Chapter Five

B eretta_Penn: I'm so glad you're back home. Now I can stop worrying that you're going to get blown up all the time. St_Margarita: Awwww are you trying to say you'd miss me? Beretta_Penn: Of course! You're my bestie. My ride or die. St_Margarita: ….. St_Margarita: What if I'm not the same? After what happened ….. Beretta_Penn: What happened to your squad shouldn't have happened to anyone. It's bound to affect you. St_Margarita: Not that, what about after? You know what I helped to do. Do you think I'm a monster? Beretta_Penn: You got rid of an evil man. Stopped him from hurting more people. I'd think you were a monster if you didn't do what you did. St_Margarita: I can't relax. I need to know that everyone I love is safe. I obsess about it. Beretta_Penn: Does it make you feel better? Does it soothe your fear? St_Margarita: Yeah. Beretta_Penn: Mags, I think you deserve whatever will bring you peace x

Wire

"Yo, when was the last time you left this room?" Rhodie roughly spins what is normally Chewy's chair around and slumps back into it. "Goddamn, these things are comfortable. A bitch to put together, but the comfort almost makes the hard work worth it."

I snort because these chairs were a bitch to put together. When I first joined, Marx decided I should have the biggest suite in the clubhouse knowing that I wanted my system to be close at hand. He also figured I'd need top of the range furniture, so he found this chair, with all the bells and whistles. The salesman offered to have the delivery guy put it together for us and we took that as a personal insult. We're a group of highly trained vets, a fucking MC. We could put a pissy little computer chair together. Six hours, one black eye and one almost resignation later, we got there.

"What's going on, brother? Missing Chewy so you needed to come sit where her ass sits to feel close to her? Dude, she finishes work in like two hours. I'm sure you can last that long."

He doesn't even crack a smile. Just stares at me, eyes narrowed. "When was the last time you left this room?"

"I leave it all the time. I saw you at the bar last night when you were pining after your girlfriend."

The corners of his mouth twitch before he settles back in Chewy's chair. He regards me for a moment. "Come on. Let's go for a ride. Don't even try to tell me you're too busy. Shit can wait. There's nothing much going on at the moment. You can take a time out, brother." He tips his head at me as he stands and I know the big bastard won't take no for an answer.

I switch all my alerts to be sent to my watch and follow him out to where our bikes are all parked. Looking at my girl, I actually feel bad that I've been neglecting her. It's just when I'm on the job it's hard to switch off. I know we haven't heard the last of the auctions. Russians don't take kindly to people shutting down their businesses. It's all a matter of time before the threats rise up again and we're in the firing line. I'm the difference between us being caught unprepared or not.

Rhodie's large hand claps my shoulder before he walks the short distance to his bike and throws his leg over. I do the same, backing her out of her parking spot, then starting her up and feeling the rumble beneath me. Rhodie circles his finger in the air and I follow him out of the compound onto the open road.

The wind through my hair has me closing my eyes a little in bliss. Just feeling the warm air of Texas spring on my skin has me shaking off a funk I never knew I was in. We take the back roads through the next two small towns before Rhodie signals to pull off at a side road. I follow him as it twists and turns, climbing higher until he stops at what looks to be a rest spot. He throws his leg over and turns his body until he's looking out over a small town we sometimes pass through on our longer runs. Parking up next to him, I do the same, taking a deep breath of the clear air into my lungs. The wind therapy has definitely blown out the cobwebs.

"What have you been working on, brother?" Rhodie's voice breaks through my peace and I catalog off everything I've been doing today.

"Trying to track and trace Kovalev, Kraykowski's old boss. I know Roman says he has it in hand, but I'm not sure we can trust him. I've been supporting Lexi here and there. Making sure all our accounts are healthy. Looking at open properties for expansion, monitoring the dark web for anything that looks like could blow back at us, updating -"

"Enough, Saint." Rhodie's use of my government name cuts through and my head snaps up in surprise. "Brother, you have your finger in so many pies. It ain't good for you, man." He stares at me for a moment, a deep frown on his face. I know what he's about to ask me. "When was the last time you saw your therapist?"

I pull my shoulders back, close my eyes, and let my head roll back and forth for a moment, stretching out any kinks before taking a breath and slowly letting it out. "I'm good, brother. I don't need to see my therapist. I'm doing well. It sounds like a lot, but I have Chewy and now Remy to help. I can handle this, Rhodes." I use his name as he used mine, so he understands how serious I'm being.

