Chapter twenty-seven

Poppy

The door hadn’t even closed behind Theo before the pain crawled into every cell and took over. I’m not sure how long I stood in that law office before Aiden picked me up fireman style and carried me to Cal’s SUV. I don’t remember the drive back to Sullivan Street or getting out of the car or walking into Cal’s house and sitting on the sofa. Maybe Aiden carried me again.

I hadn’t heard anything since Theo said he loved me and then told me to stay away. My brain was still trying to reconcile those two statements and didn’t have space for anything else. I’d heard both plenty of times. Just never together. OK, so Theo was the first nonrelative male to utter those three words in my direction. But based on my limited romantic experience, aka observing Rowan and Cal, you usually want to be with the person you love.

Unless the person you love is me, apparently.

Eventually, I felt something warm in my hands and looked down at the mug releasing wisps of steam at my face. Rowan wrapped her fingers over mine and lifted the mug to my lips. I drank automatically. The tea had a kick I wasn’t expecting. It burned my throat on the way down and made me cough.

“What the hell is this?” I asked.

“My granny swears by a cuppa with whiskey for just about anything,”

Aiden said.

“That’s disgusting,”

I said, handing the mug to my sister.

“Got you talking, didn’t it?”

Aiden said. “I was starting to think you’d become one of those comatose people who live in psych wards.”

“Catatonic,”

Chris said, walking out of the kitchen with a bowl of chips. “Comatose is for people in comas.”

Aiden snapped his fingers. “That’s right. Is there any dip?”

“What kind of messed up party are y’all throwing right now?” I asked.

The front door opened, and Cal ran in. I hadn’t realized he’d left, or noticed when Chris arrived, for that matter. “Theo’s not home yet,” Cal said.

Aiden pulled his phone from his pocket and opened an app. “Looks like he’s still at Marked.”

Cal leaned over Aiden’s shoulder and let out a relieved sigh. “I’m sure Max is with him.”

“I wouldn’t mind cooling off a bit before we head over there,”

Aiden said. “Enjoy this party a little,”

he added, winking at me.

“What if Max isn’t with him?”

I asked, my voice rising to a pitch I hadn’t heard since elementary school. “He can’t be alone.”

I stood before I remembered Theo wanted nothing to do with me. Maybe if I was sweet like Rowan, he’d be willing to lean on me. He probably figured I’d make things worse, yelling at the injustice of it all instead of being a source of comfort.

“Easy, Hell Cat,”

Aiden said, placing his meaty hand on my shoulder. He might have done me a solid earlier when I turned into a statue, but I was getting sick of him manhandling me.

“Do you know what he does to himself?”

I yelled as I yanked Aiden’s hand off my shoulder.

Chris and Rowan looked baffled, but Aiden and Cal nodded.

“You knew and you never made him get help? Some friends you are.”

Cal ducked his head and Skye dashed over to him. Rowan shot me her mom look, the one she used whenever I crossed the line from irreverent to hurtful or potentially illegal.

“We’re all fucked up,”

Aiden said. “Theo just has a creative way of showing it.”

“All y’all need therapy,”

I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “But for now, which one of you is going to Marked to make sure Theo doesn’t cut himself? Someone needs to, and he doesn’t want me.”

Rowan’s eyes widened, further confirming she knew nothing about Theo’s self-harm history. Then she turned her focus on me. “You know that’s not true. He told you he loved you.”

“Yeah, well, not enough. I get it. I’m not the most lovable person.”

“I’m still catching up with what’s going on,”

Chris said. “But from what I’m hearing, Theo’s more messed up than I thought. Whatever happened has nothing to do with you being lovable, Pop. But for the record, you’re one of the most loveable people I know, and I’m pretty sure Theo would agree.”

I didn’t want to cry in front of everyone, so I pushed past my siblings and headed for the door. I figured I had about thirty seconds.

Soon after my dad died, I’d learned how to hold my tears. My eyes would start to burn a little, and I’d imagine I was a semi-aquatic rodent, the kind who built dams in rivers and streams with sticks. Yes, I know their name. But even kid me knew better than to call myself a beaver. I’d made a point at an early age to learn curse words and inappropriate slang to nettle Rowan whenever I could. So, I’d imagine myself as a semi-aquatic rodent, holding back my tears until I could duck into the janitor’s closet at school or hide in the shed behind our house. The more I wanted to cry, the less time I had to get somewhere private.

This felt like holding back Niagara Falls. If I ran, I could maybe make it out of sight of Cal’s house before my face got all blotchy and snotty. Too bad Lauren and Cammie rolled up to the curb at the exact moment the floodgates opened. They rushed me like a pair of perky linebackers and tackled me in a double hug.

“He’s just scared,”

Cammie said, squeezing me so hard my boobs ached. “Give him time to process the arrest. He’ll come around.”

Guess Rowan had been texting the entire time I checked out.

“He told you he loves you,”

Lauren added, rubbing my back. “Focus on that.”

“He only said that because he felt bad for dumping me.”

