9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

ALEX

O h my God what kind of dream is this? Pain and pleasure? Making love to Roman in my dreams is the best but why does my body hurt so fucking bad– and my head? Dreams aren’t supposed to be painful, are they?

I’m trying to focus on the pleasure, and I moan out loud.

“Good morning.”

Roman’s deep sexy voice is humming in my dream so vividly that it’s like I can hear it. This dream seems so real and I can feel hands resting over my breasts…wait, I can really feel hands on my breasts. My eyes pop open and veer south to find there are strong muscular arms wrapped around me. I squeak and want to freak out and push him away. My anxiety is high, and I can feel the soreness from what must’ve happened last night. I try to wiggle out of his hold, and he loosens his grip on me.

“Good morning.” He says again and the vibration of his voice is soothing and I swallow, closing my eyes inhaling deeply. I can handle this; I tell myself confidently.

“Good morning,” I mumble almost to myself. I’m pretty sure my fucking hair hurts. I fake a smile more for myself than him since he can’t see me. I realize we’re both naked and I’m on the verge of a total nervous breakdown until I open my eyes and look around wildly. It was just a dream. It was just a dream about Roman. No Tanner this time. It had to be a dream right? I’m alone and I’m still fully dressed, but where the hell am I exactly?

I got up and walked around the bed spotting my shoes next to my purse trying to remember what happened last night after we left the restaurant. Wait, I went to the restaurant with Roman last night and definitely over indulged. I was just trying to calm my nerves, not get wasted. I noticed the familiar black and white décor, discerning I must be in one of Roman’s guest rooms.

I wander into the bathroom to turn on the shower. I need to calm down. Maybe a shower will help. I didn’t have a dream about Tanner last night, that has to mean something. The only dream I had was one of Roman. That’s good, right?

“God, how did this happen?”

I freeze as I hear a knock on the bathroom door .

“Alex…” I hear Roman’s voice through the door.

I stay silent, maybe he’ll just leave.

“Honey, I brought you t-shirt and some sweatpants for you along with a bottle of water and something for a headache if you have one. The clothes are on the bed and the water and pills are on the table.” Then there was silence and I exhaled. I really need to talk to someone about this.

I put on the clothes he laid out and washed the Advil down with the bottle of water he left. I was swimming in his clothes, but they were comfortable and smelled like him. I hugged the shirt tight to me and tried to calm my nerves. I was starting to relax. I brushed my teeth and headed out to the living room to talk about what happened last night. Hopefully I can.

***

ROMAN

Breakfast sounds like a good idea– maybe that will help. I got out the ingredients to make pancakes.

She walked out with a sheepish grin on her face that I caught out of the corner of my eye. I watched her go over to the sofa and flop face down. I need to touch her and talk to her and make this right. I walked over and carefully sat next to her.

“What happened last night?” she groaned into the pillow.

“Nothing. You got drunk and I didn’t want to leave you alone.” I brushed my hair back from my face as I waited for her to feel comfortable talking to me.

“Really?” She said sitting up looking really confused now .

“Alex, do you really think I would take advantage of you in the state you were in?” She really doesn’t trust anyone does she?

“Roman, I still don’t know…”

“Still don’t know what Alex? Still don’t know if it was me or Tanner? Somehow, I don’t think that’s true anymore.” Am I fucking pushing her? Yes. Frustration is setting in and I know I should back off but I can’t. We have too much of a connection, too much love in our history, she has to see that.

She pushed herself up off the sofa and brushed past me as she made her way to the kitchen.

“What’s for breakfast?” She glanced at me quickly then bent over the marble kitchen counter island.

I sidled up behind her with both hands on either side of her and whispered in her ear, “Blueberry pancakes, Alex.” I made sure to breathe her name into her ear. I lightly brushed my lips against her neck and heard her gasp. That did things to me too. I inhaled deeply, squeezing my eyes closed, then quickly kissed her cheek as I moved around her to the stove where the food was.

“MMMM”. She hummed and I smiled, relieved that it had that effect and not a more violent one.

“Do you need to go to the gym? It’s a little late, at this point, for you I’m guessing.” I asked as I plated up the pancakes trying to be as normal as possible in this very delicate situation. I figured that was her real love language right now.

“I may go later to swim or just sit in the sauna.” She was still talking to the kitchen island instead of me.

“Do you want to stay here? The hot tub would work wonders for your muscles.” She scrunched up her face. I know I was pushing it with her, but I didn’t care. I put the plate down in front of her and turned back around to refill my coffee and put some pancakes on my plate.

