Chapter 18

Gracie

I sat there completely stunned as he walked away and left me alone in his office.

Not sure how long I stayed there, Jennifer eventually wandered in. We were technically cousins, but we weren"t close. She was a few years older than me. I remembered looking up to her as a kid. Those had been good times. But after my parents died, I just sort of fell through the cracks. That"s when I learned that I had to take care of myself. I couldn't rely on anyone else to do it.

It had been a sucky thing to learn so young, but I was glad I did. I was tough. And if I wasn"t, I would be spiraling into complete depression right now.

Ryan loved me, but he didn"t want to be with me.

He loved me.

I couldn't believe it. I didn"t even remember the last time someone told me they loved me, and even though he was trying to run away from it all, it still gave me hope.

My emotions were all over the place.

Mine, my raven reminded me.

Yes he is, I thought. And while his rejection hurt like a sonofabitch, I wasn"t ready to entirely give up on us. Hearing him say those three powerful words changed everything. "I love you too, Ryan," I whispered.

"What was that?" Jennifer asked.

I pursed my lips and shook my head. "Nothing."

"Are you going to be here long?"

"No, I"m just finishing up."

"It"s been a while. How are you doing?"

"I"m okay, I guess."

"I heard about the incident at Old Lady Pierce"s house the other day. They"re saying you saved Guffy."

I snorted. "Not everyone appreciates my unique gift."

"The horror show of watching you burn alive only to be reborn as your raven?"

"Yup, that one."

"Then screw them. You"re a true hero, Gracie."

"Thanks," I mumbled. It was kind of hard to feel like a hero when the only person in the entire world whose opinion mattered to me was completely freaked out by it.

"Would you like to go out sometime, or come over and talk? I know Mama and Daddy would love to see you. It"s been a long time. You haven"t come to the annual Montgomery Flock reunion even once since your parents died."

I shrugged. "That was a long time ago. Another lifetime really. Besides, I"m usually too busy with work."

She glanced up at the board, and I wished we"d covered it or something.

"Ryan"s working with you on the fires?" she asked.

"He is. Apparently, he went to school for forensic science and brings a fresh perspective to the case. Clarence has us working together on it."

"So that"s why he"s been so preoccupied lately. To be honest, I thought maybe he had finally found himself a woman."

I nearly choked at her words.

"Well, not just any woman, but a good one. He deserves that. What am I telling you that for, right? I mean you work with him too. You know. He"s definitely one of the good guys. Works way too much. I guess you two have that in common, huh?"

"I guess so," I said, trying not to freak out on her.

The mere thought of him with "a good one" was pissing my bird off. Those carnal emotions were coursing through me, fueled by my raven spirit.

In my head, some poor woman, probably blonde and skinny, the perfect debutante type, everything I was not, was getting her eyes pecked out for even popping into my imagination with Ryan.

The streak of jealousy caught me off guard. I tried to take the last sip of my drink and choked on it.

Jennifer pounded on my back and raised my arms over my head. It triggered an old memory of my mother doing the exact same thing.

I didn"t think about her often, but when I did, it gutted me.

She should be here right now helping guide me through this mating shit. I didn"t like being a hormonal emotional mess. Yet that was what I was becoming, and it was all Ryan Davenport"s fault.

"Are you okay, Gracie?"

"Fine. It"s just been a long day. I should probably head home."

"Okay, well it was great to see you."

"You too."

I gathered up my trash and took it with me.

"It"s okay, just leave it on my desk and I"ll take care of it," Jennifer surprised me by saying.

When I turned back to look at her, she had taken the garbage bag from Ryan"s trash can and was locking his office door.

"Something tells me you guys do not want people seeing that board in there, but I also always lock his office up when he leaves for the day. I"ll lock the door to this suite on my way out too."

I had no idea why she was telling me this.

"Great. Um, thanks. I"ll see you later I guess."

"Bye Gracie."

She was watching me with this look that seemed to say she knew everything. Or maybe that was just my paranoia. I knew damn well that Ryan didn"t want anyone to know about us.

As I was leaving the office, deep in thought about how to handle the Ryan situation, I ran smackdab into his sister.

"Oh my gosh, I"m so sorry," I told her.

"It"s fine. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking and not paying attention."

She nodded. "The mating stage can be ridiculously stressful and confusing. It does get better once you seal the bond though. Is Ryan still in his office? Oh, and did you enjoy the burger? He did give it to you right? Because I will beat him if he kept it for himself."

