Chapter Sixty

Aiden

“ W hat do you need, Dom?” I ask over my shoulder after letting him into my apartment.

He didn’t leave me much choice. He’s been hitting the buzzer for almost ten minutes and sending me threatening texts. Some were creative enough that I know he had Ellie’s help writing them.

He follows me into the kitchen and closes the fridge, even though I just opened it. He waits until I make eye contact before responding.

“I need you to come with me. I mean, with us .” He gestures to Luca strapped to his chest in some kind of pouch with at least fifty buckles on it. Kid is secure .

“Eh, I’m good. I was about to take a nap. Maybe we can catch up some other time,” I say, brushing off whatever this is he’s trying to do by showing up unannounced.

“Aiden, it’s been a week and you haven’t talked to anyone. Even if you don’t want to talk about it today, you need to at least get out of your apartment. Evie said you haven’t left the place for anything other than practice or games. That’s not healthy.”

I’ve been ignoring Dom’s texts the past few days…and Evie’s…and Bec’s. I mean, not completely. I’ve let them know I’m okay but also that I’m not ready to talk. My plan might be shit, though, because I feel just as bad as I did the day Mom didn’t recognize me. I might feel worse.

Dom grabs Hopper’s leash from the hook on the wall and gives him a pet before hooking it onto his collar.

“Bring the boss. He could use the fresh air too,” Dom says.

Hopper looks up at me with more excitement than I’ve seen since I got home from my visit with Mom last week. Guilt hits me hard. I haven’t even taken him on a walk. He’s been by my side while I alternate between rotting in bed and staring into my empty fridge. Bec still wanted to watch him while I was away—because she’s perfect and handling all this shit better than I deserve. Hopefully, he had a better time staying with her since I’m terrible company right now.

“Listen, man, I’m not dragging a bunch of Luca’s baby shit over to your apartment to do this. You gotta come with me. I’ve got beer at home and we’re ordering pizza. Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be.”

I still don’t know what to say. Should I dig in my heels or just give in and let Dom attempt to help, even though I don’t think that’s possible?

At my silence, Dom lets out a deep breath.

“Okay, I didn’t want to do this, but if you don’t come with me, someone scary will show up next.”

“Dylan isn’t scary.”

“Not Dylan.”

“Neither are Jake or Chris,” I add.

“Not them either.”

“Who the fuck are you talking about, Dom?”

“Ellie. If you don’t come with me now, Ellie will show up next.”

I don’t need to hear anymore before I’m putting on my shoes and cap, then taking Hopper’s leash as Dom hands it to me .

“Thought so,” he says, smug as all hell. “See, Luca? We don’t fuck with Mommy, do we?”

The four of us step onto the elevator and Dom holds Luca’s arm up to force his infant to give him a high five. “Mission accomplished, little man.”

I let out a chuckle for the first time in days, but the relief is short lived at the reminder of what a great dad Dom is. I don’t expect anything less from Dom, or want anything less for Luca, but the jealousy and pain at not having that same relationship with my own father cuts deep any time I think too hard about it. It’s all I can seem to do lately.

Talking about this is going to suck.

* * *

Three hours, two beers, and one pizza later, Dom turns off the TV, leaving us in silence.

Well, almost silence. Hopper is snoring loudly at my feet while Luca plays with a soft toy in his spot on the couch next to Dom.

“Do we have to do this?” I ask.

“Yeah, Aiden. We really do,” he says.

I slump back into the couch, shutting my eyes. It was nice to hangout and talk sports for a couple hours. It was the best distraction from my thoughts I’ve had all week.

“Look, I wouldn’t push you on this if I knew you were talking to someone . Evie, Bec, Dylan…anyone. Evie told us what happened with your mom,” Dom says.

I shoot him an irritated look.

Did I expect Evie to keep this a secret? Of course not. But the thought of them talking about this behind my back annoys me all the same. All I can picture are varying looks of pity and judgment. Are they wondering what I did to warrant Mom’s reaction? Do they know I wasn’t acting like my piece of shit father or do they all assume the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?

