6. Cannon

The clamorof raised voices jolted me from my slumber, though it took my groggy mind longer than I would’ve liked to register that the angry exchanges had been echoing around me for longer than I realized.

It hurt to move, but still, my stubbornness caused my teeth to grind as I fought the screaming pain that had been a constant presence in my body since the night I was stabbed.

Stabbed by a traitor on the command of the woman I was falling in love with.

“For fuck’s sake, Mal, I told you, you open him up again and he’ll die. I thought you were a fucking doctor!”

Royce. I recognized my beta’s furious tone as I lay there trying to see who he was talking to. He must be pissed. He only curses like this when he’s pissed. Not like him to be pissed at the Doc. They must not have had much success with the last surgery.

It hurt to lie like this. Which pissed me off. Tev stabbed me in the back. Literally. But he left the silver knife in, and as the silver worked its way into my system, it hit my brain stem and basically fucked me up. The magic of Luna fought it, my shifter nature fighting to heal me, but silver didn’t give a fuck if I was an alpha or had alpha power. It killed shifters and I was a shifter.

I wonder if it was worth it for her? It was a recurring thought that circled within me whenever I was awake. That Kezia hated me this much, it didn’t sit right with me. But I knew what Tev told me, and I had been conscious long enough for Royce to tell me that the pack had received a condolence card from the Anterrio Pack with Kezia’s name on it.

My mate. My murderer. It tasted bitter on my tongue, and my heart still refused to believe it.

I did not doubt that I was dying. Doc had done everything he could, and although I could hear my beta arguing against any more surgery, I knew Doc would never give up. I appreciated it. I did.

But I was done.

I knew it. Doc knew it, and I knew he did because he wouldn’t look at me anymore when he spoke.

The sign of someone unwilling to lie to a dying man’s face. I respected that.

Royce had not accepted it, but although he knew when enough was enough, he was still willing to put his faith in his Goddess and the magic within us to heal me.

“Nikan?” I asked when their argument trailed off.

The sound of silence filled the room. At least it stopped them arguing, but it also meant my brother was still in more denial than Royce. Denial was being kind. Nikan refused to acknowledge any of us. Myself the most. He spent his days and nights skirting the Anterrio Pack intent on grabbing Kezia and…I don’t know what he planned to do when he caught her.

Kill her?

Drag her back here and let her see what she had done? I didn’t want to see her.

I wanted nothing to do with her. For the little time I had left, I wanted to forget her.

If only she would stop haunting my every waking thought, I could die in peace.

“How are you feeling today?” Royce came into my sight line, and with relief, I was able to turn my head back and stare at the ceiling.

“Still like I’ve been stabbed with a silver blade.” I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye, and I tried to smile.

“We’ll find her,” he promised. “She will pay for this.”

“Or she’s as much a victim as you are,” Doc muttered. I didn’t need to look to know Royce was glaring at him. I would be too if I could turn my head again. “There’s no sign of her. No one has seen her. Everyone we’ve asked thinks she’s here. Stop glaring at me Royce. Before we know for definite that Kezia is against us, let’s leave room for doubt.”

“He’s right.”

Huh, I hadn’t known Hannah was here. The grunt of pain that left me when I tried to move again caused her to step closer. “Stop it,” she admonished gently. “You don’t need to look at me to speak.” With a cool cloth, she wiped my brow. “But Mal’s right. Until we know for certain Kezia was working with Tev and that the Anterrio Pack is rising against us, we need to remember exactly who your mate is.”

She was right. They both were. But I still remembered the pain of betrayal when the knife went in, and it was nothing to the slice to my heart when Tev said, “Kezia says fuck you.”

“Water?” I asked and within seconds, Hannah was placing the straw in my mouth as Doc tipped my head gently, giving me support to drink. I was drinking through a straw. A fucking straw. I managed two sips before another wave of fatigue crashed over me.

“You need to rest, Alpha.” Hannah took the straw away, and Doc placed my head back on the pillow.

I wanted to tell her that all I had done for weeks was rest. Honestly, what I needed to do was die and stop being this burden on my pack.

