Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"As we come into Spring time in Graves, we're officially in the month of the Zodiac's Cardinal Ram." Professor Karras started the lesson with his usual upbeat teacher persona. I wanted to call it out as being fake, but maybe this was the only time he was legitimately happy and easy going. All my interactions with him had painted him as much more scary and mean and serious. It was only during Physics and Astrology Club that he managed to be a flawless and pleasant professional.

I hadn't dared approach him since I started attending classes again. Marcus felt like more of a safe space after Adrian pushed me away so harshly last month. At some point, I hoped a month would go by that I didn't spend every Physics class in a tense, hot mess, but not this month.

I didn't know what to think in Astrology Club either lately, but I was starting to look forward to the actual lesson when we learned about each new sign. Even if Professor Karras hated or rejected me, I still had his mark, and I still wanted to know what star signs ruled their species.

Adrian continued the lecture as normal. "The Aries is as intensely passionate as you might expect of a fire sign of the cardinal modality, and when they want something, they go after it with everything they have." He noted as he drew a curling ‘V' resembling a ram's horns on the whiteboard.

A fire sign. I glanced at Marcus in the corner of my eye. Outside of the month Adrian turned into the Capricorn, none of the elements had matched my two… sort of mates. This was the first time we would be encountering a like element to Marcus' Fire Leo. I wondered if it would affect him more strongly this month as a result.

"Passionate and driven sounds like the perfect combination in a man." Linda gushed, as she usually did.

Evelyn, who sat right next to her, nodded in agreement. "Learning all of the little sub-traits of each sign is really helping me narrow down my dating pool much faster."

That brought a full smile to Adrian's face, and a strange, irrationally jealous part of me wished that I was ever going to be the person who put that expression there. I still needed to work on my inability to keep my head around their innocent interactions.

"It truly is a fascinating and multifaceted belief system. Most people know the most basic aspects, but not many take the time to really dive in and understand how deep and precise the system can go." He placed his hands on his desk, and focused on Linda. "I appreciate everyone who signed up for this club, wanting to know and understand more about themselves and the world around them."

So over dramatic.

Marcus snorted beside me, and that made me accidentally laugh, too. I didn't mind that he was in my head sometimes. We could both make fun of this whole messy situation together.

"I've always known the stars were important, but you've really opened my eyes to the possibilities, Professor Karras." Linda batted her eyelashes shamelessly. "So what's the downside to falling for an Aries? I know they can't be as perfect as they sound."

"Jealousy." Adrian answered promptly. "Aries can be extremely competitive and possessive, so if they see the object of their desire with someone else, it can be hard for them to control themselves." It wasn't lost on me the way his eyes travelled right beside me to his half-brother. Nor did I miss the quiet smirk crossing Marcus' lips.

"Jealousy just means you actually care, in my opinion." Marcus always spoke like he was issuing a challenge in this club. "I couldn't imagine being comfortable knowing my lover was being manipulated by another man and standing idly by. Doing. Nothing." He emphasized the last two words with staccato beats.

Adrian shook his head, but I still caught the eye twitch. "As a Leo, I'm not surprised you feel that way. However, a Leo's jealousy is a bit different from an Aries jealousy. Where an Aries can't stand seeing their lover's attention divided, feeling like they deserve every minute of their partner's time and energy, a Leo's jealousy tends to sprout more from a sense of inadequacy and inferiority. One is based in a sense of self-importance, while the other is rooted in insecurity."

Damn. This time, it was Marcus' eye that twitched.

Adrian paced around his desk, then sat on the edge and leaned back on his hands. "But in both cases, the competitiveness can be incredibly toxic and detrimental to what could have otherwise been a strong relationship. Combine these base characteristics with life's ordinary traumas, and those traits can quickly create a terrifying monster." He crossed his legs casually, still leaning against his desk. "For example, a history of abandonment or feeling less than someone else, real or imagined, can make it difficult for an Aries to make it past the initial trust building phases of a relationship. They're quick to fall hard, and will want to skip straight to the part where they feel safe and secure. If they don't feel that immediately, they'll likely bail before real love can develop naturally."

That took the smile off Marcus' face. Admittedly, Adrian kind of won that round. If nothing else, Astrology club was entertaining purely on the basis that I got to watch these guys try to subtly and verbally spar with each other in plain sight.

