Chapter Twenty-Three

Aiden

M y stomach is in my throat as I stand in front of Bec’s apartment. Thankfully, driving back to Columbus with Mom and helping her get settled in the new facility kept me busy enough that I haven’t had a moment for my nerves to catch up with me. Unfortunately, it’s all hitting me now.

Fuck, Aiden, get it together.

I knock and immediately hear Hopper’s frenzied bark. Probably should have warned Bec that Hopper isn’t doing well at greeting people without jumping all over them. I’m sure she figured that out quickly.

All of a sudden, there’s silence. Not a sound from inside her apartment. For a moment, I’m concerned, wondering what happened, but then Bec opens the door and Hopper is sitting calmly behind her. What the fuck?

Of course, that immediately changes once he realizes I’m at the door and he barrels into me nearly knocking me down. His large paws are on my chest, almost sending the pizza I’m holding flying back across the hallway.

“Can I get an assist,” I call out, reaching over Hop to hand the pizza to Bec. She laughs, shaking her head, and takes the box into the kitchen. After giving Hopper the attention he deserves—god, I’ve missed this dog—I close the door behind me and follow him into Bec’s apartment. He already seems as comfortable here as he does at my place. Hopper runs and jumps onto Bec’s couch before lying down and dangling his long legs over the edge of the cushion, panting and watching Bec move with ease around the kitchen, grabbing plates and napkins.

“I thought I had him there for a minute. It took a few tries, but he’s getting better at sitting for greetings. That is, until you showed up. He didn’t jump on any of the girls last night.” Bec gestures to the stool on the other side of her kitchen island. “Grab a seat, and I’ll grab us drinks.” She turns back to the fridge as I take a seat. I’m so caught up staring at her ass that I miss her question.

“Uh, what was that?” I look up at her face as she turns to look over her shoulder. Busted.

She blushes, smiles, and quickly turns away again. “What would you like? Beer, wine, pop, water…”

“Water would be great, thanks.”

“Thanks for bringing this over. I’m starving.” She hands me a drink and a plate while taking a seat on the stool next to me.

“I went with a tried and true, four cheese. Hope that’s okay.”

“Antonio’s can do no wrong. I’ve never met a pizza of theirs that I wouldn’t devour.” The moan she lets out after her first bite is way more appealing than should be possible, and I have to turn away as she licks her fingers clean.

What the fuck is wrong with me, drooling over the way she eats pizza?

“I’ll keep that in mind. They’re a favorite of mine too.” I take a look around her living room quickly, making sure Hop hasn’t gotten into anything before taking a slice for myself. “So, what’s the damage? Did Hopper help himself to any more of your…things while I was gone?”

“Ugh, I’m never going to live that down. No, other than destroying my self-help assistant, Hopper was a perfect gentleman. We hit the dog park, went on a few walks, and he kept me and the girls company last night during book club. We’ve decided he’s an honorary member and is welcome back anytime. You may have to play him the audiobooks so he knows what we’re talking about. Think you can handle that?”

“Are they the same type of books that I heard in your car?” Bec smirks and nods, and I groan. “He’s going to have so many questions that I’m not prepared to answer. Never pictured having to give the talk this early as a father.”

She laughs rich and deep, and I can’t stop staring. The way her hair falls off her shoulder as she tilts her head up to the ceiling, eyes squeezed shut, smile beaming. A sexy laugh is my kryptonite, and Bec is going to be the end of me.

Is it sexy because it’s sexy, or is it sexy because it’s her? I don’t know and I don’t care.

Bec tells me all about her time with Hopper and shows me a few pictures she took at the dog park of him and his new best friend, Blue, a small Yorkshire Terrier weighing in at about ten pounds with 100 percent more attitude.

We finish our food and Bec offers me another drink. Since she grabs a beer for herself, I join her in having one too. We move to her couch, Hopper between us, soaking up the attention. Every once in a while, our hands touch, grazing one another as we both reach to pet Hop’s back. I’d say he’s spoiled, but whatever. Dogs deserve to be spoiled.

