Chapter 4

4

Tanner wanted to punch something. Preferably Cleveland Merritt's face for abandoning his daughters in the wilderness.

Because of his recklessness, Nelly was dead. And Maisy could have died today—maybe would have frozen to death on the ledge if he hadn't come along.

"Thanks for coming," she said, as if reading his mind.

"I'm just glad Smoke found me."

From their spot beside the bed, she was leaning into him, and he had the urge to slip his arm around her. Just to lend his support. Not because he wanted to feel her body against his again.

No, now wasn't the time to think about how good she'd felt when he'd held her on the path or when he'd carried her up to the cabin. In fact, there would never be a time to think about how good she'd felt.

He couldn't let his mind drift that direction. She was off-limits. Completely and totally off-limits. She always had been and always would be.

She rested her head against his arm, her petite height hardly reaching his shoulder. Without her hat holding her hair up, waves fell over her shoulders, cascading nearly to her waist. The lantern light turned the red to fiery flames—flames that seemed to flicker and dance and taunt him to reach out and touch them.

An inner voice scolded him against touching, reminding him that flames were hot and he didn't want to get burned. Worse, he didn't want Maisy to get hurt because of his carelessness.

So far in his short life, he'd never been careless or casual in his relationships with women—not the way his brother had been. Sure, he'd flirted, had fun with women, and had even exchanged a few kisses that had been offered to him. But he'd always known where to draw the line and had never crossed it, had prided himself on his self-control.

He intended to use every ounce of self-control he possessed with Maisy now too, just as he always had.

The problem was, he'd never held her before. And now that he had, his body was suddenly attuned to every little thing about her.

She shifted and lifted her hand into the crook of his arm, settling her fingers there as naturally as if she did it every day.

Except it wasn't natural for him. It only made his entire body alert to her fingers circling his bicep.

He wanted to lift his hand and cover hers. Maybe he'd even graze his thumb across the back of her hand. The need was swift and forceful, and he swallowed against it, balling his fists and stiffening his arm.

"Now that Nelly's gone," she said softly, "I've got no reason to stay here."

Yes, he needed to get his mind off her touch and onto a different subject. "What will you do?"

She shrugged and the movement accentuated the way her bosom was brushing his arm—her generous bosom.

His mouth went dry. When had she grown up so fully? Of course, he'd noticed her changing into a woman over the past couple of years. It would have been hard not to see just how lovely she was. With every visit, she'd only seemed to grow more beautiful.

Maybe that was his problem tonight. After the past weeks away from her, she'd matured even more. And it was easy to see that all traces of the girl she'd once been were gone and that she was all grown up now.

Maisy released a soft sigh, and even that small breath seemed to knock into him and send his senses into a rush of strange need.

"My ma has family back in Minnesota. She always spoke fondly of a sister. Maybe I can write to her and see if she'll let me live with her, just till I can find work."

"What kind of work?" He could only think of one type of work available to women, and he'd never let Maisy get so desperate that she'd have to resort to it.

"Decent work, Tanner." She pushed against him, clearly hearing the hesitancy in his tone. "I've got lots of talent. You've said so yourself."

"Talent at surviving in the wilderness. And taking in wild critters who need mothering. But I doubt you'll find any work doing that in Minnesota."

She was silent for a moment, hopefully thinking twice about rushing off and trying to make it on her own. "Reckon if I can't find work there, I'll find myself a husband."

"A husband?" That was an even worse prospect. "You won't know anyone. And you can't travel all that way to end up marrying a stranger."

"Why not?" She lifted one of her shoulders in a shrug. "People answer advertisements and get married for convenience all the time."

He couldn't argue with her there. That's what Ryder had recently done in order to find a mother for his baby. "Still, you deserve more than that. You deserve a man who will cherish and love you."

"Oh, hush up." She laughed lightly. "That's the stuff of fairy tales, and you know it. I'll be happy if I can have a man who doesn't leave me every chance he has for months on end."

