6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

ALEX

I sat there in a daze for what felt like forever after I sent that email. I ran my fingers over my mouth. I could still feel the sensation of his lips on mine and his tongue tangling with my own. That is not the act of a man who wants to hurt me. So why is my mind still playing tricks on me? Were those drugs so strong that they altered my brain permanently? I’ve got to figure this out. This is going to be the longest short drive of my life.

Does he think he can just go around assaulting me like that after what I’ve been through, though? That kiss literally took my breath away. I didn’t even know how I got back in the car; I don’t remember getting in at all. I don’t have time to think about this right now. I shook off the kiss as best I could and gripped the steering wheel, leaning my forehead on it, breathing steadily until I could safely say I was fine to drive.

I pulled into Ella’s driveway and climbed the four cracked cement steps. I carefully opened the rickety screen door and gently knocked on the interior one. It was so quiet in the neighborhood today. I felt a little paranoid and didn’t want to make too much noise or draw attention to myself. With everything that happened in the past, from that kid pulling a knife on me right here at the house, to the police harassing me every time I’ve shown up here, and then getting attacked at the club, I’ve been pretty paranoid that everyone’s after me. Maybe they think I’m out of commission now. Hopefully it stays that way, and they’ll all leave me the hell alone.

I was surprised when Darius answered the door even though Ella said he’d be here. He’s usually out and about when I come over. Today, however, he was at the door with a kind greeting for me.

“Hi Ms. Alex. It’s good to see you. I’m sorry to hear about your mom.” I wasn’t expecting that and swallowed the lump in my throat to hold back the emotion.

“Thank you, Darius. It’s good to see you too.” He stepped to the side to let me in, and I hesitantly went in for a hug to which he reached around with one arm to reciprocate. I could hear Ella in the background yelling.

“Boy, you get outta the way and invite that girl in. Where’re your manners?” We both laughed and I left my arm around Darius’s back as we moved into the kitchen .

“Hi Ella. I assure you he has perfect manners.” I patted Darius before returning my arm to my side and being pulled into one of those great hugs from Ella. I gave him a wink and we all went out to the living room to chat.

I decided to get right into the visit. “Ella. How’s Grant working out for you?” I turned toward her pulling one foot up underneath me and concentrated on whatever she was about to tell me so I could get a good read on the situation and decide what my next move would be. I couldn’t leave this all for Grant to do on his own.

“Really good, and the rest of the neighborhood likes him too. He just don’t have your spunk.”

Ha! Is that what we’re calling blatant disregard for personal safety? I laughed and thought that she might be insinuating that they would rather work with me. I should probably figure out a way to get back on this project without having a mental breakdown in the process.

“Thank God. We don’t want to overwhelm this place.” I changed the subject for a minute because I was very curious to know more about Darius. He was not a troubled kid, and he was pretty smart. I wanted to know what it is he’s doing in this neighborhood. Does he have a job, is he going to school? Is there some way I can help?

I turned my attention toward Darius, reached over and laid my hand on top of his. He looked at me confused until I asked him, “Darius, tell me something about you I don’t know. What would you like to be doing with your life?” I’m sure he had aspirations. I mean, everyone does, no matter how big or small they may be, and I just love pulling them out of people.

He looked at Ella surprised. Maybe it was that someone was taking an interest in him. I knew that look well. I wore it on my own face when I met Grant for the first time.

“Well, I never really thought about it before. It hasn’t come up. ”

I squeezed his hand and asked more leading questions. “Are you in school or do you want to go to school?” He shook his head and said, “Nah, school wasn’t really my thing, and I can’t afford to go to college. It’s too damn expensive and they ain’t got nothin’ I want to learn.”

“Well, school isn’t for everyone. I didn’t exactly go to school for what I do. I got a business degree in college, but my Real Estate license is what’s making me all the money. What are you interested in that you think college can’t help you with?”

“I really like construction– building stuff. I’d like to get into construction, but I don’t know how to get into that or where to apply for a construction job.”

Are you kidding me? That’s awesome. Who would’ve guessed?

