Chapter Nineteen

~ Xander ~

"You look like shit," Bailey said as Xander walked to the barn. She'd just pulled up in her truck when Xander was walking out of the house. Wright was taking a shower and then meeting him in the barn. He was nervous about today, didn't want Wright to push himself so quick. He was facing his problems head on, though. Facing what he called his triggers. He was proving to Xander how ready and dedicated and strong he was. He was still worried though.

By the time they all got home last night, Xander made him a quick meal of a ham and cheese sandwich and some chips and water and they went to bed. Wright was sleepy smiles and giggles while he fought his way through several yawns to explain their night. They only got five hours of sleep but Wright had woken up with a smile and promised that he was still good on his offer from the night before.

"I feel like shit," Xander said with a laugh. Bailey was an old family friend. Her grandpa and his were friends, same with their parents. She was older than Patrick, the big sister they never had. She was the farrier for a lot of ranches around the area and he knew she kept a busy schedule. "We all took a night off last night after making sure the animals were okay. Stayed up too late."

"Still stayed up later than us." Xander turned toward the porch and saw William sitting on the steps. He looked half asleep, not faring much better than Xander.

"Yeah, I really liked seeing that picture of your head in my boyfriend's lap last night."

"Boyfriend, huh? So, you two are official and all that?" Xander paused in the gravel and looked from William to Bailey and back. He hadn't seen Bailey in a while, she hadn't met Wright yet. But William knew their timeline. Neither of them had expressly said they were dating, but they loved each other. That came with being boyfriends, right? "I'm messing with you, Xander. He said the same thing last night. I don't think he realized he was even calling you that, but he did a few times."

Clark walked out of the house then and William stood up. They had to head back home before going to a luncheon with Clark's dad, the Governor. Clark raised his hand to stop Xander from continuing toward the barn. Bailey was standing next to the door waiting for him. Xander met Clark at his car.

"I don't know if Wright told you anything last night," Clark said. "But we drove past his old house. It was late, and we didn't stop, but the house is for sale. So I don't know where his dad is living right now."

Xander's eyes widened and his mind started to race. Wright hadn't told him that, but then again, he'd barely eaten his food and brushed his teeth before shoving his pants to the ground and falling asleep in the mesh shirt and his briefs. Xander had been the one to undo the belt after he fumbled for a minute.

"I'll call Reagan and see if she knows anything later today," Xander said. "Thanks for letting me know."

"He did great last night," William said. "He had a lot of fun and he's funny as shit too. I'm glad he's got you, and this place to help him. He's come a long way."

Xander looked back at the guest house just as the door opened and Wright stepped out bundled in a hoodie and pair of sweats. It was his go-to outfit. A vast difference from last night. "He's definitely something. You're not getting that mesh shirt back, though, I can promise that."

Clark clapped him on the shoulder as William waved bye to Wright. Wright leaned into Xander's side as they watched them leave, then headed toward the barn. "You tell me-"

"I know, Xander. I promise, I'll be fine." Wright looked up at him and Xander saw nothing but earnestness in his eyes. He really did want to do this.

Xander unlocked the door and pushed it open. The smell of the hay and horses hit his nose, the scent of comfort and home for him. He loved the horses, loved working on the ranch. He knew that living in the guest house wasn't a long-term solution and he'd already lived there longer than he expected to. But he wasn't sure what they were going to do. He didn't want to leave Wright, wouldn't leave him. He knew Wright loved the ranch as much as him and didn't want to live back in the city. And with the house he grew up in for sale now, he wasn't sure what that meant as far as his dad and where he was.

With the rain yesterday and the inevitable roll in the mud that Benito did, Xander planned on giving him a bath. He was a gentle horse, playful. If Wright was comfortable with it, he'd start showing him how to bathe and care for the horses. Right now, they were going to focus on turning the horses out and cleaning the stalls. They'd go ahead and do a deep clean today, spraying the floors and disinfecting everything. Patrick had a cleaning schedule pinned to a corkboard just inside the barn door. Everyone signed off on daily cleaning.

"What do you need me to do?" Wright asked. He pushed the sleeves up on his hoodie. His hair was still damp from the shower.

"I would say just sit there and look pretty," Xander said with a smirk. "But it is just me in here today, so I'm going to put the horses outside if you want to grab the supplies. We'll need a wheelbarrow, shovel, pitchforks, and the brooms. They're all in the supply room. The door after the tack room."

