5. ‘Malcolm’

FIVE

‘MALCOLM'

MALTY

I'm about ready to lose my mind. Why is this flight taking so long? We need to get to Bumfuck, Montana, not five plus hours later. We started this trip at the crack of dawn and have just kept running into issues and delays. Finally, we're about to land in Billings, Montana, though I've been told it's a couple of hours' drive to Timber-Ghost, which is where Frankie has put down roots.

Just thinking about her name gives me goosebumps. It always makes me angry because of how we parted ways. I know most of it falls on my shoulders, for sure. I wasn't in a good place so instead of being honest and trying to explain it to Frankie, I blew my stack time and time again. I took it out on her, especially seeing how badly injured she was, which had a part of me die because I didn't protect her from the deranged assholes who found us in the woods that day. The worst part though is she knows everything that happened to me, and that right there killed me. I've not shared with many people what happened on that day. Well, doctors and my immediate family know. Oh, and Frankie's family knows because after I chased her off, they stood by me. Especially her parents. There was a brief moment when the prognosis wasn't good, and I seriously thought I was going to die. That's when I realized what I'd done to Frankie was so wrong.

So here I am now, trying to make amends while trying to do what I didn't do back then, protect her. After her parents spoke to her, we all decided to make this trip. Thank God for Shamonda, who, with her two boys, is now staying at my place to watch over all my fur babies. It gave me so much relief when she came over late last night with four suitcases, telling me she wanted to spend the night with me. Then she burst out in laughter when I heard her older boy groan loudly.

"Malcolm, you should have seen your face. Please tell me you've gotten some since you pushed Frankie away? Because if you haven't, that's a waste of good one-hundred-percent prime male, if you know what I mean."

That had me busting a gut. Shamonda hasn't changed at all, though she seems to be hiding something. Obviously, it isn't that she is way pregnant, I could see that with my own eyes. She wanted to know all about me but when I asked back about her life, she changed the subject. Her two boys took to all the animals. Her older one, Jackson, loved the cats while Jr. fell for both Buddy and Chloe, my two rescues. Then we got down to introducing her to my crazy bunch of fur babies. By the time she was set up in one of my spare rooms and the boys in another, it was early morning. I didn't sleep hardly at all. When I stepped into the kitchen, talk about being shocked to see not only Shamonda in there, but also Vernell and Tharon. Vernell is Frankie's older sister and Tharon is the baby of the family.

It was like old home week. Shamonda had coffee already made and Vernell took to making breakfast. I caught up with Frankie's siblings and could tell how much they missed her. Tharon took me off to the side and told me I had to fix this shit so Frankie could come back home. When the doorbell rang at four fifteen, I quickly made my way to the door. Looking out the side glass, I can't believe my eyes. No way in hell. Swinging the door open, a bull of a man grabs me and gives me a bear hug. All I get to do is grunt.

"Motherfucker, what… your phone broke? Haven't talked to you in what two, no, three months. Then last night you send that crazy as fuck text so I cleared my schedule. I'm going with ya. No, don't give me your lip, said I'm going. You ready? If I remember anything correctly from back in the day, I'm sure Billie told you that if you were late, she was leaving without you, though now it's a us."

I stand here staring at one of my best friends. Michael and I go way back. He was there when I needed a friend. Or when I thought I couldn't go on. So to see him standing at the door to pick me up while Frankie's family is behind me, I feel the emotions rising. Fuck, don't want to lose it in front of everyone. Leave it to Michael to see through my bullshit.

"All right, give the man some space. Go on, we'll be back to say our goodbyes. No, Shamonda, don't want to hear your sass. We got to go woman, so give us a minute."

Reluctantly, they all turn and head back to the kitchen. When we are alone, Michael is staring at me intently. I wait for it and he doesn't make me wait too long.

"How you holding up, brother? No, don't try to make it less than what this is. Been telling you for a long goddamn time to fix it, but did you listen… hell to the no. Well, the good man upstairs is now going to make you do what you should have years ago. So take your minute. I'm going to go bust Sharonda's chops because I can. Then we've got to go. You of all people know Frankie's mom means it when she's says she'll leave your ass behind."

He walks past me, giving me a small push so he can shut the door. Then like he's done it before; he swaggers his way to my kitchen, which is where he'll stir the pot—nope, in his case the shit—for sure. Not sure what is up with him and Shamonda, not my business. Though I do know he'd never disrespect her husband, Dewayne, in any way. I take a few deep breaths, feeling a bit better that Michael will be with me every step of the way. Couldn't ask for a better friend. I go back upstairs to grab my carry-on and small suitcase. I place them by the front door then go toward the kitchen, where I can hear all kinds of laughter. It hits me at that moment how quiet and depressing this house has been. Just hearing the chaos in my kitchen makes me swear, no matter what happens in Montana, I'm going to start living again… not just existing.