I excitedly replied, “I know a guy who might be able to help with that.” Shoot shoot shoot!!! Foot in mouth, check. I got so excited that I forgot to remember that the guy I know is the one guy I’m trying to stay away from right now.

“Who?” Darius was quick to inquire.

This might be a little tricky. I don’t really want to upset him. I reached out and put my hand on his arm as much for him as it was for me to keep calm.

“Don’t get mad at me, but it’s the company doing the job on this place.” He wasn’t happy with that answer, and he yanked his arm away. He then jumped up from the couch shaking his head.

“Hell no!”

I smiled because I was very familiar with that reaction. I didn’t realize how much Darius and I have in common. Ella didn’t look happy with him, but I glanced at her and shook my head to keep her from reacting and making everyone get upset.

“Darius, I’d feel the same way if I was you and I did. When I found out he was doing this I was furious. Turns out he didn’t know about any of the corrupt deals going on and he’s not going to put anyone out of their home without having a place to go. He’s working with some great people to find you all better living arrangements. If he can get the money back, he’s going to disperse it to all the displaced families.” Darius’ face and shoulders relaxed a bit and so did Ella’s. This was something I was planning to tell Ella today.

Darius responded very thoughtfully “Sounds like you like this dude.”

Like doesn’t even break the surface about how I feel about this “dude.”

“I like him enough to get you a job at his company. I trust him,” I said tentatively. I do trust him, right? Butterflies sprang up in my stomach and were fluttering their way up into my chest. Is this a breakthrough of some kind? God, I hope so.

“That would be great if you would do that for me,” he mentioned after looking at his grandmother then back to me.

I threw my hands in the air and blurted out, “Consider it done.” This means I’ll have to speak to Roman. My anxiety spiked but I held it in. You can do this.

I looked at Ella and said, “I’ll keep in contact with Grant to make sure things are going smoothly. My friend Matt is looking for opportunities to move you all into his district.” Her face turned cold and lost its friendly demeanor. Oh no, what did I say?

“What do you mean by his district? Is he a politician too?”

I can explain this as the immediate anxiety seemed to subside.

“Yes, and a lawyer, but he’s married to one of my best friends. Their kids are my godchildren.” I smiled just thinking about those beautiful babies.

She looked at me still with a little apprehension, “By that sweet look on your face I’m guessing he’s not like the other one. Do you really trust him?” I nodded as I took out my phone and showed her pictures of the kids then realized I hadn’t erased any of the pictures of Roman.

We finished up our meeting and I even got to meet Darius’s two younger brothers. They went to a sports day camp and they were coming in as I was going out. They were apparently gifted athletes and Ella wanted to make sure they focused on that rather than getting into trouble. They were sweet boys, aged twelve and fourteen, named Issac and Dante. We said our goodbyes and I left for kickboxing.

***

ROMAN

I had a permanent smile on my face for the rest of the day thinking about our email correspondence and that breathtaking kiss. I stretched my arms above my head to relieve the tension in my shoulders from sitting at my desk most of the day. I turned toward the window to get a look at what seemed to be a promising end to my day for the first time in the past three weeks. The sun was starting to set and the usual haze over the river was a little clearer, so the colors were more vibrant in the sky reflecting off the surface of the river. But the promise of taking our little game to email excited me enough to want to get out of here and up to the penthouse to resume communication. Emails, however, won’t be enough for me, I’ll have to find a way to see her in person.

I was able to focus on my last meeting at six, long enough to not seem disinterested and no one noticed I was just counting the minutes until it was time to leave. I tapped my finger next to my laptop on the desk thinking about just what I could email to get her attention since I decided against throwing a rock with a note through her window .

“Yes, that all sounds great, I look forward to working on those specs and I will have Amelia email them back to you.” I’m not sure if I answered that correctly but I’m sure Amelia would let me know, since she’s staring at me intently at the moment.

“What?” I asked, looking at her as I closed my laptop and slid it calmly into its leather bag. I didn’t want to seem like I was rushing out of there and give her anymore ammo to torture me with.

