Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

CARTER

My body is desperate for sleep, but my brain won't shut down and give it to me. It's too fixated on reliving every single moment from tonight.

The main image that keeps popping into my head is the way Brendon stared at me when I told him the bathroom was free. It was like he was enamored by me or something. And unless I was only seeing what I wanted to, there was a hunger in his gorgeous amber eyes. It stole my breath and I allowed myself to get lost in his gaze for far longer than I should have.

The second I was able to shake myself out of my daze I said goodnight and bolted to my room, praying that he didn't see how much he was affecting me.

Why the hell am I suddenly affected by Brendon like this? Even though I've always thought he was hot, I've never popped a boner for him before. I've never had shivers run down my spine when he looked at me. And he sure as hell has never stolen my breath.

Maybe that's because I never saw Brendon as an option. As far as I knew, we were both straight, so all I felt toward him was friendship. Of course, I always wanted to be around him, and his hugs made me feel better than anyone else's, but I thought that was normal for best friends.

As I stare at the ceiling, I start to reevaluate our entire friendship.

People have made comments about our friendship in the past, saying how we acted more like husbands than best friends, but we just laughed them off. Yeah, we might be a little codependent on each other, but that's just because we are that close.

At least that's what I always thought.

Maybe there's a deeper reason why I want to spend all my time with him, and I just haven't been able to see it until now.

It would explain why I always struggled when he dated someone. I may have been missing my time with him on a level much deeper than mere friendship.

Having feelings more than friendship would also explain why I always felt more at ease when he was by my side or how his smile could make my whole day better, why his touch always calmed me, and why I dreaded spending a summer away from him.

Even though I was hooking up with Henley, my thoughts drifted to Brendon often, not in a sexual way, but just in a way that he was never far from my mind. When I thought about him being with a girl, I would call Henley and ask him if he wanted to mess around. That alone should have tipped me off that my feelings for Brendon weren't entirely platonic, but I didn't put two and two together.

It's like I had blinders on when it came to my best friend. Now that they're off, I see everything in a new light, which terrifies me. Just because I have feelings for Brendon doesn't mean he feels the same way, and the last thing I want is to ruin our friendship. I'd rather just push down these new thoughts than risk spending a life without the guy who makes me feel whole.

Wait. What?

I mean, he does make me feel whole, but dammit, how am I just coming to this conclusion now?

I blow out a breath and cover my face with my hand.

I kind of wish I never figured out I was bi this summer, because now I have a feeling everything is about to blow up, and it's going to fucking suck.

Only God knows what time I managed to actually fall asleep. By the way my body aches and my eyes feel like sandpaper, it's evident the small amount of zzz 's I managed to catch weren't restful in the slightest.

The low hum of deep bass passing through my door is possibly what woke me up. Either that or my thoughts, which didn't stop even in my sleep.

As I become more alert, the sound becomes clearer, and I recognize the song that's playing. A small smile pulls at the corners of my lips as Brendon's favorite song plays. An image of him dancing in the kitchen pops into my head, but instead of just laughing and thinking that he's an adorable goof like I normally do, I start to get turned on.

I groan and grab my pillow from behind my head and place it over my face to stifle my frustrated shout.

Once I'm done letting out my irritation, I toss the pillow to the side and try to figure out what to do.

Should I talk to Brendon and let him know what's going on with me?

No. That's probably the dumbest idea I've ever had.

But am I a good enough actor to pretend like nothing has changed?

A knock on my door prevents me from fully spiraling and I turn my head toward it as it slowly opens.

"Oh good, you're awake," Brendon says with a bright smile, but it slips from his face and his brows pull together as he stares at something. "Why is your pillow on the floor?"

I shrug, trying to play dumb. "Must have had a restless sleep." The fact that I do often have restless nights makes my lie believable.

"Shit, that sucks. But I know one way to make it better," he tells me, waggling his brows then pausing for dramatic effect like he often does before finishing his sentence. "Pancakes."

"Are you still high?" I question with a raised brow and a smirk.

Brendon throws his head back as he laughs, and I'm drawn to how carefree he looks. He doesn't look as stressed out as I feel right now, which is kind of annoying. Was he really not affected by anything that happened last night?

"Not high anymore, just love pancakes," he replies with his signature grin that I've grown to love and crave over the years.

I find it hard to respond at first because my emotions are at an all-time high right now, and I don't want Brendon to know that. If nothing has changed for him, he can never know that my feelings for him are morphing.

After clearing my throat, I finally manage to get some words out. "How you are able to stay in such great shape with your obsession with pancakes is beyond me," I mutter.

"You know I put the time in at the gym," Brendon replies flexing his muscles. The sight has tingles of desire coursing through my body shooting directly to my cock.

I quickly shift and reach for my pillow that's on the ground, throwing it at my best friend, so he leaves and doesn't see my arousal.

"You're a fucking idiot," I tease, trying to keep my voice even. "Now leave me alone so I can get dressed. I'll be out in a couple minutes."

"Don't take too long or I'll be back with a handful of ice. That's a sure fire way to wake you up," Brendon jokes with laughter in his voice before walking down the hall and finally leaving me alone.

I throw my head back on my mattress and breathe out a frustrated sigh. Things are going to be so awkward, and I have no idea what to do about it.