Chapter 7

A s it was, it seemed as if Xavier had turned a corner. Every day he appeared to get a little bit more color in his face and a little bit stronger. His stomach also seemed to have calmed down to the point that he was capable of eating more and more. In fact, mealtimes were a joy for him now. And Talia knew for a fact that Dennis was in his element. Even Ilse came out at almost every meal to check on Xavier. He was embarrassed and flustered by all the attention and yet at the same time amazed that people cared. Talia often just sat here with him, his plate full, while she watched him work his way through whatever meal he had. And he no longer protested what they offered to him. He didn't say anything. He just sat down and ate it, as if finally confident that whatever they gave him was in his best interests.

Several days later, after many meals had worked through his system as they should, he finally put down his fork and gave her a beaming smile. "Food's never tasted this good."

"What?" she asked in mock astonishment. "Is that coming from you? You who doesn't care about food?"

"Hey," he protested, "I didn't know it could be like this."

"Apparently your stomach didn't either," she murmured.

He nodded. "Isn't that something too," he noted. "It's hard to imagine just what a joy it is to be eating again. Without cramps and a million other things that we won't discuss at the dinner table," he added, with a smile.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I've heard it all by now," she murmured, chuckling.

He nodded. "I'm sure you have. Doesn't mean I want you to be regaled with way more of it."

At that, she laughed. "Don't worry about it. It's all good. As long as you're eating, and it's staying down, everybody here is thrilled for you."

He nodded. "And who thought, who knew, that the cure would be something simple."

"Well, it's never that simple, not until you figure it out," she noted. "Think about it. People spend lifetimes going through pain and indigestion and never really realizing what is the problem. They're quite content to think that they've just got a tummy ache."

"Yeah, but when the tummy ache hits me like that?" He shuddered.

"Exactly," she murmured. "You're doing a ton better now."

"Yeah," he agreed, "and it's pretty hard not to appreciate the fact that everybody here worked so hard to get me back on track. Between the doctors and Shane and Ilse and Dennis, it feels as if it were a community effort." He laughed. "And isn't that something?"

"As I told you before, we all care," she reminded him. "You're not a number. You're not a patient. You're somebody to us."

"And that's the difference," he said. "I get it. I just never expected to see that."

"I think it's a shame that our world has come down to number-crunching to the extent that most patients don't understand that they deserve more," she murmured.

"I don't even know if it's that so much," he clarified, "but maybe more about just knowledge of the science of the body. We don't always understand just what we need and what we could use." He explained, "It goes back to that theory about you don't know what you don't know. And when you don't know something, how are you ever supposed to know that you don't know it?"

She blinked. It took her a moment, and then she laughed. "That's very true."

"Exactly. Glad you understood that." And he grinned at her.

There was just something about him—the smiles, the grace with which he finally accepted that people here cared—that made her sit up and take notice of him. The trouble was, she was sitting up and taking notice of him probably more than she should. She sighed at that point.

"Ooh," Xavier said, "that didn't sound good."

She looked at him. "Why?"

"That just sounded like a real heavy-weather kinda sigh."

"It wasn't intended that way," she protested.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "It sounded as if, I've got the world on my shoulders, and I don't know how to fix it ."

"Well, for one," she began, "if the whole world is on your or my shoulders, it's not for you or me to fix."

He stared at her and then laughed. "Good point. I'm fine with that too."

She smiled. "It's amazing, when you think about it. So much in life is open-ended, and we have options, and then so much in life seems as if we have zero choice at all."

He nodded. "I feel that sometimes too. No, not sometimes," he corrected, "but all the time recently, or at least in the months before I arrived here. It seemed as if, no matter the problem, nothing could be done. I was watching Zander get worse and worse, every time he caught the next thing. It was just… heartbreaking because I couldn't help him."

"I'm glad that you decided to come here and that you're helping Zander get here too."

"I'm glad I decided to come as well, but more so now because Zander is pulling through."

"Did you ever talk to Dani about getting Zander here?"

He shook his head. "And I had a perfect opportunity just a few days ago, and I blew it."

"There is no such thing as blowing things with Dani," Talia pointed out. "She's very approachable."

"I know, but I feel as if the stars and the moon and all the astrological signs must line up so that she'll give me the answer I want to hear."