“Nothing, honestly. I was rather impressed that you were engaging coherently in that discussion about the riverwalk, considering how distracted you are.” She raised her eyebrows pointedly at me then quickly closed her notebook and hurried toward the door.

“I’ll have all the notes from the meeting organized and emailed to you by tomorrow afternoon. Good night, Roman. Enjoy your evening.” She said not bothering to look back as she left.

I could have sworn she was hiding a smirk as she organized her things to go home. It’s obvious as hell that I’m distracted by everything that’s happened, but she’s usually brutally honest with me, and it helps me get back on track.

I threw my bags on the counter and opened the fridge, standing in front of the cool air for a moment to decide what I wanted for dinner. My housekeeper Mary made several different meals that she had all wrapped up for me already prepped and ready to heat. Who has time to make dinner? I barely have time to heat it up after a day like today. I grabbed the one marked lasagna and the beer right next to it. I popped the top off the beer and took a long pull from it, then set it down and threw the dinner in the microwave. This seems like a sad existence with no one to share it with but better no one then the wrong someone. Thoughts of Caitlin and the day I broke off the engagement started to swarm in my head, but I pushed them aside and took another sip of beer .

I sat at the kitchen island and ate dinner. I kept reaching for my phone knowing I needed to let it go, but I couldn’t. Finally, I picked up my plate and put it in the sink with a frustrated thunk. I grabbed another beer from the fridge and threw half of it back before settling onto the stool, picking up my phone to resume game time.

From: ROMAN

Reply to: ALEX

Subject: “TRUTH OR DARE”

________________________________________________________________________________________

RK

________________________________________________________________________________________

The body of the message didn’t say anything else. I was leaving it up to her. I took my laptop out of the bag and walked over to the sofa in the living room. I opened the drawer on the chairside table next to it and grabbed the remote for the stereo. I needed something to distract me from my obsessing about her response to the email. No telling how long it would take for her to answer, or if she even would. I had the app set to a classical station– the one Alex and I both listened to. I love that we have that in common. I smiled thinking about the time we danced under the stars. Her warm body in that red dress pressed up against mine and the smell of lavender from her hair was so lovely. I shifted uncomfortably on the couch, adjusting myself as the memories were also bringing back the first night we had sex. I’m not sure I would’ve gotten involved with this woman had I known how incredibly complicated she was, but it’s too late to wish her away now. She’s seeped so deeply under my skin and into my soul that I can barely tell where she begins, and I end.

I went through some work documents, talked to my mom and Harrison then switched from beer to bourbon to relax. I was trying to keep myself occupied so I wouldn’t be tempted to check my emails every ten minutes. It’s sad that this is what my nights have turned into.

I leaned my head back on the couch and decided to try some visualization techniques my mom taught me when I was first dealing with my empathic anxiety. First you need to be clear about what you really want. If she responds to the email with dare, should I dare her to call me? What if she says, truth? What do I want to know– if she’s happy? Of course she’s not happy. I saw her face at the restaurant, she’s fucking miserable. Broken hearts don’t make people happy and if she is happy then she’s sadistic and some kind of praying mantis or black widow spider and I’m truly fucked because I’d rather have her and let her kill me then be without her. I didn’t do anything for her not to love me. Those drugs couldn’t possibly last this long, could they? If they are then Tanner is truly a sick fuck and he needs to go away for life.

As I was slipping farther down this torture spiral, feeling myself drift off to sleep, I heard an email notification. My eyes slowly opened, and I reached for my phone. The lights were low in the penthouse but the reflection from the phone might as well be a beacon from outer space. The subject said, “FAVOR.” I can do favors.

From: ALEX

Reply to: ROMAN

Subject: “FAVOR”

________________________________________________________________________________________

I know this is off the topic of Truth or Dare, but I need a favor. Can you meet me tomorrow for lunch or just meet before my training tomorrow? Its business related, but it’s also a personal favor.

