14. Ezekiel

14

D ina leads Mira outside the cave, chattering on about why we selected the wards we did and the issues we’ve had to make them work. Soon they’re too far away for me to keep eavesdropping.

Well, Mira hasn’t completely ruined everything, so that’s something, I guess. Though I know the others aren’t very pleased with me. It’s not like I wasn’t careful. That girl was just snooping around all the damn time. How was I supposed to know she’d keep following me?

Hayliel and Raphael open the large boxes in the corner. One contains a small table and chair set which they begin putting together. The more I look at it, the more familiar it becomes. Is that the same set they have in the Power house library? His family is rich, so it really shouldn’t surprise me. They open the second box, which I think holds a bunch of bean bag chairs? I don’t see any beans though, just an excited Hayliel at whatever’s inside.

That they haven’t badgered me with their disappointment hasn’t gone unnoticed. Raphael wanted to wring my neck earlier, so I don’t doubt that it’s coming. Everyone might be putting on a calm, cool, and collected act, but that won’t last forever.

Sure, I’ve gotten a few looks, but nothing close to what I expected to happen.

Banishment, maybe. Booted from the group of angels I never wanted to work with yet now can’t imagine being parted from. I hate it.

Even still, it’s hard being in the same room as them. Hayliel and her boyfriends. She seems completely unperturbed by Mira’s presence, laughing at something Raphael said. I guess I should be happy about that. It’s not like I want her upset. I just thought we’d finally gotten to a good place, one that could develop into more than just friends. Playing her boyfriend clearly made me delusional.

After what I witnessed in the training room, the way she looked straight into my fucking eyes while getting railed by them and didn’t say a single fucking word, it’s clear as fucking day. She doesn’t want me. Maybe she never has.

What did you expect? A fucking invitation? She prefers Pures, dude.

I do my best to ignore my bitter inner voice. Raphael and Theo are more than just Pures. I realize that now. But I’m only a man wallowing in his pain. It’s easier to think of them as monsters than admit I’ve been the problem all along. The only one to blame for her lack of interest is me.

I look away from the happy, laughing pair and straight into Theo’s watchful gaze. Shit. How long has he been there?

He doesn’t give me much time to wonder. “What’s really bothering you, Zeke? I know it’s not just this Mira shit.”

Does he though? He couldn’t, not unless Hayliel told him what she saw and fucking hell, I couldn’t survive being another joke to them. She wouldn’t have done that, though. Even if she didn’t want me, I’ve learned enough about her these past few months to know she doesn’t go out of her way to hurt someone. Which means Theo doesn’t know, and I sure as hell don’t want to bring it up.

Besides, if I say the words out loud, it’ll just make them real. I’m not ready for that.

Instead, I deflect like an asshole. “What, like we’re best buds now? Pass.”

Hayliel’s voice cuts through the tension, but the worry in her voice only sets me further on edge. “We’ll be right back. Just need to collect a few more things. Will you be alright here?”

And there it is. She’s worried Theo isn’t safe with me. Another blow to my raw heart.

“We’ll be fine,” Theo tells them, and neither of us speaks until their footsteps are nonexistent. He barely gives me a moment to relax before he’s on me again. “You’re hurt. I get it. But fucking hell, man. Stop bottling everything up and start talking. I know you saw us the other day.”

The beating thing in my chest cracks. He knows how unwanted I am, how pathetic I must be for even still showing up here. My pain turns into anger.

I keep my voice neutral, trying not to cause a scene because that would only make things worse. “She tell you that, huh? Won’t talk to me about it, but she’ll certainly go to you. Why am I even surprised?”

“What? No. She has no idea you were there.” Theo looks genuinely shocked, but I don’t buy it.

“That’s bullshit. I know she saw me, Theo. You’re just trying to cover for her.” I turn away from him and face the wall, my anger only a cloud to cover the gaping hole of hurt in my chest.

Theo doesn’t leave me be though, the asshole.

