4. Raphael

4

T he flight to Fallen house was more than a little terrifying. Between Hayliel’s exhaustion and our inability to connect with her, we had to rely solely on observation and instinct to make sure she made it safely.

But once again, she proved just how strong she really is.

“You guys don’t have to stay, really. I’ll probably be a while in the shower. Plenty of time for you to go clean up,” Hayliel says, leaning against the doorway of her bathroom as if it’s the sole reason she’s still upright. When we don’t respond, she adds, “I’ll be fine. You should really go take care of yourselves.”

A small smile tugs at my lips. Even after everything she’s been through today, she’s more worried about us than about herself. Silly girl. “We know we don’t have to, but if it’s all the same to you, we’d prefer to stay.”

Something that looks like relief flashes across her face, but all she says is, “Suit yourself.”

With the door shut, it’s only Theo, Ezekiel, and I left in her room. Dina should be back soon with food, which should help us all settle a little. If that’s even possible.

Zeke looks pained, though I can’t see any visible injuries, and Theo appears unsettled. It’s going to take work to get him back to where he was before last night. All the progress we’d made on sealing his old wounds has been reversed, leaving them fresher than ever. But for now, there’s no point in focusing on the past. We need to look ahead.

None of us speak, not until we hear the shower turn on. There's a sense of déjà vu with the three of us together like this, worried about a girl who has all of us wrapped around her finger. “We aren’t going to be comfortable leaving her alone for a while, are we?”

“No,” Theo croaks. “I don’t even want the door separating us.”

“Her loss of the bond worries me. Hopefully, it’s just as Castiel said and she’ll be able to get it back.” Zeke begins to pace as we fall back into silence, the water pounding from beyond the bathroom door soothing the ache her absence causes. She’s only washing up. She’s fine.

Zeke stops his pacing and turns to us. “What if I offered to teach her—and you, if you’re interested—what I’ve learned from combat training with the guild? It would be a bit more sophisticated than the combat class they teach here, more than what I offer to Malik’s classes. I don’t know, just a thought.”

I’ve never seen him so unsure of himself. Usually he’s more arrogant than confident, and all it does is piss me off. Today must have really shaken him up.

“I’m in,” Theo says without pause. “I thought I knew enough to defeat those pieces of shit, but looks like I was wrong.”

“Me too. But when the odds are stacked against us like they were this morning, I’m not sure any amount of training will turn the tides in our favor.” I don’t want to be a Debbie downer, but fuck. How many demons attacked us this time? Twelve? Fifteen? More? Having proper training might have evened the playing field, but we’re still no match for their damn blades. Not without our own.

For the first time since Hayliel went into the bathroom, Theo looks at me, his eyes the clearest I’ve seen them all morning. “You know, you might be onto something. I’d forgotten about it until now, but I remember reading about a plant that, if dried out and ground into dust, could weaken demons upon inhalation. Honestly, I assumed it was a myth, but maybe it’s real.”

Zeke snaps his fingers, looking intrigued. “Now that you mention it, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a few guild members with pouches strapped to their belts. I wonder if it holds the substance you’re talking about.”

I nod, finally feeling like we have a sense of direction instead of being lost at fucking sea. “Then let’s see what we can find there. My brother used to talk about this angel who creates protective clothing with runes hand-stitched directly onto the fabric. I’ll do what I can to get their contact information.”

“That sounds expensive ,” Zeke adds, grimacing. When he sees my expression, he adds, “It’s not that I’m against it. I just can’t contribute financially to something like that, and I want to set expectations. I want the clothing for her, but I can’t afford it.”

Watching him, I can tell it cost a lot for him to admit. “Let’s just focus on getting information first. We may not even be able to find them.”

“Alright.” Then as if remembering something, he pulls the deadly blade from the sheath at his side and holds it out for me to examine. “Do the runes look off to you?”

Carefully taking it from him, I focus on the faint lines etched into the handle, but runes aren’t really my area of expertise. As much as I don’t want to cause Theo more pain by looking at the weapon that harmed so many of his loved ones, we need him.

“Theo, can you tell us if you notice anything strange about the runes here?”

He walks over to us with stiff movements, taking the blade into his trembling hand and inspecting it. His thumb traces an edge several times before his eyes dart up to meet Zeke’s.

“I noticed the same thing. It’s too hard to tell for sure, given how weathered this weapon is, but I don’t think the death rune fully connects,” Zeke says, confusing me.

“But what does that mean? Is that why the blade didn’t kill her?” At least that would make sense, even if it doesn’t explain the glow to her skin or the loss of her mental connections.

“We can’t say for sure,” Theo says, handing the blade back to Zeke. “Add it to our list of things to deal with after we get our girl back in full.”

He walks away, leaving Zeke and I to stare after him. Not that I disagree with him. We’re all exhausted, both from the sleepless night, the fight, and the pain of our almost loss. Nothing will come of trying to figure things out today.

Zeke clears his throat. “Sounds like we have a plan then. Since Dina isn’t here, I’m going to head upstairs to shower and change. Want me to bring you each some clothes?”

Theo doesn’t answer. He’s fallen silent again, staring at the bathroom door. “Sure. That would be great. Thanks. If Dina arrives with food before you’re back, we’ll save you some.”