His eyes bounce between mine for a moment before he slaps his hand on my shoulder and squeezes.

"I know it hit you hard when we lost -" he swallows "- when we lost the others. You stopped eating and sleeping, became hypervigilant with our safety. I just don't want to see you taken over like that again. We aren't at war, brother."

"Aren't we? We may not be in a desert somewhere, but we're still taking out bad guys."

Rhodie huffs and gives me a wry smile. "Yeah, guess you're right. Just remember, you're not alone. It isn't all on your shoulders to keep us safe and happy. Lean on us. We may not be as clever as you, but we sure can fuck shit up when the time calls for it."

He gives me a smile and a shake before letting me go, and turning back to the view. My watch buzzes and I can see Rhodie roll his eyes, shaking his head in my periphery.

"Gotta get back. Looks like your brother-in-law has had an exciting morning. The boys have towed Ana's car in and Chewy and Pops are investigating."

"Ah, shit. Let's roll out."

* * *

When we get back to the clubhouse Rhodie splits off to see his Ol Lady and I head to my room. I feel invigorated and make a vow to ride out more. Rhodie was right, getting out of the control center even for a short couple of hours has put me in a better mindset. Even the mention of what we survived hasn't sent me into a tailspin like it used to.

Sinking into my chair, I try not to think about what happened when we were deployed. Working as the intelligence specialist in our squad meant all information came to me to disseminate. It was my job to discern what was a threat and what wasn't.

I spin my chair for a moment and take a deep breath. I don't think about those times very often. Not because I don't want to remember, but because I've rehashed everything with my therapist so many times that I know now there was nothing more I could have done to stop what happened. No amount of intelligence collecting, eyes on, or comms could have changed the outcome that the enemy we were fighting was far more twisted than we could have ever imagined. Using children as weapons in your war is a type of evil that needs to be punished in the most painful way possible. Three months after we lost five brothers in arms, I helped Rhodie and what was left of our squad track down the devil and we made him pay. Not just for the lives of our fallen brothers, but for the terrified little boy he used to do his bidding.

That was the last deployment Rhodie went on. I should have gotten out then too. Instead I stayed in for longer than I should have, reliving that one pivotal moment over and over just with different teams in different places. The last time my papers came up for renewal I decided to follow Rhodie and get out. I'd seen all I needed to see to know that there was no future in that hellhole. Not one that I wanted a part of, anyway.

Do I still have nightmares about that day? Of course I do. I still wake up wondering if I had just looked harder at the Intel or from a different angle, maybe those men would still be with us. Survivors' guilt is a son of a bitch. I may not be able to change the past, but I sure as hell can make sure that it doesn't happen again in the future.

I pull up all my cameras, and as usual, I do my checks. I don't tell anyone how many times a day I watch these cameras, but it's for my peace of mind. I like to make sure I have eyes on all my brothers. Watching the cameras in the garages that we own in town, I count off the brothers I can see there. Glancing at the clock shows that it's just past 5pm, so only Squeak and Judge are in. Sniper and Tank are on a call out in the tow truck. Pulling up their GPS, I see they're on their way back. I take a quick note that their ETA should be two minutes. If they take any longer than that, I'll follow up.

Changing to our clubhouse cameras, I watch Remy for a moment. Her head is tipped forward, hair covering her face as she concentrates on her laptop in the common room. She moves in her seat a little, stretching out her back, her full breasts straining against the front of the shiny blue blouse she's wearing. My cock twitches at the movement and I have to will myself to concentrate on what I'm doing, and stop perving at Remy. She's my student hacker. She doesnt need a fucked up man like me lusting after her sweetness and yet I can't quite tear my eyes away just yet. She tilts her head slightly and I watch as she side-eyes the bunnies with a small smirk on her face. Whitney and the other bunnies are huddled over by the couches, staring daggers at Remy but knowing full well that, as our guest, she is untouchable. Like a clever mouse teases the tom cat, it would seem Remy is purposely winding the bunnies up by staking out her place in the common room. Maybe she isn't as gentle and innocent as she seems. I watch her for a little longer until I start creeping myself out. I think I need to get laid. Or have another chat with Retta. Obviously her last advice was shit if this …feeling is still hanging around.

Giving myself a shake and a pep talk to get it the fuck together, my eyes drift around my screens until I see that the rest of my brothers are in the garage out back with the Tombs family. They had some type of drama with Ana's car, so I watch for a moment before noticing Marx on his phone. His head snaps up, he yells something, and then everyone scatters. What the fuck? Pounding footsteps coming down the hall have me spinning to the doorway in time to see Chewy and Remy come flying round the corner.

