18. AVA

18

AVA

I had just sat down on the edge of the bed when the knock came at the door.

"It's open," I called out.

A moment later, the door opened and the bedroom I'd been sleeping in the last several nights was a little less empty. Ivy, Jules, Rhea, and Skye had all entered the room, dressed to the nines, smiles plastered on their faces.

"Wow, you all look fantastic," I said, marveling at their outfits and shoes. "What do you think about what I've got on?"

"It's stunning, as usual," Ivy insisted.

She really was the best friend a girl could have. "Is everyone ready to go? Don't tell me the whole group is waiting on me."

Ivy shook her head. "Not at all. We have something else we need to take care of before we go."

"Oh. What's going on?"

While Rhea sat on the small chair in the corner of the room, the rest of the women came toward the bed. "That's kind of what we were wondering," Jules returned.

My eyes moved through the group. "I don't understand."

"We've been trying to give you time to get things worked out, but our curiosity is getting the better of us. What's going on with you and my brother? Things have taken a rather drastic turn since Christmas Day."

"Yeah, and we're inclined to say that it's gotten even cozier between the two of you since we've been on this trip," Ivy added.

While I hadn't been foolish enough to believe that nobody noticed anything happening between Tate and me, I thought we'd done a good job of pulling back on the public displays. Tate had followed through and done precisely what he said he would when I confronted him days ago during the game of Trivial Pursuit. He continued to flirt with me, but he was mindful of where we were when he did it.

That these women were now sitting in my room with me with hopeful looks on their faces as they inquired about the status of my relationship with Tate, it became clear that Tate and I might not have done as good of a job at hiding as I might have initially believed.

"We've been trying to get ourselves back to a good place," I answered honestly.

"It certainly seems like you've accomplished that," Rhea reasoned.

"What makes you say that?"

Before Rhea could respond, Ivy cut in. "You mean, simply being on speaking terms, being able to look at one another without wanting to kill each other, and laughing as much as you both have hasn't been enough proof?"

Skye, having lived out her very own fairytale, said, "Don't forget that he called her wild one."

My cheeks burned with embarrassment. "I still can't believe he said that in front of everyone," I murmured.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Ivy questioned me. "I would have thought you'd be thrilled about it."

"Well, I mean, it's better than the alternative of us not getting along at all."

"Yes, but I'm not talking about that aspect of it, Ava."

I didn't know what else she could be referring to. "What do you mean?"

"I'm talking about the change in Tate."

My brows furrowed. Even with her clarification, I was still just as confused as I'd been before. "I still don't understand."

Jules didn't give Ivy the chance to offer any additional explanation, choosing to do it herself. "Tate is the most reserved of the family. He sticks to schedules and routines. He doesn't step outside of his shell. But he's been different ever since things went down between the two of you. Never, not in a million years, would he have ever called you wild one in front of us before all of this happened."

She was right.

Maybe that was why I'd reacted the way I had by it. Sure, I'd been so accustomed for years to being the one who was overly flirtatious with him, so it wasn't as though he'd done anything differently or worse than I'd ever done. When it happened days ago, I hadn't realized what it must have taken for him to do that. Worse, I'd taken that moment and thrown it in his face.

Tate was making the effort to do things that would have normally been considered outside of his comfort level, and it was likely he was doing it to make up for having turned me down for so many years. He wanted to prove to me that he was serious about me, and there was no better way for him to do it than to take the kind of steps he had in front of not just his siblings but his parents and grandparents, too.

"Oh, God," I murmured, my hand clutching my stomach.

I felt sick.

"What's wrong?" Rhea asked.

I'd made it seem like Tate had only one thing on his mind when he'd been doing everything that he'd been doing that night. And the explanation he provided after we were alone and I addressed it led me to believe I was right.

I thought he was simply trying to get our physical relationship back, to get us to a place where we could experience what we had the night of Wyatt's and Rhea's wedding. I'd made it seem like he had only one thing on his mind, when the reality was that he was making real changes to prove to me how much he cared, how important I was to him.

