39. Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Liam

" I want to discuss your triggers, Liam," Rose, my therapist, continues. "Your family seems to be one of them, but can you think of another instance where you got really upset?"

"When people annoy me." Like now.

Anger management therapy hasn't been the worst thing ever. I've been doing it for three weeks now, and it definitely got easier. I just hate how much she wants to talk about my family.

"Have you ever lost your temper with Sage?"

I look up at her, my brows slightly pulled together, and she only watches me through the video call as if the way I simply breathe will tell her my answer. "I've gotten mad, but I never lost my temper with her. Why are you asking me that?"

"What does mad versus losing your temper mean?"

"Losing my temper is like storming off to break a punching bag with my bare hands. She's never made me that mad, and I don't think she ever can."

"Why not?"

"Because I love her?" My head tilts slightly to the side as I study her. "Where did you say you got your degree from?" I scan the diploma on the wall behind her, but it's too far for me to read it.

She stifles a laugh, and I'm not sure why because I was genuinely asking.

"Let's circle back to the root of your anger."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I can actually feel the pressure in my temples intensifying.

"It was a big step for you to tell me about how both your dad and your sister passed away, but the last week, I've been trying to bring up your dad, and it ends in you hanging up on me, yet you keep answering when I call back. That shows me you genuinely want to get your anger under control."

"I do." I shuffle in my seat uncomfortably.

"That's good. When you booked your first appointment with me and filled out your questionnaire, you said you wanted to start anger management because you didn't want to be angry around your kids. Is Sage pregnant?"

"I fucking hope she is," I mumble, but she hears, and a smile touches her lips as she writes in her notebook. "Unfortunately, she isn't." I don't even think of the possibility.

"Why are your future kids in thought when you join these calls?"

"I don't want them to grow up seeing my bad temper," I say the obvious.

"Yeah, but why them? Why don't you want your friends or Sage to see your bad temper? Why the kids?"

"Because they're kids , they don't need to see that."

"Does Sage need to see it?"

"No, but that's different. She's an adult, and she understands. Either way, she's another reason I'm here. I don't want her to see how angry I can really get."

"But why not the kids?" She presses, and her poor listening skills are starting to annoy me.

"I don't want to lose my temper with them." I'm losing my temper with her.

"Why? Kids can get annoying, I'm sure you'll yell at them sometimes, all parents do."

"Well, I don't want to."

"You don't want to yell at them? Why?" She goes on, and I feel my annoyance growing. "Yelling isn't the worst thing and-"

"Killing them is." I snap, and when her eyes meet mine, she looks satisfied with something. I realize she wanted me to get mad. "What's the point in this shit?" I bite out.

"Do you think you're capable of killing someone?"

"Aren't we all?"

She nods gently as she writes in her notebook, and I hope she picks up on my sarcasm and isn't writing, this man is crazy, make sure to call the cops once you hang up.

"Do you think you're capable of killing your kids, Liam?"

I keep my eyes on her, and my mind goes over all of my episodes. All of the times I tore apart my room in high school, the baseball bats I snapped in half in college, the punching bags I break now… I think of all of that, and then I think of Shanti, and I've been angry around her. I've come home furious multiple times, but every time I entered her presence while I was mad, it just faded.

"No, I don't think I am, but you psychologists think killers are both born and made, so what does that say about me? Am I fucked because my dad's a murderer?"

"Do you think you are?"

"Yeah," I answer so quickly it scares me. "But I refuse to put Sage through what my dad put my mom through, so I'm here. If you think I'm screwed, though, just let me know now so I can be sure to stay far away from her."

"We're all capable of killing someone." She shrugs. "What do you think the root of your anger is?"

I bury my face in my hands as I rub my temples. Her words repeat in my head once before my answer comes to me. "My dad. I hate that I'm like him."

"Are you though?"

"Well, I'm here, aren't I?"

"Exactly."

I look up at her, and she isn't writing in her book anymore. Instead, she studies me.

"You're going to tell me to figure it out on my own, aren't you?"

When she smiles, I know that's exactly what she's going to say.

"We're running out of time, so let's discuss some strategies for when you feel you are getting mad. You said the breathing exercise you read about doesn't work, so we can skip it. I want you to verbalize what you want to do when you're mad and think about the consequences of that. Once you realize how bad it sounds to, let's say, punch someone in the face, you can resort to other things."

"Like what?" I ask instead of telling her I don't see anything wrong with punching people.

