Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

A s Jonah stepped into the barn the next morning, dust motes danced in the sunlight filtering between the boards. One of the broodmares nickered a greeting, but the sound of voices drew his attention toward the feed room and the two figures standing in front of it.

Patsy and Jericho. His brother held his work saddle in both hands, on his way to tack up Pinto for the day, no doubt. When Patsy glanced at him, he couldn't see her eyes well in the shadows, but the tension in her shoulders and the way she gripped her gloves was hard to miss.

After a nod at Jonah, she spoke to Jericho. "I'd like to buy that gelding that I rode here from Missoula Mills. And another, safe enough for Anna to ride if you have one to spare. I'll pay what they're worth." Even her voice sounded worried, though his brother might not pick up the deeper pitch of her voice.

Buy a horse. To leave? So soon?

He should step forward and join the conversation, but his heart had ceased beating, his legs not capable of moving.

That immediate refusal to his suggestion of courting yesterday had knocked him backwards, but when he had time to think through things, he'd planned to see if he could change her mind.

But she was really leaving. She didn't care about him, certainly not enough. He'd been set to give his heart to this woman, and she'd been focused all the time on retrieving her niece and getting out of here.

What did that make Jonah? Her friend, sure. But that kiss… That kiss was what?

Just a temporary amusement.

He tried to swallow, but his throat was too dry.

When would he ever learn?

"You going somewhere?" Jericho's voice was friendly, but the wariness was hard to miss. Patsy had the right to take Anna, but they were all dreading the girl's leaving.

"It's time Anna and I head on. I need to get to Fort Benton and take care of business with my mother's solicitor. We'll plan our next step from there."

Jericho's brow furrowed. "I understand your need to move on, but Fort Benton is a long journey, especially with a young girl. It's not safe for the two of you to travel alone."

Patsy lifted her chin. "I can handle myself. I've made my way in this world for a long time now."

The words twisted like a knife in Jonah's gut. Was this how it would always be? First Naomi, now Patsy, slipping through his fingers, never choosing him. Maybe he just wasn't enough, would never be enough, for any woman to want to stay.

Jericho huffed. "Still too dangerous. Jonah here could go with you."

Two pairs of eyes swung his way, and Jonah swallowed hard, torn. A chance to spend more time with Patsy, to convince her to give him a chance. But could he bear it if, at the end of the trail, she still chose to leave?

Patsy shook her head. "I won't be a burden. We'll be fine on our own."

Right.

He turned on his heel and strode out of the barn.

He needed to think. Needed to hit something.

He strode up toward the house, then turned to go around back where the chopping block was.

Gil and Miles had brought in some logs from a tree that'd come down in the last storm. Jonah snatched up the ax and attacked the first trunk with a vengeance, chips of wood flying.

The steady thwack and sting of the blade biting into the logs grounded him. He poured his frustrations into every swing, bringing home his anger as it sliced through the wood.

Footsteps scuffed behind him, and he tensed. But then he released his breath and swung again. He didn't turn, just kept at it until he'd chopped through the trunk.

As he turned the log face up to split, Eric's voice sounded behind him.

"You all right?"

Jonah paused, the ax blade hovering over the log. He could pretend like all was well, like he didn't care, but Eric had been a good friend these past months. And Eric knew what it was like to lose a woman he loved. Even though that woman had eventually come back to him. Chosen him.

Still…

He blew out a breath, then let his shoulders sag. "Not really."

"She's something special, isn't she?"

Jonah really must have worn his heart on his sleeve if the entire family knew his feelings. He turned to face Eric, and he couldn't help the bite in his voice when he spoke. "She's leaving. Taking Anna and going to Fort Benton. After that, who knows where. Anywhere but here."

Eric's sharp intake of breath clamped fresh guilt over his chest. He should have broken the news more gently. Eric and Naomi had taken Anna into their home. She'd become like a daughter to them. But surely, they'd prepared themselves for this.

"I see." Eric's voice was rough with emotion. He cleared his throat. "I guess we knew it would happen. I'll..." He cleared his throat again. "I'll let Naomi know."