Talia frowned at him. "You really do think the world's against you, don't you?"

"Sometimes it seems that way," he stated darkly. "You know when you want the answer that you want from a doctor, but you're afraid to ask because you just know it'll be the wrong answer?"

She nodded. "I think that's fear talking."

"Sure, it's all fear," he agreed, "but fear is something that's very hard to walk away from."

"It hasn't really been much of an issue in my world," she shared, "so I'll just have to accept that, for you, unfortunately the fear's been part of your day-to-day life."

"It has been when you wake up after an injury like mine," he shared. "The worst part was lying out there with part of the vehicle on top of me, yet knowing that Zander, beside me, was worse off. And, even though I tried calling out to him, I just couldn't rouse him. He survived with a broken pelvis, both legs broken, plus several ribs. My injuries were almost as bad, as one of my legs was crushed and the other broken, plus an arm. But, in both cases, we survived with our lives, so it's all good."

She looked over at him and winced. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were both in the same accident."

He nodded. "Same unit, same set of training missions, same vehicle, same IED. There were just so many of them," he whispered. "And you never really think it'll happen to you, until it does, and then you wonder why life did that to you. Still, it's easy to forget about all the other guys who were affected just as badly too."

"I don't think you can ever spread your energy to all the rest of the guys," she suggested. "I think you get to a point where you have to focus on you and only you to heal. That's one of the reasons why I'm glad you came, even if Zander wasn't ready to be moved yet. I would love to see Zander here too, but you must focus on you."

"And I am. It's just that I want good things for him too."

"So let's go talk to Dani," she suggested.

He looked at her. "What do you mean, both of us?"

"Sure, why not? Dani doesn't scare me." And she twinkled a smile back at him.

"Well, she doesn't scare me either, but she's intimidating."

"She's not intimidating, but the situation might be intimidating."

"You're splitting hairs," he said.

"Not trying to," Talia replied. "Yet I know this is really important. I'm just trying to point out that Dani isn't an ogre. If she can accommodate somebody, she will."

"But why would she accommodate Zander if she's already turned him down?"

"But did she turn him down, or was it more that he's not ready yet or maybe Dani didn't have a free bed? Or was it, hey, Zander needs to get well and be in a better state of health before we move him."

"I don't know," Xavier admitted. "I didn't see the file, didn't see the answer."

"So maybe that's one of the things to clarify first."

He hesitated, then nodded. "It feels as if I need to talk to her."

"Then talk to her. Just accept that Dani is a good person and tell her about Zander. She's not scary."

He looked over at Talia and made a face. "She might not be scary to you, but she's kinda scary to the rest of us."

Talia burst out laughing. "Maybe, but she would be surprised to hear it. Still, she's also a really good person, so I wouldn't worry about it too much."

"Says you," he muttered. Then he smiled and nodded. "I'll get around to it. Zander isn't ready yet."

"No, but you might want to get his name on the list first anyway."

"I understand," he said.

Just then Dani popped up in the dining room and looked over at him. "Hey, how's the stomach?"

"Much better." Then he called out, "Hey, Dani, you got a minute?"

"Sure," she said, walking over with her plate. "Mind if I join you?"

"No, not at all," he said, with a glance over at Talia. "A friend of mine who's applied to come here," he began, "actually he applied well before me, and he's had a lot of health complications, and apparently he was turned down."

She studied him. "Interesting," she murmured. "We don't turn down very many people."

"That's what Talia was saying. So I don't know if it was a case of turned down or he needed something more or it just wasn't the right time.… Maybe you had a waitlist."

"We always have a waitlist now. What's his name?" she asked.

"Zander Tolston. He's a really nice guy. We've been in and out of missions together for most of our adult life," he explained. "I know he had pneumonia when I left, but he's pulling out of it now."

"Ah," she murmured. "I think that was more about we had a bed for him at the time, but he didn't have permission."

"Permission?" Xavier pounced. "What does that mean?"

"Doctor's permission to travel, to be without his supervision, whatever it is. We still have a lot of bureaucracy to go through," she murmured, as she eyed him. "Now if he's physically better and he's more capable of traveling at this point, then that might be something that can be looked at again. Has he resubmitted an application?"

"I thought he told me that earlier. Yet I don't know for sure. Maybe he assumed he would be on a waitlist."

