Chapter 14

Reed

While Jakob slept upstairs in my—our—bed, I did paperwork and read medical journals I’d put off for the last few weeks. The part of being a doctor widely skipped over in medical school was how much time would be occupied by things other than treating patients. I was deep into reading when my phone buzzed with a text.

Mom: Canceling on me?

Reed: I’ll make it up to you. Promise.

Mom: You should make it up to Cap. He’s the one who’ll have to listen to your dad’s rant about politics. Call me later.

As if on cue, another text popped on the screen.

Cap: Fucking canceling? I swear on everything fucking holy that if I have to listen to Dad rant about politics one more time by myself, your sorry ass will be the one who needs a doctor.

Reed: What do you think it will be this time?

Cap: Fuck if I know. I’ll distract him with revenge stories for Florida Man. Why can’t you make it?

Reed: An emergency that can’t be put off.

Cap: Everything okay?

Reed: Yeah. Did I tell you I acquired a roommate?

Cap: Acquired is a specific kind of word. Is it a good thing?

Reed: I want it to be.

Cap: Does the roommate have a name?

Reed: Jakob

Cap: Does the emergency have a name?

Reed: Also Jakob.

Cap: Good luck with the roommate and the emergency. You better fucking show up next month. Bring him with you.

Reed: Maybe. Gotta go.

My excuse to get out of the conversation wasn’t a lie. Jakob was up from his nap, and his heavy footsteps slowly descended the stairs. After his behavior at lunch, I knew we needed a serious discussion, but it wasn’t entirely his fault that today had overwhelmed him and led to a meltdown. He was a little, but best as I could tell, he’d never had the opportunity to fully explore that part of himself. Sure, there’d been times when his little mindset bubbled to the surface, but to let go and let someone truly take care of him? Hell, he hadn’t even had toys or anything to play with until today.

For the first time since Jakob crashed into my life, literally, the direction wasn’t clear. Before I was even out of high school, I knew what my life plan was—graduate at the top of my class for the chance to get decent scholarships, undergrad in pre-med, and then medical school. After one ER rotation, my goal for a residency position was decided.

But Jakob? He was a mess of contradictions and conundrums. He was an intriguing mix of innocent and wise beyond his years. His intelligence was damn sexy, but he was certainly more than his considerable IQ. He was a little who’d never been fully little. And judging by today, he was jealous as hell.

“Jakob, in the office,”

I called when I heard him reach the bottom of the stairs. His footsteps got slower the closer he came to the doorway. By the time he reached it, he was fully dragging his feet. Still in his pajamas, Jakob carried his babies in his arms. Given his stranglehold on them, it would take a crowbar to pry them away from him. His protectiveness was equal parts sweet and sad.

Jakob’s curls were a disheveled mess, sticking out in wild directions. His eyes were still hooded with sleep, the pillow had left creases across his cheek, and his pajamas were equally wrinkled. He trudged to where I was sitting behind my desk like a condemned man about to hear a sentence.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it.”

Jakob’s voice trembled with unshed tears. He swallowed reflexively in a doomed effort to control his emotions. With another shuddered breath, a tear leaked out, which he furiously wiped away with one hand while clutching his dolls tightly to his chest with the other.

“Oh, love, c’mere,”

I said and opened my arms to him. Jakob fell into my lap. He clutched my neck and his tears finally flowed freely. His hiccupped breath was hot against my neck, and I held him while he cried.

“P-p-apa, I’m sorry I was m-m-mean. He was nice t-t-to me, and I-I-I wasn’t nice back. I’m s-s-sorry,”

Jakob wailed while simultaneously trying to burrow into me. The cascade of tears was not just about being surly with the server. It had to be more because these tears were gut-wrenching. My hunch was that my interrupted thoughts were right, and his little was screaming to come out. He was using all his willpower to contain his regression. It was a recipe for disaster.

“Jakob, I need to ask you something.”