“I don’t have any clothes. I’d at least need to go home and change.”

This is both good and surprising. I wish I didn’t have to work today but I could come up for lunch. Maybe she can stay another night. I don’t want to push my luck any further, but, fuck, who am I kidding? I wanted to go to sleep and wake up next to this woman every day. I’m going to fuck this up.

After breakfast I got dressed for work and drove her to her place to get some clothes. I felt victorious -- almost.

***

ALEX

Sexy as hell and he can cook, I thought as I peered up to watch him. I feel so dumb not wanting to be with this guy but that’s not really the issue. The thought that things have just shifted back to normal are my real issue. I had a good dream last night. I should take that as a small win but what if it changes again tomorrow? Agreeing to stay here again is probably a bad decision– why am I screwing with both our heads like this?

One more day won’t hurt, right? It can only help make my decision about us clearer, right? This is helping. Isn’t it?

Well, tomorrow is another MMA training then a fun night out with the work crew. I don’t know if I’m ready for the club scene, but I really need to hang out with my friends. I need to get back to a normal routine and Roman won’t be around to distract me. Just Shay and the boys. It’s been a while since I’ve been to the place we’re going. Mainly because my ex likes to hang out there and since Matt and Jack no longer speak to him, I wouldn’t know if he were going to be there or not and running into him unexpectedly would not be something I’m interested in and that puts my nerves on edge a bit also.

As soon as Roman went to shower and get dressed, I used his absence to clean the kitchen to take my mind off my ex.

Are you fucking kidding me? I almost dropped my phone as I checked my messages. Don’t tell me that asshole ex and I are now connected mentally too? Delete, Delete, Delete…Ugh,

LUKE: “Hey gorgeous. How are you? Your family wouldn’t let me see you at the hospital.”

ME: “Can you blame them?”

LUKE: “I was hoping we could talk.”

Oh no! No more talking, not to Roman and not to him.

ME: “Nope, not a good idea. Doubt there will ever be enough time behind me to talk to you again.”

LUKE: “Alex, that’s not very nice. It sounds like you could use someone to take care of you. Heard you quit your job. You’re not homeless or anything are you? I’d hate to see you living on the street because you lost your mind over this.”

ME: “Bye Luke.”

I threw my phone at my purse with a muted grunt and closed my eyes clenching my fists. I opened them slowly as Roman was walking towards me from the hallway. Damn he’s gorgeous, I smiled automatically as feelings of warmth and familiarity started to take over. I take him all in from head to toe. That five o’clock shadow along with his tall lean muscular body covered in a perfectly tailored suit. My head tilts to the side as my tongue swipes my top lip and I realize I’m staring when he cleared his throat, snapping me out of my daze.

“What’s wrong, why did you just throw your phone?” His dazzling smile was now holding me captive, and I lost my train of thought .

“I’m sorry, what?” This is going to be a long day.

“Just wondering if your phone had done something.” He pointed to my phone sitting on my purse and I remembered Luke’s texts.

“It was my ex.” I let out an exasperated sigh.

“What was your ex?” For once I couldn’t tell if he was being coy or if he was being genuine with that question.

“My ex texted. He wants to talk.” He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, tipping his head as if to nod but I could tell he wasn’t too happy about that.

“Oh.” Was all he said. I was surprised he didn’t ask for more information.

“Okay, well I guess I’m ready. It’ll only take me a minute to get some things. Are you sure I can’t just get an Uber and drive myself back?” I hated not having my car. I liked having the escape plan.

“I actually like this little bit of control you’re allowing me to have. It makes me feel good to take care of you. Trust me I know you can take care of yourself, it’s just a guy thing, or my thing.” He said control, now I’m starting to get nervous. and Luke used to say the same thing.

Is it a guy thing or a manipulation thing by a control freak?

I’m glad he didn’t want to talk about Luke, though, that would’ve been uncomfortable. I was really kind of enjoying being treated so sweetly but I don’t know how to incorporate that into fighting or determine if he was trying to manipulate me to do what he wanted. I felt like I literally needed to be kept in a state of anger and frustration in order to focus on this case to make sure Tanner goes to jail, just like he deserves. His fucking brother could get him out of all this so easily, I just know it. I need to make sure there’s no way that happens and if I get distracted by whatever this is with Roman right now, it’s all going to come crashing down. Today I’m going to torture myself, I guess, and feed off some of that frustration.

** *

ROMAN

It took a lot of self-control to not ask her what her ex texted her. From what I’ve heard from her and her family he’s a real piece of work and I wanted to keep the anger to a minimum. The aggression she showed last night was concerning to say the least.

