Chapter 26

26

DIANNA

T he quiet winter morning outside Dianna's window did nothing to quell the emotions that continued to run rampant in her body. She stared at her ceiling and pushed aside the thousand doubts that plagued her since she'd broken up with Tristan on Saturday.

Thankfully, though she did go to church with them, her family let her be on Sunday. But she could only claim to feel unwell for so long. With Mathew and Tristan leaving soon, it didn't feel right to skip work.

There was only one problem.

That meant she'd be seeing Tristan today.

Her stomach crashed and churned like the unsettled waves of the ocean. She'd been the one to break up with Tristan, not the other way around. There was no reason for her to feel anxious. This was what she'd wanted.

Dianna rolled over and glared at the wall. No one told her that falling in love with someone would be this hard—this heartbreaking.

It was like her body had continued to be pulled in two different directions despite having two nights to sleep on her decision. She hadn't been able to find the peace she sought.

Someone knocked lightly on her bedroom door, but Dianna didn't move. Every muscle in her body ached. Her head pounded. Sometimes she wished she was anyone else. Then maybe she would be able to close her eyes and go back to sleep in order to avoid the inevitable.

"Dianna?" The door opened and Brielle poked her head through the door. "Cal stopped by and took a look at your truck. He said it was a simple fix and he'll have it up and running before you have to head over to the country club."

Still, she didn't move.

"Hey, you doing okay?"

The soft click of the door indicated Brielle had shut it before venturing farther into the room. "Are you still feeling sick?"

Dianna buried her face into her pillow. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine."

She let out a frustrated growl and sat up. "It's seven in the morning and I didn't have to be up yet, but you came in here to tell me about my truck. I'm grumpy. But I'm fine."

Brielle gave her a blank look. Then she lifted one brow and folded her arms. "You broke up with Tristan, didn't you?"

Dianna scowled at her sister. "I don't see how that's any business of yours."

"It's not. But it sure puts everything into perspective. And it totally makes sense why you didn't come out of your room much yesterday. For heaven's sake. What is it with you guys? Don't you know? There's a hazard when it comes to falling in love." She moved to the edge of Dianna's bed and bounced into a seated position. "I have a feeling it's why dad told us we couldn't date until the one before us was married. Can you imagine what it will be like when more than one of us is dealing with heartache?"

Stiffening, Dianna frowned at her sister. For some unexplainable reason, Brielle's words were more painful than the issues she was trying to stave off. "Not every relationship ends in heartache."

"I didn't say that it did." Brielle fell backward and craned her neck around to stare at Dianna. "But based on what I've noticed from Adeline and Constance, heartache comes right before you finally figure things out and realize you're making the worst mistake of your life."

Dianna huffed. "That's not going to happen."

"Oh? Because I've never seen you more miserable than you are right now."

"I'm only miserable because I'm not getting enough sleep." Dianna leaned back against her headboard. "And if you would have let me be, then maybe I wouldn't be so miserable."

Brielle laughed. "Deep down, you know that's not true."

Tossing aside her blankets, Dianna climbed out of bed with a huff. "I'm not going to have this conversation with you right now." Once again, she felt like she was being pushed around. This time it was her sister blocking her in and not letting her breathe.

She moved swiftly across the room, gathering the clothes she'd need for work, then escaping into the hall before Brielle could stop her.

Dianna knew what was best. It didn't matter what other people said about her. There was too much going on in her life right now to even consider adding or changing something. It didn't matter that she had feelings for Tristan. Why was everyone pushing her into something she didn't want?

Dressing quickly, Dianna's thoughts once again returned to how this afternoon would go. She didn't know if Mathew would ask her questions, and she wondered what—if anything—his father might have told him.

The ache returned to her chest. But that was natural. Hard decisions often led to having bad days. She'd get past this much like she had gotten through other hard events in her life.

By going for a ride.

Dianna grabbed her hat from the hook by the back door. She pulled on her boots and buttoned her sheep-lined coat before stomping toward the barn. The sky was overcast and dismal, much like her own attitude this morning. What she wouldn't give to start over—to make different decisions a few months ago.

If she'd never allowed Constance to drag her to the country club, then she wouldn't have accepted the position from Shane.