“So…how about you? Did you have a nice weekend?” Bec asks me, sounding a little apprehensive, which I understand. I haven’t offered any details about why I had to leave unexpectedly.

I’d planned to tell Bec about my mom’s condition eventually, but it’s difficult for me to talk about. I can feel my stomach tying itself into knots. The familiar haze of guilt and frustration at my own helplessness threatens to drown me. I pet Hop softly, and when I catch Bec’s uncertain glance in my direction, I know I want to share this with her. I want her to know me. I want her to understand. I breathe out a heavy sigh and relax my shoulders back onto her couch.

“Well, it went about as well as I could have hoped for. My mom…she was still living back in Detroit. My sister and I decided that it was time for her to move here with us. It became the best option after the staff at her assisted living facility recommended that she get more specialized help. She has early onset Alzheimer’s disease. They said she’d be safer in a facility that provides memory care services, and a room became available for her here. My sister found a really nice place that can offer the type of care she needs, so we jumped on the opportunity. I picked Mom and her things up, and we moved her into her new place. Evie and I spent the day helping her get settled.” I avoid looking at Bec. I don’t want to see the surprise, the sympathy, and worst of all, the pity.

I’m surprised by her silence. After a pause, she reaches over, covering my hand that’s resting on Hopper’s back. I feel her grip my hand in what I imagine is a show of support and meant to bring comfort. It does. When I finally bring myself to look at her, her gaze is thoughtful.

“What can I do? Do you want to rest for a little while and then go back to see her? I can watch Hopper as long as you need.”

Her first instinct is to take care of me? My heart pounds tight in my chest at the thought, but I shake my head.

“Evie is still with her. She’s going to stay as late as she can tonight, and I’ll go back tomorrow morning first thing. We were told to expect a few challenges with this type of transition, so Evie and I want to be around as much as we can.”

“And you? How are you feeling now that the move is over?” she asks gently .

I let out a deep breath, surprised at how this conversation feels easier than the other times I’ve had to talk about it. Maybe it gets easier each time I talk about it, or maybe it’s the way Bec is looking at me. With a softness that doesn’t make me feel the weight and burden of what I should be saying. What a good son says in this type of situation. Instead, I can tell her what I’m honestly feeling.

“Relieved, which then makes me feel like a selfish piece of shit. I wanted her to be living in the same city as Evie and me, but wishing for that and having it happen because she’s getting worse? It feels hollow.” Her grip on my hand tightens slightly, and I turn my hand over to thread my fingers through hers, running my thumb over her knuckle. “I couldn’t help the distance when I was traded, and Evie was accepted into a really competitive graduate program. Mom never would have wanted us to pass on those kinds of opportunities. We’d held off on moving her to a new city to avoid making things worse for her by changing her environment, but I wanted her to live closer to Evie and me.”

“I’m sure after she works through the initial struggles, it’ll be better for her to be closer to you both. It sounds like you’re doing all you can, Aiden. You don’t have to tell me, really no pressure, but…what’s she like?”

I take a second to give her question some thought. “Hm…warm and generous. Insightful and intuitive. I couldn’t hide anything from her when I was growing up. She knew the second I stepped out of line or if I was upset and trying to act like I wasn’t. She’s always been determined and resilient too. My mom left my dad when Evie and I were young. We were better for it, but it took a lot to do what she did.”

“I remember you mentioned that when we met.”

“Hm…so you were listening. That’s disappointing. I was hoping my good looks distracted you from my word vomit.”

“Turns out I can eat me up some eye candy and listen. I’m gifted like that. Queen of multitasking. But I can also catch an attempt at deflection when I hear one. Would you rather not talk about it? That’s okay, you know—”

“No, no. I want to tell you.” She smiles and turns her body to face me, leaning her side into the back of the couch but keeping her hand in mine. Hop adjusts to rest his head on her knee, and it sends a pulse through my chest seeing them both so comfortable together. Her eyes are attentive, focused on me.

