Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

Gage

“Another week?” I overheard Xavier saying from the living room right as I shut the water off for the sink. “That’s what she said?”

“You want to call her back and talk to her?” came Dexter’s reply.

Snagging the towel off of the rack to dry my now thoroughly pruned hands, I slapped it down onto the counter once I was done with it and headed into the living room. The game on the TV was paused while both the twins were patiently sitting on the floor in front of the couch while Xavier and Dexter were talking.

Xavier had his phone in his hands that he tossed between them every few seconds, a pensive look etched onto his face. “It’s just a little surprising, is all...”

Dexter offered his own phone over, waving it slightly in the space between them. “That’s all she said to me, but if you want to ask?—”

His father was shaking his head, putting both of his hands up in mock surrender. “As long as she’s not expecting us back on a flight Monday afternoon.”

“What’s going on?” I asked.

Xavier let out a soft sigh and then turned my way. “Kate called.” Holding back a grimace should’ve earned me some kind of award. “And said that we can stay the week if we want.”

There’s no way I heard that right. “The whole week?”

He glanced back at Dexter who merely shrugged. “That’s what she told me.”

A whole week?!

I’d get Xavier for longer than just these measly three days that could barely even count as an extended weekend since he’d be traveling back home on the third day of it.

Could Kate really be so generous?

Did she have any of those bones left in her body?

I couldn’t imagine her calling Dexter up to tell him that she’d done some soul searching and realized that keeping a son from his father was wrong and for them to take their time in getting back to California.

All of it was too good to be true.

Where was the catch?

“If that’s okay with you,” Xavier was saying, his gaze darting from me, over to the twins. “All of you. I don’t want us imposing on anything.”

The urge to tell him to shut up and kiss him stupid was itching me right on the back of the neck, hard to ignore while my mind raced with the possibility that my wish of bringing him to the Christmas party would be coming true after all if I could convince Ellie to move the date up.

Sure, they’d be leaving right before Christmas day, but I was still getting them for the week leading up to it. That was counting as a win in my book. Even if I couldn’t have Xavier for the entire holiday stretch like I selfishly wanted to.

Oh shit, I needed to go out and buy them both gifts.

What was Dexter into?

I could probably get the boys to weasel some info out of him in order to give me an idea on what to go off of. Xavier was easy—my issue was blowing him out of the water with what I got him, and not just buying him something that he’d tot on for a few days before forgetting altogether in a few months.

A strong hand gripped my shoulder, ripping me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay with this, Gage?”

My gaze snapped to Xavier’s, the wariness in them not lost on me.

Our earlier tiff was still hanging in the air between us and not as easily forgotten as I would’ve liked for it to be. While I wasn’t exactly sure why getting so triggered lately by our relationship had been happening, there was still that nagging feeling in me that was telling me something needed to be done.

What that was, I had no fucking clue.

If I dug down deep enough, I was positive that the answer would most likely have something to do with this long distance. Having him so far away from me the vast majority of the time was beginning to wear on me more than I initially suspected, causing these weird rifts that I couldn’t seem to stop myself from falling into, and taking him down with me.

Beating out my frustrations on Xavier wasn’t fair, especially since he had very limited time with me left—even with the extended few days Kate had apparently granted us with. He was, unfortunately, the closest punching bag that I had and all my brain wanted to do was scream ‘fire!’ and swing wildly.

The hand tightened on my shoulder once more.

Shaking my head, I said, “Yeah, sorry. It’s all good with me.”

“You sure?” he asked.

He seemed to be fishing for something—some kind of reassurance that I wasn’t simply giving in by being put on the spot. Even with my mood still in a weird place, that was very much appreciated. Getting pressured into doing things for the sake of keeping the peace annoyed me to no end.

“I’m sure. We can work on getting your return tickets sorted out tonight.”

Thankfully, he seemed to pick up on the hidden meaning underneath my nicely dressed words. “Why don’t we go to that now? Don’t need the seats to fill up on us.”

“Laptop’s in my room.” I nodded toward the hallway.

While I dreaded having any kind of conversation that would bring us right back to where we were at in the kitchen, there was also a part of me that needed to purge this toxic shit from my system. Getting it all out in the open—whatever it really was—would get us back on the same page again.

Hopefully.

Xavier smiled at me slightly, his hand dropping back down to his side. “Guess we won’t be needing to cram our entire itinerary into tomorrow after all.”

At that, Dexter turned to the twins and said, “That means I get to stay up until the sun rises.”

“Nice try,” Xavier drawled. “You’re still going to bed at a reasonable time.”

