Chapter 37

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Max

Listen to I’m In Love With You

by The 1975

I ’d lost her.

I wasn’t expecting the brutal agony ripping through my body as I walked out of Red, shaky with regret and the post adrenalin of a fight. I’d gotten lucky with Rock—normally any type of physical altercation would have gotten my ass fired, but he’d seen my torment and gave me a break. I was on suspension for the rest of the week to get my shit together. Instead of trying to change his mind, I’d thanked him and gotten out after apologizing to Randy. He hadn’t been happy but grudgingly accepted. After my head cleared, I knew it wasn’t Randy I was mad at, or even those assholes who’d tried to pick up Landon tonight.

It was myself.

I was a fucking cliché.

I’d found the woman I loved but thought I’d never get caught. I was a greedy, selfish bastard and now I’d paid the ultimate price. The shame of my betrayal throbbed inside me like an open wound. My head spun as I tried to make sense of my actions and cockiness. Had it simply been about the thrill of not getting caught? Or was I so used to getting what I want, I’d stopped caring about the things I already had?

My life had never been about revelations or self-analysis. I didn’t have any type of fucked up past like some of my friends. My parents were still married and loved each other. I’d been raised with plenty of money and as long as I made a good argument and worked hard, I was given what I wanted. I was solidly smart—not brilliant or talented in a specific art, but generally smart. Things came easy to me, including Landon, but she’d been the bright spot in a mostly dull world where nothing surprised me. I craved color and vibrancy and surprise. It was another reason I liked to walk the edge of safety. But I’d never lost anything this important to me. The sting of pain was new, and I didn’t like it.

I despised such a weakness and needed to make things right. Problem was I had no idea how.

Deciding to walk to get my jumbled thoughts in order, I quickly pulled out my phone and texted out a help message to the guys.

Dudes, I’m fucked up. Got thrown out of Red. Landon won’t talk to me. Anyone around?

I walked and waited for a response. The icy reception from the girls was hard to take but understandable. Of course, they’d have Landon’s back and it was a good thing. But if I could get one of them to listen, maybe they’d be able to tell me what I should do. I desperately needed advice from a female who knew Landon, because all of my instincts told me to keep pushing hard on the apologies and begging. Just a nugget of feedback would soothe my nerves and give me something to work toward. I looked down as a text from Noah came in.

Shit so sorry man. At a gig rest of night. Diner in morning?

I texted him back yes.

Coop’s response came in shortly after. Tried to talk to Elle but now she’s pissed at me, too. I’m out of town on a photo shoot—back tomorrow. Lay low, man. It’ll pass.

I never heard back from Adam. He was probably with his new band. Irritation with the quick way he shed me as a friend hit, making me want to push back on him but I didn’t have enough energy.

Cursing, I fumbled with my phone and took a wild chance, even though I didn’t expect anything. Gabby was the weakest link to Landon since she was new. Maybe she’d take pity on me.

Gabby, I’m sorry. Fucked up tonight. I’m broken. Can we talk after work about Landon? Please.

I figured she’d block me or blister my ass but I was counting on her to like my begging and feel superior over being Landon’s friend. I didn’t care, I needed to take some type of action or my head would explode.

It took a while, but eventually she texted me back.

Ok. Meet you at 1am. Where r u?

I let out a breath in relief and texted her the dive bar address in front of me. I went inside and ordered a beer, keeping to myself and passing time. Finally, I looked up and saw Gabby enter. She’d changed out of her uniform and into a pair of ripped denim capris and sleeveless black concert tank. Her hair was pinned up but strands escaped and fell wildly to frame her face. As she walked over, I took a moment to admire her spectacular curves and earthy sensuality. Adam was lucky. I’d asked him a few times how she was in bed but he’d refused to give me details. Landon had said they weren’t fucking but I knew Adam wouldn’t say no to good pussy.

“Thanks for coming. What are you drinking?” I asked.

Her features remained cool and distant as she looked at me. I didn’t flinch under her gaze, knowing this was an uphill battle. “Tequila and soda.”

I ordered it from the bartender and we waited in silence until she was served. She took a few sips, then settled onto the bar stool. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Gabby, don’t be like that.” I allowed my tone to take on an element of pleading. “I know what I did was horrible. I know I messed up and hurt Landon, but I’m telling you I love her with my heart and soul. I want to marry her one day. She’s the one, and I’ll do anything to get her back. I’m asking for your help.”

She shook her head and gave a laugh. “Why are you coming to me? Elle’s your girl—that’s her bestie. Get through her and you get to Landon.”

