14. AIRPLANE MODE

14

AIRPLANE MODE

Summer

"What's wrong with him, Caleb?"

Tears burn the back of my eyes, but I don't want to cry.

"He collapsed at the house."

"Why? Is he sick? Did he have an episode?"

He doesn't answer immediately, and it makes me go into hyper-worry.

"He wasn't feeling too good last night, vomiting and he hasn't been sleeping."

My mind descends into more worry. What if it's because of me? What if it's my fault?

"Why didn't you guys tell me?"

"You blocked us, remember?"

Well, damn. I don't know what to say to that.

"Don't throw that in my face," I retort instead after I recover.

He doesn't answer.

My poor Arch. I hope it's nothing major. Suddenly, I feel like shit. I remember the last time I saw him. He avoided looking at me at all cost, we barely made eye contact. He wasn't all that great, but I thought he would be fine.

He still had them, and they'd take care of him, so I didn't think much of it. But it's been weeks. My heart hurts when I think of what he could have been going through while I was out there doing my thing.

Caleb drives us to the nearest hospital.

"Won't he be mad if he sees me?" My voice is small, throat is clogged with sour emotions. The possibility that he could resent me for turning my back on him. Maybe we didn't have to be dating but we could have been friends. But I blocked all possibilities of everything.

"He asked for you before he passed out." That's all Caleb gives me.

He is being short with me. Does he blame me too? Aren't I to blame? I will never forgive myself if something happens to him. I hope he's alright.

I'm about to say something when my phone rings and it's Logan. I reject the call. I don't have time to talk to him right now. He calls again and I reject his call again.

"You should answer. Did you have plans?"

If you can call a date plans, sure. But I don't say it. I'm sure I don't want to talk to Logan right now. So I decide on a text.

I just had an emergency. I'll be in touch when it's sorted.

I hope he doesn't hound me with calls. I don't have fucking energy to baby him right now.

"They are canceled now," I say, putting my phone on Airplane mode, not wanting to be hounded with calls or texts. I don't have time to deal with other people right now. I'll deal with everything after I know Archer is fine.

"You sure you don't want to call him?" Caleb asks as we drive into the parking lot.

"He'll survive."

My mind isn't even with other people. I am just anxious to see Archer. We get out of the car and make it to the ward he's in. The others are in the waiting area. Their eyes find me instantly, and I see the anger in them.

They have never looked at me like that, like I'm the bad guy. They definitely all blame me for this, and I can't help thinking maybe they're right. I sit next to Jaden on his phone.

"How is he?"

"The doctor just came, he'll be fine, but they are keeping him overnight and the nurse is with him. They'll let us in soon," Harvey says.

I nod. That familiar burning of the throat comes back as my emotions push to spill out through a wail or a sob. All the guilt. All the questions. All the self-loathing.

"Does he hate me?" Tears slide down my face before I can hope to hold them back. I wipe them away quickly. This is not about me.

"Look, Summer, he's in a bad space. We know you want nothing to do with us but he…he needs you. So…just don't push him away. He's not…coping with your absence." Harvey gives me a stern look. But I also see the fierceness. This is their friend, and they want me to 'stop screwing with him.'

More tears roll down and I sniffle, but nod. I don't plan to harm him any further. I'm open mouthed trying to say something to reassure them I am here on pure intention, and I am going to place my weapons down where he is concerned when the nurse walks in.

"You are his family and friends, right?" She looks at us. I take the tissue Jaden offers me and I wipe my face.

"Yes." We all stand.

"He can see you now, but you can't stay long, he needs to rest," she says and I ask for the bathroom before she leaves, and go splash my face with water.

I don't want to be a crying mess when I see him. I try to breathe and collect myself. It's only when my heels are clinking in the mostly quiet hospital corridors that I remember I'm wearing them. What a poor choice of shoe this was after all.

I knock when I get to the door. I don't know why I am doing it, but I feel like I'm not welcome and that maybe Archer doesn't really want to see me. Maybe him asking for me was just something he didn't mean.

Jaden opens the door and moves out of the way, and I see him. My throat clogs with so many emotions and I can't stop the tears. He looks so tired, deep dark circles around his eyes, a drip on his arm. I walk in and they all turn to me.

"Come on, don't cry, Peach." Arch has a small sad, tired smile.

I walk in and go to his side. I can barely see much when I take his hand.

"I'm sorry." I apologize.

This feels like it's my fault. I neglected him. I know his mental health struggles; I know how easily he falls into depressive episodes and the longer they persist the more it could trigger his mania, but I thought he'd be fine.

"Peach, it isn't your fault. I'm just…I'm sorry, this isn't your fault. I'm just…it's hard for me but I don't want you to feel pressured to anything, okay? I will be fine. I just…miss you. I…"

"Shh, don't apologize. I…I should have been here for you." I feel like shit.

"You don't have to stay. It's great just seeing you. But I know you have another life now."

That cuts me in my soul.

"That's bullshit, Arch. I'm not leaving."

The room falls into silence as we stare at each other. He holds my face and wipes my tears even though he looks exhausted.

"Can you guys please give us the room?" he says.

I had forgotten we had an audience. They all leave silently but not before they give me hard looks that communicate what they won't say. 'Don't fuck with him.'

"Sit." He scoots a little, brushing the space next to him. I hike my ass on the bed and face him crossing my legs so I'm comfortable. His gaze goes to my exposed leg, and I see the flash of want in his eyes.

This is a serious moment, but I stifle a laugh because men could be on their deathbed and still spare a moment to look at titties if they present themselves.

"Were you on a date with him?" he asks casually.

"We were going but he hadn't picked me up yet." Honesty is the best policy and I feel like maybe that's where we should begin. I am here for him but as a friend, but I am here, nonetheless.

He nods, hurt in his eyes, which he masks very quickly.

"Did you tell him you are coming here?"

"I told him I had an emergency."

"He still hates us?" I see the little smile as he says it, like he likes the fact that Logan sees them as a threat.

"You are my ex…"

"And he's your boyfriend…" It's a statement but it also comes as a question.

"Arch, listen, I…don't like discussing him with you. It's weird for me."

He chuckles lightly. "It's weird for me too, Peach. It's really weird for me."

"So, can we not talk about him?"

"Pretend he doesn't exist? I can do that." He has a small grin on his face, and I pinch his other arm slightly.

"Ouch," he says tiredly. But he smiles before a small silence falls between us again.

"Can we…be friends at least?" he finally asks.

Bringing his hand to my lips, I kiss it. "Of course, we can. I am here for you. I meant it. I am not leaving you again."

"And the others?" he asks as we stare at each other.

I stare into his green-blue eyes, instead of being a mixture like everybody else's his almost change between the two. Sometimes they favor the blue and sometimes they are greenish.

But I don't answer his question because I have no answer for it. He is a different case. The others, I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready.

"Listen, don't feel bad or feel pressured. What you feel is valid. And I will try to respect your choices," he says, holding my cheek and I allow his comfort and understanding to sink into me.

The nurse comes in after and so do the others. We stay for a while, leaving after midnight. He is getting discharged in the morning so we will have to be back for that.

They drop me off at my dorm and I don't even have energy for a full shower. I wipe the makeup and wash my face before I change to my sleeping clothes and am out.