We pulled into the valet of her apartment and she ran in to get some things. I couldn’t help but think about everything that happened and where it all went wrong. If that fucker, Tanner, had never touched her, things would’ve been good between us, I have no doubt. I’d really love to beat the shit out of that asshole for what he did. I smacked the steering wheel in frustration then swiped at my forehead to push my hair back. I’m just glad she’s giving me any time at all.

“Hey, you up yet?” Harrison sounds almost chipper as I answer the phone sitting in the car waiting for Alex to get her things.

“Yeah, why?”

“Just checking on you, see if you need some aspirin.” Very fucking funny.

“Nope, I had breakfast this morning.”

“Did you now? How many times did you have breakfast?”

Yeah, not doing this with him this morning.

“Blueberry pancakes, Harry.”

Harrison grumbled, “Damn, you’re so fucking boring lately. You used to be more forthcoming.” As Alex opened the door to get in Harrison said, “Alex took all the fun out of our brotherly date recaps. Now I get nothing.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her as she tried not to laugh .

She said, “Hi Harrison.”

Harrison gave us a moment of silence as we stared into each other’s eyes.

“Well, this is a surprise. Is this a carryover from last night?” he quipped.

She hit the mute button and said, “Can we not get him involved in all this? He already has a problem with the way I’m treating you.” She held up air quotes.

I unmuted the phone and said as I looked to the screen, “I’ll call you later.” He said bye and I looked back at Alex. Her frustration was still up front and center apparently.

“He’s not the only one.” Frustration was definitely playing a part in both our lives.

“Maybe I should just stay home.”

I grabbed her hand as she was reaching for the door handle.

“Nope, you’re mine today. If I only get today, I’m going to cherish every moment.” I pulled her hand up to my mouth and placed a soft kiss on the top of her knuckles before releasing it.

“You’ll be at work all day, so that’s not too many moments.” She clasped her hands together in her lap and I paid special attention to the way she gently rubbed her thumb over the place I kissed.

True, I silently agreed but I was going to work on more time with her. Today was not going to be enough for me and I could definitely see progress.

“Then you owe me time tomorrow, too.” I said lighthearted and matter of fact as I smiled, peering at her sideways.

“Sorry, I’m busy tomorrow. I have training then I’m going out with Shay and the boys.” She looked nervous as she answered.

Oh, Okay. I mean I’m glad she’s meeting her friends. That’s good news. Maybe it’s time we all hung out .

“Where?”

She rolled her eyes then looked out the window. “It’s not your scene.”

Great, a bar. I doubt it was Sebastian’s after what happened there with Tanner but I’m going to pry anyway.

“Try me.” I smiled.

“Um, Dejavu.” She said as she turned to look at me with a smirk on her face.

Oh fuck, she’s right, I hate loud ass night clubs worse than bars. Again, more Harrison’s scene. I wonder if I can get him and Amelia to go.

“Love that place.” I totally lied. There’s that eye roll again. I hate it when she does it in this context, but I love it when her eyes roll when I’ve got her in a more compromising position and I hope to get back there at some point.

“Is that right?” She said with irritation, insinuating I would stalk her. She’s not wrong.

“Yes. Do I have anything to worry about if I go?”

“Like what?”

More eye rolling. I had to bite my lip not to say anything about it.

“Like some random guy putting his hands on you?” I don’t think I should’ve said that, considering what just happened to her.

“I hope that doesn’t happen.”

Her face fell and I instantly regretted my line of questioning. This could pose a real problem if I go and see anyone touch her, dancing or not. Yep, I’ll definitely need Harrison with me to keep me from kicking the shit out of someone. I don’t think this is a good idea for her or me. At least I know who her friends are now.

“I do like your friends. I met them the other day at the office. Shay’s a sweet girl who cares a lot about you. ”

I was desperate to change the subject. Talking about her recent incident is not really on my to do list.

She said with fondness, “Shay’s the best. I look forward to getting back in the office again and working on the Burrow Township Relocation Project.”

“I think they’ll all appreciate that.” Talking about her friends seemed to keep her feet on the ground. Good to know.

I rode the elevator up to my penthouse with her and said, “I’ll meet you in the lobby at noon. We’ll go out for lunch, so you don’t think I’ve locked you in the tower.” She giggled and I grabbed her, kissing her cheek as the doors opened. I gave her a light pat on the rear as she got off the elevator. She turned to give me her most irritated face then she smiled and winked as the doors closed.

Progress.