He made a valiant effort to get himself under control, but it was too soon. The cries continued unabated, and my heart broke for him. His ragged, hiccupping breath tore at every string in my heart. I knew there was nothing I could do to ease his immediate pain, and that was a punch in the gut. This man, a stranger only a few weeks ago, had become the center of my world in such a short time. Jakob had barged into my life, and damned if I wanted him anywhere else. “Love, you’re going to make yourself sick. Deep breaths.”

I kept murmuring to Jakob until his sobs slowed to sniffles.

“Are you going to ask me to move out?”

Jakob asked. The apprehension in his voice was palpable, and I fucking hated it.

“I would never. You’re the best roommate a guy could ask for.”

“Aren’t I the only roommate you’ve ever had?”

“Yes, because we aren’t counting college, and that would make you not being my favorite even sadder.”

That line managed to get the tiniest hint of a smile. Dad jokes for the win. The small hint of happiness was enough to interrupt his last few tears. I wiped the streaks off his cheeks while he studiously avoided any possibility of looking directly at me. “And I would never ask my boy to leave because he had a bad day. It happens. People make mistakes, but you don’t toss them aside because of it. I want you here.”

That sent fresh tears rolling down his cheeks, but his eyes seemed less troubled. “May I ask my question now?”

Jakob nodded without comment.

“I know you’re a little, but have you ever had the chance to be fully little?”

Jakob shook his head. His hunched shoulders gave the impression that he wanted to curl into himself. Notwithstanding his behavior at lunch, Jakob was the sweetest boy I’d ever met. And even if he wasn’t, everyone should be able to turn off their brain and be allowed to exist. That was precisely what I wanted for my sweet, sensitive man. The ability to set aside his intimidating intellect and explore the child he was never permitted to be.

“Kinda.”

“Kinda doesn’t tell me much, love. Can you explain a little bit more, please?”

“Like I know I am, but I couldn’t risk anything more than reading and wishing about it when I lived with my parents. When I got to the hotel, I wasn’t sure what to get, and I didn’t know anyone I could ask. Plus, I didn’t want housekeeping to see the toys or whatnot. What if they asked me who they were for or what age my kid was, and I didn’t have a good answer?”

“Oh, that seems like a job for a Papa.”

“But I didn’t have a Papa to ask.”

“You do now. And maybe that’s why you were a little bit…well, more like a lotta bit…out of sorts at lunch? Sometimes, denying ourselves an outlet makes our needs bubble out of us at the most inconvenient times. It seemed to me you were becoming a little overwhelmed at the toy store. Then, at lunch, you had all that pent-up something, but you weren’t sure what to do with it, so you took it out on our server. Does any of this sound feasible to you?”

Jakob’s tears were momentarily forgotten as he digested my words. I glanced down at him. His thoughtful expression and rapidly darting eyes were unmistakable signs that he was trying to work out the logic of my words. I waited because this wasn’t something I could rush past him without allowing him all the time he needed to consider the angles and implications.

“Papa, I think you might be right.”

One of Jakob’s hands migrated down to trace a pattern on my arm, which rested across his lap. His absentminded caress was wrecking my carefully laid plans not to push him in any particular direction in his vulnerable state. Still, his gentle touches left a trail of sparks in their wake. The battle with my pervy thoughts might be a losing one, but I would give it my best shot. When he began to squirm in my lap, I attempted to swallow my groan but didn’t quite succeed.

“Papa, you ’kay?”

Jakob’s tone had a tinge of something I couldn’t identify. Maybe lust? Likely my wishful thinking, given how he’d come downstairs.

“I’m fine, love. Let’s try this—tonight, you don’t have to hold on to anything. Let every grown-up thought in that galaxy brain of yours disappear. Tonight, you’ll be little Jakob, and it’ll be Papa’s job to take care of you. Do you want to try that?”

I held my breath while waiting for Jakob to decide whether he was all in for my experiment. If I was right, by the end of our evening, some of that anxiousness that had spilled out would be alleviated, and there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do if it meant making this man content.

“Wanna play with me, Papa?”

Jakob asked shyly. He looked up at me through his absurdly long lashes as he spoke. No one in their right mind could resist an invitation like that.

