Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

D espite my worries, Konomi seemed none the wiser about my feelings and it was easy to fall back into the routine of our life. While we helped out at the inn, we prepared for the next leg of our journey. We chatted to the owners of the inn, gathered information about the surroundings, planned our next route, and mended our tools and belongings as we waited for the worst of the storm to pass.

Living here was nice. Rudy and Mason were great hosts and excellent company now that I stopped worrying about them killing us in our sleep. When we left, I would miss this place. It was a peaceful existence, one that made me yearn with every fibre of my being for something that could never be. A home with Konomi.

As lovely as that feeling was, the longer it went on, the more it started feeling like a suffocating noose. It made me eager to get out of here and back out in the wild where those foolish notions didn't have as strong of a hold on me.

One particular afternoon, I was sitting at one of the long tables in the main room. The fire was crackling happily in the hearth, untended since the owners were out. They'd left the inn in our hands, or rather, Konomi's hands. In the short time we'd been here, both of them had taken a shine to her, something I could easily understand.

Konomi came in with a basket of wood, setting it down next to me. "What do you think?"

All the pieces were cleanly cut and uniform in size. It was so like her to do everything with the same diligence and care. No half measures, no excuses, just practice and effort.

"Perfect," I said.

She beamed. "Thank you. Now I can help you with this when we're travelling again. Or protect me from a robber."

I felt myself smile. "So are you going to be sleeping with an axe under your pillow instead of your knife?"

Konomi trailed her fingers up the handle of the axe. "Hmmm... No, this is a bit too bulky. I'll stick with my trusted dagger. If someone tried to overwhelm me while I'm asleep, it would just take one swoosh, and I'd have the blade against their throat."

I involuntarily reached up to my neck and swallowed hard. I was sure that warning wasn't meant for me but that made me feel even worse. She trusted me and I was betraying her constantly with my traitorous thoughts and desires.

Eager to change the subject, I turned my attention back to the map. It wasn't much, just a piece of old parchment with some vague descriptions and markers that should help us find the nearest village. It was only three days away but the path took us through a narrow mountain pass that was known for cougar attacks.

Konomi leaned down to look at the map, bringing herself closer to me. I could smell the light musk of her underneath the hint of soap and I wanted to bury my nose into her neck. Instead, I shuffled away which she took as an invitation to sit down.

"There are cats living in the mountains?" She tapped on the spot marked with a small drawing of a cougar.

"Cougars," I clarified.

She chuckled. "Oh, that makes more sense. Your drawing doesn't make them look very dangerous though."

"It got fangs and claws," I pointed out, although she was right. My drawing skills were limited to trees and mountains and houses, the normal things to put down on a map.

"I see it now." She nudged her shoulder against mine. "How far are we from Coyote Country, do you think?"

I grabbed another map. "We're supposed to be a little over halfway. It'll depend on the weather if that's true."

Konomi was silent for a bit. "And when we get there. What then?"

Her answer sparked the first hints of anxiety within me. I'd asked the Elders that exact same question but they'd only offered me vague reassurances about how my wolf soul would guide me to the Winter Stone. How as the Guardian, I would be able to sense its presence.

Back then, I had no choice but to believe them. Now? Now the situation was different. I knew more, I'd seen more. I was weary from the trip, scared about the unknown, more suspicious and less trusting. But I wasn't sure if I was ready to let go of the Elders' word because without it, this whole thing was a fool's quest and a lost cause.

I looked at Konomi, my gut stirring with turmoil. There were things I could lie about, like my feelings, and things I couldn't. Like this.

"I don't know," I told her truthfully. "As the Guardian, they said I would be able to sense the presence of the Stone. But how long it'll take. I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything."

She nodded slowly. "Sounds like we have a long journey ahead of us."

"We do. Well, I do. You..." I almost didn't dare say it, afraid that saying the words out loud would be giving them power. "You don't have to come all the way with me. It's my duty, I'm the Guardian. You're free to go wherever your heart desires."

She gave me a blank look. "What does that mean? What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing, just that you're not bound to this quest. Or to me." I almost choked on the last bit but it was true. The Elders appointed me, it was my life that had been signed away. She didn't have to be here, she didn't have to make this sacrifice.