“My mom sacrificed everything for Evie and me. After leaving my dad, raising two kids on her own wasn’t easy, though she always made it seem that way. As a kid, I didn’t realize how much she must have battled to support my love for baseball. The cost of equipment, camps, travel teams, and tournaments…it’s not cheap. Despite the stress I know she carried, plus the multiple jobs she was always working, she never hesitated to tell me and Evie how much she loved us and how proud we made her feel. Not only did she tell us, she showed us. She came to every practice and game she could. She stayed up late helping us with our homework. She welcomed our friends into our modest apartment for dinner with open arms. Mom always gave and never expected anything from anyone in return. When the possibility of playing professionally became a reality, I promised myself that I was going to take care of her and honor all of the sacrifices she made. Now, it feels like I’m letting her down.”

“Letting her down? I can’t imagine she’d ever feel that way. You and your sister are keeping her safe. I know the change will be difficult, but I’m sure it’ll make it easier for all three of you to be living close together again. No matter what, I’m confident your mom feels the love you and Evie show her. When I see Ellie with Luca…I mean, he’s only a baby and the bond they have already…that connection can suffer a lot of damage, but it won’t break, not if you continue to show up for each other when it counts. You can fill that space with love. ”

“But this…this is something I can’t fix. Something I can’t protect my family from. I wish I could do more.”

“Of course you do. But sometimes loving the people we care about is the best we can do. They’re lucky to have you on their team regardless of what you’re facing.”

I smile, thinking about what Bec’s said. Somehow, her words ease the weight on my shoulders. The constant pressure sitting there, weighing me down, suddenly lighter and not as painful.

“Mom sat me and Evie down for a talk a few months after she got her diagnosis, when she’d had some time to process everything, if that’s even possible with news like this. She wouldn’t allow either of us to put work or school on hold, even though we discussed our options and offered to drop it all for her several times. I remember her face, sitting at Evie’s kitchen table between the two of us, one of our hands in each of hers. Her hair was just starting to gray at the time, and she had it pulled back in the same kind of hair clip she wore my entire childhood. With tears in her eyes, she…thanked us. She sobbed her gratitude for giving her the best years of her life after what she said was a dark and hopeless chapter. My dad…he had a lot of issues. We spent the night looking at old photos, rehashing our favorite memories, laughing until it hurt and all of us were crying.” I remember it so clearly. A mix of joy, fear, and love hanging in the air, overpowering everything, making the rest of the world fade away for that brief amount of time. “Mom made Evie and I promise we would live our lives the way we dreamed, no matter what happened in the future. She wanted us to know how much we were loved even if she wouldn’t always remember to say it.”

A deep, intrusive ache settled in my gut that night. Honestly, it never left. It dulls at times, when things are good and Mom is doing well. And on the really bad days, it roars to life, taking over my mind, plaguing my thoughts with consuming fear and worry. It takes over my body, showing up in different ways but usually a massive headache. Last time Mom had a bad weekend, I was on the road with the team. One of our trainers said he’d never seen my shoulder so tight. All my toxic thoughts were finding their way into the very fiber of my being, spreading through me like poison.

“She sounds incredible, Aiden. And like a total badass.” That gets a laugh out of me.

“Yeah, I forgot to mention that. She is a certified badass.”

Her laughter, echoing my own, softens into a more thoughtful expression. “It makes sense that you’re having conflicting feelings about her moving here. It’s not black and white and that’s okay. You’re allowed to feel more than one thing at a time. It might make you feel better to just let yourself own it. The good and the bad. Don’t worry about how you should handle things. There isn’t a rulebook on this. Try to take it day by day, Aiden. She knows you love her and that’s what matters.”

I take a deep breath, like it’s the first time my lungs have allowed a full breath of air since I moved. Bec’s right. Mom will do better here after she settles in.

I rub my thumb over her knuckle again, realizing I’m still holding her hand. I don’t want to let go. The feel of her skin on mine is grounding me, dulling the ache I feel from all the heavy shit going on in the last few days. Few years, really.

“I feel like I should be paying you for this session. Where’s the funky couch the therapists always have in their office?” I quip.

“You’re right, that’ll be a thousand dollars. Don’t forget to tip. My associate here and I only accept payment in the form of pizza and cold hard cash.”