Jonah really was a cad.

He dropped the ax and leaned against the side of the cabin. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean...that wasn't the best way to tell you."

Eric shook his head. "It's all right. It's just...going to take some getting used to, is all. The thought of Anna not being here…" He met Jonah's gaze. "You going with them to Fort Benton?"

A new round of frustration twisted in his throat, and he lifted his gaze to the trees on the back side of the clearing. "I don't know. Jericho thinks I should. I'm not sure." There were so many things he wasn't sure of. Far too many to name.

Eric watched him for a long moment, long enough that his silence made Jonah want to turn and pick up the ax again. Slice through another log.

At last, Eric spoke. "Maybe if you tell her how you feel?—"

Jonah flexed his hands. Why had he dropped the ax? He needed something to squeeze if he was going to make it through this conversation. And be honest, anyway.

He didn't meet Eric's gaze. "Tried that. She's leaving. What more can I do?"

"Fight for her." Eric's words came quiet but firm. "Look, I could say I'm sorry about Naomi, but I'd be lying. I'm not sorry—not even a little—because I love her. And when she left me, I didn't just let her go. I searched for her. I hauled my sorry hide halfway across the continent to find Naomi. I hate to break this to you, friend, but I fought for Naomi. Maybe I'm a little sorry I had to take her from you, but I'm not at all sorry I got her back."

Eric folded his arms across his chest. "If you really care about Patsy, then you'll prove it to her. Maybe this isn't all about you. You ever think of that? She's obviously wounded, and scared. Maybe she needs a man who's not afraid to prove he's up to the challenge."

The knot in Jonah's middle twisted. Eric was right, probably far more than he realized.

Eric wasn't finished though. "You can hang out here and feel sorry for yourself—that's the safe choice. Or you could show her she matters to you. Show her she's worth the extra effort on your part. A little risk."

Jonah stared at the blurry line of the distant trees. Would it actually make a difference if he went with Patsy and tried to change her mind on the journey? She seemed pretty determined to leave. To have her own life.

If that was what would truly make her happy…

Or you could show her she matters to you. Show her she's worth the extra effort. Did Jonah really think Patsy might be the woman God intended for him? They hadn't even talked about God. Did she even know Him?

That should have been one of the first things he learned about her when he stopped trying to deny his attraction. Sorry, Lord.

He'd strayed farther from regular conversations with God than he'd like to admit. Ever since the mess with Naomi when Eric came, it had been easier to let his emotions run loose than to check them and seek the Lord's guidance.

He needed to work on that.

But there was something special about Patsy. Something that came to life inside Jonah when she was near. From that very first moment he opened his eyes to find her pointing a gun at him, he'd been drawn to her in a way he'd never been drawn to another woman. He couldn't put into words what was different about her, but they fit together just right. He could read the nuances of her expressions, could feel what she was feeling sometimes. He'd never been like that with any other person, not even his brothers.

Eric was right. What he had with Patsy was special.

She was special. And worth fighting for.

He met Eric's gaze. "I think I'll go with her."

A slow smile slipped over his friend's expression. "Good. You've got two weeks to tear down those walls. If anyone can do it, my bet's on you."

L ater that day, the afternoon sun cast long shadows across the dirt path as Patience made her way back to the main house from Eric and Naomi's cabin, her heart as heavy as her footsteps. Anna's angry tears still twisted in her belly.

She'd brought cinnamon crisps over as a treat to tell her niece the news, both because she'd seemed to like them before, and because they were the one thing Patience could manage to bake in the cookstove's finicky oven.

But she might as well have brought manure as a gift for all the good it had done.

I don't want to leave. Why can't I stay here with Naomi and Eric? They love me.

Tears had run down Anna's sweet face, her small fists clenched at her sides. Patience wasn't even sure Anna had heard her when she'd said she loved her too. She loved Anna, her only sister's daughter, so much it hurt. She could still remember holding her when she was only a few weeks old. The tiny precious bundle, perfect in every way.

