Chapter 30

thirty

. . .

Ruby

“I don’t need a babysitter.You don’t need to hover so much, Rubes,” my dad said as I cleared his breakfast plate from the table. “I’m ready to head to the bar today and start getting back to normal.”

Back to normal.

What did that even mean anymore?

I’d lost sight of normal a long time ago.

My dad had come home from the hospital four days ago, and I’d spent the night here with him every day since.

Alone.

Almost instinctually, I’d started pulling away from River.

We both knew I was leaving.

Things had gone too far.

He hadn’t put up a fight, almost like he’d thought it was time to put some distance there, as well.

But I hadn’t expected to feel like I’d lost a limb.

Like I couldn’t breathe without him.

I hadn’t expected the dull ache in my chest to make me feel physically ill.

We hadn’t spoken either. We’d just gone radio silent. No texts. No calls.

No sneaking around or booty calls.

“I hired two new people, and you aren’t on the schedule until next week. Plus, you are no longer working night shifts. You’ll be working day shifts. I need you to take better care of yourself, Dad.”

“Rubes,” he said, his voice softening. “I’m in my late fifties. I’m not dying. I took a medication that I shouldn’t have taken. I understand the danger I put myself in, and I’ve worked hard to get myself back. But I will be making my own schedule at the bar, and I will work nights again because I like closing the bar down.”

I groaned as I crossed my arms over my chest. “Old habits die hard, huh?”

“I’m feeling good, and I don’t plan to start drinking again. I’m in the best shape I’ve been in in years, and I want to continue the physical therapy and exercising every day. And as much as I appreciate all that you did for me at the bar, I need to take my life back. Can you understand that?”

“Yeah, Dad. I can understand that.” I glanced down at the contract sitting on the table that I still hadn’t signed. Dean Langston had emailed me, letting me know they’d agreed to all my changes, yet here it sat, unsigned.

River had spent so much time making tweaks over the last few weeks, and he’d told me I should never rely on a man who wasn’t very lawyerly to be the last set of eyes on the contract. So, I’d promised to read it all the way through before I signed it. I’d made up excuses to Dean Langston that my internet was down, that I’d sent it back, and it must have gotten lost in the universe—but the verbal acceptance seemed to appease him for now.

Tonight, I would sit down and read every damn word of the contract, sign it, and send it back.

I’d planned to do that this morning, but I’d woken up feeling a little off today. I’d felt a little off every day for the last four days.

It was him.

The loss of him.

This had never happened to me before. But here I was.

My chest aching for a man who wasn’t mine.

“Tell me what your plans are for today. Doreen is coming to pick me up, and we’re going to the Golden Goose for lunch, and then I’m heading over to the bar to check on things.”

He didn’t want me to baby him; he’d made that clear. “I’m going to stop by to see Pearl Pierce before I head over to Fresh Start. Terrence wants to talk to me before I leave, and I’ll get to say goodbye to the kids. I’ll be at the bar after. I’m working tonight, so you’ll be on your own for dinner.”

He smiled. “That’ll be just fine. You didn’t need to stay an extra week to take care of me. You’ve done enough. I’m fine on my own, and you need to go start your big job.”

“I wanted to make sure you were settled before I left,” I said, and that lump formed in my throat again, just like it had been doing more and more the closer I got to leaving.

“It’s still what you want, right? The professor job? You’ve worked so hard and accomplished so much.” And that sent my thoughts spiraling all over again.

“Yeah, Dad. I—” What did I want? Why was I struggling so much? “I just worry about you.”

“We’re not doing that, Rubes. I’m fine,” Dad gruffed, then hit me again with another worry of mine. “You sure spend a lot of time out there at Fresh Start with the kids, huh? You like it, don’t you?”

“Yeah. It’s been really great. I feel like I’m making a difference by helping them see an attainable future and hopefully realizing that they aren’t stuck just because of one bad choice. I’ve really enjoyed my time there.” And I did. I’d miss it for sure. When I was there, I thought of a young River. I thought about how much I wished someone had been there to protect him during that time.

He smiled, and it reached his eyes. It was one of my favorite things about my dad. “You’ve always been good at fixing things. Finding broken things and putting them back together.”

I rolled my eyes and chuckled at the same time. “These are actual humans, Dad, not things. And they aren’t broken; they’re just a little damaged.”

“I know, but that’s your strength. You’ve done it with your brothers. You’ve done it with me. Hell, even the guys that you’ve dated. You find them damaged, and then you fix them before you leave them for good.” His voice was all tease, but I startled at his words.

What the actual hell is he talking about?

