3. Ronan

3

RONAN

My body felt overruled by the paralysis of shock as I stood staring down at a man who was, physically, an absolute stranger to me.

By all rights, Niz should have felt like the farthest thing from a stranger—he had been a creature that I'd considered like a child of mine. Something that I now recognized was as far from the truth as possible. How was I supposed to come to terms with this person being the same wyvern that had, for years, spent every single day with me?

I existed in a dazed bubble of denial.

I hadn't moved from my spot next to his hospital bed as I watched Bastian, of all people, try to heal the massive wound on one side of Niz's body. My lack of action, only being able to support silently, left me feeling absolutely useless, unable to do anything but stand there and wait to see if Bastian's powers worked.

"Is it working?" Kieran's gentle voice drew my attention, the hitch in her breathing and the way she bit her lip as her eyes darted from Niz to Bastian giving away her nervous optimism.

Despite being streaked with blood and dirt from the battle, she stood out like a beacon—a light that cast all of us in her warmth. A light I desperately needed right now.

Noah's gaze remained trained on Bastian from his place at the edge of the bed, the deep furrow of his brow belying the confusion the man felt. It was as if he'd never seen magic like this before, and considering his expansive knowledge on affinities, the confusion piqued my interest.

The older angel shook his head, clearing his throat before meeting Kieran's gaze. "I've never seen this affinity in action before. In theory the healing should work, but I don't think even Bastian understands the complexities of what he's doing right now."

A snort of indignation came from the Caster, who offered Noah a dry look before muttering, "Who needs to understand complexities when it comes to magic? It's a power that comes from our very core. It is me, and I am it. It responds to my needs."

I wouldn't pretend to understand an ounce of what having that power felt like, but what I did know was that it was perhaps one of the most profound and serious statements I'd ever heard from Bastian. He made the bond between a Caster and their magic seem so intimate and…beautiful.

"Who needs to understand complexities, my goodness," Noah murmured softly, continuing to shake his head as if he couldn't accept those words. "Spoken like a true Archimage."

Those last five words were uttered so quietly they didn't seem to draw anyone else's attention, as they were all intently focused on Bastian and Niz. Tucking that phrase into the back of my head for later, I turned my attention to my wyvern. Well, not my wyvern anymore. The thought was so fucking odd, and I was still suppressing the thoughts about our dynamic change. Not knowing if this was working caused tension and anxiety to fill the room up to the brim, like a bubble ready to burst.

When Niz and I bonded as a beast and Tamer, there was a line that seemed to connect our souls to one another. It was incredibly intimate and created direct access to one another in ways that allowed a bonded pair to work together seamlessly. Even before I knew he was a human, I didn't use that bond unless absolutely necessary.

There were times I couldn't ignore our connection, like when he was fatally wounded in battle. It'd almost brought me to my damn knees as a spear flew at my head from an opposing angel, catching me off guard. His pain and suffering had felt like a blinding light spreading through my own side, letting me know where he was injured.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply, letting the breath expand my chest to its fullest extent before blowing it out as I pictured the glimmering gold line I felt between myself and his beast. At this point, I was unsure if the connection was only to his beast and not the human side of him. Either way, reaching for the connection would hopefully provide us some clarity.

Pain—so much pain—crashed into me once again, but this time I was ready for it. My hands clenched as I focused on breathing through the assault.

I didn't know if he was purposefully projecting to me, but I could suddenly feel his pain even more intensely than before—every ounce of it. I could also feel the soothing balm that Bastian's magic seemed to be acting as.

What I felt more than anything, though? The stabilization of his heartbeat. The way his breathing suddenly deepened. Both were good signs that something was changing within him.

Ripping myself away from our connection, my eyes snapped open, revealing everyone staring at me. I nodded as I offered, "Yeah, it's working—at least, it seems to be. I can tell his pain is lessening and his heartbeat is growing stronger."

Kieran gripped Niz's hand tightly, and I could see the relief in her face as she stared at Bastian and then me in gratitude—although considering how little I'd helped, I didn't feel like I really deserved that. It took her drawing me out of my trance to even tell the healers anything of use.

In his greatest time of need, it couldn't be denied that I'd failed Niz, focusing so much of my energy instead on the shock and betrayal I'd felt. Not to mention the utter blow to my ego it was to realize I'd probably never actually tamed the wyvern. He was part human, after all. My biggest accomplishment—a sham. None of that should have mattered until after I knew he was safe, though.

Gabe spoke up, "Once Niz is stable enough, I'd like to move him to the house—if it's safe to do so. I feel like all of us, including him, would be more comfortable there, if the battle is coming to a close."

"The enemy forces have been reduced to only those who we caught trying to flee," Noah admitted. "I'll have a security team outside to aid you in carrying his stretcher, so Bastian can continue to use his magic as you go. While I'm sure you could carry him, it is better to save that energy to heal yourself."