"Death Riders coming in hot, being chased. ETA 5 minutes." Chewy barks out and I feel my lips curl as I think about how similar she sounds to Rhodie just now.

"Pull up a seat Remy, shit's about to go down,"

Remy

The smell of antiseptic keeps invading my senses even though I've been sitting here in Switch's medical room for close to two hours. I'm wondering how much longer I need to sit here before I get used to the smell. Closing my eyes, I try to erase the image of watching my dad and his brothers running for their lives on Wire's surveillance. It was the one time I wished he didn't have such high resolution cameras. Watching my dad flinch in perfect clarity, and then laying his bike down as soon as he made it through the gates, had my blood running cold. If it wasn't for Ana stopping me in the doorway of Wire's control center, I would have run out into the chaos to get to Dad. Instead, she calmed me down and Wire held my hand until it was safe.

Switch pulled the bullet from Dad's chest, and now I'm sitting at his bedside, my hand gripping his much larger, rougher one. Switch said he should wake up any moment now and I want to be here when it happens. I don't want Dad to wake up in a strange place all alone.

A groan fills the silence in the room, and his hand tightens around mine. I make sure the lights are down low, so when he opens his eyes, he doesn't startle.

"Dad, Dad it's me, Remy. I'm here. Just take your time." Pressing a kiss to his knuckles, I lean forward and lightly rest my head on his beer belly.

I've been trying to keep it together, but hearing him groan and swallow and make noises after two hours of silence has the emotion welling up. The only place for it to escape is out of my eyeballs, it seems. His large hand comes up to rest on the back of my head.

"Shhh, it's OK baby, I'm here. It's all good. Shhhhh." His voice sounds rough and I can hear him swallowing from the inside, which is a little weird, so I sit up, looking into eyes that look just like mine. "See baby girl? I'm alright. I hope you didn't tell your sister. She'll come all this way to kick my ass," I snort a little and then wipe my nose on my sleeve.

"Savage called her to let her know but told her it wasn't serious enough for her to come rushing. Although she said that if you don't call her later, she most definitely will kick your ass."

We both share a smile before worry sets in again. "Who was it Dad? Do you know?"

He sighs and tips his head for me to sit down. Grabbing his hand, I clasp it in both of mine while I wait for him to spill.

"I'm pretty certain it was Hammer. Didn't see him exactly, but who else would start a nomad club in these parts?"

"Gus and Tav, Chewy's brothers, wounded and caught one of the riders. Chewy is going to torture him for information but, this is only the beginning, isn't it?" I slump a little, knowing that what I heard that day I was on the Death Riders compound all those months ago was just the tip of the iceberg.

"Hey, hey, Rem, it's going to be OK. You're safe here, remember girl? You can help Wire and that funny little lady figure out how to put a pin in all this auction shit once and for all. Once that's shut down, Hammer will move on and leave us all the fuck alone to get on with our lives."

Looking for the lie in his face, all I see is my dad's bright, shining blue eyes and the smile he has always given me when I needed it. He shakes my hand back and forth, the strength in it surprising given what he's just been through. "Trust me, girl, it'll all be fine. Now tell me what you've been learning."

And just like that, Dad makes me forget all my worries. I chat to him for only a few minutes before he drifts off again. Switch told me this would happen. The painkillers will have him sleeping a lot, and that's what he needs to do to heal. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I pull up my message thread with Mags. I need someone to talk to.

Beretta_Penn: Hey. You busy?

St_Margarita: Not for pretty girls.

Beretta_Penn: I'm rolling my eyes. Can you feel it through the Wi-Fi?

St_Margarita: Is that what's making my balls tingle?

Beretta_Penn: You're so gross.

St_Margarita: You love it. So, what's up, babe?

Rolling my eyes, I wonder if I've interrupted something. Mags isn't usually this flirty.

Beretta_Penn: I just needed to talk to someone. My dad is in the hospital. He hurt himself and I got a scare.

St_Margarita: Oh babe! Is he OK? Are YOU OK? Do you need me to meet you somewhere?

Beretta_Penn: Wait, you'd do that for me?

St_Margarita: Can you feel my eyes rolling through the Wi-Fi? Of course, I'd do that for you. I'd do anything.

Beretta_Penn: You better stop otherwise I'll start crying.

St_Margarita: Well duh, you're a girl after all.

Beretta_Penn: And now the feeling has passed.

