Chapter 37

Ruby staggered back into the house to find Lena wide-eyed at the table. “He left.” She collapsed into the closest chair. “Again.”

“Oh, Ruby.”

She swallowed her tears, despair quickly turning to anger. “Is he fucking kidding?”

Lena drummed her fingers on the worn surface of the kitchen table, thinking. “You should go after him.”

“Go after him? No way.” Ruby crossed her arms over her chest, her shoulder aching in protest. “I’m done chasing him.” Her throat burned with the words. She would never be done chasing him and exhaustion weighed down on her at the thought.

“And what about him being your Mate?” Lena raised a pale eyebrow.

“If this is what it means to have a Mate, then I don’t want one.” She tipped her head up and yelled at the ceiling. “Okay, universe? Fucking forget it!”

“Ruby, a few hours ago I had to drag you inside bawling your eyes out. Crying about how you would never love again and that you’d lost the other half of yourself.”

“So?” She was pouting but she couldn’t seem to stop.

“So, now you’re done? You’re going to let your literal soulmate just walk out the door?”

Ruby thunked her head on the table and groaned. “It’s too hard, Lena. It hurts too much.”

Lena ran a hand over her hair, soothing her. It was a sensation Ruby knew well, her sister’s comforting touch. Lena had always been there when the sadness about their parents would overwhelm her or when the kids at school got too cruel. Lena had always been her soft place to land and she’d missed it.

“I know. But maybe the hurt is worth it?”

Lucifer wound between Ruby’s legs under the table, purring contentedly. Lena had found him after the attack, snoozing peacefully under her bed. Ruby glared at him. “I blame you for this.” He stopped and blinked at her with golden eyes. “Okay, fine. It’s not your fault.” She turned back to her sister, the cat sitting contentedly on her feet.

“I feel like an idiot. I thought he understood me, but he’s still convinced I’m better off without him. How many damn times can I tell this man that I want him?”

“Maybe one more? He did just save your life, after all.”

Ruby growled. “Well, goddamn it. I never asked him to.”

Lena huffed a laugh. “You’ve always been the brave one, Ruby-red. I just want you to be happy.”

Ruby lifted her head. Lena studied her with worry in her clear blue eyes. If she had been the brave one, Lena was the sweet one, the kind and good one. Ruby hated that she couldn’t help her.

“I can’t leave you here by yourself.”

“Ruby, enough with this. I’m fine. The threat is gone. Rafe took care of it. You are perfectly free to go.”

“I’m so glad you came to terms with all of this in time to lecture me about what I should do next,” Ruby said with a smirk. She never could have imagined having a conversation about her werewolf Mate with her unbeliever sister, but here they were.

“It’s my job as the eldest.” Lena grinned, her old self shining through again.

Ruby stuck out her tongue. “I liked you better when you were brooding in your room.”

A shadow crossed Lena’s face and Ruby immediately regretted her words. “Yeah, well…”

“I didn’t mean it.” Ruby grabbed Lena’s hand across the table. “I’m really glad you’re here. Even if it’s to torment me.” Ruby didn’t want to be lonely anymore.

Lena smiled and gave her hand a squeeze. “Are you going?”

Ruby blew out a long sigh, delaying the inevitable. “Eventually.”

“Eventually?”

It hurt her more than she could express that Rafe still didn’t trust her, still didn’t trust himself. That even after everything, he believed she didn’t want both sides of him, the monster and the man. It was frustrating and infuriating, but breaking through hundreds of years of bullshit was going to take time. Ruby wasn’t quitting on her Mate, but she sure as hell needed a minute to gather her strength.

“I think I’ll let my wolf-man stew a bit first. Think about what he’s done.”

“And then?”

“And then I’ll go get him.” Because of course she would. Because just sitting here right now was taking all her strength. Because her whole body felt like it was being pulled from her house by a giant Rafe magnet.

Because he was her Mate and she’d fucking fallen in love with him.