"How are you feeling, Bastian?" Kieran asked, her words quiet but the heaviness in her demure tone showed her concern for the Caster.

"Good," Bastian assured her, but I could see the tension held in his frame, his shoulders stiff and his jaw tight. I had a feeling that healing Niz exerted far more energy than he cared to admit. After all, he was essentially bringing the man back from the dead—or nearly dead.

Going to sit in a chair against the wall while we waited for the team to arrive, I put my elbows on my knees while leaning forward, my gaze moving to the floor. I found myself losing myself to a memory of a time that had meant so much to me.

"I can't believe you did it, Ronan—that's fucking insane."

My smile grew as James walked over, clapping me on the shoulder in a congratulatory gesture. Nizuss moved off my other shoulder, flying around my head before landing on a branch nearby.

"It is pretty mind-blowing, man, I won't lie," I agreed with a smile, feeling a surge of pride as he looked toward Niz in awe.

I was glad that James felt this way, because while everyone had congratulated me on the surface, I had seen envy and anger in some of the Beast Tamers' gazes when they looked at Niz. It made me protective over the little creature that had seemingly claimed me as his own.

"You're an inspiration, taming a nearly extinct creature with that much power," James admitted in a breathy rush of air. "There isn't any evidence of any other tamed wyvern in our history. Now that he's tamed, is he going to be transferred to the military, or will he be used for training?"

Anger swirled within my chest at the thought of him being taken from me. No doubt the higher-ups would try, though. Nizuss was formidable, and one thing was clear in Alfemir: powerful beings never belonged to themselves, only existing to be used as a tool in the plight.

"I won't let him be taken from me," I growled, causing James to take a step back. "It's a different bond than any other creature I've managed to tame. I'm going to push to use him in training."

Nizuss let out a chirp, as if he agreed with my words before circling through the air and letting out a roar that sounded a lot less threatening in his small form than his larger one. I covered my mouth with my hand, smothering the chuckle as the small wyvern shot me a glare.

I knew the bond we shared was special. I'd never let anyone separate us.

He was my responsibility now, and I didn't take that lightly.

Now I was left questioning it all. Did we even have a bond? I mean, obviously we did, but it wasn't the one I'd assumed.

"Ronan."

I lifted my chin in response to Kieran uttering my name, dragging my gaze to the scene before me where the security team was lifting Niz's stretcher to move him from the medical center. Immediately, I stood, watching as Bastian went to one side, continuing to work his magic. Kieran stood with Gabe and Steele, waiting for me to join them.

"Are we heading back to the house?" I asked, trying to maintain a facade of collected calmness. It wasn't that I wanted to hide my emotions from Kieran—maybe the others, but not her—I just wasn't fully ready to talk about how I felt. Hell, I didn't even know how I felt.

"I'm staying here," Steele stated, and Kieran nodded in return.

I had to hold back a grunt of relief. We were better off without him around. I still didn't have words for the bastard, after how I'd seen him treat Kieran during our time here, but I also understood that now was hardly the time to emphasize that. Especially with his grandma laying injured and unconscious in a bed only feet away.

"Let's go then," Gabe agreed, and I followed them out, keeping myself close to the group since I was finding it hard to believe that the threat was truly gone.

Kieran was mostly silent as we walked the familiar path back to the house, but when she intertwined our fingers and held my hand in support, I felt warmth invade my chest. The feeling grounded me, helping me relax, even if just a little.

When Gabe flew up ahead a minute later to ensure the house was open and ready, I wasn't surprised by the low, gentle sound of her voice. She squeezed my hand as she spoke. "How are you feeling about everything?"

My brow dipped as I looked down at her earnest expression, feeling bad that I didn't have a better answer for her—so I went with the truth.

"I don't know…" I admitted with a sigh as my eyes continued to scan our surroundings for any threat. "I need to talk to Niz first. I need to figure out why he never told me about this side of his life." I took a second to wet my dry lips, shrugging before I continued, "Past that, I really don't know what to think."

Kieran nodded, squeezing my hand again as we approached the house we'd all been calling home recently. As we entered through the large front door, security began to move Niz up the stairs. We followed them quietly as I considered where they would place him—it wasn't like he needed a bedroom before now.

"My room," I instructed Gabe as he glanced back, probably having the same question.

My voice seemed to echo in the silence between all of us and I walked ahead, having to drop Kieran's hand to direct security toward my suite. I didn't know where I would sleep, but I'd figured it out. I couldn't deny that I still considered Niz my responsibility. The years we'd spent together couldn't be erased in the span of an hour, or however long it'd been since his revelation.

As we entered the room, they gingerly lowered Niz and the sheet wrapped around him onto the bed. The team filed out quickly after confirming we didn't need any further assistance, leaving Bastian the room required to comfortably use his powers once more.