“Appreciate it.” Zeke tosses the words over his shoulder as he opens the balcony door. He doesn’t step out right away, pausing at the threshold before turning around completely. “Is he going to be okay?”

I look at my best friend and ask myself that same question. “We’re all fighting something that others can’t see. What happened today with Hayliel was all too real for him, but he’s survived worse. Besides, I’m here to make sure he does.”

“He’s lucky to have you,” Zeke says, a sad smile curving his lips. “If there’s anything he needs, just let me know.” He doesn’t wait for me to respond before escaping out the balcony door and leaving me and Theo alone.

The events of last night and this morning have clearly shifted something in that grumpy asshole. Offering support? Leaving us—no, trusting us—to be with Hayliel while also offering to bring us clothes is something I don’t think he’d have done even a month ago. Maybe there’s hope for him yet.

Now it’s Theo who needs me.

I consider my options. I’d wanted to step outside and call Rad—though wanted may be too strong a word—but with Theo and I alone, we have the perfect opportunity to talk. He’s more likely to be honest with me, and himself, if angels like Zeke aren’t looming.

Theo has his ear pressed to the door, his brows drawn tight in concentration. I’m not surprised he’s so worried about her. The last girl he saw stabbed by that blade was dead within minutes, and he’s still experiencing the effects of that trauma. Even though our girl survived, I don’t think his brain will let that be enough to stop the worry.

“Any issues in there?” I ask, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Probably just dropped something.” His words should reassure me, but he doesn’t leave his post at the door.

“Come sit with me.”

He shakes his head. “I should really stay here in case she needs me.”

“Just for a little bit, Theo. If she needs you, she’ll call. But if she just needs to break down and cry alone in the bathroom, don’t you think we should give her the privacy to do so?”

His eyes are bloodshot when he finally looks at me. All I want to do is tuck him away somewhere so he can focus on his own recovery, but that wouldn’t do any good. In Theo’s mind, he needs to make things right, and that’s the only way he’ll feel like a decent angel.

I’m surprised when he steps away from the door and follows me toward the small seating area of Hayliel’s dorm. Instead of sitting in one of the plush chairs, though, he throws aside the corner of the rug and sits directly on the floor. Shit. That’s a good idea. Until Zeke comes by with a change of clothes for us, we’re disgusting.

“I know you want to talk about everything, Raph, but I just can’t. There’s too much going on in here.” He hits the palm of his hand against his head.

“Hey,” I say, taking his hand in mine, “we don’t have to rehash everything. I just wanted to check in and remind you that Hayliel is alive. She isn’t Serah.”

He yanks his hand back, freeing it from mine. “But she could have been! And just like last time, I was too weak to stop it.”

“None of it was your fault, Theo. Not then, and certainly not now.”

“Then why does it feel like my chest is caving in? Every little sound coming from that room has me on edge. What if she’s lost the capability to connect with us again? What if there are more severe consequences than we even fucking realize? These awful thoughts just won’t leave my fucking skull.” He drops his head into his hands, pulling at his hair. “Ever since that awful day at the skatepark, all I’ve done is train so that if something like that ever happened again, I’d be ready. I’ve researched and prepared, and what did it fucking get me? Nothing. Another almost -dead girl.”

My chest aches to see him like this, to hear the personal blame he puts on himself. “We all failed, Theo. You. Me. Zeke. Even her. None of us came fully prepared, despite what we may have originally believed. But I’ll be damned if I let it happen again. Whatever rebellion we’ve stumbled into isn’t going away, so it’s up to us to be ready for whatever comes next. She’s a part of it too, and the last thing she’d want is for you to blame yourself.”

Water no longer sounds from behind the closed door of the bathroom. Theo shifts closer, leaning against the wall near the door like a sentry.

Someone knocks on the outer door, and when I open it, a frazzled-looking Dina holding a tray of food and a few bags stands on the other side.

“Sorry I’m late. My dad called. Then a cafeteria worker accosted me for not being in class. The bitch almost denied me food altogether.”

“It was your charm that led her to change her mind, wasn’t it?” I tease, taking the two bags from her hand and stealing a French toast stick.

She cracks a half-hearted grin and places the entire tray on the coffee table. “Where’s Zeke?”

“Upstairs. He offered to bring us a change of clothes once he’s done, and I promised not to eat all the food.” Her eyes widen slightly but she stays silent, so I continue. “Thank you for this. Theo, food’s here.”

He looks like he’s going to refuse, but he’s my best friend, and I know him better than anyone. “Why don’t you make up a plate for yourself and one for Hayliel, too? She’ll probably be starving by the time she’s out.”

Sure enough, that gets him moving. I leave them to it, grabbing a few grapes before finally heading out the balcony door to call Raduriel.

The line rings repeatedly, but I don’t give up. I wait so long, I’ve finished the grapes by the time the call cuts off with no response. Shit. Why did I think things would be any different? Surely Mr. Important doesn’t have time for his brother. Not that he could know what we’d gone through today, but I thought …

Fuck it. I could sit here and tell myself I won’t try again later, but that’s only a lie.

I will do whatever it takes to protect my sunshine.

No matter the personal cost.