36. Home
36
Home
A t Gabe’s, I turned my key in the lock and slipped inside the front hall, stopping to inhale deeply.
Every house has a smell, an atmosphere, a vibe.
You don’t notice it unless you’ve been away a while.
Gabe’s house?
Smelled like family.
Peace.
Love.
It was home.
I threw my purse over a chair and spent the next hour lugging everything I couldn’t live without inside.
I placed Nan’s Galway crystal bowl on the dining room table, positioned to fracture the sunlight coming through the window.
I was wrong, pet. You’re the sun.
I sucked in a shuddering breath. Joy and grief, two sides of the same coin, spun inside me. Although I couldn’t hold her, she was with me still.
Everything else I needed belonged in our bedroom.
Nan’s vanity took pride of place on its own wall beside the window.
I slid my precious babies’ quilts under our bed. Later, I would find somewhere better for them. For now, they were safe.
I shoved the heavy boxes of clothing and personal items into the walk-in closet to sort out later.
Lifting the lid off the last box, I carefully unfolded Nan’s Carrickmacross lace runner and smoothed it over the barren surface of the dresser. Next, I centered my mother’s silver tray and arranged her vintage perfume bottles on its mirror-like surface.
On either side of my mother’s perfume, I set out Nan’s Belleek cottages and placed a tealight in each one.
One day, Dylan would inherit them just as I had. Just as my mother had before me.
On the nightstand on my side of the bed, I tucked the China cup and saucer Nan placed her wedding ring in every night before bed.
God willing, one day it would hold mine.
Last, I folded Gabe’s comforter off the bed and smoothed Nan’s quilt in its place.
I called Maeve and asked her to hold onto Dylan until she heard from Gabe.
“Thank God. You’re sorted?”
“Fully,” I assured her.
Now I had only to wait.
My car sitting outside alerted him to my presence. He clocked me as soon as he walked in.
For a pregnant moment, he froze, the toothpick in his mouth unmoving. His beautiful eyes relayed hope, fear, pain, and love before he dropped a veil over them.
Without a word, he bent to remove his boots.
Worn jeans, long legs, grease-stained t-shirt, messy hair. He’d never looked more beautiful.
“Hi,” I greeted softly.
Pushing his hands into his front pockets, eyes wary but steady on my face, he plodded forward, his steps heavy.
I’d hurt him.
Again.
It wasn’t the first time, and God knew it probably wouldn’t be the last.
But it would be the last time I ran.
I swallowed.
He looked away, took a breath, then looked back at me. Shifting the toothpick around with his tongue, he opened his mouth to speak. Stopping mid-word, his eyes snapped back to the dining room table.
He pointed and grunted out one word, “Yours?”
I clasped my hands in front of me. “Yes.”
Chewing harder, he gritted his teeth. “I’m going for a shower. We’ll talk after.” He spun on his heel and headed for his bedroom, his energy palpable as he reached back with one hand and yanked his shirt off.
With my heart in my throat, I traipsed after him, nearly crashing into his wide back just inside the doorway.
Hitching his hands on his lean hips, he hesitantly stepped further in and scanned my additions on his dresser.
I followed, edging to the side so I could see his face.
My knees quaked as I mentally assured myself that he wanted this. He wanted me. I knew it, but I also knew he wasn’t sure if he could trust me.
Wasn’t sure if I was in this for him or the package he came with.
I could see it in his eyes, the rigid stance of his body, the ticking of the muscle in his jaw.
His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. He glanced at me then returned his attention to the dresser, the tension in his shoulders easing as his eyes ran over the wee cottages.
Finally, he turned to me with a small smile. “I like all your frou-frou things on my dresser.”
I smiled back, my heart in my eyes. “When tomorrow comes,” I cleared the tears from my throat. “For whatever time lies between now and then, I’m going to spend it loving you.”
His gaze sharpened as he turned fully toward me. “And Dylan?”
I nodded. “I’ll love her even after I’ve left this earth.”
“And what about Zoe?” he challenged.
I gave him a wry smile. “I can’t say I’ll love her, but she’s Dylan’s, Dylan’s yours, and you’re mine. I accept her place in our lives.”
The raw hope in his eyes near decimated me.
I moved quickly then and reached out to place my palm over his heart. “We’re all connected.” I paused. “And maybe I can be Dylan’s too, even if it’s only a little bit.”
He closed the final few inches between us, cupping his hands around my face and tipping my chin up.