"I think I might have screwed up," I confessed.

"How so?"

Shaking my head, feeling immense guilt, I admitted, "I've been so afraid to be myself around him ever since things went south between us. I mean, I've had some moments, mostly when I forget that I'm trying to be cautious, where I let myself go with him and things feel great between us. But mostly, I've been holding him at arm's length."

Skye didn't hesitate to question me. "Why?"

"I'm terrified that if I allow myself to get comfortable, I'm going to lose him again. I don't know. What happened between us shot my confidence, especially when it comes to the way I am about the two of us, and I just don't want to risk going back to where we were for nearly a year and a half. I've never been so miserable in my life than I was when I didn't have him in it."

A heavy silence filled the room, and it was my best friend that finally broke it. "Do you think Tate is going to hurt you, or do something that would lead you both right back there?"

"No. At least, not intentionally. But I don't want to lose him again."

"That's not possible, Ava. I don't think you know just how bad it was for him when he realized you weren't coming back."

I winced, my throat growing painfully tight at the thought of how much pain I'd caused him.

"I'm not telling you that to upset you," Ivy insisted. "I'm telling you because I think you need to understand just how much you mean to him. He was devastated. Crushed. He poured himself into work more than is normal for even him. It was like he was lost without having you here. I don't think he'd ever risk the two of you winding up back there, and that's why he's doing all that he's doing. As afraid as you are of losing him, I think Tate is just as terrified he'll lose you, too."

My heart ached.

I'd been so selfish, thinking only about myself and the way my life had been impacted by this whole situation. Tate had taken the time to share some details with me on both Christmas Day and earlier this week during that board game, but either I wasn't truly paying attention, or I never imagined just how bad things must have been for him.

God, I'd screwed up.

I needed to love on this man.

I needed to do something to prove to him that I was a woman worth the effort he was putting in.

"Uh oh." That came from Rhea.

"What?" Skye asked.

"I don't think Ava is a woman scorned any longer. I think she's a woman on a mission. I'm pretty sure she's a woman who just realized how much the man she loves is into her, and she's not interested in wasting another second."

I stood from the bed, crossed the room, and put on my shoes. "We need to go. I'm ready to dance tonight."

Four gorgeous faces smiled back at me, and Jules was the first to hop off the bed. Then we were heading down the stairs to meet up with the guys.

As it turned out, Keystone Mountain Ski Resort wasn't just a great place to partake in winter sports. There was also an incredible nightlife for anyone looking to keep the fun going. And they'd had a great spot right on the mountain where guests could grab drinks and food as well as listen to music, dance, see the occasional live band, or simply enjoy a fun vibe after a day on the slopes.

It was our last night here, so we'd indulged ourselves with some last-minute fun. And now that I'd had an awakening of sorts when it came to what was happening between Tate and me, I had a feeling this was going to be a night to remember.

I'd go out and dance with the women tonight—the guys were coming along, too—but when we got back to our chalet and everyone tucked in for the night, I was going to sneak into Tate's room and tell him how much I appreciated all that he was doing for me, for us.

When we'd made it downstairs, where the guys were waiting patiently for us, I watched as Tate's eyes roamed appreciatively over my body. He liked what he saw, and I had to hand it to him.

Despite whatever he had been feeling over the last few days, no matter how much he might have wanted to act on those physical desires, he'd respected my wishes. How could I not want to show him how much it meant to me, how much he meant to me?

The ten of us left—Larry, Wendy, Malcolm, and Evelyn, opting for a quieter night in with Mina and her husband—while Mina's children were going to be meeting up with us for some fun.

As soon as we stepped inside and heard the music, I was already itching to move my body. The rest of the women were eager as well, so we didn't waste any time. We took off, leaving the guys behind to hang at the bar or to find their own table somewhere. We'd catch up with them later.

