Chapter 15

I’m sittingby his body in shock and horror. I want to cry. Why the fuck am I so stupid? I only wanted to knock him out, I think as his body convulses beside me. I don’t have time to feel bad. I have to go, NOW! Flipping him over, I feel in his pockets and grab his keys. Tears are running down my cheeks. I fucked up, I fucked up.

I’m a killer now.

Unlocking the front door, I make a run for it. The air outside is brisk and cold. My feet are bare and I’m still wearing his oversized T-shirt and handmade sweatpants that fit snugly on my curves. I’m running over twigs and gravel from the driveway up to his old red beat-up truck. It looks like it’s hanging on by its last tire thread. I just pray it takes me far away from here. I’ve changed in a way, and there’s no going back to the way things were before, but I’ll try.

I hit the road and just drive until I figure out where I am. I just need to get back to Nicci. She’ll know what to do.

I drive for a while and find signs for the highway. I get on and look for signs for Tennessee. I figure out I’m in Texas and I can’t believe I’m this far away from home. No wonder no one came looking for me. Texas police are just as bad as Tennessee police. No one even bothered to find me. They probably thought I just got hooked on drugs and ran away with a lover or some shit. Which is only partly true since I technically didn’t run away willingly.

Driving for hours to find my way back to Nicci. We’re roommates and have been inseparable since we met in high school. I need her right now, to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I didn’t mean to kill him. I promise I didn’t and the more I think about it the more anxious I get. Hold it together, Sky. What would Nicci do? Keep thinking about her, she’s always been the strong one. My rock to hold on to in the storm.

When I finally get to areas that look familiar, it’s then I realize I’m getting close. I know it. I feel it in my bones. Exiting off the highway into Memphis, I’m holding in all my tears and trying to stay strong. I hope she doesn’t look at me any different when I tell her what happened. What I did.

Pulling onto the curb all crooked, I realize how late it actually is. It’s nearly midnight, but the kitchen light’s still on inside. A fire sparks in my chest. Nicci. She left a light on to lead me out of the darkness and guide me home.

I throw the truck door open and rush to the door. Banging my fist on the door, desperate to have her hold me. I’m still looking over my shoulder expecting him to be there even though I know I killed him. Please. Please. Please, Nicci, hurry before I fall apart out here on the doorstep. As soon as I think maybe she’s not home waiting for me after all, I’m falling through the doorway, catching myself on my hands and knees.

I hear a sharp intake and feel hands pulling me up. “Sky!”

My arms wrap around her neck, and I have no control of the sobs that rack my body.

“It’s okay, Sky, you’re safe now,” she whispers in my ear, and it only makes me cry even harder. She guides me inside, pulls the door to and directs me to the couch. The warmth inside blankets me, but I’m still shaking. Nicci grabs a throw blanket and wraps it around my shoulders.

“Let me get you some hot cocoa, okay?”

I hear the crack in her voice. I don’t know what she sees when she looks at me now. Am I as broken as I feel? She runs to the kitchen, and all I can do is sit here. Staring, disassociating, thinking of how things used to be. We have pictures of each other smiling and laughing sitting up on the mantle above the fireplace that we never use. I wonder how we’ll ever get back to a time like that where we were so carefree.

I’m so caught up in my thoughts I don’t hear when she comes back. Only feeling the shift of the couch as she sits down beside me. She wraps an arm around me and shoves the hot cocoa in my hands.

“Sip on it. I know chocolate is your happy place.”

She was always the go-to for motherly stuff. I guess having to raise your siblings all by yourself will do that to you. Makes you grow up a bit faster than the rest of the people your age.

“Sky, I don’t know what happened to you, but if you need anyone to talk to, you know I’m here for you,” she says in a soothing voice. “And if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine too. I’m here for whatever you need.” Rubbing my arm up and down.

I lean in to her, just wanting to be held with love. The waterworks haven’t stopped.

Will she look at me differently? Who am I kidding? She already is, and before I can think about it any longer, I croak out, “I killed him.”

She’s stunned into silence. She doesn’t say anything for a long time. The rubbing on my arm even takes a pause before she continues again. “He deserved whatever you did to him. You don’t need to feel bad about it.”

“Nicci.” I pause before whispering, “He isn’t the only person I killed.” The worry in her eyes speaks volumes. “He had a woman in his house that he was torturing. She looked like death and she begged me to kill her. I couldn’t just leave her like that, Nicci.”

She pauses a moment, debating if she should say what she’s thinking. “I do have one question though. How did you get here?”

“I stole his truck,” I say while wiping my eyes.

“Okay, I’m going to put you to bed and work on getting rid of the truck. We’ll figure out what to tell the cops tomorrow about why you’re back.”

We talk for a while, and I tell her everything. When I finally yawn, she leads me to my room and tucks me in kissing me on my forehead.

“I’ll be here when you wake up, okay? Don’t worry. He isn’t coming back to hurt you anymore.” She walks over to the window where the daylight’s streaming in and closes the blackout curtains so it’s pitch black in the room. She walks to the door and before closing it I hear her whisper, “I love you, Sky.”

My eyes close and I’m asleep within minutes.