If she wasn't working, then she wouldn't have met Mathew and…

And she wouldn't have developed any feelings for Tristan.

Her heart twisted, angrily battling her head as she shoved thoughts of Tristan from her mind. There were more important things to do than to welcome someone into her life when she wasn't ready. Never before had she had this problem. Why wouldn't her heart just let things be?

She clambered into the barn and readied her horse. The wool blanket and saddle were flung on the animal's back, then cinched tight. Once the reins were adjusted properly, she climbed into the saddle and pulled the horse into the aisle.

Her horse whinnied and jerked her head, nearly rearing back on her hind legs. Dianna let out a soft squeak, her father's silhouette in the way of her escape. Her heart hammered and her hand flew to cover it as if that would be enough to quell the trouble that refused to give her peace.

"What are you doing in here?" she demanded once she could catch her breath.

Zeke chuckled. "I could ask you the same thing. Don't you have a job to get to?"

"I—well, that's not supposed to start until—" She clamped her mouth shut. "I don't have to be there for a few more hours. What are you doing here?"

He gestured around them. "Isn't it obvious? I want to go for a ride." Her father tilted his head as his gaze swept over her and her horse. "Seems to me we had the same idea."

She shifted in her saddle and glanced toward the exit. "Yeah. I thought it would be a great way to clear my head."

Zeke nodded, his lips pressed into a firm line. "Would you mind if I tagged along?"

"Don't you have stuff you have to do today?"

The first hints of a smile touched his lips. "I always have time to spend with my daughters. Especially if they're struggling with something." He nodded toward the stalls behind her. "Give me five minutes and I'll be ready."

The only sound they heard for the first twenty minutes of their ride was that of their horses' hooves crunching in the snow and the occasional snort. The trail started out narrow and finally grew wide enough for them to ride side-by-side.

Dianna's thoughts bounced around from her current dilemma to her father and what he had noticed. How much did he know? Had Grace or Brielle told him? She should have known better than to tell her younger sister anything. Grace had a nasty habit of spreading information to other people when she thought it was in the best interest of certain parties.

That didn't make it right.

"You're probably wondering why I asked to come along." Her father's gruff voice pulled her from the depths of her mind.

"Maybe a little."

"I know you were only about six when your mother passed so you probably weren't very aware of certain characteristics she possessed."

Her hands tightened on the reins. This wasn't what she had expected. She'd wanted to go for a ride where she could continue to analyze and confirm to herself how correct she was in her choices. Dianna glanced out of the corner of her eye toward her father but didn't say a word. He was the kind of man who didn't leave things unsaid. If he wanted to tell her something, he'd make sure he did before too much time passed.

"Your mother was the most generous and loving woman I have ever met. She was also the most analytical being on this planet." He chuckled, his focus remaining on the trail as they passed snow-covered shrubbery. "Sometimes she'd disappear to this other world where she got so hyper-focused on something I wasn't sure she'd ever come out of it."

Dianna stilled, her eyes swinging around to stare at her father.

"Did I ever tell you how hard it was to get that woman to accept me?" He shook his head and waved his hand through the air. "Of course not." Zeke gave her a sheepish grin. "I haven't been the best at sharing that sort of thing with you girls." Pain flitted across his face, and he looked away. She could almost feel his agony as if it were her own. "Your mother was supposed to be here to have these sorts of talks with you girls." His voice broke, and he removed his hat to run his hand through his hair. This was probably the most he'd ever talked about her mother with her that she could remember.

She squirmed in her seat, unsure of how she might smooth the edges of this rocky conversation. "It's okay, Dad. We're doing fine. All of us are. Even Brielle."

Her father snorted and shot her a side-eyed glance. "That one is going to be the end of me."

Dianna bit back a smile. If only he knew what Brielle had been capable of over the years. "You'll see. Everything has a way of working out."

"Like how they're working out with that Wood fella?"

Her eyes widened and she tore her gaze away from him. Oh that was just great. Grace just couldn't keep her mouth shut. "I don't know what Grace told you, but?—"

"She didn't say a thing."

Dianna risked another look in his direction.

