14. Kezia

"You've seen me fight!"My back teeth ground against each other as I tried to keep my temper in check as the overbearing oaf in front of me explained to Leo how much I needed basic training. "I do not need basic training."

Cannon flicked his hand casually as if he was swatting away my protest like I was an annoying fly. "Her stamina isn't where it should be, so she'll need to build that first before any real combat training," he continued.

"My stamina is fine!"

"Hmm, what else?" He looked at Royce as he thought. "Stealth! Honestly, humans can move more quietly than she can."

"Really?" I snarled at him. "That why it took you five months to find me, Alpha?"

Leo, whose attention had been on his alpha the entire time, despite my interruptions, turned his head to look at me. "Find you?"

Shit.

I ignored the pointed glare that Cannon was sending my way and decided to go with a half-truth. "I ran away," I told him with a shrug. "The whole mate thing, you know, it's a lot. And I wasn't expecting it, and yeah, it's a lot. And I didn't need the pressure, and I don't exactly blend in my pack, so I?—"

"Panicked."

I met Cannon's eyes. "I didn't panic," I murmured. "I just needed to clear my head."

His snort spoke volumes.

Leo was looking between us with consideration. "Alpha? The search teams?"

There were search teams? I felt a little smug. They had teams looking for me, and he wanted to say I wasn't stealthy? "Teams?" I asked, struggling to keep the smirk off my face. "As in more than one?"

"North America is a vast search area," he told me coldly. "Your trail is easy to pick up when you are human."

I lost my smugness at his not-so-subtle reminder my wolf was difficult. Or that he found her to be difficult.

Cannon returned his attention to Leo. "Stamina first. Then combat. Then tracking."

"I can track."

"No, you can't." His brow furrowed as he looked at me. "Pup, just…shut up. I know what's best for you." At my indignant gasp and Royce's mumbling, he groaned out loud. "I don't mean it like that. I've seen you fight, yes, you can beat the shit out of a human. Well done. But if you want to fight or defend yourself against a shifter, you need to relearn everything you think you know. And trust me, from someone who has seen you fight, as someone who has been in the same ring as you, you need basic training to hold your own against a fully trained shifter."

My focus on him became narrower and narrower as he spoke, until I was sure that my eyes were barely slits in my face.

"Glare at me all you want, Kezia, but I put you in a one-on-one fight tomorrow with one of my pack, even one of my half-decent fighters, and you'll be on the ground in less than ten minutes."

"Challenge accepted."

Leo coughed to cover his laugh, but Nikan was shaking his head. "Zia, listen to him. You're decent, we've seen you, but let's try it this way first. When you fly right through the basic training, you can tell us you told us so. Yeah?"

Royce was nodding in agreement, and as I looked between the four of them, I wondered what I was missing. "You all really think I am so bad?"

"Not bad," Royce corrected. "You're just not shifter trained."

"Kris trained me," I reminded them all. When I saw Leo frown, I explained, "My brother."

"Your brother is a beta in a pack that doesn't treat all of its wolves equally." Cannon's scorn was clear in his cold tone. "He may have indulged you by showing you some fighting skills, but he has not taught you fully. To do so risked you both and his position in the pack. He already has a lot to lose in that pack, right?"

I knew he meant Cass and the fact my brother was an alpha living as a beta, and I knew Cannon was protecting Kris by not saying that in front of Leo, but that didn't mean his words about my fighting ability stung less. "The Anterrio Pack has given us much," I answered demurely.

"And a mate for you," Leo added in helpfully. "Who agrees for you to train, which is some forward-thinking for that pack." He looked at the others. "I mean, they're so stuck in the past it's a shock to know you trained there, if you know what I mean?"

Cannon gave me a knowing look. "Yes, you're very fortunate that your mate is so open-minded. About so many things you've done recently."

"Right, well," Royce said as he stood. "That all sounds like we've made some real progress." His expectant look at Leo caused the other shifter to stand. "What time do you want Kezia at the training yard? Six?"

"Six?" I blurted.

"Problem, pup?"

"Shut up." I looked at Leo, who was failing to hide his shock at the way I spoke to his alpha. "Six?"

"I can make it later if you like, six thirty?"

That was his idea of later? "Six is fine," I told him with a smile. "I love six in the morning. Almost my favorite time of day."

At the door to the study, Royce looked over his shoulder at Cannon. "You good here?"

Cannon nodded. "Doc's coming soon with his daily report."

Royce hesitated but, conscious of Leo beside him, he gave us all a wave and told us to have a good night.

Getting to my feet, I stopped when Cannon cocked his head at me. "Where are you going?"

"My room?"

"Doc will be here soon, stay."

Nikan was doing his best to blend into the chair, it seemed, rather than get involved. "Why do I need to stay? Do I need to know about the daily report?" I asked the overbearing giant.