“What’s reasonable to you, Xavier?” Asher asked. “Four am? Five?”

Greyson gave him a hard shove on the back. “Yeah, like you’ll be able to stay up that long. The military’s got you guys in bed as soon as the sun goes down and getting up while it’s still dark out.”

“Okay. Pot, kettle?” Asher shot back. “Weren’t you the one complaining in the group chat how your boss is constantly waking you up at the ass crack of dawn?”

“Don’t see him anywhere around here, now do we?”

“Boys…” I chided. “How about we’re in bed by one.”

“Fine,” they chimed at the same time.

Xavier nodded to Dexter. “You too.”

“Sure. Got it,” he answered.

Blowing out a breath, I pivoted my body toward the hallway, feeling the energy in the room shift while Xavier followed me and the sounds of the game on the TV came to life again. The boys were good at distracting themselves, giving Xavier plenty of time to talk. However long they roped Dexter into hanging out with them, it would be at least for a little while.

Heading into my room, the first thing I noticed was Xavier’s bag by my bed, leaning up against the wall. My lip quirked up involuntarily as my body relaxed at the sight of it. He didn’t seem to be too mad at me if he was willing to share a room with me tonight.

That could all be a massive coincidence that aligned with giving the twins back one of their rooms, but I wanted to look at it as Xavier actually wanting to spend time with me despite our weirdness.

He shut the door behind us softly once he was inside, turning to me with a pinched expression. “Gage...”

My heart beat solidly in my chest, choking me from saying anything to him.

Expressing myself had never been a problem before. Even as a kid raising my two baby brothers, I’d always expressed exactly what was on my mind. There was never a point in my life where I subscribed to the idea that I had ‘nothing to say’ about a situation, even if it was a mundane one.

Yet here and now, I was stumbling to form my words properly to express myself.

How could I when I wasn’t able to name what was wrong?

My theory was the distance between us affecting our bond—the issue being that there was no real way to prove that was actually what was going on with me unless he left and I could definitely say that was the real problem and not some bandage over top of the real festering wound.

Not to mention that with Xavier being here now, I should be over the moon wanting to crawl up into his skin while I had him, not picking stupid fights.

Everything was so damn jumbled. Nothing was making sense.

Why did I care if Xavier never married me and chose his family over spending one day out of the year with his family when I had him every other damn time?

Because you want him to be a part of your family.

Ugh...

Xavier crept across the room, standing before me with his hands outstretched to cup my face. He stroked his thumbs along my cheeks in a gentle way, soothing me despite my raging whirlwind of thoughts.

I’d always been transparent to him, no matter how well I believed I’d covered up the truth. He saw through me and into my soul like a damn pane of glass.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

For everything.

He shook his head and bent forward to press his lips against mine in a chaste kiss. I melted into him instantly, my arms coming up to curl tightly around him as he adjusted his hold on me. He walked me back toward the bed, lowering me down onto it the second the back of my knees brushed up against it.

His body was a solid weight on top of me, comforting in that weighted blanket kind of way. Our kiss was slow, and we took the time to savor the feeling of each other without the feverish need to strip our clothes off and go at it like a couple of wild animals.

This was what made all of the distance and conflicting schedules worth it—having him here with me in this quiet moment with no outside interruptions to rip us apart and force us back into our roles as parents or first responders.

Stressing about him leaving when I should be savoring what little time left I had was only going to make my moods worse and cause further issues that didn’t need to be there in the first place. Quinn was right about it all—I was getting too up in my head about things that shouldn’t even matter at this point.

What I really needed to be focusing on was soaking up as much time with my boyfriend as possible until he had to go home.

Xavier drifted back from our kiss, his fingers moving from my cheek to trail down my forehead and over my jaw. His treatment of me, like I was some kind of precious piece of ancient pottery, would never cease to get my heart fluttering.

“Talk to me.” His voice was soft.

“I miss you,” was all I could think to say back. Because at the end of it all, that was the truth. I missed him even when he was here with me.

His expression softened. “I miss you, too, Gage.”

We had a week together.

A whole damn week.

Spending it on dreading the inevitable goodbye was only going to leave me feeling regretful in the end. Xavier would be back; he wasn’t leaving me forever no matter what that traitorous voice inside of my head told me.

Regardless of him not wanting to marry me, or not spending Christmas with me, we still had each other. Our bond had been forged in brotherhood during the chopper crash, long before we were officially dating. That wasn’t something that could easily be wiped away no matter the circumstances.

Wrapping my limbs around him, I breathed in his woodsy scent and let my eyes close.

I needed to be grateful for what I had before I ended up chasing it away.