He puts his palms up defensively. “Don’t get mad at the people who care about you for worrying about you. You wanted space, so we agreed to give you space. But a week is long enough. You’ve had time to try to work through this on your own. It’s clear as fucking day that didn’t help. It’s our turn now. At least let us try, okay?”

I’ve known Dom for close to ten years now. He knows about my family’s past, but ever since I first told him everything years ago, I don’t bring it up and he doesn’t ask questions.

“I can’t stop seeing the look Mom gave me. I keep reliving that moment. I don’t ever want her to look at me like that ever again. She was so…angry, but there was also this fear bleeding through. This desperation to get as far away from me as possible.”

“Your mom is sick. This isn’t her fault and it isn’t yours either. You’re seeing a connection that isn’t there. When her mind is clear and she’s lucid, she would never look at you like that.”

“Mom knows I’m going to turn out just like him. She finally saw it for herself and that’s fucking terrifying,” I say. The ache in my chest is burning.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Your DNA doesn’t make you an asshole, your choices do,” he says. “Do you honestly think she’d be capable of raising you to be anyone other than her son? He didn’t raise you and that’s on him. It’s an insult to your mom to act like everything she did for you had no impact on the person you are now. She didn’t sacrifice everything so you could pretend you’re not worth anything. Your dad missed out on the greatest gift fatherhood has to offer: time with our children. So no, Aiden, he doesn’t get to pass on his mistakes to you. Your mom knows that. Don’t hold this against her or yourself. She can’t control her disease, just like you can’t control who your father is .

“I’m not saying it’s fair what you’re all going through, but you don’t want to miss the time you have left with her. Isn’t it worth risking a bad day to spend even just one more good day with her and Evie? All we have is time. I don’t want you to throw it away because you’re scared.”

“Scared doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’m fucking haunted . I have no idea what to do.”

“You get help, Aiden. Real help. I didn’t realize you were internalizing everything that happened with your dad. I would have given this to you when you moved back if I had known. Here,” he says, handing me a business card.

“What’s this?” I ask.

“This is who I talk to. I’ve been in therapy since Luca was born,” Dom says.

“What? I didn’t know. Are you good?”

“Getting there,” Dom says with a shrug. “Becoming parents is the best and fucking hardest thing Ellie and I are ever going to do. I needed help figuring that shit out. Everything about our life changed in a second. No matter how prepared I thought I was, I was wrong.”

I had no idea. Dom hadn’t mentioned anything about talking to a professional since Luca was born last fall.

“Shit, I feel bad. I had no idea. Has it helped?”

“It’s not easy, but talking about it helps more than I thought it would. I couldn’t be the husband or father I want to be without an outlet like this. I didn’t say anything because at first, I was embarrassed. It felt like I was admitting my own failure. But I don’t regret it. I plan to go as long as I need to. I owe it to Ellie, Luca, and myself.”

“I’m really glad it’s working for you. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were having a hard time,” I say.

“It’s difficult to talk about, same as you, I bet. I promise I’ll clue you in next time I need a friend, if you promise to do the same. I don’t want to see you like this again.”

I look down, turning the card over in my hand. Dom always seems happy and unbelievably grateful. Even when he and Ellie talk about how hard it can be taking care of Luca, he never seems to be struggling. He’s made the adjustment seem effortless. I didn’t realize how well he could hide how hard this has been for him mentally. But didn’t I do the same thing? At least until the most recent incident ignited my baggage like fucking kindling.

“I’ll call them,” I decide.

“Really?” He sounds surprised. Maybe he thought I’d put up more of a fight, but Dom sharing this with me tells me he really wants to see me give it a shot. If it helped him, maybe it could help me too. He huffs out a heavy breath. “Happy to hear it.” He turns to Luca and prompts him to give him another high five. “We got another win, Luca. Look at us, killing it on boys’ day.”

“Speaking of, where is Ellie?”

“She won’t be back until later, her and the girls…” his voice trails off when we hear the garage door opening and a moment later Ellie walks in, seemingly in a good mood, until she spots me.