Marcus didn't seem like the jealous type anyway. I kind of wished he was. Toxic or not, it sounded kind of exciting to be pursued that passionately. As it stood, he pursued me while always respecting my boundaries and worrying about scaring or stressing me too much. Which… was healthy and good and proper and what I should want. But… when the professor told me he didn't want me, only to physically show me he did, it did things for me.

Therapy was definitely in my future if I survived long enough to get my degree.

I wondered if the two of them had been particularly competitive growing up, and where their relationship took such a turn. Did they fight a lot? Were they best friends? I'd wished I had a sibling my entire childhood, but they made it sound like the worst thing ever. I'd only been around them in public situations though, and I couldn't help but be curious how they acted behind closed doors .

"To be honest though, that sort of aggressive obsession sounds like an exciting kind of love." Linda chimed in, saving Marcus from his slipping calm fa?ade by shifting the focus over to her. Linda had her good moments for sure, mostly in her effortless ability to command and captivate a room. "I've never been the jealous type, but the nickname "mine" ranks high in my love language."

"That's part of why an Aries can be such a great match for an Aquarius, like yourself. That adaptable mentality can beautifully complement an Aries' natural intensity. It wouldn't be a bad idea to let the zodiac's ram pursue you." He glanced to the side thoughtfully. "Just try not to forget that, no matter how laid back you might be, even the most well-adjusted Aries can fall out of love as quickly as they fall into it. This is a common trait among all fire signs, where, just like the element itself, even the most intense burn can be extinguished in an instant if conditions aren't met."

I glanced again at Marcus. He was a Fixed Fire sign, versus the Aries, which was Cardinal. Stubborn but reliable, competitive, jealous, and excessively passionate… He was the guy who asked me on regular dates, but never officially asked me to be his girlfriend. He said he liked me, but never made it clear if he was exclusive. He knew my situation, fucked up as it was, but I didn't know if I was just one of many for him, and I was too nervous to ask. Even if he claimed to only drink from either me or male donors, I didn't actually know if he was straight or bisexual or any of that, either.

Did he see me as a flight of fancy, a friend with benefits, or relationship material?

That was unfair. How could I be relationship material for anyone when I was wearing multiple magic bite marks from multiple men? I was obsessing over a guy I couldn't choose, while one I could was sitting on the sidelines, and I was telling myself it was them sending mixed signals.

No wonder I never had a boyfriend in the past. Aside from no one ever expressing interest in me before, I was clearly terrible at this.

"That's all well and good." Marcus spoke calm and measured. His expression was unreadable. "But why don't we talk about what happens when that partner isn't so impressed with excessive aggression."

Adrian didn't miss a beat.

"Interesting question. Also something that's good to talk about for all of the signs when discussing love and loss. Thank you for asking, Mr. Emery." I hadn't fully noticed before how performative their relationship was while in class. I was used to the negging, but hadn't been as perceptive to the silent conversations. I wished I knew what they were saying to each other in between the lines. "Falling in and out of love is one thing, but rejection when in love is a whole different animal. With how rash and impulsive an Aries can be, breaking their heart is often taken badly. It's not uncommon that the ram will choose to humiliate the person who rejected them in front of an audience, rather than sulking quietly. Just another example of the shadow cast by everyone who stands in the light of the flame."

Poetic. Professor Karras put so much effort into this for someone who was supposed to be a stuffy and serious science teacher.

Club wrapped up, and I had a lot to think about. I opted not to stick around for any more uncomfortable conversations. There was enough on my plate, between how I was approaching my relationship with the professor and my more realistic relationship with Marcus.

I wasn't ready to have a one-on-one with Adrian yet, anyway. We hadn't spoken since I'd woken up in his bed, and I didn't get the impression he was looking to change that. Lines were crossed, and I wasn't sure how to get back to the correct side.

It was only another week and a half until the Aries full moon anyway, and after that lesson, I determined it would be best if I avoided him this month. I probably should consider locking myself in my dorm on the night of the full moon, really. I needed to figure out my shit.

I kept reminding myself of that as I continued through the week, passing the time with homework and shifts at Threads of the Magi. Days were going way too fast, and I still hadn't had the courage to fully accept my new reality. The only difference between this month and last month was that this time around, I was more afraid of myself than the hungry monsters all around me.