"I'm going to start with Luna today," Bailey said. "Bring her over this way and I'll get her set up."

Xander did as she asked while she set her things down in one of the grooming stalls. They got to work. Xander put the horses out in the paddock, leading Luna to Bailey last. Xander kept an eye on Wright as much as he could. He directed him to start with Luna's stall, explaining the process as simply as he could. They were going to do a deep clean today which meant more work than the typical cleaning.

It was hard work for a first day, but Wright never complained once. He did take off the hoodie about a half hour into the work. Unfortunately for Xander, he was wearing a plain tee underneath. They worked side-by-side to get each stall done properly. Wright nearly toppled the wheelbarrow on his way to dump it the first time so Xander took over that job. They didn't compost the shavings themselves, but one of the neighboring ranches with a greenhouse and garden came over to collect it from them twice a week. They kept it in large plastic containers that the neighbors provided them with. It was something new that Patrick had started over a year ago.

Bailey continued to care for the horses one at a time. She was saving Benito for last so Xander could wash him. Wright continued to work, checking with Xander that he was doing everything right. He surprised Xander with how hard and thorough he was working. And he did a great job. He scrubbed down the walls and hauled the feed and fresh hay into the buckets and hayrack. Xander laughed when Wright called out for him, only to find him struggling to reach the top of the hayrack. Xander promised he was laughing with him, not at him. But then he called him shorty for the next half hour each time he used the step ladder. He refilled the water buckets too. They would let the floors and walls dry for a bit before putting down the fresh bedding over the rubber mats.

It was close to ten when they finished the last stall. Wright leaned his back against the wall and sighed. "This is a lot more work than I thought. You do this twice a day?"

"No," Xander said with a small chuckle. "This was a full cleaning. Figured I would just throw you in the deep end today. Typically, we would just clean out the poop and urine, refresh the food and bedding if needed. It would take a third of the time it did today. But you did great today."

"And what's my reward for doing such a good job?" Wright raised his eyebrows and Xander moved toward him. He kept his movements clean, remembering the last time he'd moved suddenly and Wright freaked out a little. He knew what he was suggesting, but they still had work to do. Wright only thought he was done. Xander brushed his hair back and leaned down to kiss him quickly.

"You're going to meet Benito properly and we're going to give him a bath."

Wright sighed but his smile was still there. "Not the reward I was hoping for, but it's fine."

"We have a lot of work to finish today. What do you think I do while you're usually out there mowing and keeping the houses cleaned up? Since the ground is all wet and you can't do that today, I'm taking full advantage of using you."

"Please use me however you so desire," Wright said in a dramatic tone. He reached up to wrap his hands around the back of Xander's neck and pulled him back in for another kiss. They stayed like that for a minute before a whistle caught their attention. Bailey was coming back in the barn with Benito. Patrick was with her too, carrying bags of food and a gallon of what Xander hoped was Tracy's sweet tea.

"We'll take a break and then get back to it," Xander said. Patrick handed off the food and they moved to sit outside while Bailey finished her work.

"How did last night go?" Patrick asked. They were sitting on the porch of the guest house. Wright nodded, a small smile forming around the bite of the sandwich he chose.

"It was fun," Wright said. "The guys are really great. Paxton and Clark taught me how to dance, which was an experience."

"Paxton told me that she drove by your old house." Xander shot a look at his older brother, silently scolding him for bringing it up so quickly. But Wright just shrugged.

"It's for sale, which was surprising, I guess. I don't know where he would go, but I'm assuming it means he has no intention of coming back for me."

"Are you okay with that?" Xander asked, his tone much more comforting than his brother's. He'd been thinking of ways to talk to him about this and it wasn't out in the open. Maybe he was being too protective, but Wright was doing so much better now. He didn't want to risk him taking any steps back.

"I am," Wright said. "Obviously, I didn't want to see him again after what happened, but then the more I got to know this family and all the people that created Found Family Ranch, I don't even consider him family anymore."

Xander felt pride swelling in his chest. Wright had been stubborn at first, but once he realized he was safe with their family, he put in the work to get better. He didn't have to worry about being perfect around them. He worked hard and did his jobs thoroughly. Xander was proud to be part of the Lawson family, but he was just as proud to have Wright next to him.

"I know we talked about it a while ago, but did you have any plans for when the school year started?"