Cannon huffed in irritation. "The report is you, so I would say yes. Wouldn't you?"

"Why am I a report?"

"Why are you so difficult?"

"I'm not difficult! Why is there a report on me? And what do you mean daily? There's a daily report?"

"Oh, good Luna, why did Royce ever let you out of that cell?" Cannon growled.

"Hey, you wanna ask her questions, why not ask her why I got lumbered with you?" I snarked back at him.

"Trust me, pup. I ask her every fucking day."

"You conceited?—"

"So, Royce wasn't exaggerating," Nikan spoke loudly. "You really are always at each other's throats or you're screwing."

I stared at him. "We don't screw!"

"Yet," Cannon grunted, kicking his feet out as he slouched down in the chair.

"Not from the lack of trying either," Nikan said gruffly, slumping back in his seat. "I agree," he said with a rueful look at his brother. "What was Royce thinking?"

"I am right here," I reminded him with a sharp kick to his shin. "He let me out so I could get clean."

"He let you out because he's a softie," Cannon grumbled. "I should demote him," he mused.

"You won't hide this from the pack," Nikan said to him as he looked between us. "It's so obvious it's more to you than she's nervous about a mate bond. A mate bond to someone else," he added with a scornful huff.

"I know," Cannon snapped. "Which is why we were trying to keep us separated, but you and your big mouth ruined that."

"I said sorry."

"And do you think sorry fixed it?"

"Are you always this moody?" I asked. "Do you need to eat or something? Chocolate? You're like Cass during her bleed. Or Kris when he's hungry."

Nikan leaned back, groaning out loud, his hands covering his face. "Of course, it makes so much sense."

Bewildered, I looked at him. "That he's a moody shit when he's hungry?"

"No." Nikan dropped his hands and looked at me. "That his wolf isn't happy you're so close and he isn't with you."

"I'm right here."

"With you, with you."

What was he talking about?

"He means not fucking you."

I blinked. "Wow. The way you try to woo me"—I batted my lashes—"it just leaves me speechless."

Cannon stood quickly, the frown creasing his forehead. "I need a walk. Tell Doc to wait until I'm back."

The front door of the house slammed shut, and I blew out a breath. "I should go back to the cell."

"Wolf's out of the bag," Nikan said with a small smile. He shrugged his shoulders. "It's my fault, I was a jealous dick. Sorry."

Right, so we were doing this. "Um, it's fine. You didn't know." I walked to the window and watched the street.

"You knew though," Nikan spoke softly behind me. "Didn't you?"

Half turning, I looked back. He was focused on the floor, his hands clasped together in a tight fist, elbows resting on his knees. "That we were mates? They'd mentioned it. I didn't believe them, well, kind of…

"You could have said." He sat up straighter, turning his head to make eye contact.

"I didn't know you liked me, you know, like that." Nikan's incredulous look was almost comical. "Don't look at me like that. I come from a pack where hardly anyone talks to me, and one of my two friends is male, and you're just like him."

I didn't expect the sudden anger as he pushed to his feet. "Do not compare me to that fucker."

Sure, Landon and I may have a rocky relationship right now, but growing up, he was my friend. "Landon's not?—"

"Landon is an ass, and the only people who don't call him out on his bullshit are that pack because he's the pack leader's son. Trust me, that little weasel has been playing the daddy card all his life."

"I didn't know you knew him so well," I said coolly.

Nikan scoffed. "I know him better than he realizes. Don't compare me to him."

I walked back to the chair I'd been sitting on. "There's a lot I need to know, it seems. But what I meant was that my two friends, one of which was male, how I was with you, is how I was with him. A friend."

Nikan didn't look like he believed me, and then the more he looked like he wanted to say something, he shook his head. "Well, now I know why he said you're his mate."

"I never said he was clever," I muttered, which made Nikan smile. Sitting down, I thought about the conversation this evening. "You know, I can fight. I fought Landon. And I won."

Nikan shrugged. "From what we learned when we were there for the Luna Ball, you were already in heat."

"No, it hadn't started yet."

"Did you shift?"

"No." I shook my head in denial. "I started to, I won't lie. But I pulled her back. We fought as equals."

"Then he's a shit fighter."

"Nikan!"

His look was unapologetic. "You'll understand tomorrow."

The doors opened and Doc came in. "Ah, my favorite test subject, free in the wild," he greeted with a warm smile.

"Not free in the wild," I corrected him. "But I guess I'm free. If being stuck here with Alpha Dick is termed free."

"Alpha Dick?" Doc asked with a grimace. "Is that anatomy-specific or…"

"His personality!"

"Right, well." He took a chair across from me. "It's going well?"

"They fight even more out here than they did in the bunker," Nikan told him.

"Should make for lively evenings," Doc said with a grin. He pulled a jar out of the satchel he carried. He held the jar out to me. "One level teaspoon, every morning and night, in half a cup of warm water."

"Why?"

