Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Dexter

I walked through the school gates on Friday, barely awake and chugging an energy drink. After Effie left and refused to answer my messages, I'd struggled to sleep. Mum had tried to talk to me but I'd ignored her. I wasn't in the mood to listen to her. She'd always been so kind to Effie and I knew that hearing her speak like that was going to throw my best friend for a loop. It would have cut her to the core and she'd have dwelled on it all night. I expected when I sat down next to her in English I would be met with tired, red eyes that matched mine.

She wasn't there when I arrived and after twenty minutes I slipped my phone out of my pocket.

Dexter: Where are you?

"Dexter, get that phone in your bag now." The stern voice made me jump and I felt prickles of guilt creep up my neck.

"Sorry, Miss."

"You will be if I catch you texting in my class again." Mrs Greene narrowed her eyes at me before turning her attention back to the powerpoint presentation she was showing us. For the rest of the hour, my hands twitched, desperate to pick up my phone to see if she'd answered. There had to be a reasonable explanation—maybe she was poorly, or running late. Surely she hadn't skipped school to avoid me. I forced myself to leave my phone in my bag until break time and my heart sank when I did finally check it but there was nothing from her. She had opened my message and left me on read.

I sat by myself in the common room with a strong coffee, debating whether to send another message when Eva and her cronies stood over me, sneering.

"Where's your girlfriend today?"

"I am really not in the mood for this shit today, Eva."

"God, I only asked a question. I don't know why you get so heated about her. She's an actual nutcase. You know you could probably be relatively popular if you just ditched her."

The stupid cow had picked the wrong day to talk about Effie. If she'd been there, I would probably have held in some of the anger to avoid upsetting her but seeing as I was alone, I lost it. Standing so abruptly my chair fell behind me, I got in her face. "Do not talk about her like that, you stuck up little bitch."

"Ooh, did I touch a nerve? Is there trouble in paradise?" People were turning to stare, people I knew had been on the receiving end of Eva's bullshit before because she thought she was better than everyone else. I felt the eyes on us and it was as if every bad feeling anyone in the room had ever had towards her rushed into me. I didn't bother trying to turn it down a notch; for the first time I actually let myself get angry. I allowed the collective rage of everyone around us to fuel me and finally gave Eva a piece of my mind.

"You really are scum, you know that? Effie has never done a thing to you, and yet you target her all the time, like it's all a fucking game to you. You think because she doesn't speak much she's a weirdo and you can mock her and take the piss? She's worth a hundred of you. You are nasty, narcissistic, and toxic. Not to mention you're about as shallow as a half filled paddling pool. As soon as we leave here and get away from people like you, Effie will thrive and she'll find her own people, but you will always be a sad, lonely bitch because you have no personality traits besides being a stuck up prick."

I took a moment to enjoy the pink flush of humiliation that was rising up Eva's face before I stalked off to my next class. All day I was driven insane by the knowledge that the girl I loved more than anything was trying to push me away, so when school was over I all but sprinted to her house. Clearly she wanted to hide from me but I wasn't about to let her. It had been less than twenty-four hours since I'd last seen her but I was already missing her. When I got to her house, I walked in without knocking. Her mum, Alison, worked from home so she was pretty much always in and the door was normally unlocked. I legged it up the stairs after shouting a quick greeting to her mum and hammered on the door separating me from my best friend.

"Effie, let me in. We need to talk."

Nothing.

"I missed you this morning."

Nothing. So I knocked again.

"Dexter, what are you doing? She's sick."

"No, she isn't."

"Yes she is, look."

Sam showed me the text she'd had from Effie that morning:

Effie: I think I have the flu. I'm staying in bed today xxx

"Have you seen her today?"

"I went in this morning and took her some breakfast. She was all watery eyes and sniffles."

"Like she'd been crying?"

"Well, yes, but also like she had the flu."

I blew out a long breath and rubbed my tired eyes."She didn't tell you what happened last night?"

"No, she just came in, gave me a hug, and went to bed. What are you talking about?"

"We were at my house last night, and Effie was having a nap but she woke up while I was arguing with my mum. She heard my mum talking, saying all this rubbish about how I need to focus on myself and go to some fancy university and that me staying here with Effie was wasting my potential. Effie got upset and ran out of the house, and then she sent me these messages." I showed Alison the texts from the night before and watched her worried eyes flicker from my phone, to Effie's bedroom door, and then to me.

"Come downstairs with me. Let's have a brew." I let her put an arm around my shoulders and lead me down to the kitchen.

She bustled around, making the tea in silence until we settled at the kitchen table where her open laptop waited.

"Do you think she's holding you back?"

"Of course not, you saw the messages."

"Sweetie, I know you would never say it to her if you felt it, you're too kind." She squeezed my hand across the table. "But you need to be honest and tell her how you really feel."

"I want to but I don't know how. How do you tell your best friend ever that you're in love with her? What if she doesn't feel the same way and I lose her?"

Alison looked at me with a knowing smile. "I have watched you and Effie together for the past fourteen years. If that girl isn't in love with you then I'm a monkey's uncle." She chuckled. My heart flipped in my chest at the idea of my feelings being reciprocated but I still didn't know how to convince her of them. "Now, you'll need to get through to her, and it won't be easy. You know how stubborn she can be, and if she's decided that she's not good for you it'll take a hell of a lot to convince her otherwise, but if anyone can break that wall of silence she's got around her, it's you."

