Chapter 7

Candi sat in the middle of the living room floor in a daze. Her therapist gave her shit to think about. This was the first time she took the gloves off and gave them to Candi real and raw. It is time we got past the kiddie bullshit, Miss Candi. If you want this man, you're going to have to be honest about who you were, are, and who you will be. This young man seems understanding but you're in your head. Now, what did love use to feel like to you? Dr. Joy's words replayed in her mind. All the soft and gentle therapy was out the window. Dr. Joy felt good roughing it up because, for the first time since they had been working together, Candi finally seemed ready. All thanks were due to Jay.

His genuine interest in her was the wake-up call Candi needed to see maybe she was worthy of love—deserving of something for herself.

Love felt like sex.That was Candi's confession in therapy. Love felt like nasty, degrading pounding. She loved sex and people—men and women seemed to love sex with her.

Her session had been over with for hours but she remained in her position just thinking. The view of the sunset helped create vivid pictures of a healed version of herself. She couldn't wait to see her reflection and not see the worn-out little girl anymore.

Her body jumped when Jay slid behind her but calmed when his cologne and arms wrapped around her. "How was therapy?"

"Heavy as fuck." There was slight humor in her voice.

"I'm proud of you." Jay's baritone pulled water from her eyes.

Candi laid her hands on his arms, desperate to feel him— make sure he was real. "Why?" She needed an explanation to make his words more real. Tangible.

Kissing the back of her head, he stared at their reflection in the window. "I'm proud of you for doing what a lot of people are scared to do. I'm proud of you for waking up. Proud of you for trying. Proud of you for doing this. Proud of you for living."

Candi thought Jay had to have a magic ball that showed him her life. How else could he know she'd thought about ending it all? On more than one occasion too. If not for therapy, she probably would've attempted it by now. Her body bounced from crying. Jay was an angel on earth. The way he could see her— seeing her without judging was a blessing to a girl like her.

"You gotta stop crying, Magic." Jay rocked their bodies to soothe her.

"You don't understand." Candi sniffled. "Like, you're so perfect and I'm so… fucked up."

"I'm fucked up too. Our hurt ain't the same, but before you got your mean ass in my car, I was trying to overcome heartbreak."

Candi interrupted him with a scoff. A man as fine as him had women willing to throw themselves at his feet. There was no way he had been walking around here with a broken heart. She wasn't convinced.

"On some honest shit, I felt something when you got in my car. Some love at first sight shit."

"Boy!" Candi didn't want him to play like that.

"Nah. For real. Like, right now, sitting here with you, it feels like my heart dancing." Jay nodded, loving the way he found the right words to describe what he felt. He had to say it again. "Shit feels like my heart dancing. I ain"t even know a heart could fuckin' dance. You got me so outta body, Candi. Don't make me have to live life the other way."

"What are you saying? Or asking?" Candi twisted her body to look into his handsome face. Her eyes went to the facial tattoos that added to his image. Jay was fine on the worst days. How that other girl could walk away from him, Candi felt she had to be crazy.

"Come home with me. Let's go get you some stuff and hit the road to Bama." He needed to get out of the city and Candi could use a change of scenery.

"Um, I have a job because I got bills." She bucked her head.

"I'll pay it up. Right now. Log into your bills and shit right now, I'll pay it all up for a year."

The laughter started but stopped when she saw he was serious. "You for real?"

"Do I look like I'm playing? I'll give you my card and you can pay up everything for the next year."

"We gonna be gone that long?" Candi asked. Nothing at that moment was making sense.

"Does it matter? My ma can keep your job secured until you are ready to come back. Just say you'll take a chance on this shit I'm feeling and come home with me." His eyes pleaded with hers to say yes.

Pulling her lids together tightly, Candi needed to calm her beating heart. Going out of town with a man wasn't new. However, the man Jay was made it feel like something she'd never done before. It gave her the feeling of being a teenager and the popular boy asking you to be his girlfriend. All of it was a wave of emotions she'd never felt before.

"Don't make a nigga beg. I mean, I will though."

That caused her to laugh. Inhaling deeply, she smiled. "I guess I'll go with you to old country ass Alabama. I don't want you to be bored out of your mind and shit." Her eyes fluttered when his tongue snaked inside her mouth. Jay had a way of leaving her breathless while breathing life into her. It was a beautiful oxymoron. Her legs wobbled but Jay made sure he was there to hold her up.

As he pulled away, he stared into her eyes. "Where you been all my fuckin' life?"

"Being misused—broken."

"Never again, Magic." His lips curled into a smile. "Come on, so you can get your shit and we can get on the road."

"We going today?" Candi asked, following behind him like a shadow.

"Mhm." He nodded, silencing his phone that started back up again.

Skeptically, Candi eyed him. "And the bullshit starts," she commented as her nose flared.

"No bullshit. Never."

"That's what all niggas say."

"I don't see how you can't tell I'm not the average nigga. My shit ain't messy."

