Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

M y mouth drops open as I stare at my mother. I don’t dare blink in case she disappears before my eyes. Am I dreaming? Because this can’t be real. My mother’s dead.

She moves through the water, gliding her fingertips across the surface, creating tiny ripples. Her gold gown clings to her thighs, and her long blonde waves hang loose down her front as she steps out of the water and stands on the grassy bank.

I let out a breath as I stare at her. Is this real? Because it sure seems like it.

She looks so much like me.

She lets out a gentle laugh. “It’s real enough.”

I knit my brows together, and then I rush forward and wrap my arms around her, not caring one bit that I’m getting myself soaked. She hugs me, rubbing soothing circles over my back, and I breathe in her scent, which I can only describe as sunshine and lilies.

“Mum?” I say, pulling back to look at her once more.

My vision blurs as I stare at her through teary eyes, and she reaches up to brush them away.

She scans my face as her lips curl into a wide smile. “You are beautiful, my daughter.”

I slowly shake my head. “I don’t understand… Where am I? What is this place?”

Glancing around the beautiful clearing and listening to the sound of water cascading down the rocks is incredibly peaceful.

The water shines like a thousand crystals are sitting on its surface, shimmering beneath the sunlight and reflecting light around the clearing.

My mother brushes her fingers through my hair, stealing my attention. “There are things I cannot tell you. But I am thankful that you are here with me.”

She takes my hand, and the warmth from her touch is clear. This is real. She leads me through the soft green grass and sits down amongst the flowers. I follow, sitting opposite her.

“I am so proud of you, Zarla. I have been watching over you.”

I pick a blade of grass and twist it in my fingers. “I’ve missed you so much. How is this possible?”

She tilts her head, watching me intently as I speak. “I know. I can understand the feeling, for I have felt it too. Deeply.” She glances down as a deep sadness settles over her features.

Fearing this moment could end anytime, I jump in with a question. “Are you really dead? Because you seem very alive right now.”

Her eyes meet mine, and she gives me a sad smile. “That is a subject that I can’t discuss, even if I wanted to.”

I let out a frustrated sigh. This is so not fair. I deserve answers. Why isn’t she able to give them to me?

She looks around and then leans in close, her voice nothing more than a whisper. “He is watching. I must be careful.” She glances around again. “He is always watching.”

My brows crease. “Who is watching?”

She shakes her head and plasters on a smile, and I take it that topic is also off the table.

“Gods, I miss you. So much,” I tell her.

The wind picks up, blowing my hair around my face, and I try my best to tame it by tucking it behind my ears.

“Do not be sad, my daughter. Let us enjoy this moment together.”

I bite my lip as I consider asking a question I am sure will also be off the table. But I have to ask it. “Was it Hethenos? Because Kyle remembers seeing her discuss it with another male.”

She frowns. “Who is this Kyle you speak of?”

The deep sadness I have felt since Amaros took me back to Silanthia against my will, leaving Kyle injured and alone, rears itself once more, tearing at my heart. I place my hand against my chest as I try to hold myself together.

“The gods bonded us together. I am his guardian, but it turns out he’s a fallen angel from Zarquon. We knew one another when we were younger. He had his wings torn off and his memories removed for witnessing a conversation about your murder,” I explain, “and I too had my memories removed.”

She stares at me as if knowing there is more to tell.

“I took Kyle back to Silanthia, and he regained his memories from the sacred golden fountain.”

Her features shift into a disapproving glare. “And you visited the God of Death to harness the forbidden dark magic.”

I gasp. How in the gods did she know that?

“I can sense it,” she says, reading my thoughts, “and I’m not pleased to learn of it. The dark magic is forbidden for a reason. It is dangerous, Zarla.”

I lean back a little and shake my head. “It was necessary.”

“Have you used it?”

I’m getting frustrated by the lack of information she can give me. Why is she being so secretive? Something tells me it’s to do with him . Whoever is watching.

“Yes, I used it to restore his wings,” I admit. “That was my purpose for harnessing it.”

She closes her eyes and takes several deep breaths as I wait for her to look at me again.

“I had no choice. Kyle deserved to have his wings back,” I say in my defence.

Her face softens as she looks at me. “Do you trust him?”

I nod. It’s painful talking about him when I don’t even know if he’s okay. “With my life,” I whisper. “The enemy Kingdom is not as they led us to believe.”

“I know,” she says, a solemn look settling across her features. She stands and reaches her hand out to help me up. “Come, let us take a walk.”

We spend the next hour wandering through meadows of flowers and endless trees. Wherever we are, it’s the most beautiful place I have ever seen before. More so than Silanthia.

There are other angels here, and they fly by toward a city in the distance.

There are many questions that remain unanswered, but I trust her and know she will tell me if she can. So I simply enjoy this time with her.

