Chapter twenty-eight

Theo

Aries wasn’t in the shop when we arrived at Marked, but footsteps thudded in the apartment above. It sounded like someone pacing.

I needed to watch what the cameras had caught before I told Max my suspicions. “Can you pull up the security footage from around 4 on Sunday?” I asked.

Max headed straight for the system and found the recording but didn’t move from the screen. I peered over his shoulder and watched the entire interaction. The doubt on my face, the anger on Aries’s when I first refused. The cameras had caught me checking the ID before giving Sarah/Angela the tattoo, so I guess that’s something.

When the recording reached the point where Aries and Angela left, Max stopped the video and yanked his phone from his pocket.

“Heads up,”

he said to the person on the other end. “I’m firing Aries and evicting him.”

“Max?” I asked.

Max turned his back to me. “Effective now. He’s never paid rent,”

he said after a brief pause. “He’s a guest, not a tenant. I’ll give him an hour to get his shit and clear out, but after that he’s your problem.”

Max ended the call and tossed his phone on the counter.

“What’s going on? Who was that?”

Max rubbed his forehead as he walked into the back. “Aries’s parole officer. I’m not sure I can go up there without doing something immoral.”

A phone rang upstairs and both of us glanced at the ceiling.

“Aren’t you worried he could end up back inside?” I asked.

Max glared at me. “He set you up. I’m throwing that punk out on his ass. Whatever happens to him after is none of my concern.”

I’d never seen this side of Max. He was always so kind and forgiving. He believed in second and third and even fourth chances. “I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret.”

“The only thing I regret is getting you into this shit by bringing him here. He fucked with my family. There’s no coming back from that.”

Hearing Max call me family filled me with warmth. My parents had abandoned me when I needed them most; my dad’s disgust still haunted my thoughts. But this man had accepted me at my worst and done everything he could to help me.

“For goodness’ sake, Theo, don’t look so surprised.”

Max pulled me into a one-armed hug and thumped my back. “You know I consider you one of my kids.”

“What the hell, Max,”

Aries shouted, throwing open the door that separated the apartment from the shop. “You’re kicking me out? I thought you were decent. You pretend to be all holy and shit, but you’re a dick like everyone else.”

I was grateful for every burpee before breakfast I’d ever done since it took every muscle I had to hold Max back.

Aries put his hands up and stepped back toward the stairs. “Hey, no need for that. If you don’t want me here, I’m out.”

“What did you think would happen?”

Max yelled, still struggling against me. “You bring a teenager to my shop to get back at Theo. Do you have any fucking clue what you’ve done? He could go back in because of you. What were you even doing with that girl in the first place? I bet you slept with her, you piece of shit. I should call that girl’s parents and tell them to file statutory rape charges.”

Aries jabbed his finger in the air. “That’s out of line. I’d never rape anyone.”

“Age of consent is eighteen in Virginia, dumbass,”

Max yelled.

Aries’s eyes widened before his face went completely blank. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t mess around with high schoolers.”

For a moment, I believed him. Angela could have told him she was nineteen too. But that wink. It didn’t sit right. Still, the thought of making someone homeless, even a shithead like Aries, made my stomach tightened. “Maybe—”

I started.

Max let out a hollow laugh. “The only good thing about being a reformed piece of shit is being able to recognize a current one. I gave you a chance, Aries. You blew it. Grab your stuff and get the hell out of my sight before Theo gets tired and can’t hold me back no more.”

“Whatever,”

Aries said, heading for the stairs. “This town sucks anyway.”

He slammed the door behind him, locking it from the inside, and thudded up to the apartment.

“Thanks, son,”

Max said patting my arm. “You can let go. I’m good, but if Aries hasn’t left in an hour, I’m calling Officer Stafford back here.”

I followed Max to the waiting room, relieved to put a little distance between him and the door to the apartment. We reached the counter just as the door opened and Cal and Aiden walked in.

“Could have used you a little sooner,”

Max said, setting the timer on his phone. “For a second there, I didn’t know if Theo could keep me from Aries.”

“The new guy?”