Her eyes darkened. "Is that what you think? That I would just abandon you because it's hard or perilous? I knew that would be the case when I decided to go with you."

"You couldn't have imagined it would be like this, though. I didn't know it would be like this. This hard, this long, this lonely, " I said quietly, not sure why I'd chosen today to say the things I'd been worrying about the entire time.

Behind us, one of the logs settled and the fire spat embers in the air that fizzled out with a soft crinkle.

Konomi took my hand in hers, squeezing it fiercely. "Listen to me carefully, Mayu. You didn't have any choice in becoming the Guardian or accepting this quest, but I did. I chose this. I chose to come on this journey. I chose you ."

My stomach clenched at the intensity of her words. It almost sounded like a confession. My desperate heart wanted it to be.

"Why did you come with me?" I whispered.

"Because." Konomi took a shaky breath. "You're my dearest friend, my sister-in-law. Travelling alone is far too dangerous. And it's not like I had a real reason to stay in the village."

I'd asked her plenty of times before and she'd given this answer plenty of times before. It never fully satisfied me. I didn't know whether it was because I didn't believe her or I didn't want to. Could she really have come along for those simple reasons?

Maybe I simply couldn't imagine doing all this for a friend. Maybe I was just a much worse person than her.

Konomi's eyes locked with mine. "Why are you talking about all this? Is this your way of saying you want me to leave?"

"No!" I instinctively reached for her hands, grasping them tightly like she could disappear at any moment. "By the Great Wolf, no, I don't want you to leave. Never."

It was the honest truth. As hard as it could be to repress my feelings, life without Konomi would be so much worse. I didn't even want to think about what I would do without her. She was my everything.

A smile lifted Konomi's lips but it didn't fully reach her eyes. She twisted her hands up so we were holding each other instead of me grasping at her. "Good, because I don't want to leave. I've always wanted to see the world and now I'm getting the chance. I like trying all this new food and meeting different people."

"Of course, you do. You're good with people." It was true, no matter where we went, people always instantly took to her. They usually took a moment longer to accept me but I didn't blame them, I was a bit more distant and gruffer than sweet and bubbly Konomi.

Konomi squeezed my hands. "You've got lots of good qualities too. You always know what to do, where to go. You're reliable, strong, decisive. Brave. You're so good at archery, I could never hit a target, let alone a moving one."

Heat made my ears tingle and I felt uncharacteristically shy. I cast my gaze down, unable to look her in the eyes as I demanded more. "Say more nice things about me."

A light chuckle left Konomi's mouth. "You're kind, funny, thoughtful, and good-looking too."

I looked at her, snickering. "Okay, now you're exaggerating."

"I'm not." She sucked in her bottom lip. "You have the most beautiful eyes."

"I do?" I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper. I suddenly felt very shy but warm too. Getting such heartfelt compliments from Konomi was making my heart clench.

She nodded. "They're really lovely and dark and they curl when you smile."

My lips lifted from her comment.

Konomi smiled too. "See, like that. I love it when you smile."

"Me too, I love your smile," I said, my heart pounding. I just felt so warm and whole and I wanted to hold her hands forever. "When I see your smile, it's like the sun comes up. You're the most beautiful person I've ever met, I could look at you forever." The words slipped from my tongue before I fully realised what exactly I'd just confessed.

"Oh, Mayu. I—" She looked pained for a moment, like she wanted to say something but didn't know how.

I was an idiot, I said too much, far too much.

Rudy and Mason chose that time to stomp into the inn with lots of ruckus and laughter. Their sudden presence was jarring and I didn't know who dropped their hands first, me or Konomi. It didn't matter. The moment, if it could even be called that, was over.

Konomi looked suspiciously red as she moved back. It was only a small step but it hurt.

"I should go see if they need my help," she said, turning away.

"Konomi." I surprised myself how desperate I sounded, like I was begging her for something she could never know.

She ignored me, something she rarely did, and practically fled, clearly desperate to get away.

Her rejection stung but mostly, I was angry at myself for being so desperate for her affection. I'd clearly freaked her out with my confession. I was such an idiot.

I was going to ruin everything if I didn't get a hold of myself.