Chapter 51

Kali

"I'm here to apologize. As is Zane." Head held high, Nicki stands on my doorstep looking glamorous and fabulous. A far cry from how I feel. "Lola let us in at security. I hope you don't mind, sweetheart. I was unsure if you would see us otherwise. I know we're the last people you probably want to talk to right now." Her eyes flit to a nervous-looking Zane and back again. "More so this one. A thousand apologies will never be enough for what he did to you."

I open my front door wide in welcome. "Please come in." It's below freezing today.

Nicki steps over the threshold and pulls me into a fierce embrace that has me falling apart. "I'm the one who should be apologizing, Nicki. Please forgive me. I should have told you as soon as I found out." My body hurts, my eyes sting, where the tears keep coming from is anyone's guess, and I swear I'm coming down with the flu. I feel dreadful. Worse than dreadful, it's as if my heart has been dredged through a field of thorny roses, every one of them shredding it to pieces. My throat feels the same.

I can barely speak, don't want to. Can't work either because my head is consumed by him. Of my errors. Of what I could have done differently. Replaying every wrong move I made.

My voice is raspy. "I'm so sorry, Nicki. I really am." I spoke with her on the phone a month ago, apologized then too, explained the sequence of events up until everything imploded.

Nicki leans out of our embrace and holds my face firmly between her black leather glove covered hands. "You have nothing to be sorry for. This was not your burden. Never was." Her kind smile makes more tears fall down my face, which Nicki wipes away. "Sweet tea?"

"Yeah." Tea with sugar seems to be what everyone thinks will cure my broken heart. Lola, my sister, Ellis, Joy, and now Nicki, when it's pointless given I can't keep it down.

Now seated around my dining table, I've barely taken two sips.

"I would like to apologize on behalf of my husband and my son, but I think it would mean more if it came directly from them both. Starting with Zane. Marcus will be in touch."

I can barely look at him. He doesn't scare me; I feel sorry for him though. He may be a clown, a foolish rich clown who has been left to do whatever he wants for way too long, but his father is also to blame for turning a blind eye.

"I was not aware of my son attacking you until Marcus told me the other evening. Told me many, many things he's kept from me. For years." Nicki draws a circle with her fingertip on the tabletop.

"Where is Marcus?" I ask.

"With Wade."

"With Wade?" Her answer shocks me and saying his name out loud makes my head thump and my heart ache.

"Yes, Kali. It was time." Nicki lays her hand over mine on the table. "He has a lot of explaining to do. As does Zane."

"I'm really sorry, Kali." Zane finally speaks, his apology sounding sincere. "What I did to you is inexcusable. I wouldn't blame you if you never forgive me."

Taking my time to reply, I nod. "Thank you."

Zane stares into his mug of steaming hot tea. "I've been seeing a therapist three times a week since the night the news broke about Wade." His thumb rubs the handle.

"Is it working?" It helped Wade. So much.

"I became a selfish prick. It made me realize I didn't care about the consequences of my actions. I thought I was invincible because my dad would always bail me out. I really am so sorry for what I did to you." He looks shaken. "For the things I said. And what I did to your neck." He looks at me for the first time since he sat down. "That's not the man I want to be. Or am. I promise you, Kali, I regret everything I have done. The hurt, the pain I caused you. And Wade."

"Have you seen him?" I ask hopefully.

"Yes, but I'm waiting for the dust to settle between him and Dad first before I speak to him myself." Leaning forward, he rests his elbows on the table. "I feel terrible."

"I forgive you." I do. It's in the past. There are more important things to discuss and move on to. "Plus, I kicked your ass that night anyway." I try lightening the tense atmosphere.

"You did," he says, running his fingers over his bottom lip as if recalling our encounter. "I deserved everything you gave me... and more."

"I can't live in the past, Zane. It's time to move forward. For Wade's sake."

"I agree."

"How is he?" I can't help myself from asking. I'm desperate to know.

How does he look?

Is he eating?

How is his head? His heart?

Did he ask about me?

Does he still love me?

Another dozen questions I want to ask but don't swim around my head.

"We'll get to that in a minute. Tell me. How are you, Kali?" Nicki squeezes my hand.

"I'm pregnant," I blurt out, not meaning to. "I went to tell him at the house, but there was another woman there." Remembering them standing there together makes my stomach lurch, another wave of sickness threatening to send me running to the bathroom.

Nicki lets out a gasp and then a soft chuckle. "She was the cleaner. He told Lola that today because she was mad at him for having another woman in the house when you arrived, and told him how upset you were. She's feisty that one."

"He wasn't with another woman?" I feel a glimmer of hope I haven't felt in weeks.

"No, Kali. He loves you." She moves her chair closer. "He seems to think you won't forgive him for the things he said in the heat of the moment at Miranda's." Struggling to say her name, I can tell it stings.

"I explained to him what you did for him and how it was for the best. He needs time, Kali."

How much?

"I'm going to be a grandma again?" Nicki asks, changing direction too quickly. I have more questions, but she adds, "This family is growing by the day." Sounding cheerful, she looks at her son as if giving him permission to speak.

"I have a son who I see regularly now," he answers, as if reading my mind.

"What's his name?"

His face softens and his eyes fill with what looks like love. "Freddie.

"That's a great name." I can't help but smile at his reaction.

"He's so tiny."

"Compared to you, he will be."

"He looks like me."

"Poor boy," I joke, making him laugh.

Nicki lays her mug down on the table. "Little Freddie, and Leah, his mother, have been welcomed into our family. What Marcus thought he was doing by keeping them away from us, I will never know." Nicki sighs and forces a smile. "No more mistakes. We are drawing a line under that now. The tides are changing, Kali. But I need your help." Nicki looks me dead in the eyes. "If you can stomach it, of course." She looks down at my barely touched tea.

"Morning sickness lasts all day for me."

"I may have a cure for that."

"Yeah?"

"A healed heart."

Oh, great, that sounds impossible.

"And a visit to the doctor. I'll book one for you. Nothing but the best for my family."

I think with Nicki now at the helm, our lives are about to change forever.

"Then we need to come up with a plan." Pushing her chair back, she's ready for action when all I want to do is go to bed and curl myself into a ball.

"A plan?" Anything beyond the next hour is a struggle.

"To integrate Wade into the family, bring him into the fold, show him how much he is loved. By us all." She pauses. "Show him how much you love him."

"He won't listen."

"Well then, we'll make him see."

What the hell does she mean?