“I would love to play with you, love.”

I gave up any sense of neutrality and kissed the top of his head. His curls still held the faintest whiff of his strawberries and cream shampoo. The smell reminded me of summer and it struck me that Jakob would love to visit my family’s home on Almstead Island during summer. There were a few independent places on cleared areas of the island with lavender farms, a few bulb flower farms, and a pick-your-own strawberry patch we went to every year. My mom kept a small herd of miniature goats who happily chowed down on the extras. I’d bet money Jakob had never eaten a strawberry straight off the vine or fed a goat. “But first, we need a snack.”

“I…I…”

His shoulders moved up somewhere near his ears while the tension vibrated off him. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I hungry.”

When the words passed his lips, and I responded with another kiss, the tension in him evaporated into the air.

“Thank you for telling me. I like it when you use your words because then I know how to make you feel better. Your Papa knows how to do some stuff, but I haven’t quite figured out mind reading. Can you read my mind?”

Jakob’s answering grin went a long way toward reassuring me that we’d indeed struck the heart of the problem. He needed someone—and I damn sure wanted it to be me—to give him permission to let it all go. “I can, Papa!”

“Oh really? That’s so cool. What am I thinking right now?”

Jakob reached up and carded his fingers through my short hair. With his nails, he lightly scratched the base of my skull, which sent a cascade of need straight to my dick. Accident or not, he’d found the spot that made me lose my fucking mind. My strangled half-laugh, half-groan elicited a cheeky grin from Jakob.

“Wanna ’nack.”

“Pretty boy, you can read my mind. Let’s get something before we waste away and die of hunger.”

As I hoped, Jakob giggled, but it took a firm smack on his ass to get him moved off my lap. Once off, I ushered him out of the office and into the kitchen. Jakob’s entire self seemed infinitely more effervescent and bubbly. His giggles and butt shaking were adorable on their own, but with each movement, I knew he was closer and closer to reaching that state of contentment he deserved. We all deserved.

After he was installed at the kitchen table drawing with his new flair pens, I went to work on putting together something to eat. Given I wanted to keep Jakob in a little mindset, I went with easy finger foods properly chopped for a little. Our little charcuterie board included sliced bananas, strawberries, and halved grapes with yogurt dip and some sliced cheese, deli meat, and crackers.

“Oooh, Papa, yummy!”

Jakob squirmed in the seat and clapped his hands in anticipation.

He radiated joy, and I was struck again at how beautiful happy looked on him. His eyes danced with mischief and just a little sass. His deep-blue eyes held more contentment than I’d seen from him before. This sweet boy was truly in his element, and it looked so damn good on him. When I laid the platter in front of him to share, Jakob glanced up and held my gaze.

“Papa?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Thank you.”

With his upturned face, I had the perfect view of Jakob’s bow of a mouth. His pouty, pillowy-soft lips taunted me with the promise of his delicious taste. His wide eyes were hooded, and the vibe in the room went from sweet to sultry in a blink. “Thank me with a kiss,”

I answered.

Jakob leaned up and pressed his lips to mine. His escaped sigh was a signal to deepen the kiss, and I immediately slid my hand to the back of Jakob’s head and plunged my tongue into his waiting, willing mouth. He eagerly parted his lips and gave me free access. As predicted, his mouth had the delicious taste that was all him. Our tongues stroked against each other in the lazy pattern all Saturday afternoons emulate.

The only thought left was I wanted him in my life. Needed him there. He may have slipped into my life like an octopus into a crevice, but I had no idea the magnitude of denial I’d forced upon myself until his arrival. His innocent response to the insistent probing of my tongue sent ribbons of desire through me. Unfortunately, those pangs of desire also tripped warning bells in the back of my mind, clanging loudly about slowing down even as my dick hardened at the thought of exploring more of Jakob. Much to my cock’s chagrin, this needed to stay about Jakob’s exploration of his little space. My dick had to wait. Fuck.

“Sweet boy, get to your snack.”

