Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

brENDON

It's impossible to wipe the smile off my face as I read the textbook. I'm not fully taking in what I'm reading as I'm more focused on how good Carter feels in my arms, but I can't bring myself to care.

How has so much changed in such a short amount of time? Just yesterday Carter was only my best friend, and I knew I loved him, but it wasn't like this. This is everything I ever could have wanted and never knew I needed.

Things seem so easy right now, but is it always going to be like this? Eventually, we are going to have to come out to our friends and family, and even though I think they'll be happy for us, it's still going to be a huge adjustment for everyone. Not to mention that we'll eventually face homophobia at some point because that is just the world we live in, and what's that going to do to Carter? I have thick skin and could care less about what people have to say about me, but C is different. He takes words to heart, and it would gut me to know that he's hurting because some narrow-minded dipshit felt the urge to hurl insults at us just for being with each other.

"You okay?" Carter asks, picking up on my discomfort.

"Just thinking about the future," I tell him, putting my book down before running my fingers up and down his arm.

"What about it?" he questions, moving in my arms so that I'm still holding him but can see his face.

"I guess the unknown is a little scary," I tell him honestly. "We're going to have to come out to our friends and family, and, eventually, the public."

"Did you want to keep this a secret?" he asks with furrowed brows, worry oozing out of him as I shake my head.

"No, I just don't want to see you hurt if someone rejects us for being together."

His features soften, and the corners of his lips turn upward. "I know that not every person on this earth is going to agree with our relationship, but they don't matter to me. Our family and friends do matter to me, but I find it highly unlikely that they'll be disapproving of us."

I nod. "I was thinking the same thing. Are you wanting to come out publicly or keep our relationship to those closest to us?"

"I think we should keep it to just our friends, family, and teammates for now," he suggests. "The problem with coming out publicly is that it could affect our chances of getting drafted." I sigh, hating that we have to even think about this shit, but Carter must take it as me being upset with what he just said because he rushes to continue his thought. "It's not that I'm ashamed of you. I'd love to tell everyone about us but you know how the world can be."

I squeeze his arms and smile at him softly. "I completely understand what you're saying. I was only sighing because it sucks that we live in a world where we have to think about these things and can't just love who we want to love. I think keeping our relationship on the down low for a while is a smart idea. What do you think our coaches are going to think of us being in a relationship?" I check as the thought pops into my head.

Carter presses his lips together and his dark brows pull together once more. "Honestly, I think they'll be okay with it, but we should tell them before the season starts. It's best to have them on our side in case we face any backlash if people do find out about us. And I'd like for us to tell the team at our first practice. Obviously we know most of the guys well enough, but if there is someone who is secretly homophobic, having the coaches backing us will make a big difference."

My smile grows and I can't help but stare at him in awe. "Fuck, you're so smart," I muse out loud making Carter's ears turn that deep redish color. "So besides the coaches, our team, our family, and our friends, is there anyone else we need to tell?"

The color drains from his face, causing me to become worried. "What just popped into your head?"

"Our fucking sponsor deals have morality clauses," he grumbles and I see where he's going with this.

"Is there something in them about us not being able to be together?" I question.

Carter nibbles his lower lip as he shrugs. "I don't know. But we both know that we can't really afford to live in this apartment without those deals."

Carter and I both have endorsement deals with companies that pay us to represent their brands, and it's literally the only way we are able to afford all of our expenses without having real jobs this year. GSU only recently started allowing college athletes to make money off their names, images, and likenesses, and it's been a game changer.

If we both have to get regular jobs again, it could seriously fuck up everything that we've worked so hard for. It would put a tremendous amount of strain on the both of us and could affect how we play. If we can't play to the best of our ability, we could get benched, and our dreams of being NBA players could go up in smoke.

The absolute last thing I want is to have to hide my feelings for Carter, but I also refuse to put his future at risk. If we have to keep this strictly between the two of us to keep our deals in place, then that's what we are going to have to do.

"I could ask Sasha to read over our contracts and see what exactly the morality clause states," Carter suggests, mentioning his old dance teacher who was also a law student at GSU.

"That's not a bad idea," I tell him. "But do you think he'll have questions about why you are wanting to know this information?"

Carter shrugs. "Probably. But I know he would keep our secret if I told him."

I nod, knowing that Sasha is close with Carter and would never out his friend. "Ask him. The sooner we know the answers, the better."

He offers me a small smile before grabbing his phone and sending off a text.

"Okay, now we wait," Carter says, and I pull him in for a hug.

"I really don't want to keep my feelings for you a secret, but I'll understand if we have to."

"It won't be for too long. Once we sign to an NBA team, we'll be able to come out," he assures me before pressing his lips to mine.

Neither of us talks about the strong possibility of us getting signed to separate teams. I think that's because we don't want to put that idea out into the universe. If we simply keep saying we'll be on the same team, maybe that will make it a reality one day. One can hope anyway.

Carter's phone vibrates as we kiss, and he quickly moves to check the text message.

"Sasha says he's more than happy to comb over our contracts," he tells me with a big grin. "But he also wants to meet for an early dinner so I can spill the tea."

I chuckle because even though I don't know Sasha well, that sounds exactly like the guy I've met a couple of times.

"Go have fun with your friend. Just make sure he knows how important it is to keep our secret until we have answers."

Carter nods before giving me a quick kiss. "I want to have a quick shower before I meet up with him," he tells me as he removes himself from my embrace.

I kind of wish I didn't have to let him go. He feels so fucking perfect in my arms.

"Wanna watch a movie in here after your dinner?" I check and the smile that he shoots me warms my heart.

"Sounds perfect to me."

He winks at me before leaving my room and the giant grin that's on my face almost hurts, but I really don't care.

Things are good right now, and hopefully the morality clauses in our contracts aren't anything to worry about.