10. I’m In
10
I’m In
E xactly one week later, the obnoxious trill of the house phone woke me out of a beautifully deep sleep following one too many long nights. I fought my way out of the covers I’d yanked up over my chin the night before as the phone assaulted my ears. Whoever designed that thing had been aiming to wake the dead.
Missing Nan so much my heart hurt, I’d crawled into her bed after I got home the night before. I didn’t remember falling asleep, and for the first time in weeks, I slept without tossing and turning into the wee hours of the morning.
It could also have been a direct result of the insane number of hours I’d put in over the last week since I’d seen Gabe.
Leaning over the nightstand, I opened my bleary eyes and squinted at the display. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, and I picked it up with a smile in my sleep-husky voice. “Why do you insist on calling this phone?”
His low, warm, voice lit a fire in my belly. “Makes me feel like no time has passed.”
I swallowed the lump that bloomed in my throat. Rolling onto my back, I threw my arm over my eyes and sank my teeth into my bottom lip.
Without waiting for a reply, he continued, “Are you off today?”
“Today?” I repeated stupidly, giving my brain time to process.
“Yes, today. Want to wait another 20 years?” He continued more gently, “Don’t you think enough time has passed?”
Apparently, I did because a mere hour and 20 minutes later, I found myself sitting in the passenger seat of his truck. And it took him almost that long to drive to Mistlevale.
I wore my usual uniform of ripped jeans, long-sleeved T, and a heavy-knit cream sweater to save me from the chilly air. This far north, it took the spring a little longer to arrive.
“Where are we going?”
He slanted me a glance and smiled. “I’m going to lock you into a tower in the sky and have my way with you.”
I mean, okay?
“Does it have running water and is it hot? Also, did you bring snacks?”
Smiling so wide his eyes danced, he joked, “That’s all it takes? I think I can arrange snacks and hot showers. Is that okay with you, Goldilocks?”
“You’re mixing your fairy tales,” I smirked then frowned as Gabe took the exit onto the highway. “Gabriel Evan Kenny, where are you taking me?”
“Shaelynn Elizabeth O’Neill,” he mocked. “Cool your tits, sit back, and relax. We’ll get there when we get there.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes, then the what if set in. I bit the side of my bottom lip. “Gabe, I need to know what we’re doing. I don’t even know if I’m dressed appropriately!”
He ran his eyes over me quickly. “You’re good.”
I opened my mouth to protest further but he cut me off. “And if it turns out you’re not, I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you are.”
My brow furrowed. I was the kind of girl who liked to plan for every possible outcome. How could I make a contingency plan B if I didn’t know plan A?
“Shae-baby,” he murmured low. “I got you. I promise.”
I nodded shortly, unused to sitting back. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d given control over to someone else.
Had I ever?
Shae-baby, I got you.
Gabe’s words echoed through the past into the present.
Back then, I’d followed him everywhere. He brought fun and adventure to a girl who could barely breathe under the fearful, watchful eye of her father.
I looked at Gabe’s strong profile, his firm lips toying with yet another toothpick.
Where the hell did that come from?
“What’s with the toothpick?”
“Keeps me focused.”
His hands curled comfortably around the steering wheel. My eyes wandered over strong forearms, shoulders rounded with muscle, and down to rest on thick thighs that filled out his jeans in a way they never did when we were young.
He’d aged impossibly well. I swallowed, dragged my hand down the length of my ponytail, and eyed my own outfit. I should have made more of an effort.
My eyes flitted back to the muscles in his thigh, flexing as he gently pumped the brake.
“You’ve filled out.”
“What?” He barked out a laugh. “Are you telling me I’ve got a dad bod?”
My gaze snapped back up to his face. “What? No! It’s just you were so lean when we were young and now, you’re packed with muscle.”
He narrowed his eyes playfully. “I’ll accept your explanation. I’m a firefighter. I need to keep in shape, so I work out a lot.”
“You actually did it.”
His eyes crinkled at the corners. “I did.”
“So, definitely not a dad bod,” I teased.