"I'm going to hunt down some clothes and other stuff to make him clean and comfortable until he's well enough to shower," Gabe offered, running a hand through his hair and looking a bit on edge. "I probably need to go check on how everything's going on the front line. I know Steele has subordinates beneath him that can handle it while he's at Amelia's side, but it would soothe my nerves to get some eyes on the situation myself."

"Do what you need to do," Kieran assured him with an understanding smile, though her brows drew together in confusion as Bastian suddenly stepped back from Niz.

"Are you done healing him?" I asked the Caster. Had that truly been long enough? Would he be okay now?

"He's stable," Bastian assured us before making an amused sound and casting us a smirk. "Now we just need him to wake up so the bastard can thank me for saving his life and reconsider our friendship."

"Bash," Kieran scolded, but I noticed a softness to her gaze that she couldn't hide. "Thank you."

"No problem, Darling." He winked and left the room.

Kieran approached me and rested her head against my arm. I twisted my own toward her, leaning down down until my nose brushed against her hair, letting out an exhale before moving my arm to tug her against my side.

What a fucking mess.

"I'm going to get cleaned up and maybe try to make something for an early breakfast. I don't have much of a hand at cooking, but I want to give it a go," Kieran said, tilting her head up to look at me.

"I could help."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "He's going to wake up soon, and I think you should be the first one he talks to."

I considered her words as I nodded, not completely in disagreement. When her lips brushed my jaw in a soft, passing touch, I resisted the urge to not let her go. She felt like my anchor amidst the storm of my tumultuous emotions.

As her footsteps retreated down the stairs, I let out a heavy sigh before pulling a change of clothes from my wardrobe. Stiffly, muscles and head aching, I went into the bathroom. Exhaustion seeped through every part of my body, but I wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon—not until Niz opened his eyes.

Part of me dreaded the wait, not knowing how long it would take until he was alert once more. So I took my time showering, soaking my weary muscles under the hot stream of the shower. I leaned my head against the wall, letting the water pound against my shoulder blades, trying to force my mind to anything other than the possibility that something might happen to Niz.

Eventually, I forced myself from the comfort of the shower, toweling my hair dry before pulling my clothes on. Heaving a deep breath, I twisted the door handle and stepped into the room with a heavy stomach. What the hell would I do if he wasn't okay in the end?

But when I walked back into the room, I found Niz awake, his gaze on the ceiling before moving over to me with a small smile. I tried to offer one back before pulling a chair near the bed and sitting down, but considering the way his smile faded, I had a feeling I failed at my attempt. I couldn't deny that beyond the anger and betrayal I still felt deeply, there was a significant amount of relief pulsing through me at the sight of his open, seemingly alert eyes.

"So I didn't die," Niz drew out, attempting to look down at his injury. With a grimace, he continued, "That is…unexpected."

My body sagged, the weight of my worry lifting with the levity of the moment. Head tilting, I said, "Yeah, it was touch-and-go for a bit there. Bastian healed you."

"Of course he did," Niz groaned, shaking his head. "That may be a problem, considering my previous refusals of his friendship. I will never live this down."

"I'm sure if you offer to be his friend, he'll forgive you," I murmured, a smile almost appearing on my lips as I stared out the window across the room. I didn't need to tell him that Bastian would expect at the very minimum a heartfelt 'thank you.' I had no doubt the Caster would gleefully tell Niz that himself, actually.

Silence filled the air before he spoke quietly, "What about you, Ronan? Will you forgive me?"

It felt like my guts twisted into a knot at the simple question. Was this even about forgiveness?

"I don't know anything right now. I mean, what the hell, Niz?" I admitted honestly, sitting back and finally meeting his familiar, dark gaze.

Niz nodded, the tensing of his muscles as he glanced back toward the ceiling showing that he was unsurprised by my answer. "I would have liked to tell you. But there's a lot more at stake here than just me revealing this side of myself—I can't even explain to you what is at stake. Just that no one, and I mean, absolutely no one, is supposed to know I can shift into a human."

"Why couldn't you trust me after all these years together?" I demanded to know as my fists clenched and my feelings of hurt began to rise up again.

His brow dipped, jaw clenching as he glanced back in my direction. "I can't…I can't explain more than that as it would put several individuals besides myself at risk, and I don't have that right."

Other wyverns? Other angels who knew of his existence? Both were concerning thoughts, and I found my anger simmering with the understanding that there was something much larger at play here. To think that it wasn't as simple as just telling me about this entire side of his life made the entire ordeal more palatable, though.

Despite the small reprieve that gave my anger, there were still a thousand questions battling to come out of my mouth, so I let it flow. "So instead, you just pretended to be a creature? Pretended to be tamed? To what end? To infiltrate Alfemir? I've seen other wyverns in the forest, can all of them?—"

"Don't." Niz's voice was sharp, and I rocked back on my heels, jaw tightening at the warning I hadn't expected as his eyes narrowed on me. "Don't make me answer that."