Sincerely,

Alex Kennedy

Realtor

_______________________________________________________________________________________ _

Ok, this shit’s getting weird, these visualization techniques my mom turned me onto a few years ago have worked almost every time I’ve put them to practical use. But honestly, I don’t think Alex and I could stay away from each other if we tried no matter what kind of drugs are in her system.

From: ROMAN KING

Reply To: ALEX KENNEDY

Subject: Re: FAVOR

________________________________________________________________________________________

Yes Ms. Kennedy, I’ll check with my assistant, Amelia, and see where we can fit you in tomorrow.

Kind Regards,

Roman F. King Jr.

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: ALEX KENNEDY

Reply to: ROMAN KING

Subject: Re: FAVOR

________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you, Mr. King. As always, I look forward to hearing from Amelia. I can be open for a meeting anywhere between 8:00 am and 2:00 pm.

Sincerely,

Alex Kennedy

Realtor

________________________________________________________________________________________

I forwarded the email on to Amelia so she could deal with that in the morning. I know I have a full schedule of meetings tomorrow but I’m sure Amelia can sort it out.

From: ROMA N

Reply to: ALEX

Subject: Back to Truth or Dare

________________________________________________________________________________________

I’m still waiting on your response to Truth or Dare

RK

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: ALEX

Reply to: ROMAN

Subject: Re: Back to truth or dare

________________________________________________________________________________________

How about one of each?

AK

________________________________________________________________________________________

I wasn’t expecting that response. This is probably a dangerous game to be playing with someone who seems as emotionally fragile as Alex but she can handle it, right? Plus, I’m only trying to get information out of her to see if she still thinks it was me.

From: ROMAN

Reply to: ALEX

Subject: Re: Back to truth or dare

________________________________________________________________________________________

TRUTH: How are you?

DARE: Please call me. If you tell me you honestly think I did this and you can’t get past it, I will go away.

RK

________________________________________________________________________________________

Now I’m holding my breath.

From: ALEX

Reply to: ROMAN

Subject: Re: Back to truth or dare

________________________________________________________________________________________

TRUTH: It’s hard. My reality is really fucked up.

DARE: I can’t! I don’t know what to think.

AK

________________________________________________________________________________________

If she’d just let me see her or talk to her I know we can get through this together.

From: ROMAN

Reply to: ALEX

Subject: Re: Back to truth or dare

________________________________________________________________________________________

Then I dare you to just call me.

RK

________________________________________________________________________________________

Ten minutes no email. I guess that was the last straw for her. I’ll just have to wait and see her in the office if she still even wants that favor from me. I put the bourbon glass in the sink then shut off the music, putting the remote back in the soft close drawer that I would love to slam right now. Just then my phone lights up with Alex’s name scrolling across the screen. That ends my frustration. The tipsy haze of bourbon dissipates as I pick up the phone to get my answers.

***

ALEX

I smiled, thinking about what a great meeting I just had with Ella and Darius. Except now I’m going to have to bite the bullet and see Roman. I know he won’t just take a phone call for this. Someone else, maybe, but not from me. I was going to have to kickbox the anxiety of seeing him out of my system. I gripped the steering wheel tightly for the whole ride to the gym, trying not to wear a hole in the leather or my lip for that matter. I took a deep breath and grabbed my bags then got out of the car, leaning against the door for a minute. “I can do this,” I chanted to myself looking up to the heavens for help before heading into the studio to face my girlfriends.

“Hey Jerkface.” Maggie said nonchalantly as she glanced up at me for a second then went back to tying her shoes. I liked that she wasn't trying to figure out how I’m feeling or not feeling anymore. I let the door swing shut and flopped down on the bench next to Abby and took my shoes out of the bag and started lacing my own up.

“Hey, do you think this class is making my butt look good or too big? My pants are getting tight,” Abby said as she leaned over a little and slapped her hip right in my face as I was bent down. I laughed and shook my head, shoving her in the butt to get it out of my face. I loved having normal conversations again.

“Abby, kickboxing isn’t making your butt bigger, your bun in the oven is.” I reached over and rubbed her belly which I knew she hated, and she swatted my hand away then flicked my shoulder.

