9. Phase 5

9

Phase 5

B arely having slept, I braced my hands on the bathroom counter the next morning and stared at myself in the mirror.

Every agonizing minute of the day before showed on my face. I closed my eyes. Thank God Mother’s Day was over .

Waking up yesterday morning with my stomach full of dread was a far cry from the morning before when I woke wrapped tight in Gabe’s arms.

This morning my body vibrated with nerves and anxious anticipation. How was it possible to feel so strongly about him already? It scared me.

He scared me.

Even when we were kids, he’d been larger than life. That had not changed but the edge he had back then had sharpened to a point.

And I feared his bark had teeth.

Giving my head a shake, I dropped my clothes on the floor, stepped into the shower, and tilted my face into the spray to wash away the effects of the night.

My hands shook as I reached for my bodywash and filled my hand with three generous pumps. White lily and bergamot, my signature scent and phase 1 of my personal revitalization project, wrapped around me.

I closed my eyes and breathed it in as it soothed my frayed nerves.

It will be okay .

The tension slowly leached from my body.

Amazing, the power of words. Though I knew from experience it was rarely ever ‘okay,’ the mantra worked every time.

I quickly rinsed, shut off the water, and stepped out onto my fluffy bathmat before wrapping the massive bath sheet around my curvy form.

Phase 2 of my personal revitalization project involved embracing and celebrating my ample hips. And that included a thick, luxurious, towel wide enough to wrap around both me and a big juicy man if I so desired.

At the thought of Gabe, the only man I wanted, wearing my hot pink towel I snorted out a laugh and wrapped a smaller pink towel around my hair. Not beige, not cream, and definitely not the classic navy stripe, but bright pink.

Also known as, phase 3: the color I added to my life after the years of imprisonment in classic beige.

That was as far as I got when Nan called with news of her diagnoses.

Moving back to Mistlevale incited phase 4, the social life I gained with my return to Sage Ridge.

And phase 5, according to the text he sent last night, was quite possibly on his way here right now.

Gabe.

Was he my phase 5? Did I even want a phase 5?

Don’t be afraid to pick up the phone next time.

A pounding on the front door knocked Nan’s words clear out of my head. I clutched my towel to my chest. “What the hell…”

I ran to the bedroom window and lifted the corner of the curtain. Gabe’s truck sat in the driveway.

My heart soared like an eagle before plummeting to my knees because I wasn’t ready for phase 5.

I wasn’t a phase 5 kind of girl, and that man deserved all of phase 5 and more.

My breath released with a shudder. Phase 5 didn’t last. It couldn’t. Happily ever after was a myth.

Then what would I do?

Move away and leave everyone?

Watch him move on with someone else who could fulfil phase 5?

It almost would have been better if he had been married. I wouldn’t have given in to the lure of hope and entertained the idea of us.

He knocked again. “Shae! Open up!”

I cracked the window and hissed, “Gabe! Give me a minute, I’m not dressed!”

Stepping back, he looked up and cocked an eyebrow. “Perfect. I like you undressed.”

I stifled my laugh and reprimanded, “Well, tell all the neighbors why don’t you?”

He grinned. “I might if you don’t come down here and open the door.”

Shaking my head, I cranked the window shut.

“Shae!” He called, louder than before. “Shae, I know you’re naked but that’s how I like you best! Let me in!”

“Oh my God,” I muttered, looking around wildly for a pair of pants.

“Shae! I’ll get naked, too! We’ll be naked together!”

I abandoned my quest. My neighbors were elderly, but their hearing was as sharp and crisp as any five-year-old child sitting at the top of the stairs on Christmas Eve.

Face flaming, I flew downstairs and threw open the front door.

Gabe, leaning his perfect ass against the wrought iron railing of my tiny front porch, stood with his hands shoved in his pockets, ankles crossed, the very picture of nonchalance.

“Good morning, Shae.” Grinning, he jerked his chin to the right.

My eyes followed his line of vision to find Mrs. Mason standing on her porch in her mou-mou with a watering can in her hand and a twinkle in her eye.

“Mrs. Mason,” I squeaked.

“Good morning, Shae.” She smiled widely, her sparkling eyes darting back and forth between us before resting on Gabe. She looked at him appraisingly. “Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be forty years younger.” She nodded at me seriously. “I’d give you a run for your money.”