“Let him sleep,” Hannah murmured to the others. “The more he rests, the more his body can heal.”

Another one in denial.

I could have slept for minutes or hours, but again I was wakened by the shouting in the room. Much louder this time. It startled me awake.

“You fucking touch him, bitch, and I will slice you open.”

Nikan. Finally.

“Move, or do you wish the alpha to die?”

That voice. I knew that voice. Kezia? How did she get here? Struggling to move, I felt the crest of pain rise within me.

“Cannon, no,” Hannah whispered urgently beside me. She pressed me into the mattress and then swiftly turned her back to me again.

She was protecting my prone body with her own. This was bullshit.

“We can save him.”

“Fuck you. You’re the reason he’s like this.”

“You are stupid.”

Not Kezia, I realized. Moonstar. Shit, I really would have preferred Kezia.

I heard a scuffle, and then the face of my dreams appeared above me. Or were they nightmares? I no longer knew.

Brace yourself, Alpha, this will hurt.

I screamed as white hot pain erupted within me, and then there was only blissful darkness.

The pain ebbed and flowed,leading me through moments of lucidity and others of utter disorientation. It was within every inch of my being, yet remained elusive, shifting like sand through my grasp. At times, my blood seemed to ignite and burn within me, while at others, I felt as desiccated as an ancient husk.

But everywhere, shafts of golden light pierced the darkness. It wasn’t sunlight—there was nothing natural about the light that bathed this empty room.

Pain swept over me again, and my muscles clenched tightly as if they were desperately trying to shield me once more from its assault.

You need to be stronger.

I knew her voice. I knew her touch. I knew the imposter that wore my mate’s skin.

Let her go. My voice was weak, even in the mindlink. My Will was as depleted as my strength.

She knows what she asked of us. For her, we will heal you.

Her words were washed away when a torrent of suffering once more engulfed me, wrenching sounds from me that I wouldn’t recognize as human. The sound of my suffering seemed to linger, hanging in the dead air as if mocking me for my weakness.

As I lay gasping for breath, I felt her cool hands on my body. One on my forehead, the other on my chest over my heart.

It runs deep. Brace yourself.

That was all the warning I got.

Bitch.

Someone was burning sage.

Sage was a scent I’d never cared for.

If I didn’t know any better, I would have sworn they were burning it directly under my nose. Reflexively, I grabbed at the arm of the fool who seemed intent on fumigating my nasal passages with the foul stench.

“Holy shit, it worked!” The burning sage was dropped, and I opened my eyes to stare into Doc’s wide-eyed wonder. “Oh fuck, you’re alive.”

“You sound disappointed.” My voice was hoarse, my throat dry, and my tongue felt thick and heavy. “Water?”

He stared at me for a few more moments, seemingly immobile, and then he burst into action. He screamed for Royce and Hannah, the nearness of his shouting deafening me, causing me to wince. Pushing myself up the bed into a sitting position, I watched as Doc fell over his own feet trying to get me water, spilling more than he poured into the glass. When he went to pick up the straw, the sound of my voice made him jump.

“I don’t need a fucking straw.”

A raspy chuckle sounded from my left, and turning my head, I was astonished to see the shaman in the bed near me. He was sitting up like me. His body looked very frail, his eyes cloudy, but his skin had a good color.

“Welcome back,” he greeted me. “Luna graced you.”

Taking the water from Doc, I took a grateful gulp and then another. Nodding thoughtfully, I looked between the two of them. “Where is she?”

“Cannon!” Royce came barreling into the room, and I knew how lucky I was to be seeing him again. Hannah was close on his heels, and she didn’t even try to stop him when he engulfed me in a bone-crushing hug. I could hear Doc berating him, I could hear Hannah sniffling, and I was reminded how very lucky I was to be alive.

“Luna’s grace, Royce,” Nikan snapped as he approached us. “He just woke up and now you’re smothering him!”

Royce took a step back, unashamed of the tears in his eyes. “Fuck, Alpha,” he said, blowing out a huge breath. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

“Die?” I asked him, but my eyes were on my brother. “You okay?”