His eyes searched mine. “You would take me, only me?”
I smiled. “ Only you? You’re only everything to me.”
His hands tightened as his eyes squeezed shut. “You’re sure?”
“Positive,” I answered firmly. “I’m yours. And when tomorrow comes? I’ll still be yours.”
Pulling me up to my toes, brow furrowed, he pressed his lips firmly to mine.
Unmoving.
Taking me in.
Imprinting his soul onto mine.
My fingers flexed into his chest.
His hands moved to the back of my head, tearing the scrunchie from my hair as he leaned back to look at me.
I hadn’t quite erased the question in his eyes, but I would.
And I would start today.
“I love you, Gabe.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he eased his strong fingers through my hair, gentle and sweet.
Under all those muscles and rivers of sexy ink, that was exactly what he was, gentle and sweet.
And mine.
His eyes welled. “I’m sorry for saying you’re a coward.”
I shook my head.
He held my face immobile between his palms and confessed, “I was the one who was scared.”
“Baby,” I breathed. “You weren’t the only one.”
His eyes searched mine. “Dylan is yours as much as she’s mine, Shae-baby. We’re going to raise her together.”
Together.
I would love that baby with all my heart for all my life.
But the man before me came first.
I smiled. “You’re letting me in?”
He nodded minutely. “My heart, my home, my life, my daughter, everything I have is yours. I trust you.”
His faith left me speechless.
Holding my gaze, he dropped his hands to the hem of my shirt and slowly raised it over my head. Next, he unbuttoned my jeans and pushed them down my legs as far as he could without looking away.
I kicked them off and cupped my hands around his face, kissing his sweet lips while he shoved his own jeans over his hips and stepped out of them.
Backing me toward the bed, he laid me down and crawled up between my thighs. Bracing himself on his elbows, his thumbs brushing back the hair at my temples, he searched my eyes, found my entrance, and oh so slowly filled me.
“Shae.”
He said my name like a question.
“I’m here, baby.”
“You’re mine.”
I nodded. “Yours.”
Dipping his head, he brushed his lips over mine as he began to move inside me, his big body trembling as mine shivered with pleasure underneath him.
One hand dragged over my shoulder, down my side, around the back of my hip to curl around my thigh and guide it around his hip.
I tilted my pelvis, loving the grunt wrung from his throat as I took him deeper. Wrapping all my limbs around him, I promised, “You’re it for me, Gabe. My it and only.”
“It and only,” he murmured back, his eyes fluttering shut as he deepened his thrusts like he couldn’t get close enough.
His blue eyes studied me, the uncertainty begging to be erased. “I’m enough,” he stated, forehead pressed to mine.
I shook my head. “You’re everything.”
“You’re sure?”
I tightened my arms around him. “I’ve got you, Gabe.”
Exhaling harshly, he dropped his forehead to the sweet spot in my neck, the muscles of his back moving beneath my hands as he picked up his pace.
I rose to meet him, a sweetly comforting warmth unfurling in my womb and spreading outward to fill the coldest recesses of my heart.
I filled my lungs with his scent, dug my fingers into his back to hold him closer, and gasped as the first wave hit.
“Shae,” he breathed my name like a prayer as his body bowed rigidly over mine, his hips jerking as he spilled inside me.
“Shae.” He stated my name like the answer to every question.
Rolling me with him, he tucked me to his side.
I threw my thigh over his, hooking my foot over his legs, wrapping my body around him. The tangling of our limbs the representation of the tangling of our lives.
His hand trailed up and down my spine.
After a few moments, he shifted beneath me and cleared his throat, but didn’t speak.
I waited until I couldn’t stand it. “What’s on your mind?”
“Are you bringing anything else?”
“I called the movers.”
His arms flexed around me.
I nuzzled into his chest, breathing him in.
Home.
While I had considered selling Nan’s house with all the furniture included, I wanted them. They were pieces of her story, my parents’ story, and mine. And now they would be part of our story.
The good and the bad.
The joy and the sorrow.
To be enjoyed today and left behind tomorrow.
“They gave me a quote. I just need to confirm the date. I’m, uh, bringing all of it. Whatever we don’t have room for here, I’ll put into storage.”
He curled his big body tightly around me. His lips moved in my hair, but no sound escaped.
Finally, he cleared his throat.
Voice hoarse, he promised, “We’ll make room. Even if I have to build an addition on the house, we’ll make room.”