Cal asked. “What’d he do?”

“The fucker—”

I elbowed Max in the stomach. “There’s only one of me,”

I said calmly.

Max nodded and pressed his lips together. After he let out a breath he said, “I’m in a bad mood is all.”

“Same, man,”

Aiden said, flipping through a binder of popular designs on the counter. “Wouldn’t mind punching someone though, if you need me to, just not Theo.”

“I’d like to take a swing at him,”

Cal said as he flipped through another binder beside Aiden. “But since he loves hurting himself, he’d probably like it.”

Max’s mouth fell open. “What the hell is he talking about?”

he asked me.

“Theo cuts himself when he’s upset,”

Aiden said in a bored tone. “He claims it makes him feel better. I guess taking a punch to the face would work too, so you better not, Cal.”

I glared at my two best friends, but they kept flipping through the designs like they were about to select a spur-of-the-moment tattoo. Nothing good could come from Max knowing about my cutting. He’d worry himself sick and probably force me to strip once a week to make sure I wasn’t hiding anything.

“What?”

Max looked from Aiden to me, then over to Cal, who looked up from the binder and nodded. Max’s hands shook slightly before he gripped the counter. “How long?”

“They’re making a bigger deal out of it than it is,” I said.

They all ignored me.

“He started that shit while he was waiting for his trial,”

Aiden said.

Max glared at Aiden, then Cal. “And you’re just telling me this now?”

Aiden closed the binder and looked Max in the eyes. “No offense, but we didn’t know you well enough to tell you. We’ve kept tabs on him. If he’d gotten worse at any point, we’d have filled you in.”

“But we figured anyone who’d get themselves handcuffed to protect Theo was someone we could trust to keep an extra eye on him,”

Cal added.

“How did I miss it?”

Max asked.

“He got good at hiding it by the time you met him,”

Cal said, walking away from the counter and staring at the framed photographs of some of my best work. He looked completely at ease, strolling around the shop, but I knew he wasn’t. He had his hands shoved in his pockets, no doubt balled in fists. “You have to know what to look for. If he cuts his legs, his walk changes.”

Max paled and gripped the counter harder.

“Go ahead and puke if you need to, Max,”

Aiden said. “I know I did when I found out.”

“I punched a hole in my closet door,”

Cal said casually. “Cost me my security deposit.”

“Y’all never told me that,”

I said. I didn’t think I could feel any worse today, but I did.

Cal and Aiden looked everywhere except at me. Max took deep breaths through his nose and out his mouth. Gradually, the gray left his complexion. Throughout the conversation, Aries’s footsteps had pounded overhead, but in the quiet, I could hear every drawer he opened and closed.

“Sounds like a herd of elephants up there,”

Aiden said after an uncomfortable stretch of silence.

“Kid better hurry the hell up,”

Max mumbled.

As if Aries had heard him, the sound of boots thudding down the stairs echoed through Marked. Aries walked through the front room without sparing a word for any of us and out the door carrying everything he owned in a trash bag before turning and giving the bird to the shop window. He spat on the sidewalk and headed toward the bus stop down the street.

Max gripped my shoulder. “When was the last time you hurt yourself?”

he asked, staring me hard in the eyes.

“Recently,”

Aiden answered for me.

“They’re making it sound like I’m suicidal or something,”

I said. “I’m not. It’s just—”

“Unacceptable,”

Max said. His grip tightened on my shoulder, and he pointed a finger at my face with his other hand. “If I find so much as a paper cut on you, I’m taking you in for a psych hold, got it?”

I nodded.

“We’re not done talking about this, but it’s been a hell of a day. I’m canceling the rest of our appointments, and you’re coming home with me.”

I shook my head. “You have my word, Max. I won’t hurt myself. Go be with your girls. Don’t worry about me.”

“I don’t think there’s any way I’ll ever stop worrying about you, Theo,”

Max said rubbing his forehead. “It’s not in a parent’s nature.”

“It’s not in your nature,”

I said. Patera had no problem turning off his concern. “And it means the world to me to hear you say that. Go home. I’ll make the calls and lock up. It’s good for me to be busy.”