Gabe scoffed as he stood to his full height. “As if I could handle a woman like yourself,” he teased.

“Oh, I’d have trained you as sure as I trained my Evan.” The lines of her face deepened as her gaze went hazy. “Now, there was a man,” she continued softly before giving her head a brisk shake and retrieving her smile. “You kids go on inside.” She jerked her chin in the direction of my other neighbor’s door. “You don’t want Mrs. Wemberly to come out and see you.” She widened her eyes as she mentioned her bosom nemesis. “The woman would keel over.”

“Oh my God, Mrs. Mason,” I scolded, near catatonic at the thought of cantankerous Mrs. Wemberly entering the fray, but unable to contain my smile.

She laughed and turned to go inside, then stopped. Winking at Gabe, she said, “She looks lovely in pink.”

He wagged his eyebrows. “And I bet she looks even better out of it.”

Rolling my eyes, I clutched the towel that now matched my flaming face and backed into the house.

Eyes on me, Gabe dipped his chin and followed.

His eyes answered questions I was afraid to ask.

I shivered as I pointed into the kitchen and ordered firmly, “Wait there. I’ll be right back.”

In less than two minutes, I returned wearing my signature jeans and t-shirt with my long hair slicked back in a ponytail.

In the kitchen, Gabe leaned against the counter, his ankles crossed as he sipped his coffee. Between us lay a coffee for me from the corner café, cheese buns from Beach Buns bakery, and chocolate croissants from The Beanery.

“Wow,” I hummed. “That’s quite the spread. I didn’t even notice it when you came in.”

“I told you I was bringing you coffee before going to work.” He grinned. “They were sitting on your porch. I forgot all about them when you opened the door in that towel.”

I laughed. Forcing myself to relax, I lifted a cheese bun to my nose and inhaled. “I love these things.”

“Cheese gets me back in your good graces?”

I snorted and took a bite. “Nothing will get you back into my good graces after this morning.”

“How about your pants? Or your bed? Will it get me into either of those?”

I glared at him as I chewed. I’d offered myself up on a silver platter, and he had turned me down. But I’d play his game. “Is that all you think about?”

He grinned lazily, assessing me with those bright blue eyes that missed nothing. “Lately? Pretty much.”

Turning away, I snatched the washcloth off the sink and swept up the few crumbs that escaped my hungry mouth. My stomach tied itself in knots. I didn’t have what it took to hold a man like that. If I couldn’t hang onto Gary, who was practically transparent in comparison, I had no hope at all with Gabe.

Leaning back against the counter, I tossed the cloth into the sink and studiously avoided his gaze.

Quietly, he mused, “It must have been a zoo at Ayana’s yesterday.”

I nodded. “Yes.”

A fully formed mental picture slowly came into focus. One day, a few years from now after he realized he wanted what I couldn’t give him, he’d bring his wife to Ayana’s.

He cleared his throat and pushed the box of croissants toward me. “I thought you could use a little chocolate to sweeten your morning.”

I swallowed and reached for one. “Thank you.”

She’d walk in with her hand in his, smiling up at him and the sweetly rounded toddler hiked up high in his strong arms.

I gave my head a shake and wracked my brain for something interesting to say but there was not a single thought in my head safe to share.

I hazarded a glance, my eyes trailing up the long legs encased in well-worn denim ending at his lean hips before continuing on to the sweatshirt that hid his thick chest and muscular arms. When my eyes met his, mine flitted away.

My heart pounded in my chest.

Should I tell him what I lack?

Ending us before we began.

He was so handsome.

Attentive.

His eyes never left my face. Every word out of his mouth meant to draw me into conversation. But nothing he said could distract me from the impending sense of doom.

“Shae, you’re not acting like yourself,” he murmured. “It’s like I’m not even here. Or maybe you aren’t.”

My shoulders curled in protectively as I wrapped my hands around my hot coffee and faced him, my mask of calm indifference sliding into place. “I haven’t changed, Gabe. Maybe you just never knew me.”

“You think so?” He straightened and prowled closer. “You think that wild, free, laughing girl was a figment of my imagination?”

“She was a blip,” I countered. “The real me is much less exciting.”

Toe to toe, he stared down at me from beneath hooded eyes until I began to shift from one foot to the other. Finally, he relaxed and cocked his head to the side. “I don’t believe that.” He grinned. “And I’m going to show you I’m right.”