“Dog training, dog sitting, and counseling? You’re a triple threat.”

“Eh, I’m better at giving advice than receiving it,” she replies. “You won’t catch me following my own suggestions, that’s for sure.” Before I can ask what she means, she quickly shakes the comment off as if she never meant to say it and changes the subject. “If you’re ever interested, the Center trains therapy dogs as well. They visit local nursing homes all the time to visit the residents. The staff that work there always tell me it’s one of the most popular activities they host. I try to go when I can, especially with our dogs that are newer to the work. I can partner with one of the families to see if they’d be willing to bring their dog to your mom’s new place. Once she’s settled, you know. Or if she’s not a dog person, forget I said anything. You’d probably rather I not intrude, of course. Sorry, I—”

“Bec?” I interrupt her spiral. It’s clear she’s anxious and already trying to pull back her offer. “Mom loves dogs. So much so that I asked several times if I could bring Hopper to visit her in her last place, but they had a strict policy. Therapy and service dogs only. That’s really thoughtful of you.”

Her blush burns bright on her cheeks. “Just let me know when. I have a dog in mind, I’ll see what her human momma says next time I see her. I bet Hopper could be a great therapy dog someday, too, if you’re interested in working on that. He’s got the right temperament for it. Once he grows out of the puppy stage, he’ll need a bit more training, but then you could bring him with you to visit your mom.”

“Mom would love that, and I’m sure Hopper would too.”

“What, this dog ? Enjoying endless attention and affection? You don’t say…” We look down at Hopper who has slowly sprawled out as we’ve been talking, somehow in both of our laps now. She breaks first, both of us laughing.

“I don’t know how you did it, but you managed to turn my night around. You’re something special, you know that, Bec?”

I can see the doubt in her eyes. She’s trying to determine whether I mean what I say. That hesitation, that guardedness wasn’t there when we first met. I don’t know what happened to make her feel like she can’t trust a compliment. Like she can’t trust me. But I’m going to prove to her she can, if she’ll let me.

“So…did you give it any thought? What I asked yesterday?” I ask her.

“I might have,” she replies, looking back down at our hands still locked together.

“And…”

“And, I need some more information,” she says.

“Information…”

“You said there were other options that you’d like more than being friends. I want to know what those are.”

“You sure you want me to go first, beautiful? You sure you’re ready to hear it?” She looks back up at me and nods.

“Good, because I don’t want to act like it’s enough.”

“What do you mean?” she asks, confusion clear on her face, an undertone of hurt in her voice.

“Not what you’re thinking.” I gently squeeze her hand and rub my thumb over her knuckles again, hoping to reassure her and help fight off any insecurities that she may have about me and what I want. “Being friends with you was never going to be enough for me, Bec. I should have asked you for a chance, a real chance, when we first met. I should have begged you for a shot to show you why we were worth the risks that had you scared to try. And when I moved back, I should have told you the first moment I saw you that I haven’t been able to get you out of my head for years.”

“There’s no way you would have said that to me while I was covered in baby shit.”

“As terrifying as that was, you don’t know me well enough yet if you think that’s what stopped me.”

“What stopped you?” she asks.

“I don’t want you to be scared, Bec. Not of us. Not of what we could be together. When you said you wanted to be friends, I didn’t want to push you on it.” I reach out to tuck a curl behind her ear.

“I need you to tell me if what I’m feeling is one sided, if you don’t feel anything for me at all, so I can force myself to move on. I don’t know how that’ll work since I tried while we were apart, and I still couldn’t stop thinking about you. But I’ll figure it out if you ask me to. If it’s not just me, though…if you feel like there’s something here too…I’m all in. Being friends was never going to work for me because I want you.”

“Me?”

“You, Bec. I want to be with you. I’m sorry I haven’t made that clear. I don’t want to waste any more time because I think we have the potential to be fucking amazing. My mom made it clear, and I forgot to listen to what she told me. What she made me promise I’d always do. Live out my dreams. I’ve been playing it scared. I know that means seeing where this leads, with you. Giving us a real chance.”