“Elle won’t even talk to me or Coop. Daisy was nicer but Noah said she’s disappointed and refuses to give me any time. You’re the most reasonable in the group. I’m asking for your advice—if there’s anything I can do to make it up to her. To get her to forgive me or at least try. I swear to God, I will never screw up again.”

Gabby rolled her eyes and took another sip. “Dude, I’m not Landon, you don’t have to sell me on your integrity or intention. Why’d you bang that girl in the first place if you were so happy with Landon?”

I sucked in a breath and looked her dead in the eye. If I didn’t stick with the truth from now on, I’d never get Landon back. “I think I drank too much and was selfish. I figured I could still have Landon and get an itch scratched. I didn’t even consider I could get caught or blow up my relationship. I just…took it all for granted.”

She narrowed her gaze, then nodded. “Yeah, makes sense. But don’t push the drunk angle too hard. It’s entitled and making excuses. No one wants to hear it.”

“Okay. Got it.”

“I don’t think she’s going to forgive you, Max.” The words were matter of fact but pummeled me like a sucker punch. “Landon will be protecting herself now. She doesn’t want to get hurt again.”

“If I show her how we can grow from this and get stronger, maybe she will.”

“You, dude. If you can grow from this. She did nothing wrong.”

“Right. I’m thinking long term here. Showing up regularly and letting her know how sorry I am. How I’ve changed. How I’ll do anything for her.”

“Well, trying to punch Randy and making a scene at Red was not a good look.”

I winced and drained my own drink. “Yeah, I know. I’m not going to let my emotions get to me anymore.”

“What if she goes and fucks Randy?”

I stared at her with horror. My gut actually clenched and I almost wanted to vomit. “Fuck—are you trying to kill me?”

Gabby shrugged. “Just being real. She’s going to be out there, hurting you back. She’ll experiment. You need to be ready for it. The long game. I don’t think you have it in you, Max. You like things easy.”

I thought about what she said and tried not to flinch from the raw truth. Wasn’t it time I got real with myself? I could move on without Landon and find another woman. Hell, I could get anyone I wanted. I could make nice and watch her with someone else and maybe eventually convince her we can all be friends. I saw that path clearly.

The other path was unknown. It was me not getting involved with anyone else. Watching her hook up and not saying a word. Being her friend and getting her to trust me again slowly, with no expectations she’d ever take me back.

In that moment, I made my decision. I needed to step things up and be the man I knew I could.

“You’re right, Gabby.” She looked surprised at my admission. “I don’t think there was ever anything in my life I needed to fight for. Until now.”

She tapped her fingernail against the glass for a while, studying me under thick lashes. “You need to be ready for anything if you want a shot at getting Landon back. And she may not want you back, Max. Not every woman falls under your spell.”

“I know.”

For a brief moment, I wondered if Gabby had ever thought about us together. The first time we were at Red, before she knew about Landon, there’d been chemistry. The spark was interesting, but I didn’t lean into it because I’d never get involved with anyone at Red or who knew Landon. Plus, I wasn’t looking to break up with my girlfriend for anyone.

But I always wondered if Gabby noticed too; the way our gazes held a bit too long; or that brief moment both our hands reached for a glass and there was a sizzle of heat. We did cultivate a flirtation, which Landon had lost her shit over, but I never got the impression Gabby wanted to break us up. It was almost as if she was feeling her way with our interactions, sometimes stoking the heat and other times playing it cool and distant.

Of course, she was with Adam, and I only wanted Landon. There’d never be anything more between us except a friendship alliance within the group.

“I’m not going to lie to Landon about this conversation,” Gabby said. “She trusts me now. I’ll tell her you came to me for advice and I listened.”

Yeah, I may not like it, but I didn’t blame Gabby for holding tight to loyalty. “Understood. Thanks for meeting me.”

She finished her drink, got up from the stool, then let out an irritated breath. “Okay, listen up. Don’t stalk her. Don’t call her all the time or make any more excuses. You need to man up, take responsibility and show her you changed.”

“How?”

Her smile was both cruel and pitiful. “By happily taking all the shit she’s about to give you. By letting none of her actions bother you and being her solid staunch friend and supporter. Show up at every one of our get togethers, and be what she needs, when she needs. You’re gonna hate every moment, Max. I’m not sure you can do it but I’d love to see you try.”

Her zeal for my agony was irritating but I guess I deserved it. “Can I call you sometimes Gabby? Just to check in?”

She hesitated, then tossed her head. “Sure. Why not?”

Gabby disappeared, leaving me alone with the fallout of my actions.

I had a long road ahead but for Landon, it would be worth it.

Because I knew, deep in my heart, we were meant to be together.