I sobbed into Cammie’s shoulder. I was probably getting snot on the fluffy pink sweater she’d tossed on over her scrubs, which for some reason made me feel a smidge better. She looked like a wannabe Muppet. I was doing her and the rest of Peace Falls a favor, though I had to admit the sweater felt really nice.

“I don’t care if he’s your best friend, Caleb,”

Rowan shouted behind me. “Let’s go, Chris.”

“Oh shit,”

Lauren said. “You’ve triggered the Stevens Suicide Squad.”

“The what?”

I asked, lifting my head from Cammie’s comfy shoulder.

“It’s when someone wrongs one of you and the other siblings go all Kill Bill,”

Lauren explained as Chris shoved past Aiden to join Rowan on the porch.

Cammie clapped her hands and did a little bounce thing that should have looked deranged but somehow felt on brand for her. “I’ve been dying to see it ever since Lauren told me you filled Rowan’s ex’s apartment with dog poop.”

“Brad-hole deserved it. Theo doesn’t,”

I sniffed. “And you can’t mix movie metaphors like that, Lauren.”

“It fits,”

Lauren said as Rowan wiggled away from Cal, possibly throwing an elbow, and started down the stairs with Chris.

“Stop,”

I yelled. “Stand down.”

They both halted but their fury remained. Rowan’s face had turned almost as red as her hair. Chris had his hands fisted at his sides. He looked ready to break someone, and I wouldn’t put it past Theo to let him.

“Do not mess with Theo,”

I said, drawing myself up as much as I could to point my finger in my giant brother’s face.

“Don’t listen to her,”

Rowan said. “She’s love blind.”

“So are you,”

I snapped, which seemed to get their attention. Rowan’s face dropped down to level pink, and Chris’s nostrils stopped flaring like a raging bull. I may not be everyone’s favorite flavor, but I’ve never questioned my family’s love for me.

Of course, the damn tears decided to start up again. Chris glared at Aiden and Cal who had snuck behind him on either side. Amateurs. As far as brutality went, it was me, then Rowan, then Chris, who had the soul of a kitten despite his football physique.

I took a deep breath and got the waterworks under control before I spoke again. “He hurt me, but this isn’t the same. I’m just collateral to the damage he’s doing to himself. Plus, he’d probably like it if you took a swing at him. He’ll want someone to hurt him if he hasn’t already done it himself.”

“She’s right,”

Cal said, rubbing his forehead.

“Fine,”

Chris said. “I’ll just plastic wrap his toilet and mess with his shampoo.”

“Just remember I own the house,”

Aiden shouted after Chris as he cut across Twill’s backyard.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything permanent, unless it’s to that hideous carpet in the bedroom,”

Rowan said, following him.

“Promise me one of you will stay with Theo,”

I said to Aiden and Cal.

Aiden surprised me by pulling me into a hug. He kept his thick arms around me until his warmth had me full-out sobbing. The big lump had a soft side and for some reason he’d decided to share it with me. I got a good burst of tears out before he started laughing.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Lauren snapped.

Aiden pointed at Cal, who looked like he wanted to murder someone, and Lauren started cackling right along with Aiden.

“Hell Cat will claw her way out of this,”

Aiden said, stepping out of the hug, but pulling me to his side. “But if you can’t contain your brotherly rage, Cal, you should stay here.”

My future brother-in-law did look as pissed as Chris, which meant I wasn’t just some package deal that came with Rowan. He actually liked me. I rushed Cal, burrowing my face in his scrubs. He patted my back awkwardly and cleared his throat.

“Go,”

I said, stepping back. “Theo needs you. I’ll let Rowan and Chris in so they don’t break a window.”

Cal nodded, still looking miffed, and headed for his SUV. Aiden followed him, still chuckling.

“I know you’re heartbroken and all, but I’m really excited to see the Squad in action,”

Cammie said, looping her arm in mine as we cut across Twill’s yard. I caught a glimpse of him holding back a curtain in one of the upstairs windows, which was cracked despite the cold. Great. Now everyone in class would know Theo and I had imploded.

“So, Theo told you he loves you and you have a key to his place?”

Lauren asked.

“That sounds serious,”

Cammie said, squeezing my arm.

“Don’t read too much into it. I only have a key because he lets me use his studio,”

I said as we crossed into Theo’s yard where Chris was digging a brick out of the walkway that wrapped around the house. “I have a key,”

I shouted and ran, dragging Cammie with me since she refused to let go of my arm.

Chris dropped the brick.

I glared at Rowan, who stood by the new sliding glass door, apparently waiting for Chris to smash it. “You were supposed to keep him from doing something permanent.”

She shrugged. “I’m pissed at Aiden for holding you back at Everly’s office. He needs to stop handling you like a rag doll whenever he wants.”

“He’s the worst,”

Lauren said.

I rolled my eyes as I dug through my jacket pocket for Theo’s key. “I don’t agree with this,”

I said as I unlocked the sliding door. “Don’t touch anything in the studio. It’s mostly mine.”