Max glanced at Cal and Aiden, who both nodded. He blew out a breath and headed for the door.

“You good?”

I called after him. I’d never seen him this upset, and I worried today might have tempted his sobriety. “You’re not going to do anything stupid either, right?”

He shook his head. “I’m going home and loving up on my girls. You call me anytime. Middle of the night. I don’t care. Got it?”

I nodded and he opened the door. It looked like he was fighting against a current when he stepped over the threshold and pulled it shut behind him. I kept an eye on him until he got into his car and took off in the opposite direction Aries had gone.

Cal glanced at his phone and frowned. “Mind if I go too? I need to let out Skye.”

He glanced at Aiden who sank into a chair like he intended to stay awhile.

“You should head home. I’m fine,”

I told him after Cal left.

“Can’t. Left my car on Sullivan Street. I need a ride to your house. I can walk from there.”

“And you didn’t think to get one from Cal?”

Aiden shrugged. Once I finished canceling appointments and locking up, he followed me to my truck. He pretended to mess around with his phone on the drive to my house, but he kept glancing at me and biting his fingernails like he always does when he’s nervous and doesn’t have a napkin to shred.

At least the windows were dark when I pulled up. I half expected Rowan, or even Poppy, to be waiting inside. An icy wind cut through me as I walked to the door. I just wanted to crawl into bed, which hopefully still smelled like Poppy, and fall apart. Unfortunately, Aiden wouldn’t stop treating me like a toddler who couldn’t be trusted with a metal fork. Instead of heading toward Sullivan Street, he trailed behind me like a shadow.

“Gotta take a leak,” he said.

Before I could unlock the door, Cal tromped around the house with Skye. “This is ridiculous,”

I said as they worked their way through the yard and up the steps. “I don’t need either of you to babysit me. Let alone both of you and the dog.”

“Yeah, well, we need you,”

Cal said, staring at his feet. “And we’re making sure you’re safe.”

“Sorry, man.”

Aiden gave my shoulder a friendly thump as he grabbed my keys, unlocked the door, and walked past me.

I sighed and motioned for Cal to go ahead of me into the house. There was no point telling them yet again that I wasn’t suicidal and never had been. If anything, I needed more years than the average person to atone for what I’d done. But I did feel the urge to cut myself, if for no other reason than it would confirm my breakup with Poppy. Too bad Max would drag my ass to the nearest psych ward if I did.

When I entered the house, my mouth fell open. The couch was the same shape but had somehow changed from floral to dark gray. I walked closer and pulled on the fabric. It snapped back as soon as I released it. A low black coffee table sat before it with a small abstract sculpture I recognized as Poppy’s.

“Good call on the slipcover,”

Cal said, collapsing on the couch. “Looks nice.”

“What the hell’s a slipcover and how’d it get on my couch?” I asked.

“Probably the same way you got a new shower curtain and a toothbrush holder,”

Aiden said from the bathroom doorway.

“What?”

I asked, pushing past him into the bathroom. Someone had replaced the plastic shower curtain I’d bought at the dollar store with a fabric one that somehow worked with the mustard-colored tiles. The towel racks held plush navy towels in all sizes, and my toothbrush stood upright in a porcelain holder.

“Looks like they hit the kitchen too,”

Cal called. “No more plastic forks. You can eat your microwaved meals like a civilized person.”

“The bedroom is pretty much the same,”

Aiden said from down the hall. “Except for the painting.”

My heart sank to my stomach. I knew without looking that Poppy had framed the canvas we’d painted together and hung it over the bed like she’d planned. She wasn’t giving up on us. I yanked the new shower curtain aside, collapsed on the edge of the tub, and put my head in my hands. Nails clicked softly on the tile floor before Skye shoved her big gray head onto my lap.

“I figured they’d mess the place up,”

Aiden said, walking down the hall. “Rowan and Chris were pissed. But I guess making it nice is the equivalent for you.”

His thudding footsteps stopped right outside the bathroom. I knew he was watching me, but I couldn’t lift my head from Skye’s fur.