I tell her about my life, how Lissian has been there for me, and I can see the contentment in her features that I have been well taken care of. I don’t go into detail about the distant relationship my father and I share. That is for another time. If we are to meet again, that is.

I tell her all about Kyle, and as I speak about him, I know without a doubt that I love him. And the next time I see him, and there will be a next time, I will tell him as much. I have to hang on to hope that I will see him again. Any alternative is too painful to bear.

She leads me to a cliff face overlooking the ocean, and we watch as the sun descends toward the horizon, giving way to the most magnificent sunset I have ever seen. This place is truly magical. It gives me a sense of peace knowing my mother is here. Wherever here is.

“Come, it is time to head back,” she finally says as the last of the golden and orange hues disappear across the sky.

We walk back in mostly silence, holding hands, and it’s perfect. But knowing I have to leave her tugs at my heart. I don’t want this time to end. It isn’t nearly long enough to replace the last sixteen years I had to live without her.

We reach the forest where I first arrived at this place, and she takes my hands and turns me to face her. Her radiant smile dissipates and is replaced with a sadness that creases her forehead and wells in her eyes.

“You must be careful, Zarla. Nothing is as it seems.”

I don’t miss how the air is growing heavy as darkness settles over the forest. My mother is scared, that much is clear.

“Did you ever go to Zarquon?” I ask, hoping there is more to learn, anything she can tell me at all to shed some light on what’s going on.

Her eyes dart around as if checking we are still alone, and she moves in closer. “I knew many angels from Zarquon, and they were never a danger to me. I believe Harlum wanted power, and he wanted the Kingdoms to remain separate. He didn’t want peace.”

It doesn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t he want peace, if such a thing were possible? Surely he wouldn’t want war.

My mother frowns and glances down at my hands. I follow her gaze to see I’m wearing her ring, and it’s glowing red. That’s not good.

She squeezes my hand. “I’m glad you have that. It will protect you from dangerous magic. And I’m sure you have figured out by now why it does that,” she says, gesturing to the red glow, “which is why you need to go.”

I gulp, concerned about why it’s glowing red now. Is she in danger? Am I?

“Why can’t you tell me what this place is?” I ask, glancing around. “Surely it isn’t a secret if I can visit.”

She gives me a gentle smile and strokes my cheek. “I wish we had more time.”

There’s a loud, thunderous boom in the distance, and the ground shakes a little. The wind picks up and howls wildly around us, growing stronger by the minute. Something doesn’t feel right. There’s an ominous thickness in the air, and it’s bearing down heavily upon us.

I look at my mother, and she drops my hands as her complexion pales.

“You must go now. Back the way you came.”

“Please, give me something. What is this place?” I plead.

She takes a step back. “I cannot upset the balance further than I already have. You must go.”

When I don’t move, she takes my arm and urgently pulls me back the way I came. “Please, Zarla. Go now. He is not pleased with me. If he sees you…” The blood drains from her face as panic fills her eyes.

“Okay, I’ll go,” I reluctantly say.

The last thing I want to do is get her into trouble, and whoever she’s afraid of is certainly not someone I want to bump into.

I hug her tight and then hurry back through the trees in what I hope is the right direction. My vision blurs, and I blink a few times as the air around me shifts, and then suddenly I’m back in Silanthia, standing at the boundary of the Dark Forest.

I spin around, searching for the place I just was, or at the very least, a sign of its existence. But there’s nothing out of place. My heart sinks, and I wish I had more time with her. I look down, and my ring is no longer glowing. I don’t even remember putting it on.

“Where have you been?” a familiar voice demands.

I gasp and spin around to face Amaros.

He raises his brows expectantly, awaiting my answer.

Shoot. What do I tell him? The truth is out of the question. I open my mouth to answer, but can’t think of a single thing to say.

He storms toward me, glaring at me. “You cannot simply run off like that whenever you feel like it. I must know where you are at all times. You are my responsibility.”

His tone is harsh, and I flinch back. His expression softens as he reaches out to me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you?—”

“You didn’t,” I interrupt, “but you’re being an asshole,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

He closes his eyes for a moment, as if attempting to calm himself.

“I don’t mean to be. I just…” He hesitates while seeming to find the right words. “You’re my responsibility now. And I need to know where you are.”

I don’t respond, and he steps closer to me and rubs my arm.

“I’m sorry about Finlay.”

I glance down as I urge my body not to cry. His words are genuine, but it occurs to me I need to clear something up. Whatever this is between us, it needs to stop. He needs to understand how I feel about Kyle.

“Amaros, can we talk?” I ask and swallow down the lump forming in my throat when he nods. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but it has to stop.”

His brows furrow as he takes in my words. “Zarla?—”

“No, please let me finish,” I say, holding my hand up. “I get you care about me. I can see it, and I appreciate it. But whatever this is,” I say, gesturing between the two of us, “it won’t work. It can’t. Kyle and I?—”

Anger flashes across his features, and his jaw tenses at the mention of Kyle’s name, forcing me to stop talking midsentence. I stare at him, waiting for him to respond. He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose as he squeezes his eyes shut.