“I know, don’t remind me. I have to quit these classes in a few months,” she whined.

I didn’t even think about that. I wrapped my arms around her and stuck out my lip, adding my best puppy dog eyes. Even though my face was exaggerated, I really was sad that our kickboxing trio would get broken up for a bit, sooner than I’d like.

“We still have brunch though, and maybe you girls can take these crazy online birthing classes with me instead of Jack. He already did them with me the first time.” We laughed at the thought of the three of us “who who whoing” and “ha ha haing” and Jack standing there watching .

After class, I high fived the girls and went home to eat and get my head together.

I put a pot of water on the stove to boil. I decided a nice penne with a mushroom cream sauce sounded divine, with a hearty bottle of cabernet. I threw a fresh crusty Italian bread in the oven to warm. I smashed some garlic cloves and mixed them with softened butter to spread on the bread when it was done. I added some sea salt to the boiling water then threw in the pasta and poured a glass of wine while I waited for the pasta to cook. I grabbed another pot to make the mushroom sauce and put it on the stove to heat, then added those ingredients and stirred while drinking my wine. I kept looking over at my phone trying to decide if I should check my emails for something from Roman now or wait until after the food was cooked. I ultimately decided to wait since I was sure that I would ruin dinner if I got caught up in emails with Roman, knowing it could never just be a quick scheduled meeting with him. This was going to take a lot of mental strength to get through.

I finished cooking and drinking half the bottle of wine in the process and served up the food. I placed my plate and another full glass of wine on the cocktail table in front of the sofa and picked up my phone to turn on my favorite classical music station through the Bluetooth speakers. I saw the email notification as soon as I picked up my phone and agreed with my inner monologue that it could wait until I was done eating.

I savored every bite. The pasta was cooked al dente and the mushroom sauce had the right balance of white wine to cream where it seemed to melt on my tongue. The garlic bread was perfectly crisp on the outside with just the right amount of buttery garlic melted over it to soften the middle without making it soggy. If I hadn’t gone into real estate, I could’ve gone into the culinary industry, except I hate the craziness of a restaurant kitchen and would probably end up murdering someone.

I glanced down at my phone. Clearly, he was into playing games now because it read, “TRUTH OR DARE.” I don’t have time for that right now. I needed to see if he could help Darius. I laid the phone down and cleaned up my dishes. I poured the last of the wine into my glass watching as the last drop hung on to the lip of the bottle for dear life. It was just the way I felt about reaching out to Roman right now. I got comfortable on the couch again, propping myself up on the pillows and tucking my feet underneath me– laying the velvet blanket over my legs for comfort. I picked up my phone and thought for a minute about what I was going to do with his email and the one I needed to send.

He’s going to have Amelia call me to set up the meeting tomorrow and then he wants to play Truth or Dare. I was smiling and tipsy, but I wanted to test my comfort level with him before seeing him. It was for the best I got to bed as soon as possible, before this turned dismal. How about getting truth and dare over with so I can go to sleep? I thought and took another sip.

Sometimes the wine makes me emotional and sometimes it does its damn job and numbs the pain like right now. Maybe wine was the answer. I read his rejection of my first answer and his new dare. Call him.

From: ROMAN

Reply to: ALEX

Subject: re: Back to truth or dare

________________________________________________________________________________________

Then I dare you to just call me.

RK

_______________________________________________________________________________________ _

That was a dangerous dare. I dropped the phone and walked to my room.

This was going to take a minute, if I can even bring myself to do it. I dragged my feet back to the bedroom taking as much time as I could to change into jammies and brush my teeth. Back in the kitchen I picked up the corkscrew and held it in my hand like a weapon as I stared at my phone waiting for it to sprout fangs and attack me. I opened another bottle of wine, satisfied my phone wasn’t a threat, and poured another rather large glass of cabernet. I held it up to my nose and inhaled the strong fragrant scents of cherry and dark chocolate– possibly notes of tobacco in this blend. I already had a major buzz going from the first bottle of wine, but I needed to make sure that no emotions were invited in on this phone call. Since it seemed to block out the bad memories of thinking that Roman was my attacker, I could only assume the wine is the reason I’m making this call. What if I start slurring . Maybe I should talk out loud to myself for a minute to make sure I sound sober. Oh fuck, I’m talking to myself to make sure I sound sober…that is the definition of not sober. I sat up on the sofa and put the glass on the table then put my face in my hands while I decided how I was going to go about starting this phone call.