Jakob obediently finished eating each section before moving on to the next one. There were a few battles between the strawberries and the bananas, but ultimately, they both agreed on a compromise to get eaten. My plate had significantly less excitement but tasted equally as good.

“Papa, drink, please?”

Jakob’s sweet voice was shy but clear.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot to grab one.”

I returned to the kitchen. “Which sippy cup?”

In my hands, I held both for him to choose from. Each was covered in dinosaurs: on one, they were gardening, and on the other, they were at the beach.

“Silly! Dinosaurs would eat all the veggies, and there’d be none for us. I like the beach.”

Jakob returned to his food and happily dunked his fruit slices in the yogurt before popping them into his mouth. Jakob had previously mentioned preferring his apple juice cut with water so it wasn’t so sweet. I handed the cut drink over to him, and he guzzled it down quickly. When finished, his empty cup explained to the plate all they could do on a beach trip together.

Wait. Had Jakob ever been to the beach?

“Have you ever been to the beach?”

My question caused Jakob’s face to fall, and I instantly regretted not keeping my damn mouth shut. My nosy questions could have waited or, hell, been left unasked.

“No,”

Jakob said with a forlorn voice. “I not go.”

But then he added brightly, “I saw a movie ’bout the beach.”

“Yeah? What did they do at the beach?”

“Papa, they did so much! They was monsters and got legs and they played and they learned to ride a bike and fished.”

Jakob demonstrated all of it with his remaining snacks before plopping back onto his chair. “I wanna play on the beach too.”

“Sweetheart, it’s too cold to play on the beach in the winter. You’d turn into a popsicle and then what would we do with you?”

“You could eat me, Papa.”

Jakob’s cheeky grin and sparkling eyes said he knew exactly what kind of joke he was making.

“Naughty boy, are you making dirty jokes to your Papa?”

Jakob gasped with faux shock and outrage, followed by an emphatic shake of his head. “Papa, I da bestest boy.”

He ruined his proclamation by giggling madly. I could only shake my head in pretend consternation.

“The bestest boy needs to put his dishes in the sink so we can go do something fun.”

Without hesitation, Jakob popped off the chair and deposited his empty plate in the sink. “Do you want more to drink?”

With a shake of his head, Jakob danced around the kitchen in anticipation. “All right then, let’s go find something to get into.”

With a whoop, Jakob clutched my hand and dragged me into the family room. “Papa, I’ve been waitin’ and waitin’ and waitin’ to make my orna-orma-stuff for the Christmas tree. Can we do it? Please! They have glitter, and it’s blue and green and red and yellow and all the colors, and then it sparkles, and that makes me happy. Like super-duper gonna ’xplode happy.”

This was it. This was the precise outcome I’d wanted for Jakob—to be free and happy. He deserved to find that carefree place within himself that hadn’t been allowed. There was no question that Jakob, in his adult space, could handle his life even if his parents had tried to convince him otherwise. None of that mattered now, though, because this sweet boy was waiting for me to make ornaments with him.

We settled ourselves at the coffee table and opened our packages. Our project mostly involved gluing paper strips across an open template and dousing them with glitter. Jakob was more skilled at combining colors. If they weren’t red and green, I had no clue what should go with what. But Jakob was not great at keeping the glitter contained to the project. He had it in his hair, on his clothes, and on the carpet.

As we worked, I noticed Jakob’s gaze strayed to the still-wrapped paci peeking out of the bags I’d dropped in the corner when we returned from lunch. Without a word, I rose from my position next to him to rinse it off for him. He was far too engrossed in his project to notice me. The tip of his tongue poking out the side of his mouth was adorable. Jakob did notice when I returned and gently probed his lips with the rubber tip.

“Papa! My paci.”

The wonder in his voice warmed every part of me. “Tank you.”

I dropped my hand to his hair when he laid his head against my thigh as I stood there. I carded my fingers absentmindedly through his hair while we silently let the moment sink into us. The twinkling lights of the Christmas tree in the corner gave the impression that we were alone in the world. I was here for it all. If this was how my life unfolded, I wanted to soak in every possible minute and figure out how to make it last.