"It's the only question she knows," Cannon remarked as he walked through the open door. "Keep these doors closed when we discuss her," he admonished his two pack members once he closed the door.

"Told you he's a dick," I muttered under my breath as I felt the magic seal the room.

"My bad," Doc shrugged off Cannon's gruffness. "One level teaspoon, every morning and night"—seeing that I was about to speak, he hurried on—"because it will or should control the onset of the next heat. Or the first heat. I need to run some more tests to determine the exact status."

"Did the shaman give you this?" I asked, unscrewing the jar and sniffing the contents.

"No. Science gave me this."

Looking up, I considered him. "Smells a lot like what the shaman gave me."

"I'm sure it's a coincidence." His sneer was barely concealed, and it rubbed me the wrong way.

Tilting my head, I ran my eyes over Doc. "You don't believe in Luna, right? All medicine and science and no faith?"

"Everyone is entitled to their own belief."

"And your belief is science. Not in our Goddess."

Cannon muttered something about this not being the time, but I was focused on Doc. He rolled his head on his shoulders as if he was uncomfortable. "I see results with medicine. I don't see results in healing people using only prayer."

"I get that." I did, totally understandable for a man with a restricted view. "Then how does science explain shifters? And our advanced healing abilities. And our immunity to some diseases, and our longer life spans."

"A mutation in the DNA."

"Hmm, and my wolf calls you the mutant."

"Your wolf would be correct." He gave me a humorless smile.

"And when the doors close in this room, and it becomes soundproof, what science is that?" I watched his Adam's apple bob. "I know it isn't technology; a shifter's hearing is too sharp not to notice human technology. I know it isn't science; there is no machinery or technology of any kind present in these walls. The doors are simple wood. Yet when they close, I feel the magic. You can feel the magic. Your alpha felt it in the shaman's home when he performed the same spell to give the same privacy. He watched him learn from my blood through simple taste, while you perform tests to get the same results he does with a simple lick of my blood. The same results which called for the same remedy." I smiled at Doc as I shook the jar. "I have faith in science, and I have belief in Luna. I don't have to write one off to have the other."

"Did you miss your calling for the priesthood?" Nikan joked, trying to ease the tension.

I looked at him, my face betraying my irritation. "No. I spoke an untruth earlier. I didn't have only two friends in my pack. I had three. The shaman has known me, and cared for me, for a long time. He has given his life to Luna, his sight too, and it pisses me off when his work, his dedication, and his faultless service are so casually written off as a scam. We're not a mutation of DNA. If we were, there would be more of us. Shifters were born of magic. By Luna's grace do we survive. I for one am not going to piss my Goddess off by throwing her gift back in her face and telling her science will care for my children and their children after them." I stood and handed the jar back to Doc, who took it wordlessly. "I'm tired," I told Cannon. "I have an early start. I want to go to bed."

He gave a slight nod, and I dipped my head in thanks. At the door, I turned back to Doc. "I'll tell you the same as I told the shaman, the herbs don't work. Had you simply asked me instead of you all thinking I'm a clueless fool, I could have saved you the time."

Closing the door behind me, I went upstairs. I wasn't one for religious outbursts, but I also wasn't comfortable having my belief, my existence, tossed so carelessly aside by a half-shifter who thought the answers lay at the end of a microscope.

Maybe I overreacted. Maybe Cannon would tell me I had to apologize in the morning. Maybe it would be one more thing they could blame on my heat.

With a snort, I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Now I knew how human women felt when men always blamed their mood swings on PMS. The fact I'd done the very same thing to Cannon earlier didn't escape me, nor did the fact that I was pissed off with them all. Even myself.

Rinsing my mouth, I stared at myself in the mirror. My white-blonde hair was pulled back tight, and I pulled the hair tie free, letting my hair fall free down my back and around my face. Even with my hair loose making my face look softer, I still looked tired.

"The sooner this heat comes, the better," I told the mirror with a heavy sigh. "I need some control back."

I felt her come forward, her amber eyes full of wisdom that I did not have.

Surrender and you will rest.

"No." Inhaling deeply, I shook my head. "If I give you control, I don't trust where I'll end up." I met her stare boldly. "When I'll end up. Three months later? Six? A Year?"

I am not the enemy, child.

"I know," I whispered. "You're not my enemy…I no longer know if you're a friend though. I don't know if I can trust you."

She held my stare for a long moment before she melted back, and when I was sure her presence was faded, I headed to bed. Another night with only a light sleep was better than no sleep at all, especially when I had to prove to all these doubters tomorrow that I was not a weakling.

One day, just one day, where I didn't have to prove myself or be in control, that's all I wanted. Climbing into bed, I stared at the ceiling. "Is it too much to ask, Luna?"

Turning on my side, I closed my eyes. For all my defending of the Goddess with Doc, no matter how many times I asked her my questions, she never answered.