His brow furrowed as his lips twisted to the side. He opened his mouth but closed it just as quickly, that toothpick spinning wildly.
He was going to choke on that thing.
“What? What were you going to say?”
He smiled. “It’ll keep.”
My attention returned to the road. “Oh my God. Are we going to The Loose Moose?”
He grinned. “A welcome blast from the past?”
Without thinking, I reached across the center console and grasped his thigh, squeezing excitedly. The muscle jerked beneath my palm. I snatched my hand back and looked at him wide-eyed.
He grinned. “Put it back, Shae. And slide it a little higher.”
I laughed and folded my hands in my lap.
Laughter warmed his voice. “Put it back, Shae, or I’m pulling over.”
I tilted my chin down and shook my head at him. “We’re on the highway.”
He flicked the indicator and tapped his foot on the brakes.
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed, slamming my hand back down on his thigh. “Happy now?”
He covered my hand with his and moved it closer to the crease of his groin. “Now, I’m happy.”
The Loose Moose was the finest dining establishment one could find an hour north of Mistlevale, and it was widely acknowledged to be the shining star in Moose Lake’s nightlife scene.
Memories flooded back as he turned into the lot and threw the truck into park.
The Loose Moose started out as a hunting lodge evidenced by the disgruntled moose head mounted above the sturdy brick fireplace. Adorned with enormous antlers, it overlooked the entire establishment. A collection of comfy chairs, a wide couch, and a large coffee table hung out next to the hearth. At some point in its history, two of its walls were knocked down to add a diner. Later still, a sleek, mahogany bar was added along the wall separating the kitchen from the dining room.
The slap dash sum of its parts was integral to The Loose Moose’s charm, and the reason people made a point of dropping in whenever they drove through town.
That and its world-famous hamburgers.
For us, it was freedom. Far enough from Sage Ridge, we reveled in escaping from under the microscope of our small town.
Well, except for that one time.
“Remember the day we skipped school and drove up here?”
He grinned as he pushed his door open. “And frigging Anita was here and shooed our asses back out the door? Yeah, I remember.” He cocked his head to the side. “Remember where we stopped on the way home?”
I blushed and averted my eyes, remembering again the shocking ecstasy of his tongue working between my legs for the first time, his dark head nestled between my thighs.
Chuckling, he reached out and stroked the backs of his fingers over my cheek. “You blushed pretty fiercely back then, too.”
It was a memory that had played out in my dreams more than once over the years since. I felt it even now.
“Want a redo?” he teased just as I opened my door.
“Well,” I barked out a laugh as I swung my legs around and hopped down. “I wouldn’t say no!”
But I wouldn’t pursue him either.
The half of me that still smarted from when he turned me down after Nan’s funeral held the side that wanted to rip off his clothes and jump his bones firmly in check. I wasn’t eager for a repeat.
I took a deep breath as I walked to the front of the truck to meet him.
He tossed the toothpick and took my hand. Blue eyes sharpening on mine, he promised, “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Things were moving too fast. I drew back slightly and dropped my gaze.
“And there she goes,” he murmured.
My eyes snapped back to his, my eyebrows scrunching together. “In some ways, it’s like I never left. I feel like I know you just the same, but twenty years lie between then and now and I don’t know anything about how you spent them.”
“That’s fair,” he murmured, tugging me toward the entrance. Once we settled at a table nestled to the side of the fireplace, he reached across the table for my hand. “What do you want to know?”
Tentatively, I intertwined my fingers with his.
How much did I really want to know?
I shrugged. “I don’t know, give me the highlights?”
He nodded shortly, his lips pressing together tightly for a brief moment. “Dropped out of college. Run the garage with my dad. Trained to be a fire fighter. Bought a house. Had a kid.”
My heart dropped into my stomach, and I reeled.
His fingers tightened around mine. “Steady, sweetheart.”
I gave my head a shake and smiled falsely.
He scowled. “Don’t do that. I don’t want polite Shae. Don’t hide. I want the real you.”
