Chapter 61

Sixty-One

FINN

D arkness slid over me—thick, suffocating, and endless. I gasped for air, clawing at the void that swallowed me whole. My mind, splintered by memories that flashed like shards of glass, each one cutting deeper than the last, screamed as if a thousand nerves bled the agony of the past. Every failure, every loss, amplified, dragging me further into the abyss, as if there was no light to be found.

I raged as the monster, cycling between hot and cold, screaming into the emptiness without sound. The crushing weight of sadness threatened to shred my soul. Faces, fleeting and twisted by my guilt—a thousand lives I’d destroyed, leaving nothing but more weeping wounds of soul deep pain.

I snarled, raging as though somehow it could stop the assault. The icy bite of Winter dug her talons into me, tearing the wolf back into the dark each time it reached for me, leaving only the beast and I, helpless to find control. Her curse weakened us. The Autumn realm, dying around me, consumed by the blackness that was me, and yet not.

My father had lost himself to the dark. I never understood why. Then my mother died, and he passed as though the last breath of light had vanished from his soul. This nightmare took over, and devoured him from the inside out.

Help me, I begged, uncertain who I was even asking, heart breaking in loneliness and fear. I hated being alone. The beast wallowed in the sadness of isolation. Memories fit into place inside my mind, dozens of lifetimes of trying to find light, family, and love, each loss tearing down the boundaries between the monster inside and me. I’d been unable to find the beautiful creature my mother’s side gifted me after her death. A lack of control? A curse of the dark? Or something else?

I caught a glimpse of Wesley, a snapshot picture of him staring at me with his head tilted, curiosity and irritation on his face. One of the first moments after we’d met. I longed to stare at the brightness of his face, and his glowing gold aura, which illuminated him like a halo. He’d have snapped that he was no angel, but he was my light.

I gasped as the darkness paused for a half second. I realized a thousand things at once. My father died because my mother had. Her light had been all that held him to the living world.

Wesley! My soul screamed for him, though I caught no more than a glimpse of a dozen other memories of him. They tumbled over one another, a chaotic tide pulling me under. I saw Wesley again, his eyes full of fear and sorrow as he called my name. I couldn’t reach him. Each time I reached for another image of him it shattered to dust, slipping through my fingers, sucked away from me by the biting cold.

Unworthy. Weak. Not the wolf’s words this time, but the Winter witch who infected us with self-doubt. She suctioned away my control and any glimpses of joy we’d clung to of the past. The wolf and I snarled and snapped, enraged by the witch stealing him from me and let loose a wave of what could only be described as death , as it felt like the end of everything. A cascade of power, rage, and pain blasted everything I touched. Without Wesley there to temper me, I let it all go. The endless rage that the wolf had been trying to lock in the dark, the wild chaos of magic that blazed beneath our skin, and the suffocating pain of failing over and over. We were weak, but I’d take experiencing love over being strong any day. We poured it all into her, using her words echoing in our minds as the link to drive the darkness into her core. She wanted the monster? So be it.

She screamed, the darkness overwhelming even her fading shrieks as her hold on us burst, and she vanished with a pop. Escaped or dead, I wondered? Not that it mattered as the darkness slid back into place, the third part of our broken soul, reuniting.

The cold slipped away even as the darkness whispered, its voice seductive and cruel, demanding the spread of the soul suctioning ooze to end everything. It offered a dark quiet place to rest, and tried to hide the aching loneliness that lingered there, impenetrable by any light.

The beast roared its insatiable hunger. Fury boundless. It wanted to consume, to destroy, and I was powerless to stop it. The wolf, free of Winter’s curse, but weak, exhausted, and heartbroken, wrapped itself around the mortal half of my soul. It, too, had lived a dozen lives of lost loves, families, and darkness. How easy would it be to give ourselves to the pain and let the beast free, sinking into rest as it rained terror on the world.

We were weak because we were divided. Did he understand? Even the monster would die if any part of us faded. The wolf sank into my touch, heartbeat sluggish, mind shattered as the sadness overwhelmed us both. We needed family, pack, and love, while we were also pure destruction. The monster had grown over the decades to an insane weight of magical darkness, reabsorbing what it lost from Felix’s birth and destruction and now offered the end of everything as it shoved the wolf and I apart. Hadn’t that been what Wesley’s dream predicted? Not Winter as he’d thought, but me, us. The wolf, the beast, and I were the obliteration of life. Separated, none of us were strong enough to suppress the demon.