I released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “No, Gabe. You’re only going to be more disappointed.”

“I’m not the least bit disappointed.” He cupped his palm around the side of my face and leaned in. “In fact,” he whispered, his eyes twinkling. “I couldn’t possibly be more ‘appointed.’”

I huffed out a bitter laugh. “You’re wrong.”

He chuckled and dropped his palm. “Now you’ve gone and unlocked my competitive drive.”

My brows snapped together. “It’s not a game!”

He leaned in, his gaze steady and clear. “You’re right. It’s not. If it was a game, I wouldn’t be so worried about losing. It’s not often life gives us a second chance to play.”

My anger felt good, right. I gathered it together and held it in front of me like a shield. “You don’t think I, of all people, know that?”

He shook his head, a sad smile curving his lips. “You gotta roll the dice, baby.”

“Gabe,” I snapped in frustration.

Walking straight through my anger, he looped his arms around my waist and caught my eyes with his. “You know I’m right.”

My hands went to his biceps and squeezed even as I shook my head and looked away. “It’s not that simple.”

His arms tightened as he gave me a little shake. “It is simple. It’s just not easy. How does your week look?”

Mentally jumping ahead, he left me scurrying to catch up as usual.

“Long,” I blurted out without thought.

One hand smoothed up the length of my spine.

Every single one of my vertebrae arched into place at his touch.

His eyes searched mine as he pulled me infinitesimally closer. “I thought you loved Ayana’s.”

I held up a finger, fell into his gaze, and spilled more. “I love the people at Ayana’s. I love the food at Ayana’s. I love how close I feel to my Nan, my Grampy, and the connection to my dad at Ayana’s. I never minded pitching in to help, it was fun, but,” I closed my eyes, ashamed, but unwilling to hide the truth from him at least, “I hate managing it.”

His eyebrows rose. “So?”

I frowned. “What do you mean, ‘so’?”

“Don’t do it.” He shrugged. “Sell the place.”

I blinked then stared at him, my eyes wide. “Why would I do that? It’s something I know how to do, it’s mine, and everybody has to make a living.”

Not really. I had insurance money up the wazoo by that point.

“Why can’t you sell it and make a living doing something else?”

“Because it was Nan’s.” I sighed. “It meant everything to her. I can’t just let it go.”

“Sure, you can.”

I could. I knew I could, but I didn’t want to face the what if.

I scoffed. “Are you crazy?”

“I’ve been called worse.” He grinned, both of his palms splaying across my back and moving down to wrap around my hips.

I refused to allow myself to acknowledge the thrill of his touch and ignored my body’s complete lack of self-preservation as it fairly vibrated with anticipation.

I shook my head. Gabe got under my skin like no one else ever had. While Nan challenged me, she never made me uncomfortable.

Gabe did.

All the time.

It was exhilarating.

“At least tell me what you’d rather be doing,” he pushed.

There was no reason I couldn’t tell him. It made no difference, and he would never judge. “I used to be an educational assistant working with special needs kids. I love working with kids in any capacity.”

“Is that what you did before you came back?”

My shoulders rounded as I curled in on myself and pulled away.

Gabe immediately drew me back in. “Whoa, what’s that all about?”

I shrugged even as my throat tightened. “I went through a bit of a tough time and left my teaching job for a while,” I explained, swallowing roughly. “When I was ready to go back, there were no jobs available.” Cringing under his scrutiny, I continued, “I worked at a restaurant until Nan got sick.”

His eyes searched mine. “What’s wrong with that?”

My own eyes widened at his misunderstanding. “Nothing! Nothing is wrong with that!”

He tilted his chin down. “What are you not telling me?”

My throat constricted. “Can we not talk about this?” Putting off this conversation was selfish because I was not the only one who could get hurt. I had to tell him. Sooner rather than later. But not yet. “We will but not yet?”

After a pregnant moment, he nodded minutely and released me, his eyes shuttering. “Sure. We can table it for now.”

I reached out and touched his forearm with my finger. “It’s nothing bad, Gabe. It’s just sad. And I can’t handle any more sad right now.”

His face softened, his eyes warming once more. “Okay, Shae-baby. We’ll circle back when you’re ready.”

If the cost was losing us before we began? I would never be ready.