He steps closer but doesn’t touch me. “I’m not fucking covering for anyone. I’m the only one who saw you, Zeke. And if you’d have stayed instead of running off, you would have seen that I waved you in.”

More than anything, I want to look at him if only to read his face. Is he being honest? Is this entire thing caused by my insecurities? I want to believe him, more than I want to fucking breathe, but the scared, betrayed little boy inside of me can’t.

I keep facing the wall, not wanting Theo to see my face. “But why? That would have brought an unfortunate end to whatever you had going on.” My voice wavers, despite my best efforts to hold it steady. Fuck! I hate that he’s witnessing my weakness.

“I disagree. And the why is obvious, isn’t it? I tried to wave you in because that’s what Hayliel would have wanted. How come you can’t see that?” His voice isn’t accusatory or angry like I expected. No, it’s worse. Concern laces his words, only serving to slice through the already torn up organ in my chest.

My mind whirls with things I can’t comprehend. Would she really have wanted me there, with the three of them? And Theo would have embraced me, maybe not with open arms—and given their state of undress, I definitely wouldn’t have wanted that—but enough to let me join their love fest? Because that’s exactly what it was. Love.

None of it makes any sense.

Theo touches my arm then, his warm palm seeping through my raging thoughts. “She’s nothing like the girl who hurt you, Zeke.”

His comment has me whipping around, my eyes burning. He can’t fucking know what my ex did to me. How could he? “What are you talking about?”

Theo straightens his spine like he’s preparing for me to fight him. “Someone hurt you. It’s why you act so hot and cold with Hayliel, and I suspect it’s why you dislike Pure angels as much as you do. But Raphael and I aren’t those Pures, and Hayliel would rather wound herself than see you hurting.”

I want to be angry at him for seeing so much. Maybe punch him or act out so he’ll stop staring at me with that damn look on his face, but I can’t. All I can do is search Theo’s eyes, looking for any sign of an ulterior motive or secret plan, but he seems genuine. He clearly believes what he’s saying, so why can’t I?

Inhaling deeply, I do something I’ve never once considered doing before this moment. I let myself be vulnerable. “I want to trust what you’re saying, but it’s not that easy.”

Theo barks a laugh. “None of this is easy. Not for you or me or Raphael. And certainly not for Hayliel. We’re all fucking dealing with shit, Zeke. Wouldn’t it make things better if we dealt with them as a team?”

He waits for me to respond, but I keep silent because I’ve been an absolute fool. It’s the second time Theo’s brought clarity to my life, shoved my face into the mess I’ve made as if I were an untrained dog pissing in the house. I’ve been a selfish idiot, not willing to see that I’m not the only one hurting. These angels, my friends , are going through shit too and all I’ve done is pile on.

“The three of us care for her, and it’s obvious she feels the same. If I’ve learned anything this semester, it’s that our lives aren’t guaranteed. We owe it to ourselves to make every moment count and spend as much time as possible with those we care for, don’t we?”

I stare into his eyes, letting his words ignite the hopes and dreams in my soul. Watching Hayliel almost die put things into perspective for me. It made me realize there are no guarantees in this life, and if I want something, I need to act. That had been the plan before witnessing Theo, Hayliel, and Raphael going at it like wild dogs. I thought I’d been showing up before, putting in effort, but I’d really just been a coward, hoping she’d figure it out without letting myself be vulnerable and making my intentions known. Now, with Theo’s words playing on repeat in my mind, I realize that maybe there can be space for me in her heart if she knows that’s what I want.

Before I can respond, there’s a commotion from outside.

Hayliel rushes inside, followed by Raphael, Mira, Dina, and finally Castiel. The rune glows blue when he passes through, just like it did for Mira. He looks frazzled and unkempt, a far cry from his usual appearance.

Everyone turns to him when he drops words that have the world turning upside down.

“Miss Hayliel, I’ve found it. I know what you are.”