Stomping into the bathroom to use it, she slammed the door. Although she felt a little uneasy, it wasn't enough to stop her from seeing where things could lead with Jay. At the least, she would walk away with her bills paid up for the next year. As the thought popped back into her mind, she pushed the door open. "Oh, and let me get that card to pay my bills."

Jay laughed at her trying so hard to look mad and have an attitude. He went to his wallet and passed her the Amex. "I would say make it two years, but I know you'll be full of my kids and living with me by then."

"But not a ring," Candi stated rather than asking.

Reaching out, he stopped her from walking back into the bathroom. "I'll get you ten fuckin' rings. One for each finger if that's what you want."

That forced a smile on her face. "Okay, Jayshun."

Jay kept glancingover at Candi like he was the luckiest man in the world. She sat in his passenger seat, controlling the music and making videos. Her pretty toes were propped up on the dashboard and her seat was pushed to the backseat. They'd stopped and gotten snacks and drinks after going to her house to pack a bag. She looked so cute popping MMs in her mouth without a care in the world.

"I might need to call Jolene and tell her that her son is a creep," she joked, catching his eyes on her.

His chin jerked back. "Oh, I'm a creep?" His brows rose as if he were implying something. Pointing at his chest, he asked again. "Me? I'm the creep? The creep you was begging to fu—"

"Jayshun!" Candi's hands shot to her triangle-shaped face, looking for cover.

"Nah." He laughed, slapping her hand down. "Let me see that pretty ass face."

Cold air swept against her body at the sexual tone of his voice. Thoughts of him releasing all over her face created moisture in her panties.

Seeing the effects of his words, a cocky smirk displayed on his face. "But I'm the creep." He nodded, watching her unravel.

Being with Jay felt like she was born again. Like no one before him existed and it was all just a figment of her imagination. The woman she was before rehab seemed to be just as unreal as everything else. Jay gave her a feeling of being renewed and free. He made her feel soft, feminine, womanly, and most of all, worthy. It had her figuring out who she was since it was clear that the girl she'd been showing up as in the world wasn't the real her.

"What you thinking about?" Jay asked, seeing her go inside her head. He'd started to learn about her over the last two days together. It wasn't hard because it came to him easily when it came to Candi.

Adjusting her body, she turned her body toward him. "You and how unreal you seem."

"How?"

"You're perfect." Her soft hand ran down the side of his face. She traced the tattoo that sat just above his right brow.

Swallowing hard, Jay didn't agree. "That's all you."

"Now I know you bullshitting." Her head fell back with a scoff-like laugh.

"I feel perfect to you because you make me want to be perfect for you," Jay explained just as they crossed the state line.

He'd been driving for about two hours, which meant he had another hour to go before he was pulling up to his country abode. He couldn't wait to experience it with Candi. It had been a while since he'd been back home and couldn't wait to see his family.

"See. It"s shit like that, Jayshun. You can't say stuff like that and expect me not to fall," she fussed, pulling her phone out to change the music. Future was currently talking about waiting for someone and she was ready to change the mood.

He lifted her hand to his lips. "It ain't me. It"s you, Magic."

"Whatever. I know one thing; Jolene made a smooth-talking ass son. I bet you get it from your daddy too."

He laughed at that. "Shit, I don't know. That nigga got three kids and three baby mamas," Jay said.

"How many you got?"

He thought about his little situation but couldn't claim that baby since he knew for a fact it wasn't his. "None."

"Now, I find that hard to believe." Candi kissed her teeth. "What happened with you and…" She didn't even want to say Luna's name. She was a big deal.

He laughed. "You can say her name. She is just a person like you and me."

"Shit," she sang. "Like the whole family is goals. They just scream black excellence and cult. Like, if you think wrong, they'll send someone to your door."

Now that had him cracking up. "They good people but nothing to fear."

"Well, tell me about that situation. I feel like I've been telling you all my business and you ain't told me anything." Candi curled her legs under her butt, ready to hear everything he had to say. She wanted to know everything about him. Wanted to know things no one else knew.

"What you want to know?"

"Nigga, everything." She bucked her eyes.

"We went to school together."

"High school sweethearts?" Candi asked, fully invested.

Cutting his eye at her, Jay asked, "You gonna let me talk?"

"Okay, carry on." She shooed him along.

"Anyway. We started dating when I was twenty-one and she was eighteen. I proposed to her a few years later, not knowing she was already married. The girl had been married since she was eighteen. Anyway, she dumped my ass and now she's happily married with a baby." Jay gave Candi the short version.

"You loved her?"

He nodded.

There was no way she could compete with the likes of Luna. Not only was she stunningly beautiful but she was also successful and the world loved her. Candi had read the Essence article on their whole little family. It was one of the reasons she found herself in Sapphire City. The way they talked about where they were from, you'd think it was Wakanda.

"You miss her?"

"No," he didn't hesitate to say. "I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't fucked up about the break up because I'm a real ass nigga and will keep shit real at all times. I was down bad after my split from her. But it's been a year and I've healed and learned nothing I did or said would've changed the outcome of that situation. She wasn't made for me."