* * *

The knock on the door scared the shit out of him. He didn’t get visitors. Had never wanted them. But now, the idea that Ruby could be on the other side of that door sent his heart racing. He yanked it open, ready to send her away, ready to list all the reasons they couldn’t be together, ready to kiss her until she whimpered, but he didn’t get to do any of those things. It wasn’t Ruby at his door.

“Ma?”

“So this is where you’ve been hiding all this time?” she asked, her shrewd gaze scanning the outside of his cabin. She was bathed in the yellow glow of the porch light, looking eerily out of place on his doorstep.

“Not hiding,” he huffed.

Nell hummed knowingly. Of course he was hiding. He’d been hiding for five years. He was hiding from Ruby right now.

“Can I come in?”

Rafe nodded, unable to turn her away, and let his mother glide past him into his cabin. It was the first time anyone from his pack had been in his space. Having her here sent a shiver of unease through his gut. This was his sanctuary and even though his stepmother had taken care of him in his childhood, she’d done nothing to stop his father’s abuse as he got older. His feelings for the woman were nothing if not complicated and more complicated feelings were the last thing he needed.

All he wanted to do was curl up in the corner and lick his wounds. Alone.

Nell looked around, taking in the cramped space. She ran a hand over the stack of books on his end table, trailed her fingers over the blankets on the back of the couch, and let out a small sigh that Rafe found unreadable. Was she expecting more?

“What are you doing here?” Rafe sounded like an asshole even to himself but he didn’t care. The woman who raised him hadn’t come looking for him in five years, and he didn’t need her here now.

Nell turned to face him, a crease in her brow. “You left without saying goodbye.”

Rafe nearly laughed. Leaving without a goodbye was the least of his crimes. “Now’s not a good time.”

His mother’s gaze landed on his chest, his various injuries still on display. “What happened?” Her pale green eyes were nearly translucent as she studied him. The concern on her face only tied the knot in his stomach tighter.

“A fight.”

Nell blew out another long sigh, letting her gaze flick over him one more time. “I see you don’t want me in your space. I—I only thought you might need someone to talk to. Family.”

She moved back toward the door while that word “family” burrowed into Rafe’s gut. Why would he need a family now? He’d survived this long without them.

He glanced down at his slashed torso, remembering the look on Ruby’s face when he’d showed up on her doorstep. His stomach twisted again, the pain sharp and desperate.

“Wait.”

Nell froze with her hand on the doorknob.

“Why now? Why’d you come? I know it’s not about some bullshit goodbye.”

She chuckled softly and turned to face him. “Let’s make a cup of tea and talk about it.” She was already moving toward the kitchen, settling herself down at his table, leaving him no chance to reject her.

He moved silently around the room, putting the kettle on and gathering mugs. He’d washed the blood from his hands, but he was still a mess. It was a small comfort that Nell didn’t care. For years it was perfectly normal for Rafe and his brothers to return home bloodied and injured. Sometimes it was all in fun. Others it wasn’t. Toward the, end it was life or death.

Rafe set a mug in front of his mother and wondered for the hundredth time how much she knew about his father’s plans. Did she know before her sons entered that ring what the Alpha intended? It was clear to everyone that his father pitted his sons against each other, that their whole life was an endless stream of competitions. But did his stepmother know that their last fight was to the death?

He shook the thoughts free and sat across from Nell in the tiny kitchen.

She ran a hand over the top of the table, smoothing her palm along the dark wood. “I heard you were making things.”

“How?”

She shrugged. “Nymphs talk. I always ask about you.”

Rafe grunted.

“Where’s the girl?” Nell cut to the chase, pinning him with her ethereal stare.

“Home.”

“Oh, Rafe.” Nell shook her head, her hair whispering across her back.

“What?” He couldn’t seem to get more than one word past the hot ache in his throat. His mother was finally here and Ruby was gone. His poor brain couldn’t seem to process it all.

She tipped her head, studying him. “The girl is your Mate. I was sure you knew.”

Rafe’s eyes widened, his heart tripping over itself just hearing his mother voice the truth. “It doesn’t matter.”

