a single finger. “Don’t you fucking dare say a word about me staying away from you or so help me God…”

“Why are you doing this?” His words were ragged, broken. Why was she making this harder? Why drag out his misery? “You’ve seen for yourself, I’m not hurt. Go back home now, Ruby.”

“Fuck you, Rafe.” He flinched at her words but she kept going, closing in on him until his back was against the door. “I didn’t come to check on your boo-boos. I came to ask you why you left me. Again.” Her voice broke on the last word and Rafe’s world shattered.

He grabbed her face in his hands and she gasped. “I had to,” he growled.

Ruby blinked, tears sliding down her cheeks. “Why would you think that?”

Rafe leaned his forehead against hers and breathed in her cinnamon-spiced scent, letting his fingers slip into her hair. “I killed them. I know how I looked when I showed up at your door. I saw your face, Ruby.”

She was shaking her head, rolling her forehead against his.

“You were terrified,” he insisted, remembering the look in her eyes and the monster he’d seen reflected in them.

You’re scaring me.

“Terrified that you were hurt! Terrified that some of that blood was yours!” She put her hands on his chest and pushed away from him again. “Just like I had been terrified the whole time you were gone, out there fighting by your damn self. Damn it, Rafe.” She turned and put her hands on the railing, looking out into the night. Her shoulders rose and fell with every breath. His whole body screamed at him to go to her, to wrap her up in his arms and never let her go, but his fear kept him rooted to the spot. Those old voices, the ones that said he was a monster, that he wasn’t good enough, were hard to silence.

“I can’t promise you’ll be safe around me. As much as I try to escape it, my life is violent and dangerous. I killed without thinking tonight, Ruby. I can’t promise I won’t again.”

She didn’t answer, continuing to stare out into the trees. He would never forgive himself if anything ever happened to her. His heart would stop with hers.

“I’m not good for you, Ruby. I don’t belong around humans. You saw it. You saw me.”

She spun to face him, her eyes wide and cheeks flushed with anger. Her voice was raw when she spoke. “There are no guarantees, Rafe. I lost my parents when I was eight years old, not because of monsters but because of fucking icy road conditions.” She took a long shuddering breath. “This is the only promise I can make you. I see you. And I’m still here. That’s all I want from you in return.”

He shook his head, trying to force the voices of the past to leave him, Ruby’s words thundering through him. It was time to listen to the woman right in front of him. Not the voices of people long dead. But the voices were loud, persistent. He couldn’t silence them, even for her.

“Ruby, I’m sorry. I can’t.” His voice cracked miserably, but he forced the words out.

Tears streamed down her face and he reached out to touch her, wanting to comfort her even as he hurt her, but she backed away. “Don’t do this. Don’t throw this away.” Her voice was thick with pain.

“It’s not natural!” he snapped, grasping for anything to make her go, to make this end before he lost the strength to push her away. “We don’t make sense.”

She flinched at his words, at the thunder of his voice.

“Tonight reminded me of that.” He kept going, severing their bond for good. “I’m a killer, Ruby. I tore those wolves’ throats out and I would do it again. You need to stay away from me before you end up like Scarlet.”

She shook her head, looking like she would say more, like she would fight him. Fight for him. But he watched as resignation settled over her like a fog rolling in over the fields. She was done. His brave girl was done fighting.

He’d made sure of it.