“Rowan and Chris didn’t do this,”

Cal said, a few moments later, his voice echoing off the bathroom tiles. “They’ve been baking all afternoon. Chris dropped off a ton of food earlier.”

“Ah,”

Aiden said. “No wonder Theo’s a mess. Hell Cat’s sending him a message.”

I finally lifted my head and found them both crammed into the small space between the sink and linen closet.

“When you punish yourself, I don’t think you realize how much it hurts the people who love you,”

Aiden said, yanking on a fingernail. “I can look past all the hurt you’ve caused me over the years because I understand where you’re coming from. But the pain you’re causing Poppy is on another level. It’s hard not to intervene.”

Cal nodded. “You might think you’re being noble by denying yourself a decent life, but honestly, it’s selfish. You drag everyone down with you.”

I glared at them. “Are you trying to make me feel worse?”

“We’re trying to make you understand,”

Cal shouted. “It’s not a choice to love you. Believe me, if it was, I’d have let go of this friendship by now. But it is your choice to let your guilt rule your life. It’s your choice not to get the help you need and to hurt the people who care about you.”

“You’re not obligated to be my friend,”

I said, quietly. “You can leave anytime you want.”

“He didn’t mean it like that,”

Aiden said.

“Yeah, that didn’t come out right,”

Cal said, sliding onto the tile floor beside me and leaning his back against the tub. Skye went back and forth between us. We grew quiet, each of us taking turns giving her head a pat.

It might sound self-centered, but I’d been so focused on my own suffering since Logan died, I hadn’t considered that I could be adding to my friends’. Despite having a great career and a fiancée he loved, Cal looked miserable hunched on the ugly tiles. Aiden hid his emotions well, like always, but he hadn’t stopped yanking on his fingernails.

Eventually, Cal turned to me. “If you were just anyone, I wouldn’t put up with your shit. I’ve overcome too much to let someone bring me down. But you’re my best friend, Theo, my brother. I’ll never stop fighting for you. For years, I assumed everyone was judging you, for what happened, for the way you look. I fought every comment, every glare. I even questioned Rowan last summer when she trusted you to stay out with her sister. She about took my head off, and I started to wonder if you needed me to defend you. Maybe it was necessary when you first got out, but I’m realizing the only person I should be fighting now is you. The way I see it, you’re the only one standing in your way.”

A scorching heat filled my chest. “You don’t get it,”

I said. Cal’s eyes widened at the anger in my voice. “And I hope you never will. Apart from the crushing guilt I’ll never escape, I’m a murderer and a felon, marked for life. You saw what happened today with your own eyes.”

“I saw a cop trying to prove himself to his new department,”

Cal said. “And an idiot unwilling to accept the help he’s being offered.”

“If Everly helps me and I end up in jail, like I know I will, she’ll be devastated. I can’t do that to her.”

“She’ll be devastated if she doesn’t help you and you end up in jail,”

Cal said, gripping his hair. “You’d rather do time again than accept the truth that you never should have been a felon in the first place. Your BAC was .04. If you’d been twenty-one, you wouldn’t have been charged at all.”

“Even if you think you deserved your conviction, let Everly help you fight this ridiculous charge,”

Aiden said, leaning against the sink. “Because you have a life worth fighting for. You’ve got a job you love and more talent in your pinkie than I have in my whole body. Friends who would do anything for you. And out of all the women on the planet, you somehow found the perfect one for you, and despite your obvious faults, she loves you. Shit like that doesn’t happen every day. It may never happen for some of us. You can’t throw it all away.”

“I never meant to hurt you,”

I said, standing and holding out my hand to Cal. “Either of you,”

I added looking at Aiden. “I’m sorry.”

“Words are just words, brother,”

Cal said, but he allowed me to pull him to his feet and into a hug. “You want to show me you’re sorry, do something about it. Talk to a professional and figure your shit out. It’s long overdue.”

“Mind hanging out somewhere else?”

Aiden asked. “I really do need to take a leak. I held off when we started finding Hell Cat’s love gifts.”