“You have no idea,” he whispers.

I frown in confusion. “About what?”

His eyes meet mine, and I can see the longing in them, as if they are saying the words he seems to struggle to find.

“How I feel. About you.”

I bite my bottom lip, suddenly uncomfortable. If he’s about to declare his love for me, I don’t think I can take it. It’s too much. I’ve been through so much in such a short space of time, I can’t bear to break him. Surely that isn’t the case, though. He can’t love me, can he?

He steps closer, and I back up. Ignoring it, he steps closer again, this time taking my wrist before I can move away. I look down at his hand, unable to meet his eyes for fear I will get lost in them.

“You take my breath away, Zarla Quinn. Every time I’m with you, when I’m in your presence, you are all I see.” He reaches out and gently lifts my chin until I’m looking at him. “I can’t focus on anything with you around. And when you’re not, you’re on my mind. When I sleep, you play out in my dreams. You are everything to me.”

As his words sink in, I find it difficult to understand them. He barely knows me. Sure, he has been there my entire life and watched me grow, but we have never gotten to know one another, not on a level where these feelings he has developed can be valid. And what about Astelle?

As if sensing my thoughts, he continues. “Astelle was only ever a distraction from what I really want. A way of trying to move on, to see if I can form those feelings for someone else.”

I let out a long breath, and he moves his hand over my cheek, caressing it softly. Damn it, why did he have to be so handsome? His ice-grey eyes smoulder as he searches mine for a reaction. There is definitely some sort of connection between us, but I don’t understand it. My feelings for Kyle are so strong, I am confused what these feelings for Amaros can mean.

My mind shifts to thoughts of him and Astelle. “And your feelings for her?”

He doesn’t respond, which is answer enough.

“No matter what I do, no matter the distractions I try to muster, there’s only you,” he tells me, and his gaze drops to my lips.

He slides his hand around the back of my neck and into my hair, tugging me closer. My mind stirs as he leans down and kisses me. A passion takes hold of me, and I give in to it, parting my lips and letting him in. He takes the invitation and reaches down and grips my hip, tugging me up against his body as his tongue moves against mine.

His desire presses into me, and I find myself pulling him closer as I snake my arms around his neck. He lifts me up, and I curl my legs around his waist, sliding my hands through his hair. He lowers us down to the grass and braces his hands on either side of my head as he breaks the kiss.

We are both still, breathing hard while my mind comes back to me, and I realise what I have done. What am I doing ?

Not again, I groan to myself, closing my eyes.

“Everything okay?” he asks with a hint of humour.

I cover my face with my hands and shake my head. “No. It’s not. I’m in love with Kyle. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Then why does it keep happening?” he asks, his voice husky.

I open my eyes to see a smug smirk on his face, as if he has won something, and any remaining desire I harboured evaporates. I push at his chest, but he doesn’t budge.

“Let me up,” I demand.

He still doesn’t budge as his grey eyes bore into mine. “You’re even more gorgeous when you’re mad,” he taunts.

Heat rises in my cheeks as I press my lips into a hard line and narrow my eyes at him.

He moves back, losing the cocky look on his face, and kneels before me. I climb to my feet while I replay his words through my mind. Why does this keep happening? I don’t feel the same about him as he does me, right? Why is he able to draw me in like that?

He stands and runs his hands down his face. “I don’t think you love him, Zarla. I think you’re just confused, that’s all. He isn’t worthy of you.”

“And you are?” I ask with a slightly harsh tone.

He drops his arms, and I don’t miss the tick in his jaw.

“More so than he. I am from Silanthia, for one thing. Do you think your father would approve of you being with an angel from our enemy’s Kingdom? Like I said, it is forbidden.”

My entire body tenses as I take a step toward him, holding my ground. “I am sick of being told what I can and cannot do. I am a grown female, and I will make my own decisions. Not even my father’s guard can control me.”

“By the gods, you get under my skin,” he bites out. “It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

Oh crap. Did he just say the L word?

“Why can’t you give me a chance? We could be good together. We can be good together.” His features soften, and I can almost picture it.

And then an image of Kyle takes centre place in my mind, and everything else drops away until there is nothing left but him. There is no one else for me. Kyle is mine, and I am his. I feel it etched into my soul as if it were my destiny. My fate.

“Because my heart was taken the moment I met Kyle,” I reply honestly.

Amaros blinks, and I can almost see the heartbreak play out across his features.

Despite what he said, I know he doesn’t love me. Not the way Kyle does. Amaros only cares about me because of who I am. Who my father is. Despite that, I can’t help the guilt that tugs at my chest.

“I’m sorry, Amaros,” I say before releasing my wings and shooting into the air back toward the castle.