Staring at him for a long moment in shock at his tone, I nodded and inhaled deeply, running a hand over my face in frustration. I wanted answers so damned badly, but the underlying threat in his tone was clear: I wasn't entitled to all of them.

"And I didn't pretend to be a creature. That wyvern form is part of me ," he countered. "Literally half of me—and our bond, while not exactly what you assumed, isn't imaginary. I know you feel it."

"Of course I do, but clearly I don't know what it is—" I argued, my lips thinning as I tried to keep calm, not wanting to raise my voice at him. "I mean, we aren't bonded the same way Tamers are when they tame a creature. That's for certain."

"No, it's more of a pack bond, like how wolves bond," Niz admitted.

The confirmation that our bond of beast and Tamer wasn't the one I had assumed for so long was a hard pill to swallow. What the fuck did it even mean for me that I hadn't tamed him? I was the best Tamer in Alfemir? Not even close. We shared a pack bond, so was our relationship even real? Or did the bond dictate how we worked seamlessly together? The questions plagued me, and my teeth ground together as I tried to swallow down the nastiness that wanted to spew from me.

"So not only are you half-human—a wyvern shifter," I stood up, beginning to pace, "but I now have to question both our bond and my own damn abilities as a Beast Tamer. One of the main reasons I was even considered a successful tamer was because I was able to tame you. Clearly that isn't what happened, and now I don't even know what I am without that! What do I have to show for myself? I'm a fraud."

"We still have a bond, it's just different," Niz once again emphasized. "And you befriended a wyvern—that is an accomplishment in itself. We just simply aren't beasts to be tamed." His words confirmed what he refused to say earlier, that there were more of them that could shift into a human form. "And I wouldn't lie to you, Ronan. You are extremely powerful. I've been by your side, watching you tame hundreds of beasts."

"I'm not so sure anymore," I admitted, staring out the window of the bedroom and across the side yard that faced the forest. A forest that reminded me briefly of where Niz and I had spent so much time together back home.

"There we go. You did a great job today." I attempted to use as soothing a voice as possible while running a hand over the phoenix's head—my current assignment. It had been a long day, but we had finally made progress with ensuring he felt he could trust me. Ensuring that he was secured for the night, I left the creature to get some rest before making my way from their housing center.

"Niz—" Before I could finish calling the wyvern, his black and green form darted down from one of the trees and onto a post a few feet from me. I chuckled when I realized the small creature came bearing gifts.

"What is that?" I mused, moving closer as I examined the brown bag that held my lunch. "Are you hungry? I thought your earlier meal would have managed to hold you over until dinner, but you're welcome to have anything in there."

Niz shook his head and swung the bag slightly, as if motioning for me to take it. Grabbing it from him, I watched him with a tilted head as he released his grip on the bag and immediately flew toward the trees, leaving me with my meal. My smile grew, realizing what he had been trying to do.

"Are you worried about me forgetting to eat, buddy?"

A trilling sound echoed from the treeline, confirming my question. I didn't hesitate to sit down and open the bagged lunch, figuring it was a better time than ever to eat. Seconds later, Niz joined me with a few berries he must have just picked. I gave him the few pieces of my meal that he seemed interested in after he finished his own snack.

My hand ran over the top of his head in gratitude as he nibbled on the offered bits of food."Thanks for looking out for me, Niz."

Despite the revelation of his true identity, I couldn't discount the fact that the wyvern who had been by my side for years was still Niz. No matter the form. And that his loyalty and friendship were things that he had proven time and time again.

Niz spoke up once more, pulling me from my memories and thoughts. "I understand if you're furious and feel betrayed?—"

"I do feel betrayed, but I also know we'll figure this out," I admitted, realizing at that moment that I wasn't willing to sacrifice our relationship. Saying the words aloud was like lifting a boulder from my chest. I didn't realize until now how scared I was of losing our connection. "But, Niz, I need you to be as open as you can. Not just for me, but also for the others. For Kieran. Everyone will want answers and will probably question if they can trust you completely. I want them to trust you, and I want to be able to trust you."

His gaze moved to the door, softening as a small smile tugged on his lips as soon as I said her name. "I don't disagree with that."

My brow dipped as a new thought struck me—how did Niz feel about Kieran? This entire time I assumed his protectiveness was in part due to me and our bond, but now…I let out a heavy sigh, rubbing eyes that were demanding to be closed with my exhaustion. It was a question for a different time, but an important one regardless.

"But we're okay?" Niz asked, snapping his gaze back to me, worry lining his pinched brow.

I took a deep breath, searching for the answer. Finally, I blew it out, at peace with my thoughts. With a quick nod, I said, "As long as you're okay, we'll figure it out, Niz."