Cal smirked and leaned against the linen closet.

Aiden shuffled from foot to foot. “You have five seconds or I’m pissing in the sink.”

Cal chuckled and led the way out of the bathroom. Aiden didn’t even bother shutting the door before he started relieving himself. We walked down the hall to the living room with Skye. She and Cal flopped onto the couch together, looking like they were settling in for a while.

“Y’all can go home,”

I said, taking a seat beside them. “I’m not going to hurt myself.”

“You already have,”

Cal said quietly. “And until you start pulling yourself out of this pity hole you’ve dug, we’re glued to your ass.”

I threw my hands up in the air. “For fuck’s sake, what do I have to do to get you people to leave me alone?”

“Invite Poppy over to spend the night,”

Aiden said, joining us. He was looking at his fingernails, which were now bleeding in a couple places.

“And call Everly and tell her you want to fight this underage crap,” Cal said.

“If not for yourself, do it for us,”

Aiden said. “We need you here. You’ll ruin Cal’s wedding if you’re in the slammer.”

I glanced between my best friends, their faces filled with pain, and my resistance cracked. “I’ll think about Everly helping me with this new charge. But that’s a hard no on Poppy. I’m not dragging her into my mess. And I need some time and space to pull myself together. I can’t do that with y’all hovering.”

Aiden and Cal exchanged a look.

“Fine, but if I see one fresh mark on you, I’m handcuffing you to Hell Cat again,”

Aiden said, walking toward the front door.

“I’m leaving Skye here tonight,”

Cal said, standing. “I’ll swing by to get her first thing tomorrow.”

Skye hopped off the couch and nuzzled his hand.

My palms started to sweat. As much as I loved Skye, even needed her, I hated having the responsibility of caring for her for so long. “That’s not necessary.”

“It is for me,”

Cal said. “I won’t sleep knowing you’re here alone. Just put a bowl of water on the floor for her and let her out to pee before you turn in.”

I could tell by Cal’s clenched jaw that he wasn’t backing down. Either Skye stayed, or they both did.

“Thanks,”

I said, “I’ll take good care of her.”

“Go to Theo,”

he said told Skye.

Skye looked from me to Cal, who was clearly making his way to the front door. She hesitated a moment before placing her head on my lap and looking up at me with her soulful eyes while Aiden and Cal left. I rubbed her ears and she jumped onto the couch beside me before laying her head back in my lap.

We stayed like that until I could barely keep my eyes open. Skye pranced around my feet when I finally stood. I walked into the kitchen and opened the cabinet where I’d stashed the plastic Chinese containers I’d saved from dinner last week. The containers were gone, but a set of gray dishes were stacked neatly in their place. I grabbed a bowl and filled it from the tap. When I set it on the floor, Skye started lapping the water, her tail wagging. When she’d had her fill, I walked her through the studio, which appeared the same, apart from the missing canvas on the floor. I opened the slider and Skye dashed out to do her business, sniffing the new yard with interest until I called her inside.

I walked with her from room to room, taking in all the changes, leaving my bedroom for last. It almost looked like a home. When I couldn’t put it off any longer, I motioned Skye into the bedroom and walked in behind her.

I’d assumed Poppy had put the canvas over the bed and was surprised to find the space blank. I turned and all the air rushed from my lungs. Poppy had wrapped the canvas around a frame that spanned the entire wall opposite the bed. As soon as we stood and looked at the piece, I knew we’d made something incredible. The paint marks were unrestricted. No technique or second thoughts, just the movement of our bodies in pleasure. Absolute freedom. It hurt to see it now. Unless I slept with my feet against the headboard, I’d open my eyes every morning to the proof that, for however briefly, I’d allowed myself to have her.

Skye sniffed around, her tail wagging. I wondered if she could smell Poppy here as I imagined I could, her scent lingering like a powerful dream pulled into consciousness. I flopped face first on the bed. Maybe it was my imagination, but it smelled more like her than it had this morning. Despite every reason I had to lay awake worrying, I closed my eyes and fell asleep pretending she was still beside me.