For the next little while, I danced to my heart's content. Maybe it was the realization that occurred before we left that chalet, but I was the happiest I'd been in a very long time. Eventually, we opted to take a quick break to rehydrate. We made our way over to the bar, and I glanced around the nearby area, searching for any sign of the guys. My gaze settled on a couple of high-top tables not far from where I was standing. Tate was with his brothers, Marco, and his cousins. There had been a few women hanging around, but most of them were hovering closer to Tate's cousins. I figured it had to do with people recognizing they were the equivalent of royalty in Scarlet Valley, and many people saw them the way others saw the Westwoods in Landing.

No sooner did I have some water in my hand, a smooth voice filtered into my ear. "Having fun?"

I twisted my neck and looked up at Tate, beaming at him. "The best. Then again, I have a feeling you already knew the answer to that question."

He nodded, soft laughter spilling out of him. "That's true. If you're on the dance floor, there's no question you're having a blast."

"It's really the best way to have a good time." My eyes drifted to where he'd been sitting, noting two new guys and three more women had walked up. One woman was speaking to one of Tate's cousins, but she had her eyes on Tate as she did. Ignoring that, I returned my attention to the man standing beside me and attempted to coax him. "You should come out and join me for a dance."

There was a glint in his eye. No doubt he was recalling what happened the last time he was with me on the dance floor. "That would not be a wise idea."

I downed a bit more of my water, the cool liquid feeling like paradise after all the dancing I'd done. "Why not?"

"I think you know you're a little too wild for me when it comes to that. You can dance and dance and remain unaffected, but if I'm out there with you and it's anything like it was at the wedding, I'm going to want things to go places you aren't ready for them to go. It's already been difficult enough to sit here and watch you from this distance, knowing I can't have you when we get back tonight."

If only he knew what I had planned for him.

Wanting to be sure I could make this a big surprise, I didn't let on that I was planning anything. Instead, I teased, "Well, I think you're going to be missing out. I mean, I understand how much you enjoy meetings and talking, so I get why sitting around is so much more fun for you. But I still stand by what I said before."

His brows drew together. "What exactly did you say?"

"That not everything has to be planned. Sometimes, you can just go with what you feel in the moment and act on that."

"Hmm. I think that has the potential to get me into trouble, my friend. It has before."

It was like he'd dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over my head. He'd just called me his friend. Granted, I knew that we'd been working toward rebuilding our friendship, but there was something about the way he said it that left me feeling unsettled.

"Hey, Tate." Our attention was pulled beside him, where the eldest of his cousins was standing and had clapped a hand on Tate's shoulder. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Francesca just got here, and I wanted to introduce you."

Tate's eyes had slid past his cousin and toward the crowd of newcomers, settling on the woman who'd been watching him only moments before. She offered what could only be described as a seductive smile and a nod. Tate returned his attention to his cousin and said, "Right. Yes. I'll be right there."

Something hollowed my stomach, an empty pit forming there. Maybe I was imagining things, but I could have sworn I heard an edge of excitement in Tate's voice. Plus, the way he responded made it seem as though he'd already had a conversation about this woman.

After his cousin walked away, Tate looked once more at Francesca before he returned his focus to me. Like he hadn't just ripped my heart from my chest, he smiled and said, "I'm going to go do more of the boring stuff, like meetings."

It took everything I had not to react in a way that would tell him I was bothered. "Sounds thrilling. If you change your mind and want to have some real fun, you know where I'll be."

Amusement washed over his expression. "I do. Enjoy yourself, Ava."

"Oh, I intend to. You do the same."

I took one last sip of my drink, set it down on the counter, and without waiting for a response, I turned and moved back to where Ivy, Jules, and Rhea were already making their way back to dance. Skye had cozied up to Cooper and was taking a break.

And with each step I took away from Tate, I couldn't ignore the growing sense of doom I felt.

I rejoined the girls and did my best to just enjoy myself, but my eyes darted across the space several times, seeking out Tate. Four songs later, he was still talking to Francesca. She was leaning in close, and he hadn't stopped smiling.

My stomach roiled.

And by the fifth song, Francesca wrapped her hand around the back of Tate's upper arm and led him away from the crowd. My heart began pounding, bile rising in my throat as I watched him go.