Just when I think I’ve ruined everything and scared her by running my fucking mouth, she shocks the hell out of me when she stands up, pulling me up with her. She reaches her arms around my neck, steps into me, and presses her lips softly against mine. A brush of her lips that I can barely feel, her breath a whisper against my skin as she pulls away and looks up at me with a look that tells me she’s almost as surprised as me.

“I’m sorry, I…I shouldn’t have…” but before she can finish, I lower my head to meet her in another kiss, swallowing the soft moan she lets out the instant our lips touch. I wrap my arms around her waist, making sure not to drop my hands too low. Don’t fuck this up, man.

Her kiss is even better than I remember. After a few minutes of the consuming push and pull, the back and forth, the taking and giving, she pulls back and looks down between us, resting her forehead on my chest. Her breaths are quick, flowing through the fabric on my shirt to warm my skin.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, beautiful?” I lean down and kiss the top of her head.

“Too much, but nothing I can seem to put together that makes enough sense to say out loud.” She looks up at me through long lashes. Unfiltered emotion shines through her expression in this moment, and she’s fucking radiant. “I…I want to try Aiden. Being friends doesn’t feel right, but I can’t commit to anything serious. I know we met years ago, but in truth, we hardly know each other. What if I’m not what you expect?”

“Bec, I’m counting on it. When we met, I couldn’t figure you out. I think that’s the thrill of meeting someone really incredible. They surprise you and challenge you and leave you hungry for more. You’re worth the wait. There’s even more to learn about you now, and I want it all.”

“I don’t know—”

“One date. One date at a time. That’s all I ask. We’ve had a series of random collisions. I think you called it the universe pushing us together when we met. Shouldn’t we see where that goes? Maybe give the universe a break and plan one of our collisions on purpose for a change?”

Her eyes flutter back and forth between mine, trying to get a read on me. I can feel her weighing the truth of what I said. The sincerity. The potential risk. The potential reward. She’s not impulsive. She’s being cautious. If she ever lets me in, it’ll mean I’ve worked for it. I’ll have earned her trust. “One date at a time,” she whispers, and my heart thumps so loud I swear it fell out of my chest and onto the floor. “After the New Year. I should warn you, though, despite what almost happened when we met, if you want to try something more serious with me, then you better be prepared to wait. I’m not the kind of girl who jumps into a relationship quickly, and sex will just make this messier while we figure things out.”

“Good thing we met years ago. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I want to do with you.” The reprimand written on her face spurs me on. “Consider me more than prepared to wait. I’ve had a lot of practice. Tell me, though, does that include this?” I run my hand up her neck and run the pad of my thumb over her jaw. “Can I keep kissing you?”

I get her answer when she leans back into me, her hands holding my waist as she tilts her face back up and kisses me again. I weave my hands through her hair, holding her close to me. Even with her body pressed up against mine, it still doesn’t feel close enough.

Before we find a rhythm, I feel her stumble, her body falling to the side breaking our kiss, and I grip her around the waist to help her find her footing again. I look down to see Hop nosing Bec at her knees, begging for her attention. Some wingman he is.

Bec laughs and pulls away from me to reach out and pet Hop. “Thanks for the save, Hop. Don’t know what I was thinking letting your dad get away with stealing another kiss tonight.”

“Hm…I bet you were thinking I looked irresistible showing up at your door with pizza and thought, yeah, that guy can steal as many kisses as he wants tonight.”

“It is good pizza.”

“And the kiss?”

“Solid eight out of ten.”

“Ouch, eight?”

“Gotta leave room for improvement, don’t you think?”

“No, Bec.” I run my fingers from her shoulder back down to her hand, watching goose bumps appear. I weave my fingers through hers again, holding her hand, not wanting to break contact just yet. “I don’t want to leave any room for doubt in your mind this time. I want you to know I’ll give you everything you need. Every time. ”

“Consider it motivation for the New Year.”

“Consider me motivated. I’ll get my ten.” Bec gave me the rules of the game. One I don’t plan on losing this time. One date at a time, and I know just where to start. Batter fucking up.