I’d go through the house after they got the bloodlust out of their systems and undo whatever they did. Our retribution pranks were usually temporary in nature, though the fact Chris had gone for a brick had me a little worried.

“Do you think we have time to drive to the store for deer pee spray?”

Chris asked as he walked toward the kitchen.

Perhaps I’d underestimated their wrath.

“Wow, they don’t play do they?”

Cammie said.

I couldn’t answer her. I’d left the canvas Theo and I painted on the floor to dry after I coated it with sealant. When I saw it right after, I thought it showed the passion between us. Now, it just looked chaotic, the image fractured and without a center.

“Interesting,”

Lauren said, joining Cammie and me. “Is that his or yours?”

“Ours,”

I said, the word burning my throat.

Cammie and Lauren both tilted their heads and looked at the canvas.

Lauren laughed. “You little freak.”

“I don’t get it,”

Cammie said.

“You want to build a bonfire in the backyard and light it up?”

Lauren asked.

“No.”

I pulled a drop cloth from the cabinets and tossed it over the canvas. I didn’t need Rowan or Chris figuring it out as fast as Lauren had.

“Does Theo even live here?”

Chris asked, stepping back into the studio. “The cabinets are practically empty. I’ll have to go home for plastic wrap.”

“I can short his sheets,”

Rowan said, joining us. “But that’s the best I can do with how little stuff he has unless I ruin his clothes and books. I’m not really comfortable doing that. Maybe we should grab deer pee and douse the sofa.”

“I don’t know, Ann,”

Chris said, scratching his chin where he had actual scruff. When did that happen? Clearly, I’d been Theo-focused for too long. “This place is sad enough. I don’t think I have it in me to ruin his only place to sit. Sorry, Pop.”

Rowan put her hands on her hips. “He needs to replace the sofa anyway. Let Lauren and Cammie decide.”

Cammie and Lauren glanced at me and waited until I motioned them toward the kitchen. Knowing them, they’d have agreed with Chris without snooping around, but I figured Rowan needed convincing. I followed behind them as they opened every cabinet and drawer. They stopped in the living room to take in the floral couch and the books stacked on the floor before continuing down the hallway where they split up to look in all the rooms.

“Who only owns three towels?”

Lauren asked from the bathroom.

“Three?”

I asked, joining her. A fluffy white towel hung beside the worn, faded one I’d used before. I ran my fingers along the soft fabric. It felt like a fancy hotel towel, the kind you wanted to take home but would cost a fortune if they discovered it missing. I opened the closet and found the other ratty towel folded neatly inside.

“This is nice,”

Cammie said from Theo’s bedroom.

We all joined her, and Lauren gave an appreciative nod. “This one isn’t bad.”

“If I hadn’t been staying over,”

I said. “I bet he’d still be on an air mattress or maybe a cheap foam mattress on the floor.”

“Sorry, Rowan,”

Lauren said. “I’m with Chris. You should leave him alone.”

Cammie nodded.

“Whatever,”

Rowan said, throwing her hands in the air. “Come on, Chris. We’re making monkey bread with bacon for Poppy.”

They locked arms and walked down the hall together.

“Your sister comes up with some odd combos, but they always work,”

Cammie said. “I think they could have gotten away with putting deer pee on this carpet though. They’d be doing Theo a favor since Aiden would have to replace it.”

“Guess they figured it’d be more effective to show you their love with food,”

Lauren said.

Just like Theo had showed his by constantly trying to make my life better. Finding art shows for us to attend. Knowing my favorite foods and surprising me with them. Making his bedroom comfortable for me to stay over. And that’s when I knew what I had to do.

“Rowan and Chris had it backwards,”

I said. “We don’t need to trash Theo’s house. We need to make it nicer. The only reason he bought furniture for the bedroom was for me. The new towel in the bathroom was probably meant for me too. He doesn’t think he deserves anything for himself.”

“So, you want to get back at him by decorating his house?”

Cammie asked.

“No, I want to show him he’s loved. That he’s worthy.”

And that I would never abandon Theo like his parents had. That I can be the kind of woman he wants when life got hard, the kind he’d never imagine pushing away.

“With decorative pillows?”

Cammie said, looking at the bed, which, probably could use a throw pillow or two.

“Most guys I know hate those,”

Lauren said.

“Focus,”

I snapped, shaking her shoulders. “I don’t know how long we have before Theo gets home. I need some framing wood, kitchen crap, and a fuck-ton of towels, preferably white or navy to go with the yellow. Maybe a chair or two. Pillows optional. Oh, and snacks. The sweeter the better.”

“Ok,”

Lauren said with the authoritative tone of a boss. “I have no idea what framing wood is, but I can handle the towels and basic kitchen supplies. Cam, you go with Poppy and try to find some decent furniture at the consignment shop in Jericho. I’ll call Rowan and tell her to bring over treats once she’s cooled down.”

This was going to work. It had to. Because the more I thought about life without Theo, the more certain I was my heart wouldn’t survive.