What a fucking clusterfuck. Jesus Christ, if it could go wrong, it did. First off, neither of Frankie's parents told her we were coming out to Buttfuck, Montana. They wanted to surprise her and got pissed at me when I strongly disagreed. Billie told me then it was her way or the highway, since I didn't have a clue where Frankie was living. Then she got pissed at Michael for who knows what and told him he wasn't coming. She told him after she tried to get him a ticket the flight was booked, so he would have to stay home. He calmly told her he booked his flight last night after my text. Then she got pissed because Tharon was with Shamonda and not ready to drive us to the airport. Michael again told her he took care of it as a stretch limousine pulled up in front of the house. That brought a small smile to Billie's face. Then when we go to the airport, somehow, they messed up the reservations and instead of a direct flight we had a layover. So needless to say, at this moment, all of our nerves are beyond frayed. Thank the gods for Michael. He's been the glue holding us all together with his calm demeanor and crazy as fuck jokes that had both Billie and Enzo laughing instead of screaming or crying.

When our connecting flight was ready to board, I once again tried to talk to Billie to maybe let Frankie know. She broke down and told me she put a call into the Devil's Handmaidens Motorcycle Club and spoke to a very nice young lady named Hannah, who told her someone would pick us up at the airport and drive all of us into Timber-Ghost. That put me at ease a little bit, but still I had a nagging feeling no one was sharing what was going on with Frankie. And if she is still even half of what she was when we were together, she was not fond of surprises at all. As we take our seats, I see Michael using his charm with two of the flight attendants. When Billie walks by she mutters something to the effect of, "Why did you bring that dog with? You know he's going to try and get those girls into the bathroom for a mile-high hookup." I glance at her and she's smirking my way, so guess she's not truly seriously mad or upset. I mean, she's known him as long as she's known me, for Christ's sake. Enzo walks by me giving me a fist bump and mouthing, "Thanks."

As the flight comes to an end and we are told to fasten our seat belts as we descend into Billings, Montana, I can feel the tingling on the back of my neck. From sitting so long the muscles along my spine are screaming, but I wasn't going to miss this trip for anything. I have my collapsible walking cane if I need it, but would prefer Frankie to see me after all this time as a whole man, not like the asshole I was when I sent her away. That day has haunted me for the last couple of years. I wasn't in my right mind and she knew exactly what happened to me, if I'm honest with myself, I was so embarrassed and ashamed. And since I've never really taken the time necessary to deal with those feelings, I'm carrying that bullshit along with me, though I continue to fight to stay in control. From behind me I hear a "Mal" so I turn to see both Billie and Enzo looking my way. It's Billie who called my name, so I wait to see what she wants.

"Son, now remember, no matter what our Frankie says, know one thing…she still loves you, though you broke her when you told her to go away. No, I don't say that to hurt you, Malcolm, just to prepare you for the fight ahead. We both support you and will do whatever it takes, but don't let her words discourage you. That's one of the reasons we didn't tell our daughter we were coming out here. She would have found any of a thousand excuses on why we shouldn't then if she knew for certain we were coming, she would have taken off. Trust the ‘mature' folks, Malcolm, we have our reasons for what we do. Now when we land, we are to go to the main area and Hannah said she'd be waiting for us. Keep your eyes open. Oh, and tell Michael to wipe that grin off his face. I saw him strut out of the bathroom after that little redheaded flight attendant. Dog, that is what he is."

Enzo tries to hide his laughter but can't until Billie gives him the stink eye. Then he turns his head to look out the window, still trying to hide his grin. As we descend, even though I don't do it often anymore, I say a little prayer that everything goes well and we don't make it worse for Frankie because from what I've heard, she's kind of rebuilt her life. Which hurts, though it's my fault. I sent her away but didn't think she'd ever, for one, go, and two, build a life without me. Yeah, I've had some, I don't know what you call them, hookups… but nothing serious. I don't even know if she's married, has a partner or kids. That would totally suck but this is the next step in my healing, I guess. One day—nope, one hour—at a time. As Judy, my boss, told me when I called for some vacation time.

"Malcolm, it's about damn time. Take as much as you need and come back to me whole. That's all I ask. No, you've never done anything wrong at work but you are going through life barely living, my friend. Find yourself again, Mal. You've got so much potential. Keep in touch and let me know when you think you'll be back. For now, I have you out for four weeks, which doesn't even touch all of the available time off you have banked."

So here I am trying to "find myself" and take back what was taken from me. Not sure how that's going to go, but shit, what do I have to lose? I feel his eyes before I even look to the left. Michael is watching me like a hawk.

"You got this, Mal. And I'm here to have your back. No regrets, remember?"

Shit, that was what we always said to each other growing up. No matter what happened. So looking at him, I nod and give it right back.

"Damn straight, Michael. No fucking regrets."

That brings a smile to his face and a slap to the back of my head from Billie behind me. Damn, nothing ever changes , I think to myself as I grin back at my best friend.