"Uh, what the hell are you talking about?" I blurted out.

He told his sister about us mating?

Why?

Why would he do that?

It felt like my whole world was just thrown off its axis.

Gia gave me a knowing look. "You really think we didn"t notice Ryan go missing after the show you put on at the fire the other night? Found him curled up sleeping in his old bedroom closet at Mom and Dad"s just like he did as a kid anytime something was bothering him. Pretty sure watching you do your phoenix thing completely freaked him out. But I was so happy when he told me he was meeting you this afternoon. Please tell me it went well."

My jaw dropped. "He actually told you?"

"I mean, it wasn"t all that hard to figure out. I was just pissed that I was amongst the last to know. Kim and Elias should have told me."

"Kim and Elias know?" I practically yelled and then looked around us to see people starting to stare. "Shit." I grabbed her arm and dragged her over to the side of the building.

"What the hell do you think you know?" I whispered, trying to keep my voice low and calm.

"I know that you and Ryan are true mates."

I groaned. "He told all of you that?"

"Yeah. Is it not true?"

"Of course it"s true. Your brother isn"t a liar. So when he tells me that he can"t go through with it, I know he"s not lying about that either."

"He"s just being ridiculous. You have to step up and be in charge here. He"ll take the safe route, and let"s be honest, you aren"t a safe bet."

"What"s that supposed to mean?"

"Gracie, you ran into a fire without your helmet on."

"I had to save Guffy. And fire can"t hurt me."

"Pretty sure he's having a lot of nightmares replaying how that fire didn"t hurt you when it literally peeled the skin off of your body."

I sighed. "Clarence always complains that it"s a gruesome process to watch, but I honestly don"t feel a thing. It"s warm and cozy. As long as I don"t look down, it"s even peaceful."

"But he looked. You basically just said you can"t look down at what"s happening, but he stood there and watched his mate fry to death. Even worse, he had no idea you weren"t dying. He didn"t know you"d be reborn like that. He'd never heard of the phoenix before, not in real life at least. That"s supposed to be a myth."

"I can"t help what I am, Gia."

"I"m fully aware of that, Gracie. I"m just trying to get you to see it from his point of view."

"He said he loved me but couldn"t stand there and watch me go through that again. I can"t promise him that. I don"t have a family like you guys. I have the men I work with. The firehouse is the closest thing to family that I have and if one of them is in danger, I will step in and go through that transition every single time. And that"s not me being reckless. Sure, I"ve done some dumb things in my life, but running into that house to save my family wasn"t one of them."

She nodded and grinned. "You need to write that speech down and tell it to him."

I huffed. "He won"t listen to that. I'm pretty sure he"s been traumatized for life and I"m not certain that I can do anything about it."

"But you"re willing to try?"

"Of course, I am. I never wanted a mate, but I was already in love with him before I knew who he was to me. And now he won"t even look at me. I had to spend most of the day working with him and he wouldn"t even look at me, let alone touch me."

"He"s an idiot. I love him too, but he"s a moron. I guarantee he thinks that he won"t encourage the bond between you. But if you guys were already hooking up before your ravens met, then that bond is likely already growing."

"But how do you know for sure? Maybe he"s right and we can just walk away."

She snorted. "Sure. And make yourselves miserable for the rest of your lives. I don"t want that for my brother. I wouldn"t wish that on you either. I know we don"t know each other all that well, but I"m still rooting for you. As far as I"m concerned, you"re already a sister and part of this family. And us Davenports stick together and protect one another. We just need a plan."

"You"re going to formulate a plan for me to trap your brother into mating me?"

She laughed. "You"re his true mate. He"s already trapped. He"s just too stubborn to admit it. He even snapped at me today. I can count on one hand just how many times I've seen him lose his temper. He"s always been so perfect and calm, it"s why everyone loves him. I love seeing you rattle him."

"I haven"t done it on purpose."

"Well, maybe you should. No one else has this kind of control over him. He"s like your puppet."

I pouted. "If that were the case, why do I feel so miserable? He won"t even look at me, Gia."

"Because if he did, he"d have to face his feelings for you. Men. They never know what"s good for them."

"Is that what you tell David?"

She grinned and winked. "He"s an exception. Maybe Ryan will prove to be too if we can just pull his big fat head out of his ass and get him to stop sabotaging this."

I shook my head. "I"m not sure I"ll ever understand a sibling bond."

"Maybe, but I promise you"re gonna learn to get used to it. We just need a plan."