"That's for you to figure out." She smiles just as her alarm goes off. "Feel free to text me if you are in a situation where you lost your temper before our next call."

I tell her I will and hang up when there's a knock on my door.

I look through the peephole, and it's only Moon. I walk away, but he knocks again.

"Sage doesn't like it when you're mean! Open."

I roll my eyes and grab the damn door. He keeps using Sage against me. Last week, he did it to get information on Capri, and I genuinely thought Sage wanted to know, so I sat here for an hour and talked about my mom's nurse with him. I can't believe I didn't notice sooner that he was lying.

When I open the door, he's laughing. "Whipped." He covers his words with a cough as he walks in.

"What do you want?"

"I just need my hoodie." He walks over to the couch before slipping it on. "I'll see you later. I have to go meet up with Sage."

"Where are you guys going?"

"The arcade in–"

"I want to come." I grab my jacket, but Moon stops walking before turning to me.

"You don't even like arcades?"

"Sure I do."

"Jordan and I invite you to Dave Moon also thinks so."

She lets out a soft laugh, and I'm grateful the topic is lighter. The doors open before she can add anything, and when Moon walks in, I realize neither of us has pressed any of the buttons.

He watches Sage, and when I turn to her, she only nods.

"What are you guys doing?" I look between the two of them, but they both shrug, and they're both horrible liars. I decide to threaten not to get Moon a car later so he'll tell me.

By the time we get to the arcade, we realize they don't have a parking lot, so they go in without me as I look for parking nearly forever. When I finally get in, it's thankfully not too crowded, but I texted Moon asking where they were, and he didn't respond, so I'm stuck searching for another ten minutes.

I finally spot Sage from across the room, and three guys are talking to her. I let out an annoyed breath and tell myself not to get upset over something so dumb, although they're so shamelessly checking out her titties.

"His English is no good."

"No, don't be silly! His English is great." Sage laughs softly, and the two guys behind the one who's talking to her say something I can't understand, but I'm sure they're talking about her with the way their eyes roam her for too damn long.

"Beautiful." One of them says as he gestures to Sage and I have to actually hold my hands behind my back not to grab him when he takes her hand and leans in, and kisses her dimple. My dimple.

" Grazie !"

They cheer as if a two-year-old can't say thank you in Italian, and I decide I hate Italy and their friendly men. The one I'm going to punch first, given the chance, gestures to the game in front of Sage.

"Pink?" He points at the huge pink dolphin, and when Sage confirms that she wants it, I almost push past them and pay for it, but he hands the girl his ticket, and when she hands him three baseballs, I let him embarrass himself first.

Only one of the balls hit the pins, but he needs to knock over all three towers to win. He gestures for her to wait, and when he gets three more balls and misses, his friends laugh and take a turn. The second one misses all three horribly, and they push him away, which makes Sage die of laughter. I don't know what the hell is so funny about this, but even Moon laughs, and I'm not buying him a goddamn car after this, let alone two.

I take a step forward but remember what my therapist said. "I want to punch all of the guys in the fucking throat," I verbalize and quickly realize this isn't working because I don't see what's wrong with that.

Then my eyes land on Sage, and I think about her reaction to that, and she'll be upset. I let out a breath and think of what I can resort my anger to.

When the guy next to Sage pays the girl another ticket, I walk over and take all three balls from her.

"Mi scusi ?"

I ignore him as I throw the first ball into the tower of pins, and they crash so hard that one pin hits the second tower which makes it fall. I throw the second ball at the last tower, and it falls just as quickly. The girl hands me the dolphin, and I turn on my heels.

All of the boys stare at me, and I shove the last ball into the chest of the one who kissed her before wrapping an arm around Sage's waist and walking away. Hmm, I guess my therapist was onto something.

"That was a bit unnecessary…"

"Punching them in the throat would've been unnecessary. Be happy you got a dolphin in peace."

She pushes my arm off of her as she turns to me. "We're going back to no talking."

I shove the dolphin into her arms before she can walk off, the remainder of my patience slowly evaporating. "Fine by me; one more thing, though. You may think we're not together, Sage, but you're not available. Nothing about that was funny, so stop giggling at every man who looks at you because I don't have any more coping strategies in me tonight."

She looks confused about my last part before she rolls her eyes. "I'm very available."

"Sage Loana–"

"I'm available for any man I want ."