Thinking about it was what was going to get me into the most trouble, so I picked up the phone and pushed send. The ringing almost made me nauseous. When he answered in his low, husky voice, tears started welling up in my eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen. The wine was supposed to numb the feelings, not make shit worse. I could feel him vibrate through my veins– the pain, the love – all of it. I pushed the speaker button and set the phone down so I could wipe the tears off my face.

“Hi Alex, I didn’t think you’d really call.”

I composed myself before I responded, wiping off the tears and taking a deep breath.

“I wasn’t sure I was going to, but you know how much I hate to lose.” Thinking of this stupid game we were playing as I rolled my eyes and took a big gulp of wine to mask the gravely sound of my voice. I sounded worse than I imagined I would.

He laughed a little and said, “It’s great to hear from you. You sound good.”

He had to be joking. I felt like shit, and I knew he could tell I was crying. He sounds amazing as always, however. If he was feeling like me, he was a lot better at hiding it than I was.

“Thanks, I’m a little tired, but that’s all. It's nice to hear from you too. How’ve you been?” I don’t know how to have a conversation with him anymore. I hoped I convinced him I was just tired and not a bottle and a half toward being drunk.

“Ummm, a little pissed off actually.” And he sounded like it now. His little laugh from earlier must have been sarcasm or condescension, not sure which. Maybe he was just a good actor. I should’ve known it wasn’t going to be so easy.

“Probably at me, huh?” I snorted trying not to laugh but didn’t want him to get more upset, so I took another drink to muffle the sound.

“Yeah Alex. How could you ever fucking think I could do something like that to you? I don’t care how much drugs were in your system.” Not the reaction I was expecting, but I’m not sure I was expecting anything in particular. “Everyone, including the police, Bruce and Steve told you it wasn’t me. Why don’t you believe them.” I got up and refilled my glass of wine for the rest of this conversation. In fact, I’m just going to empty the rest of the bottle and fill the glass all the way up. I’m getting drunk tonight and not holding back .

“I was drugged.” I yelled. “I couldn’t see. He took me into the room you took me to the night we met. I asked him if it was you, and he said “Yes, Roman King!! What the fuck was I supposed to think? My mind was a fucking mess.” Take that. Gulp.

He yelled back, “Are the drugs still in your system? Or are you just pushing me away?” Dagger to the heart. Gulp.

“I don’t know. That’s a very good question.” Even the giggle that came out was slurred. “Nothing a little bottle of wine won’t take care of.” Or two. I held my glass up to the phone offering “cheers” to the air. Gulp.

“Why the hell are you doing this to us? If you’re hurting as much as I am, then why?” His voice was hoarse, and he sounded shattered. He wasn’t handling this the way I thought he would. Tears were falling, but my voice only gave way to the inebriation. The wine was keeping me from outright crying in his ear. Hearing him so tortured was brutal. But I couldn’t refrain from telling him how I felt even though this was not what I had planned tonight. I didn’t know how long I’d be able to control this.

“You don’t deserve me,” I barely whispered, holding my head down staring at the phone while teardrops splashed across my screen. “You deserve someone better than me.” It was like I was listening to myself say this from somewhere else and I had no control. “I’m like a black cloud that ruins everything it comes in contact with. Why do you want that?” I blinked then realized what I had said and felt like I’d heard a speech like that before. A little self-loathing as I raised my glass to my mother in heaven.

“Alex, what are you talking about, a black cloud?” Black cloud, number thirteen, black cat crossing your path…the list goes on, take your pick. I sank back farther into the pillows on the sofa as I took another long sip of wine before I really started to recount it for him .