"I missed the deadlines," Wright said easily. "I don't know if school is really for me anyway. I never was that great of a student. I really just applied to have an excuse to get out of the house."

"But you work hard," Xander added. "That goes further than a grade in school with work like we do."

"It does and if my brother would shut up with the compliments, he would see where I was going with these questions." Xander turned his head to stare at his brother, but Wright was beside him laughing.

"I'm quite alright with the compliments," Wright said. "What did you want to ask?"

"You know Paxton is moving out next month to live in the dorms at the university. Usually, she's my go-to for grooming and barn work. I was watching you in here with Xander and you do work hard, Wright. It's a quality trait. I wanted to ask if we spent the next few weeks training you and getting you comfortable with the routine, if you would want to move more to working with the horses instead of the yard work.

"William and Brett got a new application in for one of the houses and the guy comes from a farm in another state. He's noted that he's willing to work on the ranch in whatever capacity he can. You've been here longer and you are family, so I wanted to give you the choice."

"I'd love to," Wright said quickly. "I really enjoyed the work this morning and I promise that I am working through the issues that are still holding me back."

"I don't doubt that, Wright, and it's none of my business. I just need to know that you'll be safe and careful around the horses. If you want, I can put you on the schedule to follow Paxton and Xander for a few days this week to get you used to doing the stalls. They are pretty repetitive so it gets easy to do them with one or two people. A few of our ranch hands are heading out at the end of the summer for one reason or another, so we're going through a bit of a shift, hiring some people, moving others around. If you're sure, I'd love for you to be full time working with us."

"Seriously?" Wright sat up straighter. He'd been working only a few days a week so far, earning just enough to pay Xander for his phone and to put a little aside. Not that he spent the money. He had it all saved up in a box on the top shelf of their closet. Wright was too short to reach it, a thought that was funny at the time for Xander. Still was, if he was honest. He wanted to pay part of the rent that Xander paid, but he refused to let him do that. At least up until now. "I would love that. I accept. Whatever the words are to say it."

"Good. Finish up your lunch and I'll let you get back to it. I'm going to drive out to check on things with the cattle. Xander, we're planning on moving them to the next field on Monday so stock up in the morning. A few of them are being sold and loaded on Tuesday as well as that class coming for the trail ride. Then Starlin Ranch is coming by Wednesday, we have that meeting with the FFR board Thursday. It's going to be a busy week."

Xander stood with his brother and walked away from the house, far enough that Wright couldn't hear them. They ended up standing next to his truck. "You know Wright is going to put his all into those horses."

"That's the plan," Patrick said. "He really is a great guy, Xander. He's a great addition to the family and I'd like to see you two hanging around for a while. Can't have one of my best employees leaving me for the city again."

Xander rolled at the playful ribbing. He didn't want to move to the city either, but they couldn't continue with how they were. If both of them were going to be working full-time, he'd want a place that was truly their own. "If we're going to be around for a while, we can't keep living in the guest house."

"Don't worry about that right now, okay?" Patrick clapped him on the shoulder and smiled. "Just enjoy this with him and we'll work it all out when we need to."

Xander eyed his big brother. He knew him well enough to understand that that tone of voice and his choice of words meant he knew something that Xander didn't. Patrick didn't give him a chance to interrogate further and got in the truck and started it. Bailey came out then, finished with all of the horses.

"I left your baby in the grooming stall," she said as she loaded her things into the back of the truck.

"Hope you didn't call him that to his face," Xander said. "He gets offended easily."

"He knows I think he's a baby. He's a good horse though. Muddy, but good."

"That's why he's still there," Xander said. "We're about to clean him up and get them all back in for food."

Wright joined him back in the barn. He wrapped his arm around Xander's waist and for a moment, they just stood there together. The conversation over lunch was another step to them being together. Xander hoped that Wright was ready for that.

"You're not having any regrets are you?" Xander asked. Wright pulled his head back and looked up at him, brows furrowing.

"What brought that on?"

"I just want to make sure," Xander said. He turned to face Wright and took his face in his hands. Wright was young still, just living a life he wasn't given the opportunity to. He didn't want to be five years down the road and Wright started regretting any decisions he made when he was so young. He laid all his cards on the table. "Baby, you went from a house where you weren't allowed to do much to here, where you've spent ninety percent of your time. There's a lot out in the world that you can experience. I just want to make sure that you're sure about this. Taking on a job like this is a lot of work and it requires commitment."