“I’ll agree that I try to do what I can to help my family, but not in my dating life. I don’t look for men who need to be fixed. I typically seek out men who want the same thing as me. Nothing too serious.” I crossed my arms over my chest defensively.

“Please. I’ve met three men that you’ve dated, and they’ve all had the same issue.”

I narrowed my gaze. “What are you talking about?”

“Let’s start with your undergrad boyfriend, Dalton. He was a train wreck when you met him.”

“He’d found his girlfriend in bed with his roommate. He was slightly broken.”

“And you put him back together, made him fall in love again when he thought he never would, and then you hit the road. It’s your shtick. You fix them and leave them.”

I gasped. “That’s not true. He just got too attached, and I didn’t feel the same way about him.”

He raised a brow and bit down on his apple slice. “Right. You showed him how to love again, and then sent him on his way. And how about Devil? You did the same to him.”

“His name is Devlyn, and he’d spent a year in prison in a foreign country right before I met him. He was traumatized. He had no idea that you couldn’t travel with marijuana.” I shrugged. I hadn’t expected this trip down memory lane today. “So he was down on himself, and he didn’t feel worthy of love. It was a sad situation.”

“Well, by the time you were done with him, he was all in. Didn’t he propose to you?”

“You sure are feeling cocky today, aren’t you? Yes. He proposed, but we weren’t in love. He’d just found himself again and wanted me to be the person who gave him his life back. I was not in love with him. Plus, I had to turn the proposal down. You remember his last name… it would have been a big issue for me.” I smirked because it still made me laugh every time I thought about it.

“Yes. You would have been Mrs. Ruby Looby.” His laughter echoed around the room. “But his name was not the problem.”

“Correct. I didn’t reciprocate the feelings he had. And we’re still good friends. He’s married and has a little girl now. So, it all worked out.”

“Yep. Your work was done, and you moved on to the professor.” He reached for his coffee.

“Don’t serial-date-shame me. There was a good year in between each of those relationships. And the professor was fine. He wasn’t broken. So, your theory just went down the shitter, Daddy dearest.”

He nodded, his gaze locked with mine. “An older man who’s never been married. Believes he’s incapable of love. And then he falls for his much younger teaching assistant after she fixes him.”

“You make it all sound so scandalous. I wasn’t looking for anything long-term, and I’ve always been open about that. But I enjoyed his company, and I was happy to see him come into his own. He wasn’t just an intellect with no personality. He’s a good man. He’ll make someone very happy someday—that person just isn’t me.”

“I think we’re saying the same thing, sweetheart. You fix them, and you leave them. It’s a habit.”

“Well, lucky for you, you’re all fixed up now, and I will be on my way soon.” I kissed his cheek and walked to the sink to rinse my glass.

“What about River? You two seemed to be spending an awful lot of time together these last eight weeks. And now, it’s just over, just in time for you to leave?”

“Your theory will for sure die there, Dad. River Pierce does not need fixing. He’s a confident man who knows exactly who he is and what he wants. He feels very worthy of being fawned all over.” I laughed, but it wasn’t genuine, because thinking about him hurt like hell. “There was nothing to fix.”

Because he was perfect exactly how he was.

And I wasn’t desperate to get away from him because I didn’t reciprocate his feelings; I was desperate to get away from him because, for the first time in my life, I was the one with the feelings.

And that scared the hell out of me.

Rule number one: Don’t catch feelings.

I’d always been able to live by that motto, until I couldn’t.

When it came to River, I’d broken that one pretty quickly.

Maybe things were reversed this time around for me. Because I’d been the broken one when he’d kissed me for the first time all those weeks ago. And in a way, he’d put me back together.

I just didn’t know what to do about it.

Everything I thought I knew, thought I wanted, was waiting for me far from here.

All I had to do was sign the contract and head back to my safe little life.

It was what I should do.

I was leaving in three days. Time was ticking.

“He’s definitely not broken. You two are actually a lot alike,” Dad said.

“How do you figure?” I asked, grabbing my purse and pulling the strap over my shoulder.

“You both like to take care of everyone around you, and you don’t need anyone to take care of you. It’s brilliant in a lot of ways, but I imagine it could get really lonely, too.”

“Okay, you weepy sap. Enough psychoanalyzing me for the day. I’m off to meet Terrence and say goodbye to the boys. I’ll call you later.”

Our conversation really hit home, and a day I’d thought would be filled with happy goodbyes had actually turned out to be much more difficult than I’d anticipated. I felt like I was leaving my life behind, and that was not how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be beginning my new life, the one I’d worked so hard for, the one that would make me feel like I’d achieved all that I’d strived for. The one that said I’d made it, and I was now just as good as everyone else. But it didn’t feel that way at all.

