29. Lyssa

I send for more food,which Mario of all people brings up to my room. And then he does something even stranger, and gives Scarlett an awkward thank you for saving Hadria's life. I raise an eyebrow at him but he just shrugs uncomfortably and backs out of the room.

I wait with Scarlett while she eats, watching her closely. She looks exhausted, dark circles under her eyes, her face pale. And it's not just because she gave over half her personal fucking blood supply to save Hadria, I know that. No. She's had a tough few weeks. She's had a tough few years.

And Sarah coming in—whatever the hell that was—didn't help.

But there's a determined set to Scarlett's lovely face, a strength in her eyes that wasn't there before. She's changed. Hardened. Become more like me, I realize with a pang. Is this what loving me does to a person? Turns them cold and hard and ruthless?

When she's done eating, her eyelids start to droop again. I push her back on the pillows, my hands lingering on her shoulders a moment longer than necessary. She's so soft, so warm. I want nothing more than to climb in beside her, to wrap her in my arms and shield her from the cruelty of this world.

But I can't. Not yet. Not until I know she's safe.

I lock the door behind me, ensuring she'll be secure while I'm gone. The click of the lock is loud in the quiet hallway. It feels final, ominous. Like I'm locking away my heart.

I make my way downstairs, intending to check on Hadria, but I run into Mrs. Graves first. Anger flares in me at the sight of her—how could she let her crazy fucking assassin daughter just wander around the place like that? After everything she's done?

I open my mouth to bitch her out, but before I can say anything, Mrs. Graves envelops me in a warm hug. "I wanted to thank you in private, Lyssa," she says, her voice choked with emotion. "Thank you for bringing my daughter back to me."

I stiffen, unsure how to respond. "Look, I did what I had to do," I say gruffly, extricating myself from her embrace. "But you realize what this means, don't you? We killed a guy…for nothing. I mean, he was an asshole, sure, and maybe he was a killer, even, but?—"

Mrs. Graves pulls back, her face ashen. "It was a wicked thing that I did, and I knew that even before my Sarah was returned to me. But it was my fault, Lyssa. Not you and Hadria. And I'll regret it to my dying day."

"Killing on someone else's orders doesn't make it any better." That's one thing I'm damn sure of right now, even though it seems to upset Mrs. G further. I change the subject. "Do you think Sarah will be…alright?"

Mrs. Graves sighs heavily. "I don't know. She's so angry, so lost…I'm so afraid for her."

I don't know that "angry" or "lost" would be my first word choices. Stone-cold, vacant, weird?—

I'm saved from having to reply by Sarah's actual appearance at the end of the hallway.

"Is Hadria still awake? I need to see her," Sarah demands from her mother, without even looking at me.

Mrs. Graves frowns. "I'm not sure, dear, but I don't want you getting mixed up in Syndicate business."

"She's already mixed up in this, whether we like it or not," I say. Time to see what this strange woman really has to offer. I jerk my head at Sarah. "I'll take you to Hadria. Come on."

Mrs. Graves looks like she wants to argue, but I've already turned away, and Sarah is following me. I lead her upstairs to Hadria's room, where Hadria insisted on moving as soon as she could speak louder than a whisper.

And all the while, I wonder what Sarah wants.

Hadria is sitting up in bed, an array of papers spread out in front of her, commanding the Syndicate even from her sickbed. She looks up as we enter, and with a wave of her hand she dismisses everyone except Aurora.

"Sarah. I hope you're feeling more like yourself now," Hadria says, her voice cool but not hostile. "Your information played out."

"You got shot," she points out bluntly.

"Yes, but not because of your information." Hadria sends a quick glance my way, but then keeps on talking. "To thank you for your help, and for Mrs. Graves' sake, the Syndicate will offer you protection as long as you need it."

Sarah lifts her chin defiantly. "I don't want protection. I want to join the Syndicate."

Hadria's eyebrows lift only a fraction. "Your mother doesn't want that."

"My mother does not own me. If I'm—if I'm really free, if being out of Grandmother's house means I can do what I want with my life, then I…I want to join the Syndicate."

"I'll speak to Mrs. Graves. And I'll put it to the Syndicate," Hadria says finally. "We'll see what they say."

"So Sarah gets a free pass?" I say. "She hasn't even been out from under Grandmother's thumb for more than a few days."

Hadria turns her piercing gaze on me, but when she speaks, it's not in direct answer to what I said. "It will be very difficult to kill Scarlett now, Lyssa. She saved my life, after all. I fear some in the Syndicate might object if I were to execute her now."

"But you'll find a way?" I ask ironically. Aurora, still sitting beside Hadria's bedside, has not said a word since Sarah and I entered. But she's also not taken her eyes off me. It's a little disconcerting.

"Well," Hadria says, a slow, humorless smile spreading across her face. "Scarlett is also very capable. Almost as skilled as you, in fact."

I'm taken aback by the rare praise. But I don't miss the calculating gleam in Hadria's eyes.

"She could be an asset to the Syndicate," she goes on.

Is she seriously suggesting that Scarlett join us? "Are you?—"

"But of course, she can't go unpunished," Hadria continues, her voice hardening. "An example must be made. And so I find myself at an impasse."

"What about a gauntlet?" Sarah pipes up. We all turn to stare at her. "Grandmother used to do it as punishment. If a trainee failed badly, she'd make them walk between two lines of the other recruits. We'd beat on her as she passed. If she made it to the other side alive, she was forgiven. Her sins washed clean in blood. If not, well…" She shrugs. "She got what she deserved."

I feel sick. Not just at Sarah's description of such a barbaric practice—so like Grandmother, to cloak her sadism in the guise of justice—but at Sarah's unfeeling, blank recounting of it. "Absolutely not," I snap. "We're not in the business of torturing our own."

But Aurora lays a hand on Hadria's arm, her pretty face pensive. "Actually, I think it's a fitting suggestion. A way for the Syndicate to release their anger. Scarlett did kill some of us, after all. And it would give her a chance to prove her loyalty. Her worth."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. Sweet, gentle Suzy Sunshine advocating for violence?

"What the hell?" I say. "No. No way."

Hadria, who looked as shocked as I did at her fiancée's sudden bloodlust, is about to speak, but Aurora leans in to whisper something in her ear.

A lover's murmur, intimate and secretive. Aurora might put on a gentle facade, but she's obviously learned how to pull strings. How to get what she wants.

After a moment, Hadria nods, looks back to me. "We'll put it to Scarlett. Let her make the decision. Join the Syndicate—via the gauntlet—or…" Hadria shrugs, leaving the alternative unsaid. "Her decision will be final." Hadria tips her head to one side. "Or are you making her decisions for her now, Wolf, in lieu of Grandmother?"

It's a fair blow, even if I don't like it. I'll give her that.

"I won't let you kill her," I say at last. "But I will put it to her."