He nodded, but I could see that he was not. Nikan looked haggard. Dark circles sat under his eyes. He was both bulked up and gaunt at the same time; it didn’t suit him. It seemed I wasn’t the only one being haunted by my mate.

“Where is she?” I repeated.

“Kezia?” Royce asked as he took a refilled glass of water off of Doc. “Gone.”

“I know it was Moonstar who was here with me,” I corrected him. “Where is she?”

Hannah stuck something in my ear, and when I jerked away, she tsked at me. “It’s a thermometer, stay still.”

She read whatever the reading said and made a note on a chart. I had a chart. I’d never had a chart before. Sucking my teeth, I looked between my beta and my brother. “Why are you avoiding the question? Where did you put her?”

Running a hand over his face, Royce shook his head slightly. “She’s gone.”

Gone?“Gone where?” An unsettling feeling was rising within me.

“The she was not Kezia,” the shaman spoke quietly. “You know that, Alpha.”

I was already agreeing with him before he finished talking. “I do know that, but that doesn’t explain where she is or why you’re telling me that she’s gone.”

Nikan gaped at me. “Because she’s unstoppable?” He walked closer. “Because she covered you in some blanket of swirly gold stuff that came from nowhere and barricaded herself in here with you for days.”

“You are very blessed,” the shaman told me sagely. “A great gift has been bestowed on you.”

Was he joking?

“A gift?” I asked him. Pushing the blanket off me, I swung my legs over the side of the bed, ignoring everyone’s protests. “A gift?” My legs weren’t steady; they felt like Jell-O, but after a moment, they felt stronger. I met the old man’s almost sightless eyes. “A gift at what cost?”

Pulling off the white sleep shirt they had me in and pushing down the shorts, I flexed my neck. My wolf was waiting, and I sank into the familiar form, feeling the healing power of my wolf run through me. It took two shifts, but after the second, I almost felt normal.

As I redressed in the sleepwear, I looked around the room.

“Someone better start talking.”

“Is it too soon to wish him back in the sleep stasis?” Hannah murmured to Royce, who pulled his wife into his side, kissing her temple. “I’m joking,” she added when she met my eye.

“Shaman? What’s happening at Anterrio? Why are you in…” I looked around the empty white room. “Where the hell am I?”

“Medical ward.”

I wasn’t sure Doc was joking. “What medical ward?”

“Remember when you told me I’d never need one?” he said with a cocked eyebrow. “Guess the joke’s on you.”

“Huh.” I turned back to the shaman. “You can shift?” He nodded. “And you’re not shifting because?”

“When I shift, I leave a trace. By Luna’s grace, I am her eyes and ears in this world, and because of that, any shifter can find me. I am easy to find.”

“You have less presence in human form.” I nodded in understanding. “Were you here when she came?”

“Not when she was healing you. No one was. But she broke me free, and she ran with me here. She defended us. Your pack has treated me well.”

“Free?”

The shaman turned his head away as he spoke. “Anterrio Pack is in grave danger.”

“Because we’re going to annihilate them,” Nikan growled from behind me.

The shaman turned back to look at me. “There are too many innocents in this, Alpha. Do not let it become a war. Have mercy.”

It was Royce who stepped forward to speak to the shaman. “They lost that right the day they struck my alpha down.”

“There are too many innocents,” the shaman protested softly.

“Then they should have chosen a better leader,” Nikan snapped.

When the shaman went to speak again, I spoke over him. “Has your pack missed you?” His head bowed. “Did any of the pack fight for you, shaman? Even you won’t expect me to believe that no one in the pack didn’t notice you’re missing. And they did nothing.”

“I can’t answer that.”

Sharing a look with my brother and Royce, I turned my back on the shaman, walking to the door of the medical ward. “I can. No one’s fighting for you. You were as good as dead.” Opening the door, I turned back to look at him. “That pack lost its innocence a long time ago, old one. There will be no mercy.”

“And Kezia?” he called after me.

I hesitated, my eyes closing briefly before my resolve hardened within me. “She’s already gone.”