I huffed and narrowed my gaze on his. “How real do you want it, Gabe? Want me to tell you how much I despise the fact that you had a child with someone else? How I despise myself for walking away even as one part of me scoffs at the idea that we ever would have lasted?”
Unperturbed, he leaned in. “All of it. What else do you got?”
I blew out a slow breath. “I feel sick. No one warned me.”
“Did you ask?” he retorted.
I shook my head sharply, the end of my ponytail hitting me in the face.
“Hiding your head in the sand won’t change anything.”
I held up one hand while attempting to disengage the other. “I don’t want to know.”
“We were never more than friends, and the relationship was casual. She didn’t want to be a parent. I did. She had the baby and eventually signed away her rights and left her with me.”
My heart skittered in my chest.
A girl. He had a little girl.
Oh, God .
What’s her name?
How old is she?
Does she have your eyes?
I wanted to know everything and nothing at once, so I focused on the mother. “You don’t ever see her?”
For the first time he looked uncomfortable. “She visits a couple of times a year.”
I cocked my head to the side. “And is your relationship with her just as ‘casual’ when she’s here?”
He tipped his head back, watching me from beneath hooded lids. “She stayed with me the first couple of times. After that, I ended it and now she books a room at the resort like any other visitor.”
I ground my teeth together. This shouldn’t have bothered me. Did I not live a whole life that didn’t involve him?
We were only kids, for fuck’s sake!
“What about you, do you have kids?”
Yes.
Three.
“No. I don’t have any children.”
Silence stretched between us as I momentarily lost myself in the past.
When I finally looked up it was to find him watching me closely. I read the question in his eyes before he opened his mouth.
I shook my head minutely.
He gave my hand a gentle squeeze.
A woman close to my age placed two ice waters on our table. “How are you doing, folks? What can I get you?”
Thankful for the reprieve and ready to move on to a different topic, I ordered my food and wracked my brain to come up with something benign to talk about while Gabe ordered his.
My first efforts were stilted, but Gabe easily took over. After that, conversation came easily.
I couldn’t stop looking at him, at the remnants of the boy I loved inside the man I was falling for all over again.
It wasn’t until we were walking back out that he circled back. Backing me up against the passenger door of his truck, he forged ahead. “I want you to meet Dylan.”
My eyes bugged out. “Meet your daughter? Isn’t it too soon?”
He leaned back on his heels, tipping his chin up. “How do you figure?”
“Well, this is our first official date, and you already want me to meet your daughter? It feels like we’re moving at the speed of sound.”
Stepping back until there was far too much space between us, he shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “Shae-baby, either you want this, or you don’t. I can’t take it any slower.”
“I want this.”
That, I knew.
“Then what’s the hold-up?”
Instead of answering, I challenged, “How do you know you want it?”
His eyebrows flew up as his chin jutted toward me. “Want you , you mean?”
I blinked and dropped my gaze. Why did he always have to strip back the fluff to the bald, unadorned, truth?
The toes of his black boots entered my field of vision. Bending close, he dipped and gently lifted my wrists to his shoulders. Wrapping his arms around my back, he pulled me close and straightened.
My hands flexed on his shoulders as I searched for the ground with my toes.
He gently twisted his torso back and forth, rocking me. His face softened, a small smile curved his lips, but his eyes, those were sad.
My fingers flexed into the muscles of his shoulders, the ache in my chest sharpening its claws.
Whatever had happened between then and now, not all of it was good.
I wrapped my arms around him and cupped one hand around the back of his bent head. Closing my eyes, I breathed him in and dipped my forehead to rest against his. As I gave myself over to the inevitable, I melted against him.
“I’ve lived on the wrong side of midnight for so long, Gabe. Life keeps pulling the rug out from under me.”
His big chest rose and fell, taking me with it. He exhaled my name, a question in his eyes. “Shae.”
“I’m here,” I promised.
He nodded but the wariness in his gaze didn’t fade.
I closed my eyes and grabbed hold of those big-girl panties and yanked them up as far as I could.
“I’m in.”