"I know, Xander." Wright held on to his forearms. He smiled softly. "I know you're worried about me and I appreciate it. I love it about you, but I can make my own decisions. I love your family. I love the work. I love you. And I'd like to give us a real shot."

"I'd like to give us a real shot too." Xander leaned down and kissed him, smiling the entire time. It was more teeth than anything, but Xander didn't care. He loved this man. Wright was the one that pulled back first. His face was serious.

"If we're going to do this, I need you to trust me fully when it comes to my progress and what I can handle, though. I know you want to keep me safe and I appreciate it. I love that you take control in most everything, but this is one thing I need to lead on, okay? My healing is my process and when I say I'm ready for something, I need you to accept that."

"I can do that," Xander promised.

"Good." Wright smiled. "That being said, show me how to work with these horses. I've been admiring them for weeks and I think it's finally time to meet them all properly. I've only briefly met Benito."

Xander smiled and led him over to where Benito was waiting impatiently. He properly introduced them, giving them a minute to bond and get used to each other. Xander was pretty sure Wright's smile never left his face. As much as he loved the mud, Benito loved the water hose too. Wright won him over by holding the hose near his nose and letting him play for a few minutes while Xander got the supplies ready.

The rest of the day, Xander showed Wright how to work with the horses. They gave Benito his bath, Wright getting soaked in the process. While neither of them seemed skittish around each other, he only let Wright help wash the main part of his body, assuring him that even Paxton had to use the step ladder from time to time depending which horse she was bathing. Xander focused on his face and legs. He promised Wright that once he had more experience and both him and the horses knew each other better, he could work on them alone. It was all about building trust between them. Wright nodded and continued to do each task Xander gave him with a smile. Wright spread out the fresh bedding before they brought the horses back one at a time to groom them as well. None of the others needed a bath yet, but Xander was full of pride watching Wright give them a thorough brushing.

He was a natural. He took to the horses, wasn't scared when they towered over him. He also followed every one of Xander's directions. It was just the first day, but already Wright was comfortable with grabbing the ropes and leading the horses to where they needed to be. He had fun but stayed safe. That was all they needed to see. When Xander commented on it as he walked beside him, making sure the horses stayed calm, he just shrugged.

"I think it's because I have the control," Wright said. "I mean, a creature this big and amazing and I have the control all because of this in my hand. It's like an immediate trust between us."

"It's not quite like that, but I get where you're coming from." He continued talking, warning him that although their horses were all well-tempered and used to strangers coming and going for summer activities, they can still get spooked or react suddenly. He needed to stay aware, no matter how well he knew the horse. The weather was a bit humid, but it was definitely drying up. All of the horses were in their stalls for the evening and happily munching on fresh hay.

"I now understand why Tracy makes so much food for supper," Wright said when they finished with the horses and barn for the day. Xander eyed him as he leaned against the doorway of the tack room. He didn't enter, but his posture seemed relaxed. It was a complete one-eighty from the first and only time he'd seen this room. He handed off the halter they'd used for Willow and didn't seem to be scared or anything. Xander reminded himself of the promise he made; he would let Wright decide what he was ready for or not. "I'm so hungry."

"You did amazing today," Xander said. He locked up and they headed to their house to clean up. "The horses like you too."

"Of course they do," Wright said. "What's not to like?"

"You know, I love how humble you are sometimes." Xander pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the basket in their room. Wright was also stripping out of his clothes. "Seriously, though, you did great. And you handled yourself well around the supplies."

"Does this mean we could revisit the little conversation we had before? About you tying me up?" The way Wright asked the question was optimistic, hopeful, but hesitant still. Xander had been hesitant to agree the first time because he didn't think Wright was ready. But like they agreed earlier, if this was going to work between them, he had to trust Wright that he knew what he wanted. He didn't miss the way Wright looked at him when he described the trust the rope held between him and the horse. Wright trusted him to not hurt him, knew he was safe to explore and take back the power he lost over the years. The thought of tying him up and using him how he wanted had gone straight to his cock, but he'd been hesitant because he didn't want him to push himself. Now, though, there was no reason they couldn't try. He'd been more than willing to keep his hands trapped the last time and that had been beyond hot.

"We can talk about it," Xander said. "But let's not have a repeat of last time. Shower and food, then we'll come back and talk it out. Tomorrow is Sunday and outside of cleaning the stalls and turning the horses out, we can have a few hours of downtime."