Patience squeezed her eyes shut against the tears.

Maybe…maybe this was a mistake.

No. She forced the thought from her mind.

She had to take Anna with her. Hannah would be devastated if she knew Patience was even considering leaving her daughter with strangers.

Yet Naomi and Eric clearly adored Anna, probably even more than Anna loved them. They were good people, no question there. They could give her the stable, loving home Patience had always yearned for herself.

But she was Anna's blood kin. Family should stay together, shouldn't they? And they would have a nice home once she got her inheritance, then found land and had a cottage built. Maybe she should leave Anna here until she'd built the house, then come back for her.

By then, though, Anna would be even more attached to Naomi and Eric and little Mary Ellen. The tot adored Anna like a big sister.

Patience sighed as she stepped into the clearing where the main house stood. She was doing her best not to let herself think about how hard it would be to leave Jonah. And Anna's resistance was one more weight pushing down on her.

There seemed to be no good answer. Was she being selfish by taking Anna away? Wanting to soothe her conscience? Wanting her own choice instead of what was best for Anna?

She caught the motion of a tall figure striding toward her from the edge of the clearing. Jonah.

She didn't want to face him and his disappointment right now, not when she'd just endured the same from her niece. But she couldn't simply turn and walk away from him.

As he drew closer, there seemed a change in his bearing since the day before. The tension was gone from his shoulders. A freshness marked his expression. Had he forgiven her already? Maybe the thought of her leaving wasn't nearly as painful for him as it was for her.

"I was just coming to find you." He halted in front of her. His blue eyes searched her face, seeing too much, no doubt. "What's wrong? "

She smiled, though it felt brittle. "Fine. I just had to talk to Anna. About us leaving."

Jonah grimaced, understanding softening his rugged features. "I'm sorry."

Patience shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant even as her heart ached. "I knew it would be hard. I'm grateful your family has been so kind to her." She glanced away. Her words made it sound as if she were a stranger, dropping by to pick up her niece after an afternoon playdate. In truth, spending nearly two weeks with his family—with Jonah—had changed her life in ways she might never recover from.

She summoned a pleasant expression with the last bit of self-control she had. "I need to help Lillian with dinner. Dinah wasn't feeling well this afternoon, so I made her promise to let me take over her part when I returned so she could rest."

Jonah's chin dipped, but he didn't step aside. Just regarded her. "I'll be riding with you and Anna to Fort Benton. The cookstove I ordered should be there now, and I need to pick it up. I'll take the wagon, and that'll make travel easier on Anna."

Patience blinked, her heart stuttering in her chest. She hadn't expected this offer. "You…want to come with us?" She'd thought Jonah seemed angry when his brother volunteered him for the journey. Maybe his change of heart had come with this newfound peace.

Jonah's gaze steady on hers. "I need to go anyway." He hesitated, then added, "And I'd feel better knowing you had some assistance on the journey. It's not an easy road, especially with a child."

She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Thank you." Having Jonah along would certainly make the trip more bearable. For both her and Anna.

"When do you want to leave?"

"Day after tomorrow, if that works for you." It would give her enough time to prepare Anna and gather the last of their meager belongings. Though in truth, she dreaded it with every part of her.

"I'll be ready." He reached out as if to touch her arm, then seemed to think better of it, his hand falling back to his side. "I'd best let you go help Lillian. Just…let me know if you need anything before we go."

"I will." Thankfully, he turned away before he could see the tears gathering in her eyes.

It was foolish, the hope that rose within her. Jonah was going because he needed to get his cookstove. Maybe he was going now because he wanted to make sure she and Anna were safe. But there was nothing more to it than that. She couldn't let herself consider that he might have feelings for her. She couldn't let herself give in to the yearning to stay and make a place for herself and Anna here with the Coulters. With Jonah.

She straightened her shoulders and started toward the house. Time to put regrets behind her and look to the future, whatever it might hold. Jonah and the unexpected haven of his family would soon be just a memory.

But oh, what a bittersweet memory it would be.