39. NOTHING AND EVERYTHING

39

NOTHING AND EVERYTHING

Summer

I trod across campus just after 10 p.m. I asked Arch to tell me when Harv came back because they said he has been disappearing a lot lately, and he came back half an hour ago. I am knocking on their door not much later and Harvey opens the door. My heart beats faster even as it bleeds for him.

He frowns. "Summer. What are you doing here this late?" He takes a step back, letting me in.

I lick my lips, taking his full gaze. He looks a little disheveled and I smell some liquor on him.

"I came for you. Can we talk?" I stand in front of him.

He looks down at me for a moment before he turns walking towards the stairs. Closing the door behind me, I follow him. The others are watching TV and I wave at them, and they greet me back. But I quickly move from them and follow Harvey. A myriad of emotions passing through me all at the same time.

He opens the door and waits for me to get in before he comes in and closes it. He passes me and I watch him walk to the window. I can't help but feel like he is getting as far away from me as he can. But I also sense his restlessness.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Yes, I am. Are you?"

"No."

"Oh."

It hurts more than it should. But I swallow my feelings, I know this isn't about me. I just need to remember that.

"I met Fay at the library." I watch his reaction closely, but he only takes his phone out of his pocket and looks at something on his screen. His dismissive aura messing with me a little.

"Okay." He brings his neutral gaze back to me.

"She told me you were step cousins."

"And?" he asks, almost in annoyance.

"What is bothering you, Harvey?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he says coldly.

"It isn't just me. And you being pissy at me isn't going to solve it for you either, so just fucking talk to me so we can work it out."

He snorts like I just said something ridiculous.

"We don't talk anymore, remember?" he says, holding my gaze intently. He is trying to push me away which makes me more determined to not retreat.

"I fucked up, Harvey. I am sorry. I know I was supposed to handle that better and I didn't. And I know you've been going through some things with your family. I don't know what to fucking do. How can I fix this?" I take a few steps towards him.

For a moment I think he will take down his walls and confide in me like he used to, but he looks away. He doesn't say anything either. Just rewards me with silence.

"I'll do anything, Harv. Let me try and make this right. I know you don't trust me. But I want to try." I am not beyond being on my knees asking for his forgiveness right now. But still, he gives me nothing. Just his ear. Not his words. Not his softness. No clear sign of acceptance or willingness.

"Baby, what can I do?" I step closer, only stopping when I am right in front of him. I stand there for what feels like hours. Tears fighting to get out, but I can't cry.

Finally, he turns to me slowly. He looks down at me and my neck is craned to him, heart pounding faster. This could go either way.

"What do you expect from me, Summer?" he asks. It isn't a malicious question, but he is honestly asking.

"Nothing and everything." I answer honestly.

"Do you see how hypocritical that is though?" he asks.

"Yes."

"If you were in my shoes, what would you do?"

"Call the police," I answer honestly.

He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes, nor is it joyful. "So, what do you want from me?"

"I want your forgiveness. I want you to be better than me and hear me. I want you to give me a chance to earn your forgiveness. I want you to let me be your friend again. I want us . I want it all, Harvey."

"And what will you do to get it?"

"Anything."

The answer doesn't seem to please him. He just gives me a blank stare instead.

After a few minutes, I say. "I know I messed up…but you guys didn't give me a chance to handle it better either. Why didn't you tell me?"

He looks away from me and I feel like such an ass. The shame in his features tell me everything I need to know. How could he tell? How could he tell his girlfriend he got raped by another girl. Would I have believed him? Am I part of a bigger problem in society?

"I'm sorry that happened to you," I say.

His phone rings before he answers me. I don't back away. He fishes his phone from his pocket and scowls when he sees the screen. He looks uncomfortable but doesn't ask me to move away.

"Yes," he answers. I can't hear the words of the person on the other line but I can hear it's a male. "Why must I be there?" he says. "This is bullshit." He listens. "Fine. Okay." Then he hangs up.

His whole demeanor is tense, and I want to take his burdens off from him. I don't know exactly what's going on with him, but I know it's family related and it's not good.

His eyes focus on me, his mask back on. "Look, Summer, I have things to deal with. I heard you. I need time to sort my shit out. If you don't mind…"

Ouch. This is not how I pictured this going. I had hoped this was the perfect opportunity for me to swoop in with my shoulder to cry on and my ear to help him through this, like before. He used to unload all his worries on me and we would talk about it all. But now I'm iced out.

I choose the big girl road and nod.

"Okay. But I am here if you need anything. To talk or whatever…"

He nods. And I know I am dismissed by the detached stare he gives me which hurts more than anything else. I gather my tattered heart from the floor, turn and walk out of the room.

How I wish I would just disappear and not have to pass the living room. The lone tear slides down my face when I close the door behind me. I wipe it away quickly and clear my throat to help the emotions go back down. I don't want any of them to see me crying.

But of course, the universe has other plans. I run straight into Caleb on the stairs. I should have gone to the bathroom instead. He sees me and by the concern on his face, he sees I'm crying too. I stop after three steps, knowing I am not going to escape his probing and care anyway.

"How did it go?" he asks.

I shake my head and the emotions burst forth, the dam breaking.

"Come here." He pulls me to his room and quickly closes the door behind him.

I am crying in his chest next, and he is offering me his comfort.

I can't even speak, not that I'd have anything to say. I don't even know what just happened with Harvey, but it isn't good. It wasn't the step in the right direction I had hoped for.

I am exactly where I was with him yesterday. Nowhere good. But I let Caleb comfort me. After I finish crying, he gets me a warm towel to wipe my face and gives me his shirt to sleep in.