She frowned at that. "I'll look it up, but a resubmission on his part shows that he is still interested."

"I'm pretty sure he won't have a problem doing that, if he hasn't already," he murmured.

"Let me know," Dani replied, "and, when I get back to the office, I'll take a look."

Xavier smiled. "Thank you." As soon as Dani was gone, Xavier let out a whoosh .

Talia smiled at him and asked, "See? Was that so scary?"

"No," he admitted. "I figured I better grab the bull by the horns and see what's up. Then at least maybe I can tell Zander whenever he's healthy and able to travel that maybe we could make this happen."

"Exactly," she replied, with a bright smile. "It doesn't have to be all bad news. And just because it deals with your friend doesn't mean that everything will automatically go badly."

"No, but so many things have gone wrong for this guy that I feel somebody put a target on his back. Zander's just been it for so long."

"Maybe this time being it will be a good thing," she suggested gently. "Give Dani a chance to check, see what's going on. That'll give you the inside scoop on it, and then you can contact Zander, tell him to resubmit, and see what else might need to happen."

"I'll do that," he stated, with a bright smile. "And thanks, by the way."

She frowned. "Thanks for what?"

"For giving me the courage to try." He laughed.

"You didn't need courage," she noted. "I get the feeling you'll walk through fire for your friends."

"For this one in particular, yes, as he saved my life."

"During the accident?"

"No, before. We were up against a sniper, and he took him out after I'd been shot. The sniper was coming up for a kill shot, and Zander took him down."

"Nice. Well, nice for you. Not so nice for the sniper."

"And that's the way it is," he muttered, his tone darkening. "It seems as if somebody's always doing better, and somebody has to do worse in order to make that happen."

"Sorry to hear that for you guys out there who were in the thick of things," she said, "but it's a whole new world out there now, with plenty of happiness and success and healing to go around. Yet so many people can't even begin to understand what you've been through." She added, "That's one of the reasons why you might want to make friends around here because they do understand."

"I know," he admitted, "but I guess I've also been reticent to get into that whole tale-sharing thing because it just drags up so much other stuff. It was always something that I could count on Zander for."

"Counting on Zander's great, when he's here. But you do seem a little bit lost without him."

He looked at her and protested, "I haven't had a chance to be lost. Just so much is going on since I got here—and not that long ago either—that that's hardly a fair assessment."

"Maybe not lost ," she conceded, "but it feels as if you're missing Zander a lot."

He gave her a bright smile. "That is true. I have been, but honestly, you've been great, and I really appreciate your friendship."

"Hey, our friendship is a whole different story. That's because I like you. Not because we shared a major attack." And, with that, she got a reminder ping from her phone. Looking at her watch, she shook her head. "And I have to go to work."

As she got up, she smiled at him. "I'll see you later." And took off.

*

Xavier was delighted that his stomach and digestive system seemed to improve, slowly at first but then stronger and stronger, until he was testing out different meats, different vegetables, different starches. At the end of the evening he could always tell whether he was doing well or would spend half the night sitting in the bathroom. Not his favorite occupation, given where he was at and what the next day would bring.

Shane could always tell from the look on his face the next morning how he'd done overnight. But eventually Shane got to the point of just glancing at him and then carrying on.

Several weeks later Xavier shared, "I haven't had a bout of digestive issues in a quite a while now."

"And that is huge news," Shane declared. "I don't know if you've noticed, but you have put on some weight. And we're all very grateful to see it."

Xavier nodded. "Probably about five pounds."

Shane snorted. "I would say it's closer to twenty."

"Oh, I don't think it's that much," Xavier argued, "but I could see maybe ten. But let's do a base weight right now." He hopped on a nearby scale and was quite surprised. "Well, it was between our estimates. Thirteen pounds up."

"A lovely sign," Shane said, with a nod. "Another few pounds and we might get into building muscle again."

"Why not now?"

"Because you're still healing. And we can't have your body expending too much energy in the wrong direction."

That made sense. Xavier just hated that everything was being held back.

Shane obviously read his mind and murmured, "Don't worry about it. Once you're back to full strength, and we're not wasting away all that lovely energy again, you'll jump forward—and faster than you would expect."

"It doesn't seem like it now," he grumbled.

Shane chuckled at that. "Being eager to see progress is always a good sign."

