Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CARTER

Today was the longest day of my entire life. Every time I looked at Brendon, I felt a special kind of torture. I could see the longing and lust behind his eyes, and it ignited my own feelings for him. So many times, I wanted to reach out and grab his hand or wished he would put his arm around my shoulder while we were walking, but of course, none of that could happen.

By the time our last class got out, I was about ready to die. I need a moment alone with Brendon, and I need it now. Thankfully, we're about to drive across town to Sasha's place, so we'll have at least thirty minutes alone. Unfortunately, that time will be spent driving, but at least we'll be alone. I'm taking that as a win.

"Do you have any idea how hard it has been to keep my hands to myself today?" Brendon asks once we've dropped Artie off at our apartment and are finally alone.

I sigh and nod. "Tell me about it. I really hope that Sasha hasn't found anything in our contracts to be concerned about. I have no idea how I'll be able to function if we need to continue to keep what's between us a secret."

Brendon leans over and gives me a quick kiss. "Tell me about it. These lips are just too sweet not to taste whenever I want to."

I shove him off of me playfully before pointing out the window. "As much as I love kissing you, we do have places to be, so drive."

He laughs, then takes off toward Sasha's place.

The drive is fun and playful, and I think that is what I was really missing today. It's not that everything has to be sexual between us, although that is fun. I just hated how we didn't feel like ourselves today. We were trying so hard to act like nothing has changed, but in reality, everything had changed. We didn't banter like we normally do, and the joyful energy that we normally have between us was gone. I fucking hated it.

Is that how it's going to be between us from now on if there is something in our contract that forbids us from coming out? I sincerely hope not.

By the time we get to Sasha's house, the awkwardness that I felt between Brendon and me throughout the day is gone, and things feel good again. I'm back to smiling like a fool, but that doesn't stop a knot from forming in my stomach. To say I'm beyond anxious to find out what Sasha has found in our contracts would be an understatement.

"Come on in. Dinner is on its way," Sasha says when he opens the door for us, stepping to the side to let us in.

"Please tell me you ordered pizza," Brendon says with pleading eyes.

"I did, with extra pineapple," Sasha tells him with a deadpan expression.

I know he's joking, but I have to fight back against a grimace.

Brendon doesn't realize Sasha is pulling his leg and gasps. "Who would do something horrible like that?"

Sasha shrugs and keeps his stoic expression for about ten more seconds before doubling over with laughter and I can't help but join in.

"Fuckers," Brendon murmurs once he clues in that Sasha was only teasing, and I was clearly in on it.

"We are having pizza but you two aren't the only ones who don't like fruit on them," Sasha tells him while walking farther into the house and we follow behind.

"It's just weird," Brendon mutters, and I grab his hand and give it a squeeze.

"It is weird," I echo his opinion.

"Did you find anything interesting in our contracts?" Brendon asks Sasha as we enter the living room and take a seat on the couch.

Sasha sits across from us in a rocking chair and stares at us for a moment without any real expression on his face, causing panic to rise inside of me. What the hell did he find, and why isn't he telling us anything?

Slowly, a smile spread across his face, and that instantly settled the worry I was harboring. "You have nothing to be concerned about," he assures us. "Obviously, you were correct about your contracts having morality clauses, but none of the companies that you currently have deals with have anything against you being openly queer. In fact, all of them seem to be very pro LGBTQIA2+."

Brendon grabs my hand and beams at me. "Well, that's a fucking relief."

I nod, squeezing his hand and offering him a small smile. "It's one less thing we have to worry about for sure. But I'm not going to lie, I'm still nervous about telling everyone about us," I confess.

"We can go at whatever pace is right for you," Brendon promises me. "If you need to keep this just between us for now, I'm okay with that."

I shake my head, trying to keep my anxiety at bay. "No. I don't want to keep you a dirty little secret. I want our friends and family to know, but I guess coming out to everyone just makes me a little nervous."

"I get the nerves, C. I have them too, but I trust those in our inner circle to accept us and keep things under wraps until we're ready to come out publicly."

I trust everyone, too, but Brendon and I are very different people. He's calm, collected, and goes with the flow. Whereas I'm analytical, calculated, and anxious as fuck.

Brendon squeezes my hand once more and stares into my eyes, making the decision a no brainer. Yes, I'm still going to be a ball of nerves as we come out to everyone, but I'll have this amazing man by my side to give me the courage and strength I need.

"I think you guys should also tell your agents about this," Sasha suggests. "Just in case word gets out about you two. It's always good to be ahead of things like that. And if any other companies are offering you sponsor deals, they can make sure to do more digging into who wants to work with you to make sure they are a good fit."

"Good thing we have the same agent," Brendon says with a smirk. "Won't have to have the same conversation twice."

Sammy is a great guy who has helped Brendon and me sign some awesome partnerships with amazing companies. He's also openly gay, which has me at ease about telling him about this new relationship between Brendon and me.

"I'll text him now and set up a meeting for sometime this week," I say, grabbing my phone and sending the message.

As I'm typing out the message, I think about all the people we need to tell, and I realize we are somewhat forgetting the most important people. "When are we going to tell our parents?"

"How about this weekend?" he suggests, and I can't help but beam at him.

"That sounds perfect to me."

"You two are just so fucking cute together," Sasha coos, making us laugh.

The door opens at that moment, and Rio walks in with Pizzas. "Are we planning on feeding a basketball team?" he asks, holding three large boxes.

"I know how much athletes eat, and I didn't want to be rude and run out of food," Sasha replies in an exasperated tone.

"There is no such thing as too much pizza," Brendon states, and I chuckle.

"I think the team's nutritionist would disagree with that statement," I retort.

Brendon rolls his eyes. "She's such a Debby Downer sometimes."

Rio laughs. "Sounds like we had the same nutritionist. Now come on, and let's eat before the food gets cold," he says with a tilt of his head.

As we follow him to the kitchen, Brendon grabs my hand, and I stare at it for a moment before looking up to meet his gaze.

"Sorry, but being unable to touch you today was killing me. You better get used to my hands all over you for the rest of the day," he tells me, making my skin heat and my heart pick up speed.

"I think I can handle that," I reply quietly, grinning like a fool the entire time.

"Did we look that crazy in love when we first started dating?" Rio asks Sasha, who leans in for a kiss.

"We still do," Sasha says against his man's lips before kissing him again.

The way Rio so casually throws out the L word catches me off guard, and I freeze in one spot.

Brendon and I aren't in love: we just started dating. I mean I guess I've always told him I love him, because I do, but to be in love is a whole different thing. Isn't it?

"You okay, C?" Brendon checks when I stop moving.

I give my head a shake before plastering on my best smile and giving him a nod. "Sorry, I just got lost in thought for a second there," I tell him before squeezing his hand and making my way toward the table.

He follows along, studying me like he's dying to know just what got me lost in thought. Obviously now is not the time to have that conversation though so I try to keep my focus on the meal and spending time with my friends.

Of course, that's easier said than done because all I can think about for the rest of the evening is whether I'm already in love with my best friend or not.