33. AUDACITY

33

AUDACITY

Summer

I walk to my first class this very blue Monday and slip into my usual seat. Honestly, the weekend flew by in a blur. I don't remember most of it. If it wasn't for night and day, I would have completely lost the concept of time.

After I left the guys' house, I left campus. I booked a hotel and spent all weekend watching TV, overthinking, ordering copious amounts of room service, and crying. Mostly crying. I feel like shit.

What kind of a crappy person am I? I dumped my boyfriend who got sexually assaulted. A part of me was in denial but there's no way he could be lying about it. When I remember how he looked at her.

Oh, Harvey . What have I done?

I am snapped out of my languishing by a familiar cologne and look up to see Caleb taking the seat next to mine. He looks like… Caleb. I lick my lips nervously before I turn away from him. My heart beating faster; shame will do that to you.

"Morning, Bumble," he says simply.

I nod and bite my lower lip. "You okay?"

"No," he says simply. "You weren't in your dorm all weekend."

"I…I—"

I get cut off by the professor and am only too happy to look away from Caleb and focus on the professor. The class goes on much quicker than I hoped and before I know it, it's over and we are packing our things to leave. I choose not to rush as Caleb waits for me and I don't try to fight. We walk out together after class, and I find a very angry Logan outside standing with Trevor.

He is the one I want to run from. I can't believe I felt bad for this asshole. What a piece of shit.

"Summer, you better have a great explanation. Where the fuck have you been?" His gaze is murderous. I just stand there next to Caleb who is tense, and don't respond. He still thinks I don't know. He closes the distance between us, but Caleb blocks him before he can get to me. The busted lip reminds me that they told me he came around on Friday.

"Go fuck yourself, Logan." I can't contain the bitterness from my voice.

Caleb doesn't say anything and I'm thankful he isn't jumping to save me.

"Are you kidding? Are you fucking all of them again? Is that why you were there? You sl—"

Caleb spins so fast, punching Logan in the gut. Logan recovers and shoulders Caleb's midsection and they go crashing to the ground. Everything happens so quickly, and I jump in when Logan goes again for Caleb who looks furious, and I know shit is about to go left.

"Fucking stop, Logan!" I launch myself between them, pushing Logan away from Caleb. He retreats but the look he gives me is one of hurt and rage. He huffs.

"Let's go," Logan says to me. Is he insane?

"She isn't going anywhere with you." Caleb stands next to me, but I feel him vibrating.

"Summer, let's go," Logan says again.

"I am not going anywhere with you. In fact, don't ever fucking call my name again. I should have known you were just a piece of shit. Lose my fucking number." I say and turn, taking Caleb's hand. I have more important things to deal with than Logan and his bruised ego.

But Caleb doesn't move. "If I hear you came near her again, I'll bring it to your doorstep, asshole."

Then we leave.

He walks me to my next class and at the door he looks at me. "Are you going to be fine? I can come with."

I give him a small smile. "Nah. Go to your class. I'll maybe see you later," I say, clasping the straps of my bag tighter. Still reeling from the adrenaline.

"You coming to the house, right?" he asks cautiously.

"Um, I don't know." I answer honestly.

He looks a little frustrated. "Summer, we need to talk, to work this out…"

My eyes glisten with hot tears. "Why do you still want me?"

My chest tightens with emotion. I feel so pathetic and seeing one of them always brings all my emotions to the fore. I realize how fucking sad I am.

He pulls me to him and holds me. "Sweetheart, we'll get through this. Just us."

I don't answer. When he pulls away, he holds my face in his hands.

"Cal, I just need some time, okay? Just give me some time."

With hesitation, he nods then leans in and kisses my forehead. I hold back more hot tears. When he turns to leave, I watch him go to the direction of the stairs until he disappears. I go to class, go through all my classes. The day actually goes by way quicker than I like. I head to the library after and by 9 p.m., I am hungry and with the words swimming on my laptop, I know it's time I went to my dorm.

I carry my laptop and books and realize as I stand at the line at the coffee shop that I am dog tired. I decide to check my phone that's been on silent the whole day.

Logan: *47 messages*

I sigh. I really should block him. But like a fool I decide to open it. All basically repeating the same thing. I cheated on him first, I'm the worst person in the world, he loved me, I used him…blah blah blah. Men really be having the audacity with their whole chest.

There are also messages from my sister, gran, mother, Jaden, Caleb, and Arch. Once again, it stabs at my heart that there is this huge separation between me and Harv. And I don't know how to fix it. I feel like apologizing is just not even going to cut it. How do I fix what I've done?

Society trivializes sexual assault against men, and I've done exactly that. If the roles were reversed, I would hate him. I would never want anything to do with him. Someone who left me after something so horrible happened. I think it's why it feels a little wrong getting back into relationship territory with the others too because I need to make things right with him first.

The door dings just as I'm next in line and I can't stop my face from shining with tears when Harvey walks in with this redhead I've seen him with a few times on campus. When our eyes meet, he looks like he didn't expect to see me here and I look away.

"Yo, how may I help you?" the cashier almost yells at me and I notice I am just standing there like a dummy.

"Um…" then I just walk away. I leave without buying anything.

It feels like my heart just got broken again. The situation with Logan means nothing compared to this.

I mean, I knew Harvey was messing around with some girls but what if he has a girlfriend. My chest just clogs further, and I don't even know how I get home, but I do. When I finally close the door to my dorm, I breathe a little.

Throwing my bag on my bed, I go to the bathroom. I am not even in the mood to shower. I'm just tired, and I want to sleep. I wash my face and change to my pajamas. Then roll myself under my blankets and weep.

The next day I decide I am not in the mood to see anyone, and I stay in my room studying for the upcoming tests and working on my assignments. Staying in pajamas all day and ordering in.

In the afternoon, I get a knock on my door. I contemplate not answering it because it's probably one of the people I don't want to see, but I get up, nonetheless. I can't hide from the world forever.

I open the door and who but my snake of a friend stands at the door.

"Su, what the hell!" Hazel says, sliding past me, inviting herself in like we are friends. She stands in the middle of my room, and I turn but keep the door open. I don't intend on her being here long.

"Hazel."

"Trevor tells me about you and…" She sounds worried.

You have some fucking nerve, bitch.

I wonder what her game was. She's always supported mine and Logan's relationship, even pushing me to the guy. But if she was interested in him herself, why do all that?

"How long were you sleeping with him?" I cut to the chase. I am not in the mood for this girl to act high and mighty in front of me. Since we were friends maybe I owe her a little honesty.

My question hits her, and she knows I know but she collects herself with a puckered brow. "What do you mean?" her throat bops slightly.

"Logan. How long have you been fucking him?"

"Su, I don't know what you heard but whoever told you anything, they lied." Her voice doesn't even shake.

"Did he send you here? All those times you argued his case, was that him asking you to make a fool of me?" I just realized how angry I am at her. She was supposed to be my friend. What in the actual fuck?

She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing audible comes out.

"Did he send you here now? Were you there at his place? Did he make you come? Does he spank you too? What do you do after? Do you talk about me? Do you laugh?"

Her eyes shine with tears. "Su…" She looks like the cat caught her tongue. Then she moves to leave. When she is almost out the door, I grab her shirt and she screeches to a stop.

"You can run and tell your boyfriend that I know. Tell him I saw you three on Friday. Tell him I was coming to dump him anyway, so no harm no foul. But you Hazel…" my voice breaks a little. "I am so disappointed, and you hurt my feelings."

I let go of her and she turns to me with a regretful face and trembling lips. But I slam the door in her face.