Tanner's gut was tightening with each passing second of their conversation, the same way it had tightened when she'd said Cleveland was pressuring her about marrying a partner in Wyoming.

Maisy was someone special. He'd noticed it the first time he'd met her a few years ago. He'd stopped by to introduce himself to Cleveland and offer a hand as they built their cabin, and she'd come running out of the woods in bare feet, her skirt hiked into trousers underneath and her hair unbound and blowing like wildfire. She'd been cradling a sickly and injured baby eagle that had likely been abandoned and left to die, and she'd been determined to nurse it back to health.

She'd been so full of life and passion that he'd been left speechless.

As much as he'd been enamored by Maisy and her sass and liveliness, he'd never had the level of awareness that he was having tonight. He could only blame the physical contact he'd inadvertently had with her for stirring up latent desires.

Or maybe his desires had already been awakened because he'd been watching his siblings fall in love over the past year. First his adoptive brother Maverick had gotten married to his childhood sweetheart. Then his adoptive sister Clarabelle had found the love of her life in a German nobleman. And just recently, Ryder had fallen deeply in love with his wife, an heiress from New York City.

With each of his siblings so enamored of their spouses, Tanner had been surrounded by their joy in each other, which included all kinds of physical displays of affection and lots of kissing—lots and lots of it.

Then, after Tanner had returned from the East, Maverick had been excited to share the news that he and Hazel were expecting a baby. Maybe their marriages and the news of the baby had stirred something in him for more...

Or maybe now that he'd put to rest his investigation of his family's origins, he was starting to consider his own future and what that would entail. While he'd never thought he'd get married or have children as a mountain man, what if the desire was buried someplace inside?

Maybe he'd let his past—or lack of a past—dictate his life for too long. All his energy and passion had centered on finding his family. And now that he was done looking, he needed to move on and do something meaningful with his life. The trouble was, he didn't really know what that was.

Whatever was contributing to his heightened awareness of Maisy tonight, he had to let it go and continue on with their relationship the way it had always been. He hadn't ever considered dallying with her before, and just because they were alone and unchaperoned right now didn't mean he'd give himself permission to start.

Maisy's thumb rubbed his bicep again, and every nerve in his body sparked to life. The trouble was, she was so innocent and always had been. She didn't realize how attractive she was. And she certainly wasn't aware of how her touch was affecting him now that she was an adult.

He had to take a step away from her, had to break the spell she was casting over him—one that made him much too aware of how desirable she was.

The trouble was, he had no right to see her as desirable. None at all.

With a force of will from deep inside, he broke away from her and crossed back to the table. He stood facing it and palmed the back of his neck. Normally he wasn't so tongue-tied, but this new tension he was feeling with her was confusing him.

"Reckon I oughta get her ready for her burying." Maisy's voice was soft and sad.

He glanced at her over his shoulder to find the tears rolling down her cheeks again as she clutched Nelly's hand.

He stifled a curse at himself. He was being a selfish cad, thinking about how attractive she was at a time like this. What was wrong with him?

He shook his head sternly at his own callousness. Then he headed for the bucket near the door. "I'll get some fresh water so you can heat it and give her a bath."

"Thank you, Tanner."

He didn't say more as he stepped outside. Instead, he closed the door behind himself and paused on the hard dirt path that had been worn away in front of the cabin. He drew in a deep breath of night air and let the coolness soothe his overheated skin.

He'd clearly been too long without feminine companionship. Maybe next time he was back at his adopted family's ranch near Breckenridge, he'd have to head into town and join in a social event. Sometimes there were dances or parties or picnics. If he spent more time with other women, maybe he wouldn't act like a bull in heat around Maisy.

For a short while, he busied himself fetching water from a nearby mountain stream—one that was as clear and clean as well water. When he returned to the cabin, Maisy had already set out Nelly's best outfit. He stoked the fire, set the water to boil, and then offered to build a simple coffin with the boards he knew were stored in the stable. So while Maisy bathed and dressed Nelly, he retreated to the stable to give them the privacy they deserved, then set to work there, cutting the boards and nailing them together.