It was Nell’s turn to look shocked. “Doesn’t matter? Doesn’t matter!” She slammed her hands on the table, rattling the tea cups. “How can you say that?”

“How can you care?” he fired back. “I thought we didn’t believe in that bullshit in our pack? Remember? We mate for strength and humans are weak.” He rose from the table and turned his back, unable to look at his mother’s horrified face.

His breath heaved in and out of his lungs, burning with each inhale and exhale. His father had been right. Humans were weak, so easily injured, so quick to die.

Rafe’s lungs squeezed tighter, his throat closing. Ruby’s body in the grass, under that fucking wolf. Her blood. Scarlet’s blood, her vacant eyes staring up at him. It was his fault. He’d done that to them. Ruby could have died. He should have never gotten near her.When will he stop being so goddamn selfish?

Nell’s hand on his back startled him out of his spiraling thoughts.

“Just breathe,” she whispered, the warmth of her fingers a small comfort. “We’ll figure it out.”

Rafe let out a bitter laugh. “There’s nothing to figure out. I’m a fucking monster and now she knows it.” His voice was raw, broken. “I can’t let things end the same way this time.”

“Nothing is the same.”

He looked at her over his shoulder. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“She’s your Mate, Rafe. That changes everything.”

He let out a strangled groan, the word “Mate” like claws down his back.

“Tell me what happened. Why are you all torn up?”

Rafe sighed and turned, leaning against the counter. He took in the sight of his mother standing in his kitchen, her familiar scent filling his nose, and he was just so damn tired of being alone.

“The wolves following Ruby attacked again. I got there in time… She…she’s okay.” Even as he said it, he barely believed it. She was okay. “I chased the bastards down.” He swallowed hard, the memory of the fight still fresh in his mind. “I took care of it.”

Nell ran a hand down his arm, avoiding his injuries. “You always were the sensitive one.”

A startled laugh escaped him. “The sensitive one?”

“These things always bothered you more than your brothers.”

“These things? Killing? Seeing people I love get mauled?”

Nell flinched. “I should have done more. I know that, Rafe. But just know that as much as you were under your father’s control, so was I. For decades that man controlled everything in my life.” Shadows crossed Nell’s face and a layer of guilt was added to Rafe’s swirl of emotions.

“Well, the bastard is dead.”

Nell huffed. “Yes, he is.”

Silence stretched between them. Rafe didn’t know what else to say. It didn’t really matter if his mother could heal all the wounds of his childhood; he only brought danger into Ruby’s life.

“How did you know she was my … my Mate?”

“A mother knows.” She gave him a rare smile. “That’s why I came. I know what you grew up believing. I remember, of course. But I’ve seen it, Rafe.”

He flinched. “Not you and my father?”

Nell shook her head violently. “Oh, God no. He wanted me for my speed.”

Rafe swallowed the bile that rose in his throat at the mention of how his father chose his mates.

“But my sister, she left the pack before you were born. She found her true Mate, a lone wolf she met on a hunt.”

Rafe’s heart sped up just hearing that other Mated pairs existed, were even possible.

“Devon wanted to pair her with a member of the pack, but she couldn’t bear it, knowing her true Mate was out there. So she left.” Nell paused, her fingers squeezing his forearm. “She couldn’t fight it and neither can you. It will kill you.”

It already was killing him. He’d been apart from Ruby for only a few hours and already he could barely breathe, barely think. What would days of separation do? Years? Hot panic settled in his gut.

“And what about her? What if I led those bastards right to her?”

Nell shook her head. “It’s bigger than just this girl. Something is going on. Knox is worried.”

Rafe perked up at that piece of information. “Worried about what?”

She dropped her hand and went back to her tea, settling in at the table. “I don’t know. He’s been nervous, tense, like he knows something is coming but he hasn’t told us yet.”

Something’s coming…

“Shit.” Rafe scrubbed a hand down his face. “Ruby’s sister keeps saying the same thing.”