St_Margarita: …..

St_Margarita: ……

St_Margarita: I'm serious though, Retta, you need me, I'm there. I've got your back, for always.

Beretta_Penn: ………

Beretta_Penn: For always.

I put my phone down when Switch comes into the room to check Dad's vitals and whatever other things he felt the need to check. It was a little hard to concentrate on what was happening when there was a flock of butterflies in my stomach going crazy.

What if Mags comes here and he doesn't like me? What if I don't like him? We don't really know anything about each other. Except each other's innermost thoughts and feelings. Stupid inner monologue. A knock at the door has me snapping out of my thoughts to see Wire standing in the doorway.

"Do you mind if I come and sit for a bit?"

"Oh yeah, sure. Have a seat." I stand and go to move so Wire can sit, but he stands where he is, not moving, a frown on his face.

"Where are you going?"

"Oh, I thought you wanted to have a seat. I can go do some homework and stuff."

He gives me an odd look and I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. They burst into flame when Wire lets out a deep, throaty chuckle. I'm momentarily stunned, as I don't think I've heard him laugh before. Wire is lovely and thoughtful and incredibly nice, but he also seems to be weighed down by his responsibilities. Responsibilities that seem to all be self imposed. I've noticed him checking the cameras often, noting where all his brothers are. Hearing him laugh is something new and I feel very lucky to have heard it.

"I was asking to come sit with you. I wanted to make sure you were doing OK. And I'm selfish and wanted to make myself feel better."

He clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck. Is he shy?

"My friend, she's having a rough time and I can't be with her to make it easier, so I thought I'd help another friend." His lips curl slightly and he raises his eyebrows in question.

"Oh, of course! I mean, I'm doing OK, but you can still sit with me. Dad not long ago nodded off and Switch was just in topping up his meds."

He nods at me, and then his long legs eat up the space between us. He drags a chair from the corner and places it close to mine. He settles in with a little groan, rolling his head on his shoulders for a moment.

"Tech neck?"

His lips twitch "I'd like to blame it on a badass injury where I was blown up or did it BMXing or something but yup, tech neck from sitting far too long staring at screens."

I study him for a moment, his curls are pulled up into a beanie that he wears fairly often to keep his hair out of his face. Chewy told me he's always losing his hair bands, so the beanie is the next best thing to keep his hair out of his face.

I stand up and hold my hands up. "May I?" I ask him. He looks up at me with his eyebrows pinched, head tilted in confusion. "My sister says I have magic hands. She'd ask for a massage after a workout, or after a long day at school when she was training to be a chef. Or sometimes for no reason at all."

I'm rambling now. I've just realized I've offered to massage the hottest man I've ever seen in my life. Who the heck am I right now?

"Shit sweetheart, if you're down, I'm down. Have at it." He gifts me a wide smile, his white teeth sparkling in his brown face.

I move behind him, placing my hands on his broad shoulders. Without thinking too deep into things, I knead the muscles in his neck and shoulders. A groan rumbles out of him and my thighs clench in reply. Holy moly, the noises this man is making are bordering on obscene. I can feel my pussy pulse as my senses are filled to the brim with Wire. I'm surrounded by his scent, his groans filling the air, his hard muscles under my hands.

"Shit, Remy, that feels so damn good. You're wasted as a librarian girl," my hands bounce as he lets out a chuckle.

"Ha, that's what Sunny says."

We carry on in companionable silence until Wire takes hold of my hand and pulls me to sit beside him.

"Thanks, Rem. That feels so much better. But now it's time to look after you. It's getting late, so if you like, I'll keep watch for a little longer if you want to go get yourself ready for bed."

He is so sweet and thoughtful, and after work today and all the excitement and worry of the past few hours, I can admit that I am exhausted.

"I'd love that, but what about your cameras? I know you like to check them." A look that I can't decipher flicks across his face before it's gone just as quickly as it came.

"I'm sure it'll be fine for a little while. Besides, Chewy is in there. But then again, so is Rhodie, so maybe not a lot of camera work will go on. And they better not be fucking on my bed!" His face grows stormy, and a laugh escapes me, hearty and strong, shaking off the stress of the day.

"Thank you, Wire, I appreciate this, um, you. Good night." I give him a smile before turning and kissing my dad on his rough, hairy cheek. "Night Dad, love you."

I head toward the door, turning to check on Dad one last time to see Wire settling in next to him. His hazel eyes flick to mine as he gives me a chin lift.

"Night Rem."