“Seriously, look at the devastation that followed me just by running out of gas, and then the altercation at the bar with T..t..tanner that turned into my worst nightmare. For God’s sake it killed my m..m..mother.”

Pull it together girl. Just a little bit longer and you can pass out.

“Alex, none of that was your fault.” His voice was calmer and soothing now, like a warm embrace that I found so safe. Shake it off, this thing with Roman is over. “Were they unfortunate turns of events, yes, but you couldn’t control any of that.” Why can’t he just be mad at me and leave me alone? Now I’m sobbing along with the tears, and I know he can hear it. Control of the conversation was officially over. The wine was now in charge.

“I know deep down somewhere you’re right, but I can’t convince my head. My heart is so broken I don’t feel like I deserve anything good. I feel like if something good comes into my life it’s going to get taken away because I’m not supposed to have it.” I’m so drunk now I just want this to end so I can go to sleep. This was not what I had planned. I just wanted to see if I could get Darius a job.

“Please listen to me,” he said.

I don’t want to listen. I pulled my night shirt up over my face to dry the tears but the loud wailing noise I was making was hardly muffled.

“I will do whatever it takes to fix this. I still love you Alex, and I know you feel the same way. You need to figure out how to get past whatever it is that happened.”

Oh my god, why is he saying that? How could he still feel like that about me? I don’t understand. I was in my own personal hell that I bestowed upon myself, but it was the only thing I knew right now. The pain was the only thing that was keeping me focused on Tanner and I didn’t want to get distracted. Plus, I didn’t want to hurt Roman again .

“Roman, I’m sorry, I have to go. I’ll see you when Amelia sets up the meeting time, alright?” Please just say okay.

“Alex, please, let’s just have the meeting right now. Whatever the favor is, just ask

me.”

This has been one of the hardest conversations I’ve had in the past three weeks, and I needed it to end. “No. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I was only asking this one more time before I simply hung up.

“Fine,” he mumbled painfully, and we hung up. I finished my glass of wine and went to my room and cried my drunk ass to sleep.

***

ROMAN

I felt like throwing the phone across the room. I didn't know what to do. How do I get through to her? I began pacing the floor like a lunatic. Fuck, maybe I am going to have to stalk her. I put the phone down before I really did throw it across the room. I grabbed my hair in frustration. “AHHH!

She sounded drunk. I hope she’s not hanging out in bars again. I mean, it seems like she’s just started seeing people again. I sat down on the sofa and fell back with my hands over my face and groaned.

“I wonder if she still goes running on the weekends,” I thought out loud as I mentally devised a ridiculous plan to show up on one of her runs. She doesn’t own the path or the coffee shop. Let the stalking begin. I better not tell my mom that the emails led to stalking after all. She’d probably kill me.

I’m glad I at least got her to talk that much, though. I wish she would start talking to my mom again. That seemed to have helped her. I was worried something like this could happen and I feel bad that she’s not talking to her because of me. Maybe I’ll just send her a quick text to let her know my mom is still available to talk. I sat up and grabbed my phone, swiping it open to our text thread. I doubt she’s going to get the message tonight but hopefully this will help with the awkwardness of our meeting tomorrow after this monumental fuck up of a phone call tonight.

ROMAN: “Alex, I’m sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want you to know my mom is still there for you to talk to. I know she helped you and you both had a great connection. I promise I won’t interfere, and she’s never told me anything other than to leave you alone. If she knew how much I’ve pushed you lately, she’d kick my ass. Sleep well. Love, Roman.”

I took a deep breath and hit send.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and popped some Advil. I leaned against the counter staring at my phone thinking about all these plans I had for my life. I had written a five- year plan that I kept in the nightstand next to the bed. Occasionally I would take it out and read it to refresh my memory and stay the course. I was going to have an amazing business, a beautiful wife and kids and live in a nice house with a yard and a dog. It was going to be perfect and drama free. I know that’s not God’s plan when I can hear him laughing at me through every text and email Alex sends. I’ll read it before I go to sleep tonight.