I’d actually cried when I’d hugged Pearl goodbye, and she’d done the same, catching me completely off guard. I’d then headed to Fresh Start, and again, I’d been caught completely off guard. Meeting with Terrence had been both exciting and confusing. He’d offered me an actual position working with the kids there. He’d spent all these weeks getting a position approved and hadn’t wanted to tell me in case it didn’t happen. He’d received the paperwork late yesterday and sprung the whole thing on me today.

It was a good offer.

I’d be working with kids all over the state, but I’d have an official office at Fresh Start, which would be my home base.

A place I’d grown to love and feel like I belonged.

A place where I could do the work I’d always wanted to do. Where I could make a difference and be a positive factor in someone’s life.

Help kids that needed someone in their corner.

The pay was decent enough.

But it didn’t compare to the salary I’d receive as a collegiate professor. Though living in the city would be much more expensive than living here.

The benefits were fewer at Fresh Start, too. And tenure wouldn’t be an option, of course, so my future wouldn’t be laid out for me the way it would be if I accepted the position at the university.

Then again, when have I ever taken the easy way out?

Am I actually considering this?

I’d sent Demi a text and asked if she could sneak away from work to meet with me for a little bit. We’d grown close, and I trusted her. I was beginning to trust a lot of people these days, more than I’d ever had in my life.

She’d told me to meet her out at the ranch, and we could go for a ride. Talk things out on the horses like we used to do.

She’d been waiting for me when I arrived, and we saddled up and started riding toward the water.

The breeze swirled around us, and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore relaxed me. Demi pulled her horse up beside mine and glanced my way. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Well, you know I’m leaving in three days.”

“Yep. It actually makes me sick to my stomach. I’ve gotten used to seeing you almost every day. And now you won’t be back but once or twice a year again.”

I started almost every day at Magnolia Beans. Demi had become more than a friend to me. She was family in a way now.

They all were.

“Terrence offered me a really good position working with the kids full time.” I stared out at the water after bringing my horse to a stop.

She pulled back the reins and turned to face me. “What? I didn’t know you’d applied for anything here.”

“I didn’t. He came up with a job for me all on his own. And I shouldn’t be tempted, but I am. It feels right.”

“Is the pay as good as the professor position?”

“No. Not even close.” I laughed. Because it wasn’t just about the money. Obviously, I wanted to be able to live comfortably, but I wasn’t going to base my decision on just the financial aspect. I needed to be proud of the work that I did, and sure, teaching college kids also meant that I could make an impact, but it was different. College kids were typically invested in the education process because they were paying a lot of money to be there. But the kids at Fresh Start were facing challenges that would take work to turn around. They may not have the support at home or the resources they’d need to make a change, but that was something I understood. Something I knew I’d be good at.

“You like it here, don’t you? The place you were so determined to hate feels like home now, doesn’t it?” She smirked.

“Is everyone cocky today? You sound like my dad.”

“Maybe we know you better than you think we do. And I know one thing for sure,” she said as she locked her gaze with mine. “You would not bring me out here to talk about what job to take. You’re the most self-assured person I know. You aren’t indecisive. You know what you want. Who you are. There’s only one thing you’d come to me for, and we both know it.”

My head fell back on a groan. “Is this my karma for trying to read people the minute I meet them? Now everyone knows me better than I know myself? I have no idea what you’re talking about. I honestly don’t know what to do about the job. I don’t want to piss off the dean and burn that bridge, but it just never felt quite right. But I don’t know if I should stay either.”

She hopped off her horse and motioned for me to do the same, and we tied them to the tree beside us before finding a warm spot by the lake. My fingers settled into the warm sand, and I tipped my head up to the sun, letting it warm my skin.

“Ruby Rose, look at me.”

I straightened my face and gave her a look like she had three heads. “Why are you using my full name?”

“Because I don’t think this is about the job at all. I think you’re in love with River, and that scares the shit out of you. But you’ve come to the right place. Because I’m here to tell you exactly what to do.”

I wanted to argue.

To laugh in her face and tell her she was absolutely ridiculous.

But I didn’t do either.

I just stared at her, feeling my eyes well with emotion.

“Tell me what to do,” I whispered.

A wide grin spread across her face. “You can work anywhere. But River Pierce is in Magnolia Falls. And you can’t leave half of your heart here and expect to be happy. If you want that job at the university, you tell him how you feel and see if he’ll go with you.”

“I don’t think I want the job. It never felt right. And my old life there doesn’t feel like mine anymore. This place that I ran from so long ago feels different now. And I think it has a lot to do with River.”

She nodded and reached for my hand. “Tell me how it feels here now.”

“Like home.”