"Yesterday, when you didn't come down for any of our meals, I had a feeling something was going on. We all knew you were getting close to that man and his son. Heck, that night you didn't come home?—"

She gasped. "You knew about that?"

He offered her a smile. "There's very little I don't know about that goes on under my roof. When you didn't come home, your sisters were in a tizzy. I was the only one who played it cool."

"But why? I broke curfew. I was supposed to come home—certainly not spend the night with a ma—" Her face flushed despite the freezing air. "I didn't—you know—do anything—" She swallowed hard, this time unable to meet her father's studious gaze. "He was a perfect gentleman."

The silence was unbearable. Whatever he was thinking was probably far worse than what actually happened, and he hadn't even come to her and asked about it. The restraint he'd had was… unbelievable.

"Dianna." His soft voice wasn't enough to force her to meet his gaze.

She wrapped the reins around her hands and pulled them tight until she started to lose feeling in her fingers. This whole situation had gone from bad to worse, and all it had taken was for him to bring up her mother.

"Dianna, will you look at me?"

She lifted her gaze, hating the way her blush deepened.

"Do you think I would have stood by and let that man spend more time with you if I had thought otherwise?"

There was no way to put into words the shock she felt over his confession. She blinked and attempted to make sense of where this conversation had turned.

"Out of all of my daughters, I knew you would be able to fend for yourself. You know how to put up walls and stand your ground."

That didn't exactly sound as good as he was probably meaning for it to. From how he described her, she was a fortress and no one was permitted to enter. Mathew had probably weakened her defenses which had allowed Tristan to get close to her. That was the only explanation she could come up with. And even that made her cringe inwardly. Her eyes darted away, searching for a way to convert how he'd described her into something admirable, but she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried.

"But as with any strength, there comes weaknesses."

Dianna's focus shifted once more to her father.

"You are so much like your mother. I see her in you nearly every single day. It's not just the way you look. It's in the decisions you make and the foundation of your personality." He gave her a sad smile. "Your mother was so good at putting up barriers that I had to really work hard to knock them down. But once I did, it opened up a whole new world for both of us. I will always attribute the successes of this ranch to her analytical brain. Sometimes I thought she was magic with the way she could predict certain things."

"Why are you telling me this?" Dianna's features pinched. None of what he was saying seemed to fit with the things he was pointing out in her own relationship.

"Your mother loved deeply. She cared a lot about people and helping our ranch prosper. But sometimes she would stand in the way of her own happiness. When I tried to help her realize that, she would remind me that I was smothering her and she wanted to figure things out on her own."

Understanding dawned in Dianna's mind and she scowled. "So you think I'm making a bad decision in regard to Mr. Wood. You think I'm standing in the way of my happiness, is that it?"

He chuckled, holding up one hand. "Let me finish. Being with your mother was a learning experience. She could set her boundaries and need a certain amount of time to sort things out. And there's nothing wrong with that. I learned how to give her that space. But I'm only human. Sometimes I slipped up. Did that mean she walked away from what we had together?" He shook his head. "Granted, I think she was far too stubborn for that. And maybe you got a little of that stubbornness in you, too."

"I still don't know why you're trying to make me run back to Tristan. I made my choice. It's the right one?—"

"It might be right for now. But you have to allow for the variables. Sometimes something that is right in the moment isn't necessarily right for the long haul."

She let out a groan. "So you are telling me that I'm wrong. What are you expecting? That I go apologize and tell him I want him back—" Just like that, her defenses shot up and her heart flipped. She was already worried about how their interaction would go this afternoon. There was no way she'd do what her father was suggesting.

"Relax. I'm not asking you to do any of that."

"You're not?"

"Sweetheart, only you know what is in your best interest. Only you can decide what you want from your life. The only thing I want you to consider is whether or not these decisions will make you happy five years down the road. Even ten years. If there is even a slight chance you will look back on this moment and realize you shut out someone who was perfect for you, then perhaps you could try to keep an open mind. Don't push someone away out of fear or frustration. Love is an amazing tool. You'd be surprised how much it can heal."

She stared at her father, completely baffled. Her shoulders slumped and the pressure in her chest deflated. He'd given her his opinion, then told her she needed to figure it out on her own. It was a small gesture, but that's all it took for her to feel seen.