"Do you think she loved you?" Candi was just being nosey at this point.

He thought the question over. Did Luna have love for him, he believed so, but there was no way to truly know and he wasn't trying to go back down that road.

Candi saw the conflict on his face. "If she came back, would you give her another chance?"

"Nah."

"Why, if you loved her as you say? I ain't never been in love, but I know if I did love someone, I would give them a second chance."

"To do what, break your heart? If someone breaks you like she almost broke me, they ain't love you like that. The second chance would be for you hoping they fall the second time around." Jay pulled up to his estate and looked at her. "The further I get away from the situation, I realize maybe I ain't love her like I thought."

"How do you know?" Candi was desperate for lessons on love.

Jay was drunk in her dark skin and natural beauty. Her hair was still a mess and he thought she was even sexier. Still dressed in his clothes, Candi seemed at ease. When she smiled, it met her eyes and her questions seemed to be her way of getting closer to his heart.

"I know because my heart ain't never danced before."

The apples of her cheeks pushed up, tightening her slanted almond eyes. Her smile was big, bright, and perfect. Candi wanted to squeal in glee but composed herself. When Jay turned to punch in the code to his private gate, she finally looked around.

From the outside of the gate, there wasn't much to see. Not even a neighbor. What she thought would be an old and tiny home, she was quickly learning that Jayshun was more than she'd initially thought him to be. Based on the electric security gate that seemed to touch the sky, Candi knew Jay's pockets had to be deep.

As he pulled behind the big privacy gate, her mouth formed an O. "This your Bama ass house?" Candi asked in shock. The stars shined in the night sky but the property's lights lit up everything.

The grounds were beautiful. Lush greenery like she'd only ever seen in a magazine stretched for what seemed like miles. The house wasn't a fancy or bourgeois mansion. It was a timeless, plantation-style house. It had been painted black—the black house was etched over the columns on the wrap-around front porch.

Pebbles crunched under the tires as she rolled her window down to smell Alabama. Deeply, she inhaled, filling her lungs with air that smelled like the hope of the slave. Candi sucked in the herb-smelling air a few more times. Each time, a piece of her old self chipped away, revealing something new.

"Damn, you gon' get high, ain't it?" Jay laughed at his inside joke, unbeknownst to her.

"This is so nice," she complimented, pushing her door open. Shoeless, her toes dug into the ground beneath her. The driveway made of rocks was hot but compared to how cold the car ride had been, she welcomed it. Candi had never set foot in the state, and already, she didn't want to leave.

Easing his fingers between hers, Jay pulled her toward the front door. "You ain"t even seen the inside yet."

After another digital keypad, they were inside the lemon-scented foyer. Spinning around like she was in a museum, Candi took it all in. It was spacious and had the charm of tradition while boasting all the beauty of modern amenities and décor. The floors creaked under her, drawing her eyes to the walnut floors that shined more than the floor at his loft. It was clear Jay had a thing for old homes with updated features.

"Luna did her thing with the decorations," Candi complimented, running her hand over the green, textured wallpaper over the walls in the hall as she followed her direction to check out the house.

Jay laughed, seeing she wanted to ask a question but didn't know how. "She ain"t never been here."

"That gotta be bullshit. You were engaged to the girl and she ain"t never been to your house?" Candi tapped her chin with her lips poked out, challenging his statement.

"One thing I hope you learn is I don't lie. Lie for what? Who gon' beat my ass?" Jay removed the gun from the holster on his waistband and set it on the kitchen counter since they'd made their way in there.

"You like big ass windows, huh?" Candi mentioned, seeing the large, bay-style windows in the kitchen and living room area, which was an open concept. "You live here alone?"

"Yes, and no. My little sister looks after shit, and sometimes, she spends the night here. I have a cleaner that comes out too. But mostly, when I'm in town, I'm here alone."

"So, you have a little sister and…?"

"A brother. I'm the oldest." Jay made his way to her, needing to be close to her. Skin-to-skin contact was a love language for him.

"Your house is nice, Jayshun." Looking up at him, her eyes twinkled with lust. "Why the black house though?"

"That's my last name. It's my family's name and I plan on passing it down." Jay spoke with pride.

"Show me where you sleep." Her request was one he would happily oblige.

Jay held her in front of him as he walked her up the stairs. He was careful with each step he took, making sure neither one of them tripped up as they took what seemed like a million steps. Candi only smiled and giggled. Everything he did was new to her. As a young girl, she wanted to be hugged up, walking around the city with her little boo. It never happened but Jay was slowly healing the parts of her that needed it. The icing on the cake was, that it seemed it was all second nature to him. Like he had no motive behind the way he touched her.

"This it?" she asked as they neared brown double doors at the end of the hall. They'd passed three other rooms and a bathroom.

"Push that muthafucka open," he directed.

Doing as she was told, she was just as impressed with the master room and couldn't wait to sleep in the bed with him. Once he had finished showing her around his house, he retrieved their bags from the car and let her know they were going to hit up a local spot that played music and had good wings. Candi was down for whatever as long as he was her plus one.