Nell went still. “What do you mean?”

His mother had beaten down his defenses and he no longer had the strength to keep secrets from her. “Ruby’s sister Lena has visions. She has for a while, but she can’t remember much. She says, ‘They’re coming,’ and she saw something about wolves. And blood.”

Nell’s eyes were wide. “A seer?”

“I guess.”

She slammed her mug down. “That’s what those wolves were after! You didn’t lead them anywhere. They were obviously tracking down the sister.”

A tiny trickle of relief coursed through his veins.

“Well, they’re dead now. So it’s over.”

Nell raised her eyebrows. “Let’s hope.”

Fear quickly snuffed out his relief. “What do you mean?”

“There’s too many questions left unanswered. Where were the wolves from? What did they want with her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe they attacked Ruby to draw Lena out?” Rafe suggested. He’d been so hell bent on keeping Ruby safe he hadn’t really given thought to the bigger picture. “They want to know what she knows?” Possibilities raced through Rafe’s head. Maybe they wanted to get rid of Lena before she could decipher her visions and warn them about what was coming? Or maybe they wanted her for what she could do for them, for what she could see. Knowing what was coming next would make any pack stronger. But would they risk more wolves’ lives to get her? Who were they?

Nell nodded. “Makes sense. What did Knox say about it all?”

“He blew me off. Said he’d send out more patrols.” Rafe huffed in frustration.

“He really is trying. For the pack,” she said, taking a long sip of tea.

“As long as he’s taking care of you.” Rafe blew out a long sigh, realizing as he said it that it was true. He wanted his pack to be taken care of, his people. If his brother was figuring out how to do that without terrorizing and manipulating everyone, then good for him.

“He is.” Nell glanced at him, looking like she might say more, but she dropped the subject of his brother. “I should get back.” She stood, her chair legs scraping along the floor boards. “Just think about what I said. Things are different this time, Rafe. This girl is the one for you. Don’t let her get away because of some misplaced guilt. Don’t be afraid.” She squeezed his hand, her green eyes glinting with tears.

“I’ll think about it.” It was probably all he would think about for the rest of his life. He walked his mother to the front door. “If you can, I’d like to know if you hear anything that might affect Ruby or her sister. I still want to…” Keep her safe, be with her forever, protect her at all costs, wrap myself around her and never let go. “keep an eye on things.”

Nell arched an eyebrow. “Of course. I’ll see what I can find out.” She opened the door into the muggy night, the sounds of crickets quickly filling the house. “And don’t stay away so long next time, Rafe.” She reached up on her toes and kissed his cheek.

He wanted to argue. To tell her he had nothing to return for, but maybe that wasn’t true anymore. Maybe his family was worth returning for. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

“Goodnight, sweet boy.”

A wash of tender memoires swept over him at the nickname she’d given him as a pup. The sensitive one. He nearly laughed again.

“Goodnight, Ma.” He stepped out onto the porch to watch her go, nearly letting the next words dissolve in his throat, but he forced them out. “You could visit, too. I mean … you could come back again some time.”

Nell’s face lit up in the moonlight. “I would love that.” She shifted into a sleek mahogany-colored wolf and raced off into the night.

Rafe lowered himself onto the old wooden steps and watched the fireflies flicker through the trees. The conversation with his mother ran through his mind on a loop.

She was probably right: he hadn’t led the wolves to Ruby. They were on the trail of a seer. Thank God Ruby hadn’t manifested any seer abilities. The one thing he’d prayed for when he thought they could be together was now the thing he was hoping never showed up.

He knew in his bones Ruby was his Mate. She hadn’t run from him. She’d accepted what he truly was. Or she had until she’d seen it in action.

You’re scaring me.

Her words echoed in his heart. He’d finally done it. He’d scared his fearless Ruby. It didn’t matter if he let his guilt over Scarlet’s death go, or forgave his mother, or returned to his pack. He’d never get over the look on Ruby’s face, the terror in her eyes. He wouldn’t do that to her again.

He had to stay away.

Right?