"Is anybody ever here who isn't eager to see progress?"

Shane nodded. "We probably don't see that very often, but we do have people here who want to stay. They don't have anything else waiting for them. They don't have a life that they enjoy yet. They get catered to here in a certain way, and sometimes we see their progress stalls because they really don't want to move forward to the next stage of their life."

Xavier frowned at Shane. "I hadn't even considered that. I just want to see myself back to good health again and as strong as I can be."

"And a lot of people want that as well, but they also get mixed up with what their future really looks like, and they aren't ready for it."

Xavier sat down on the mat beside Shane and shook his head. "The things that we get messed up with."

"Well, you're still messed up dealing with your friend. You want him here, but he's not here. So in some ways I was a little worried that you wouldn't progress yourself."

"I don't think that should be a problem," Xavier stated. "I just want to ensure my buddy gets an equal chance to be as well as he can be."

"And Dani is looking into his application. It was brought up during one of our recent meetings."

Xavier looked over at Shane. "Wow, I'm really glad to hear that."

"Hey, we care here," Shane said, with a smile.

"And I get that. I hadn't really seen how much of a difference that kind of caring could make, but I do now."

"Good. First things first though, is you have to look after you. You are of no value to your friend if you can't get yourself cleaned up."

"And here I thought I was doing so much better."

"You are doing much better," Shane murmured, "but it's not quite good enough."

Xavier glared at him. "Now you'll tell me that I'm not doing enough after telling me that we couldn't even progress because we needed to slow down."

"Oh no. I think now that we're getting your digestive system cleaned up," he explained, "we'll have great progress physically. I'm not sure about emotionally."

"Wow," Xavier muttered. "Are we back to my friend again?"

"I don't know. Are we? It definitely feels as if something is holding you back."

That surprised Xavier. He shook his head. "I don't think so," he replied cautiously.

"Good," Shane stated, his tone serious, as he gave Xavier a straightforward look. "Because, if there is anything, anything that's making you insecure, feel bad or in some way… stopping you from progressing, then we need to know about it. We need to nip it in the bud fast. Your time here is at a premium, and we want you to get the most value from what you do here."

"And what is it that I could possibly be worrying about?" he asked.

"You tell me," Shane replied.

That was one thing about Shane. He never evaded a hard topic. It's almost as if he had some more psychology courses under his belt than most of the physical therapists. Xavier frowned at him and shrugged.

"So let's discuss your friend then," Shane suggested.

Xavier winced. "You think it's all back to Zander?"

"I have no idea," Shane admitted. "I just feel as if maybe you gained a certain amount of relief when having these abdominal pains, when everything was slowed down."

Xavier felt his anger shooting to life inside him. "That's not fair," he said. "You were the ones that made everything come to a stop until this healed."

"Exactly, but I'm also seeing a certain amount of Okay, good, that will maybe give Zander time to catch up with me ."

At that Xavier flushed, a dull angry flush, and shook his head. "That's not fair," he snapped. "That's not something I would do."

"I'm not sure you're consciously doing it," Shane pointed out, "as much as it's a subconscious wish. You two were close, always close, and, in every step of this way, of this journey, you've been pretty well neck and neck, except that you got to come here, and your buddy got sick."

Xavier nodded slowly. "Sure, but I won't hold back my own progress because Zander got sick."

"Are you sure?" Shane asked. "Because I heard rumors that you wouldn't even come here until Zander was better."

He flushed at that too. He stared at Shane, feeling a dull anger inside. "This conversation is over," he declared, with a wave of his hand. "Either we're doing a workout today or I'm going back to my room."

"Then talk to me or go back to your room," Shane said calmly. "Your choice."

Xavier glared at him, struggled back in his wheelchair, and pushed his way out of the room. Such an emotional vibration ran through him that, for a moment, he wondered whether he was okay or he could possibly have a heart attack. Xavier had such a tight feeling around his chest that it scared him. He didn't even know what to think anymore.

Back in his room, he shut the door with a little more force than was necessary and crawled back up onto his bed. If he needed to stay here for another bloody day, he would. But he would not take any more of that nonsense. They had no reason to even start talking to him like that. He'd never done anything to deserve it, and no way was Xavier holding back because of Zander. And, with that, he shut out the outside world and kept it at bay.