"What should I do?"

"I haven't been up with a cup of tea in a while. That might be a good start."

I headed upstairs again, this time armed with two cups of tea and a packet of bourbon biscuits. I tapped the door with my foot.

"Effie, I brought you a brew." I heard a light thump and assumed she'd dropped whatever she was holding onto the floor. There was no swearing, though, which led me to believe whatever she'd dropped hadn't been breakable. Knowing Effie it was some paperback with a broken spine that she had read a million times over. I waited for her to answer me but got nothing. "If you let me in we can eat biscuits until you feel better." I put my treats down when it became clear she wasn't going to open the door and I pulled my phone out. Surprisingly, there was a message from Chantelle. I obviously knew Chantelle, and I actually liked her. She went to an all girls school a half hour away from town, which was a shame, because Effie would have benefitted from having her cousin around.

Chantelle: WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?

Dexter: I didn't do anything. It was my mum! And she didn't mean it to come out the way it did.

Chantelle: She said your mum hates her.

I sat on the floor next to the drinks and took a sip out of mine before resting my head against the bedroom door with a thump, letting Effie know I hadn't gone anywhere.

Dexter: It was a misunderstanding. My mum loves Effie. She's gutted that she's upset her. If Effie would just talk to me I could tell her that.

Chantelle: I am trying to get her to talk to you, but she's hurting.

Dexter: I appreciate you trying.

My phone lit up again with another message. Effie's name was on my screen and my palms immediately became grossly sweaty.

Effie: Will you tell your mum I'm sorry? I never meant to make her worry about you like that.

I tapped out a rhythm on the door with my fingers. "I'm not doing this over text. If you want to tell me something you need to say it."

It was getting close to eight o'clock and the tea I'd brought up had gone cold but I'd come up with an idea. As much as I didn't want to leave without seeing her, I needed to go back to my house to collect some things, including Wren.

"Effie, I'm going home now, but don't think for a second that is the end of this. I will come back tomorrow, and Sunday, and Monday, and every other day after that until you open this door and talk to me." She didn't respond so I banged on the door again, a little harder than was strictly necessary. "I'll see you tomorrow, Effie. You can't hide from me forever."

Mum was pacing around the living room when I got home, her face troubled. I tried to sneak past her and go straight upstairs but the bottom step squeaked like always and gave away my position.

"Dexter, can we please talk?"

"What about? How I ruined your life and now you think I'm going to ruin mine too?"

"Sweetheart, you did not ruin my life." She tried to reach for me but I took a step back.

"Just be honest about it, Mum. I've heard the story plenty of times: You were at university and you had big dreams and then you met my dad and had some stupid fun and then he ran and left you knocked up with no money and no support, and you had to quit university and abandon your goals to look after me. I get it. Do you realise that Grandma gives me that story every single time I complain about anything, ever?"

"She does?"

"Yes, it's like she feels like she has to remind me what you sacrificed for me if she thinks I'm being ungrateful."

"I… I didn't know she did that." Mum sounded shocked enough for me to believe her.

"Well she does, and it makes me feel guilty every time."

"I'm sorry. I never wanted you to feel guilty about the decisions I made."

I didn't know what to say but when she turned to go and sit at the dining room table, I followed her.

"Dexter, there's a lot of things in life that I would do differently given the chance, but having you is not one of them. I loved you from the moment I found out I was pregnant, and I will love you until I die. I wish I had acted differently when I was younger. I wish I had taken the help that people offered me so I could have carried on at university and given you a better life, but if I could have a do-over, I would still choose to have you."

"Then I don't understand why you can't get on board with me and Effie? What's the problem?"

"I just want you to have the best chance at life, and I know you can do better than a university that you choose because it's close to home. You could go to a top school with your grades. The teachers have told you that."

"But it's not what I want to do."

"You can't pin your whole life on you and Effie being together forever, Dexter. You're only eighteen."

"That doesn't mean I don't love her."

"I'm not saying it does." She was trying to placate me with her soft voice. "But you're young. You'll love again after this."

"No, I won't. Effie is mine and I'm hers."

"And she feels the same way, does she?"

"I don't know," I confessed, the wind going out of my sails. "I haven't asked her yet, but I think she does. It feels different with us. Over the past few months it's felt more intense when we're together." I shook my head; I didn't know how to explain it to her. "I know it sounds like I'm full of it but I just know. I look at Effie, and I feel like nothing can touch me. She's so smart, and strong. She struggles every day with her anxiety but she does it. She forces herself to get out of bed and go about her day. She needs her routines and things have to be done a certain way but she does it. She's the bravest person I've ever met and she doesn't even realise it. She has no idea how incredible she is but I see it. I know we're only young but it does work out for some people and that could be us. But if I don't try I'll never know, and I'll regret it forever."

I could see that Mum was torn between continuing to lecture me, and letting me make my own decision. I wished I could somehow show her how I felt but it was impossible.

"I can't force you to make the choice I want you to make, but I love you, so I'll support you no matter what you decide to do."

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do, sweetheart. You're the one thing I've actually done right. I'm sure you're smart enough to make the right call."

We still weren't back to normal. I was still upset with her for upsetting Effie, but it was progress.