When he made his way to the exit with her, it hit me.

Tate had had enough. He'd put himself out there with me in ways he hadn't ever done before, and it hadn't worked. He'd just called me his friend after telling me how badly he wanted things to go somewhere I wasn't ready for them to go again.

He was a man. He wanted physical affection. And it seemed Francesca was going to be able to fill that void for him tonight.

I began moving in the opposite direction.

"Hey, Ava, what's going on?" Ivy asked as she reached for my hand.

I shook my head. "I don't… I don't know. I think that what I ate for dinner isn't sitting well with me. I'm going to head back to the chalet."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No. Stay here. It's the last night. Just enjoy it. I'll be fine, but I'd rather not hurl all over the place."

"Are you sure?"

I was going to burst into tears if I didn't get out of here. So, I slapped on a smile and insisted, "I'm positive. You stay here and find your guy. Tonight could be your night."

"I won't hold my breath. Okay. Call me if you need me."

As quickly as I could, I made my way to the exit. And by the time I made it outside, I scanned the area for any sign of Tate. I had to know. I had to be sure.

Then I saw him, and it was like I'd been stabbed through the heart. He was walking with Francesca, her arm linked through his, and they were making their way toward the cabins.

I slowly descended the stairs, careful to keep my balance while I watched them go. The chalet was in the opposite direction, but I didn't go that way. I stayed where I was and watched the man that I loved enter one of those cabins with a woman who wasn't me. I moved to the side of the staircase I'd just descended and spilled the contents of my stomach into the snow-covered bushes beside it, the cold air doing nothing to help with the sweat that formed on my face and neck.

After taking one last look in that direction, I turned and made my way back to the chalet. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and cry.

Luckily, by the time I'd returned, Tate's parents, grandparents, aunt, and uncle weren't awake. I climbed the stairs, went to my room, and closed the door behind me. Then I stripped out of my clothes, pulled on a T-shirt, and climbed into the bed, tears spilling down onto the pillow.

This was it.

This was the end of any hope for us.

I had nobody to blame but myself. I should have tried harder; I should have forgiven easier.

Right now, I understood what led my mother to the excessive drinking. Though I didn't think it was a justifiable reason for neglecting me, I couldn't say I didn't get it. I used to wonder why she didn't just leave my father after she knew he was cheating on her.

But maybe I could understand it now.

She, like me, was so desperate to hold on to anything with him that she'd accepted it, drowning her misery in a bottle of alcohol.

I couldn't be angry with Tate now. He had not a clue I was softening toward him to the point I'd intended to crawl into his bed tonight. I could have given him a hint about it, and maybe he wouldn't have left with Francesca.

Now, I faced a new challenge.

How would I remain friends with Tate, so I didn't lose him completely, while resenting the fact that he'd so easily discarded me once he was back in my good graces?

It felt like hours had passed, but the clock indicated that wasn't the case. Even still, no matter how long I'd been there, I couldn't sleep. And when I heard the door to my room open, I tensed.

"Ava?"

It was Tate. And he didn't sound right. His voice wasn't normal.

Why was he here?

I couldn't face him, couldn't bear to look at him tonight, not after he'd left with that woman and tossed me aside like trash.

Closing my eyes, I pretended to sleep. Tate turned on a lamp on the opposite side of the room.

A moment later, I felt his hand come to rest gently against my head, his thumb stroking lightly through my hair. Then his hand moved, the back of his finger running down my cheek before he pressed a kiss to my temple, his lips lingering briefly.

"I fucked up, Ava," he whispered. Those four words made my gut clench, and I couldn't trust I wouldn't vomit all over again. "I'm so sorry. It's been such a long time, and I miss you. I hope you're going to forgive me, because I love you. I've always loved you, and I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose you."

He kissed me again before I lost his hand. I heard his footsteps on the carpet, then the light went out, and the door closed behind him.

I held my breath for a few more seconds before I buried my face in the pillow and burst into tears.