2. Benji

M an, this was fucked. Everyone could stand at the window running their mouths about theories or they could go to social media. Someone would be posting as soon as those jokers landed. They didn’t disappoint. My social media was getting flooded with it. #angelsarefuckedup. I didn’t start it, but I was sharing the shit out of it.

They were kicking puppies and punching old ladies. I wasn’t being dramatic. I literally just watched that go down. It was morally reprehensible. Who did that? Old ladies were fierce. One time, I was in town playing Pokémon and this drunk man bumped into Edna Harris. I was going to take care of it, but she just turned around and wailed on him with her umbrella.

I didn’t mess with old ladies after that.

“Best pull out your phones,” I said. “People are taking videos of the angels and posting them on social media. Kat might be able to identify which choir we’re dealing with.”

Medusa slid into my lap and kissed me.

“Such a good boy,” she purred.

Ugh. I didn’t have time to get a boner in the middle of Pepper Crane’s living room with angels falling out the sky. Time and place, little monster.

“Well, that narrows it down slightly,” Kat said. “Three of the choirs can’t pass for humans and out of the rest, only two carry weapons and wear armor. The Grigori are part of the Powers and they carry swords. The archangels also carry swords.”

“I’m not really up to date on my angel lore, but Lucifer owes me seven hundred dollars, and he’s an archangel. I’ve met one before,” Dionysus said.

“That doesn’t count,” Hades said. “Lucifer rebelled, and he owes everyone money because he wants to make everything a wager.”

“That’s really going to take some getting used to,” Pepper said. “He’s the boogeyman in my religion.”

“Technically, Lucifer is a fallen angel and Satan is a separate being who runs that particular afterlife. Lucifer is older than Satan. He’s a competitive prick and a sore loser, but he’s not evil,” Athena said.

“He owes you money, doesn’t he?” I asked.

“Oh, yes. Typical man. He insists he’s going to beat me in a game of chess and he always wants to wager money. The only person who ever challenges me in chess is Anubis.”

“As fascinating as all this is and I’m dying to have a proper conversation about it, we need to be worried about those angels,” Pepper said.

“Yeah, they are assaulting puppies and old ladies, so we aren’t dealing with rational people,” I said.

“Explain,” Cas said.

Oh, yeah. I had been watching a few videos before I said anything.

“So, people were filming the lights falling from the sky because they thought it was meteors and they weren’t warned about it. They kept filming when they saw winged men land on the ground. Some were excited because they knew they were angels. Others thought they were aliens and a few people thought it was promo for a movie or some shit.

“They landed close to people or people rushed to them because they knew they were angels. There were kids playing with their puppies in the front yard. If anyone tried to approach them, they didn’t even ask them to stay away or give them space. They just assaulted them. That giving anyone any tingly excitement in their bits as to who we’re dealing with?”

“Aren’t there just a few archangels?” Pax asked. “They mentioned them a good bit when the Coalition had me the first time. There were twelve names, and they seemed to think if the archangels got involved, they could cure us.”

“I’m younger and got taken after you,” I said. “They didn’t mention archangels at all. They just seemed interested in hurting us.”

“I got kidnapped after both of you. They tried exorcisms, but it never seemed about saving our souls. They couldn’t hurt me physically because they couldn’t come into my cell, so they starved me and it was all emotional abuse.”

“And my siren lure was malfunctioning, but in a good way, and since a lot of my magic is in my vocal cords, I could keep them from torturing me. They never talked about angels with me either, but it was a lot of slut shaming. Nothing I haven’t heard before. They weren’t even that good at it because they’re virgins,” Jezebel said.

“They actually tortured me,” Calamity said in a dead voice. Kat wrapped her in a protective hug. “They never talked about angels, either. It didn’t even seem like they were misguided and trying to help me. It felt like they were sick fuckers who got off on hurting people.”

Calamity was just a kid in supernatural terms. Everyone who was involved in her torture got ripped apart by supernaturals when we were breaking everyone out of New Eden. Except for Hannibal. I hadn’t decided how I was going to kill him yet, but it was going to have to be extra creative.

“They’ll never hurt you again,” Kat said. “Pax is right. We know the names of twelve archangels. If there are more, we don’t know about them. They each have a specific job to glorify Yahweh. I don’t think this is them. If it was, they’d be calling their own press conference to discredit us. It’s the smart thing to do.”

Huh. Dumb angels. I could fuck with that. I could have a lot of fun with that, actually. The little hamster in my brain started running on his wheel because we needed to think up something good. Man, I needed to name that hamster.

“They could still be planning that,” Pax said. “This could just be the first wave.”

“No,” Cas said. “It’s bad optics. The angels are on a pretty high pedestal with some people and we just had several gods sow doubt. If they were going to do damage control, they would have sent the smooth talkers and not the angels who kick puppies in front of cameras.”

“So, we’re dealing with dumb, violent angels,” Pax said. “They are lashing out at people who approach them. They will probably try to come for everyone who was at that hearing. We can handle ourselves, but I’m worried about Pepper.”

“Hrpm. I’m really good with a shotgun,” Pepper said.

How cute was she? Unless she had bullets with a special kind of silver core, guns mostly just pissed us off. Before I figured out my shadow wolf, I used to run as a regular wolf to center myself after Cas and Pax found me.

Someone thought I was trying to eat his chickens when I was just trying to play with them and shot me right in the ass. The bullet was stuck, so I had to run all the way up the mountain so Cas could perform surgery on my butt. I had supernatural healing, so my ass was still perfect. I snuck over to his house every night at midnight and let his chickens into his living room.

Oh, he tried to stay up with his shotgun to catch who was doing it, but maybe he shouldn’t have shot a shadow demon in the ass when he was just trying to have a romp with his chickens.

Fucker.

“That’s not going to do anything,” Cas said. “I’m going to call Lucky to protect you.”

“Lucky?”

“The FBI agent whose asshole you ripped open because he started a fight with Capital police arresting Hannibal and Saul. Lucky and his entire team are supernatural. I trust him.”

“Of course, they are. Do what you must.”

Seriously, I adored Pepper Crane. She didn’t just get the Coalition outlawed because it was wrong. She legitimately accepted us. I knew plenty of people thought my horns and ears were some kind of cosplay costume. She didn’t abandon me even when I set the record straight and she had invited us into her home to cook for us.

That meant a lot to me. She didn’t even blink when Cas told her there were supernaturals in the FBI. There was at least one in congress that I knew of and she hadn’t asked us to out anyone. She seemed to get that we were regular people who had normal jobs.

Lucky better not fuck this up. Pepper Crane had to be protected at all costs.