I glance over at Moon and silently tell him to tell me this is a joke and another one of his ways to piss me off, but he only puts his hands up in mock surrender before taking a few steps away, and I lean down so I'm at eye level with her.

"That was me playing nice, beloved. There's still plenty of time for me to turn around and put him in a coma for kissing you, so watch that pretty mouth of yours and do not test me."

When her chest falls and rises faster, I know she's mad. She shakes her head before whipping around, but I grab her arm and turn her back to me before she storms off. "And you're not available. Don't make me fuck the thought out of you."

She snatches her arm away before shoving the dolphin back at me. "Stop being ridiculous, Liam." She crosses her arms now. "I thought you were working on your anger?"

"I am , and I'm improving, so stop pissing me off."

"Stop being a possessive caveman . I just wanted to be friends with them." She walks off before I can tell her they certainly wanted to be more than friends, but I let her leave this time.

"Really?" Moon voices from beside me, and I drag my eyes away from her back to look at him.

"What were they doing that was so funny?" He opens his mouth, but I beat him to it. "You're not getting a damn car." I shove the dolphin into him before I walk past him to catch up with Sage, and he says I technically had a conversation with her, but I ignore him.

Sage ends up walking away every time I get too close, even if she's in the middle of a game, so I take the damn hint and watch her from a distance.

One of the guys comes back to her, and he must be the first brain-dead person who can walk and talk because he's a fucking moron. He puts a hand on his chest as he gestures between Sage and me. When she shakes her head and puts a hand on his arm, I realize he must be apologizing.

I let them talk, but when the conversation gets too long, I walk over, and he leaves before I can reach them. "What'd your little boyfriend say?"

Sage turns to me and crosses her arms. "He feels horrible , Liam."

I watch her for two seconds before rolling my eyes. "You were supposed to say he isn't your boyfriend."

She sends me a pointed look, and I lean against the game behind me. "He could be feeling a lot worse."

She shakes her head, almost disappointedly, so when she tries to walk off, I catch an arm around her waist and drag her between my legs. She keeps her arms crossed and looks off to the side like a damn brat, but I wrap both arms around her waist and lock my hands behind her.

"Let me go."

"I'm sorry."

She shakes her head, and I pull her closer. "I'm sorry , Dory."

"You said that already, and I said we're no longer speaking."

I sit there in silence and wait for her to look at me, and when she does, I can't help but smile at how pretty she is. "Can I have a hug?"

"What?" She uncrosses her arms and tries to move my hands, but I keep her in place.

"Please. I'll go say sorry to him. Just let me get a hug."

She watches me like she's confused, but I sit in silence for her answer. "Weren't you just mad?"

"Just a bit. May I have a hug?"

Her eyes squint like she can't understand me.

"This is the longest I've touched you in over three weeks. I think I'm touch-deprived, Sage. I miss you. I need to resort to other things when I'm upset, and this is me resorting to you. I just want one hug, and I'll go kiss his ass."

She looks between my eyes, and when she shakes her head, I think she's going to say no, but she wraps her arms around my neck, and I immediately pull her closer.

I bury my face in her neck, and she smells so good. I squeeze her a bit tighter, and it's like moving for the first time after sitting still for years. I stand up straight and slightly lift her off the ground, but she doesn't say anything.

With my face still in her neck, I steal a few kisses, but after the first three, she squirms away. "Stop that." She pulls away, and I kiss her neck one more time before letting her go.

She fluffs her curls as she avoids my eyes, but I watch her carefully. After a beat, she nods to the side. "Go."

I fight every fiber in me not to roll my eyes as I push off the game and walk off to Ed, Edd, and Eddy. They whisper amongst each other as I approach them and stand a bit straighter. I try not to glare, and the smile from hugging her slowly appears.

"Hey."

They look at each other before looking back at me. I feel the words knot in my throat, but when I look over at Sage, she's watching, so I force them out. "My bad about earlier." I can't seem to form the word sorry, so that's the best they're getting.

"No worries, I apologize. We no see she married. She wears no ring."

I feel a smirk grow, and I only give them a nod before walking away. If a ring is what it's going to take for every other guy to stop dropping their jaws when she walks into a damn room, then she's getting one tonight.

"What'd they say?"

"He said not to worry about it." I shrug, and she studies me for a beat before glancing over my shoulder. "Can I have another hug?"

She looks back over at me before shaking her head. "No, and we're still not speaking." She walks off, and I push off the game before walking after her with a smile.