By the time they'd both finished, dawn was beginning to lighten the sky. They laid Nelly in the coffin, and Maisy took her time fixing her sister's hair and making her look pretty. Finally, they carried the coffin to the small graveyard containing the stone marker of Nelly's first stillborn baby and now the fresh grave from her second.

Tanner began digging, and Maisy found a second shovel and joined in. When they had a sufficient and deep enough hole, they laid Nelly to rest. Tanner said a few words first, then Maisy ended with a heartfelt prayer. Smoke stood beside them, and Roscoe came out of his fir tree to chatter at them as if offering a blessing of his own.

By the time they'd finished covering the coffin with earth and pounding it down, the morning sunshine was breaking through the pine branches and giving them light and some warmth. Maisy wanted to find a stone to mark the gravesite, so they searched the perimeter of the cleared land for something that would work.

When Maisy was finally happy with the stone she'd selected, Tanner worked at carving Nelly's name and lifespan into the rock. While he did that, Maisy cut several berry branches and pine boughs and formed a wreath.

As she stepped back from placing the wreath next to the headstone, she swiped at her cheeks, leaving a streak of dirt amidst the tears. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her face splotchy, and her nose sniffling, and his heart welled with compassion for her.

She'd lost so much—her ma, her sister, and the babies. Now here she was, in her mountain home, all alone.

He'd been peering at the trail to the north and the river bottoms to the south all morning, hoping for a sign of Cleveland and Glenn. But he knew as well as Maisy did that there was no predicting when the two would show up. It could be in a few hours, a few days, or even a few weeks.

Tanner suspected they would be wrapping up their transactions soon. He'd heard they'd been hired on by a group of geologists to guide them through the rough terrain and also to hunt for them. They'd be back in time to do the best fur trapping, which was during the winter months when the animal coats were at their thickest.

The tears continued down Maisy's cheeks. "Goodbye, Nelly. I'll miss you."

The ache inside Tanner's chest swelled. And though he'd kept from touching her since leaving the cabin last night, he couldn't stop himself from touching her in this moment. His hand seemed to have a will of its own, and in the next instant, he took hold of her hand and squeezed it, trying to offer her a measure of solace. He'd just squeeze and let go.

She grasped him back, her fingers trembling.

How could he pull away now? He couldn't. Not when she was in such obvious distress. Instead, he enveloped her hand deeper into his. As he did so, he could feel a shudder work its way through her body, ending on a soft sob.

"Ah, darlin'." He shifted her around and pulled her into an embrace.

She came willingly, falling against him and burying her face into his chest. The sobs came more forcefully.

He tucked her head underneath his chin and wrapped his arms around her fully. And for long minutes he stood with her like that, just letting her cry and rubbing her back gently. The sobs grew softer and disappeared, and eventually she seemed to relax against him.

When she finally exhaled a deep breath, he guessed that was his cue that she was all right, that he needed to release her and step back.

But who could find fault with him for holding her a moment longer in her hour of need? He was comforting her. That's all. And today of all days, that's what she needed. Nothing more.

He rested his chin on her head while he lightly traced her spine up, then down. She had such a graceful curve to her back. And she had such generous curves pressing against his chest.

Blast.

He was doing it again. Being selfish. Thinking of his own needs and desires.

He pulled back.

Before he could step away, she grabbed his flannel shirt into a fist and held him in place. Her tear- and dirt-streaked face was so beautiful. And now, her mesmerizing blue-green eyes peered up at him, so full of questions. She was likely wondering what his embrace meant, and he needed to end it now before she read more into it.

But before he could force himself to let go, her gaze snagged upon his lips—his upper lip—and her pupils widened, darkening her eyes. Was it desire? Was she feeling something for him the same way he was for her?

His pulse leapt to life like a flame fanned by a gust of wind, and heat began to burn in his veins.