“Aiden, run! She’ll kill you,” Dom yells, running over to Ellie to block her from me. He all but throws Luca into her arms. “Murder is a felony, babe. Think of your son.”

Ellie doesn’t say a word. She takes Luca, lifting him into the air and smiling at him before blowing a raspberry on his stomach then sitting him on her hip. Her gaze locks with mine and the smile drops from her face.

“Aiden, do you remember what I told you would happen if you hurt my girl?”

Over the last week, the only interruption from the horrible memory of what happened when I last saw Mom has been the memory of Bec’s face falling after she told me she loved me…and I didn’t say it back .

I was so messed up from everything else going on, I couldn’t process that Bec was telling me she loves me—that she loves me like I love her. She needed to take our relationship at her own pace, something I’ve been happy to do. Hearing her admit to loving me should have been the best day of my life. Instead, it was overshadowed by all the fucked-up shit from the day before. I should have told her what happened with Mom sooner. We could have worked through it together, but instead I fucked everything up.

I wish I could have told Bec how much I love her. How my days begin and end with her on my mind. How I want to hold her in my arms every night. How I want us to move in together. How badly I want to marry her. How I picture building a family with her. How I’ve been hers since the day we met.

I was so trapped in fucked-up memories and my stupid fear that I couldn’t accept what she was saying. Ellie is right to be pissed at me. I deserve what’s coming.

“I know I fucked up…but I love her,” I say quietly.

She sits on the coffee table in front of me, moving Luca into her lap, where he starts playing with her hair. She stares me down with a look so cold I wait for my heart to freeze.

“I know you do. I’m truly sorry about what happened with your mom,” she says. The look she gives me is heartfelt. Fuck, it tears my insides up even more than they already are. “So how are we going to fix this?”

A few feet away, I watch Dom’s shoulders fall with relief. Turns out we both thought Ellie was more prepared to hurt me than help me.

“Don’t look so surprised, Price. I’m asking you again. How are we going to fix this?” she asks impatiently.

“Why are you willing to help me? I hurt her,” I say, willing my voice to stay calm.

“Tell me. If she told you she loved you on any other day, would you have reacted the same way?” Ellie asks.

“No. Fuck no. I would have told her that I love her too…that she’s everything to me,” I answer.

“ That’s why I’m helping you. My best friend is your girlfriend, and your best friend is my husband. That puts us on the same team. Life’s messy and you were dealt a really shitty hand. You’re a good guy, Aiden. Bec loves you, and we both know that you feel the same way about her. So, what’s our plan?”

“You don’t think it’s too late?” I ask. It’s what I’ve been scared of since Bec left my apartment after I told her what happened. I asked her to date me, to give me a chance no matter how badly she wanted to avoid letting me in. She was hesitant because she didn’t want to get hurt, and when she risked it all telling me she loved me, I shut her down.

How could she still love me now?

“No matter what happened, Bec’s not the type of person to care about everything being perfect, she just wants it to be real. She wasn’t expecting your response because she didn’t realize what you were going through at the time. But she loves you and wants you to be okay. Don’t throw away a good thing because you can’t tell the difference between your fears and the reality around you. She’s waiting for you to be ready to talk to her. Everyone has been waiting for you to be ready,” Ellie says.

After the divorce, I felt responsible for Mom and Evie.

It’s been just us ever since.

I’m realizing I have more support now than I’ve ever been able to hope for. For the first time in a week, a glimmer of hope flickers in my chest.

“I’m calling this number,” I say, looking down at the card in my hand. “When I figure out how to talk about everything…then I’m calling Bec and making this right. ”

I look up at Ellie and Dom, his arm wrapping around her shoulder as he comes to stand beside her and Luca. The approval, relief, and genuine joy I see from them makes that speck of hope inside me grow stronger.

I talk about my family being small, feeling like the absence of my father somehow makes it less than what others have. But the family that raised me, the family of friends I’ve found in Columbus, and the idea of the family I want to build with Bec makes me realize there isn’t a missing piece. Everyone I need is here with me, wanting the best for me, and I’m not ever going to let them doubt the love I have for them in return again.