"He will come around, Bumble. He's just dealing with a lot right now," Caleb says as he lays on his back and I climb on top of him to straddle him.

Before I lay on his chest, I sigh. "I know. But I just wish he'd talk."

Caleb's hands slide to my pantiless ass and he massages it slowly and very distractfully. "You have to give him some time. He is just trying to not drown in the midst of everything," he says, his lips on the top of my head.

"Will you tell me what exactly is going on with the Fords besides his mom marrying Fay's uncle?"

"I'm sorry. That's for him to tell you. But we only found out last night too."

I lift my head to him. "Really?"

"Uh-huh. It's been little things all along, but things are getting worse. And it's all new."

My curiosity almost chokes me. Now I wish I was with Archer. I could try and convince him to tell me and with the right combination of doe eyes and touches, he would yield. He'd talk. Caleb isn't as easy though.

"What are you thinking?" he asks with a curious smile.

"That if I'd gone to Arch, he would have told me," I say honestly and it earns me a hearty laugh.

"Bumble, you have no mercy when you wield your power."

"I just hate being in the dark. I know technically it's none of my business and I should be more patient, but it sucks being the only one who doesn't know."

"I could just help you forget about all that. What do you say?" He winks at me.

I can't help but grin. There isn't anything else I can do tonight about Harv keeping his distance, but I can catch this orgasm Caleb is about to throw my way.

I bit my lower lip, sitting up to straddle his crotch. "Where's your lube?"

He lifts a brow, his smile crooked, understanding what I want. "Bottom drawer. Are you sure?"

I stretch myself to reach for the bottom drawer and fish it out. My gaze turns back to Caleb when I see a familiar box. "Is that?" I take the box I remember very well.

"Yes, it is."

I feel giddy suddenly, place it next to him and he just looks at me as I open it, my face widening at the familiar items.

"You kept Vlad?" I ask.

He laughs. "How could I not? He's ours ," he says as I take out the strap-on that has taken all my attention.

"Do you wanna tonight?" I ask, hoping, so hoping the answer is yes.

"Not tonight, I am ill-prepared. But if you are, I miss…" his hands find my ass and his one finger circles my asshole, sending all the delicious shivers to my core.

"I will hold you to it. I miss brutalizing you." I grin widely and he chuckles in response. I fish out a sealed bottle of lube and frown at the condoms at the bottom of the box. We never used condoms. He must see me swallowing the lump in my throat.

He takes my now-shaking hand between his warm ones, bringing my attention back to him. "Hey, please don't let your mind think of that. I was safe."

"Right." That's what that means. But he still slept with other girls. "How many?" I ask the question even as I'm sure I don't want the answer.

"Don't," he answers firmly. "I don't want to think about other people, I am not going to ask you what you did with McKenzie either. Let's just leave that in the past. I am clean still. No one will ever have the real me. All that is yours. I am yours."

"I didn't have sex with him. We just—"

"I don't want to know." He shuts it down.

I nod fast as he quickly pulls me in a kiss, sealing us away from the real world. His hands slide over my body peeling the shirt off me. His sleep shorts come off before he shifts me to sit on his face.

I slide my pussy on his face trying to find the perfect angle where I'm most comfortable, and I let his tongue remind me who the fuck I belong to. Bending, I hold his sack in my hands as I play with his shaft. We moan in tandem as we both find pleasure in each other's tongues. I ride his face leisurely slow as his tongue plays tight but light circles around my clit and whenever I am rising higher, he moves elsewhere. We aren't rushing anywhere.

A cap pops and I shudder, almost gagging on his full length in my mouth.

Fuck yes.

A moment later, his slick finger rubs cool slippery liquid into my ass and the sensation intensifies, making me clench around it. I feel his warm air on my pussy, and I know the bastard is smirking to himself.

To cut all that shit out, I caress the seam of his sack with one hand, another squeezing the base of his cock as I suck his head harder. He tries to jerk to stop me, but I have him tight and increase my firm strokes, his cock thickening. He moans under me, losing the battle quickly.

His body shudders and he tenses releasing a long groan and warm, salty liquid fills my mouth. I pull him out and he releases the rest of the spurts on my face. I smirk arrogantly as his body suffers aftershocks, pumping the rest of it out, smearing it on my face. His 'fucks' behind me are my glorious reward.

"That's unfair, Bumble," he says when he finishes twitching.

"You started it."

"And I'll fucking finish it." He slaps my ass and I jump with a giggle. He sits up, my body sliding down on him, but he doesn't let me go. I am stuck with my pussy and ass flashing him, and it takes a blink of an eye for him to get back to my clit again. This time a familiar buzz fills the air and I jolt when the vibrator connects with my clit, while a lone finger returns to my asshole.

But that's just the beginning. I cry out as I orgasm involuntarily when he introduces a second finger in my ass. And like a man out for blood, he doesn't give me any downtime, tipping over again and again. The vibrator making me twitch in orgasm with no effort at all.

When I think I've had enough, he has me on my knees moments later, pushing my legs apart before he pushes his lube-slick cock in my ass, slowly. The vibrator makes everything easier as he slides in. My body catches shiver after shiver, the collective sensations of everything just too much. I'm too full, I feel too good.

He hands the vibrator over to me as he focuses on fucking me brutally while spanking my ass hard. The orgasms leave me wheezing and just when I think I can't take anymore, he makes me take more, not allowing me time to gather myself. He finishes in my ass and I am shaking as I plop face down on the bed completely spent.