Wesley. My heart ached, as I felt my mortal soul stuttering its last breath under the weight of the darkness. I floated untethered, searching for the wolf, but drowning in the black.

I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I’m not worthy of you. Or any love really, that’s why it was always ripped away. Ever since I’d lost my mother I’d been cursed because I was weak. Too weak to save her, too dark to save my father, too broken to save Cassa, or Felix, or even Sebastian. The memories of him and how my wolf had tried and failed added to the weight of my guilt. Fuck, how worthless was I?

Finn…

The thought was so faint, I wasn’t certain I heard it or if it been a wishful dream.

Honey…

I gasped, my heart lurching to pump when I only wanted to end the pain.

Don’t leave me.

Wesley?

Everything is really dark. Can you find me?

I’m not worthy of you.

You are, honey. Please, find me.

A flicker, faint and distant, burst to life like a tiny candle flame lit in the depths of the darkest cave. I latched onto the glimmer of hope, pulling myself toward it with desperation. The light intensified, cutting through the darkness like a blade. It was warm and familiar as I drew closer. But it burned.

Too hot. I flinched, hesitating in the dark with the barest touch of the brightness against my skin blistering as though it burned like a furnace.

Honey?

I trembled, crawling a few more inches toward the light, mind screaming as it burned away the dark. I had to stop again, the pain too much.

It’s okay, honey.

Wesley. I clung to the memory of him with every last ounce of strength I had. It hurts. The pain blacked out the clarity for a few seconds as the beast forced me to retreat back into the dark.

Love, Wesley whispered, his voice faint. Don’t go.

The beast snarled and fought, dragging me back into the dark, its rage clawing at my sanity. Common sense would have the wolf and I hiding in the dark to ease the pain, but that’s what the beast wanted. It thrived in the dark, demanded control.

No. I growled at it, forcing myself to inch toward the light again. The beast basked in pain, grew in strength as the darkness overrode everything. I hated it.

It’s part of you, my mind reminded me. I’d been born with this nightmare. Witchborn .

It’s only as dark as you let it be . Wesley whispered. But there was nothing but darkness. How could he see anything beyond it?

Please, help me. I thought, the word a cry from the depths of my soul.

I’m right here, waiting for you.

Tired. I desperately wanted to hold him, bask in his strength, but feared he’d be ripped from me as well.

I’m no damsel to be saved, Finn. You saw what I could become.

The shift to his Stag during the battle echoed in my memory, a rage I’d never expected from the majestic beast, and yet he’d grown as large as the forest, his hooves and antlers deadly.

You are so fucking beautiful. I thought, hoping Wesley would catch it.

Then why are you hiding in the dark?

Because the light hurt.

Why are you letting the past keep us apart?

I stared at the light, so close, and yet so far away.

Wesley.

Yes, honey. I’m right here.

I’m not perfect.

I could sense his snort. No kidding.

Was it still okay to love him?

Yes.

I crept forward, my beast raging, the wolf and I finding a rare moment of commonality as we both knew what lay beyond that glow and the pain. Love. Family. Hope.

Please. I begged, needing him like I needed air.

Waiting for you. Remember who the final boss is.

Me. It had always been me. Torn into three parts of one soul, all battling for one mundane life force.

Stronger together. Wesley reminded me.

Even if that means embracing the monster?

We can all be monsters sometimes.

The wolf and I crept into the light though it blistered our flesh. I understood as the wolf did. We sank our souls together, resealing the tear. It ached from the scar left behind, but having him wrapped around me added to our strength. The beast fought us, refusing to slide into the last gaping hole between the wolf and me.

The wolf shared a thousand memories of his years alone with the dark, and I gave him the time as a mortal, not all bright, but filled with bits of love and friendship. The beast seemed to hesitate inside, observing perhaps, learning. The wolf and I settled into each other, the force of our will expanding tenfold as we crawled toward the light, hoping for a chance to bask in Wesley’s brightness.

Mate . The wolf said. Wesley. I agreed. We’re coming.